Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ PITCH ❯ The Sinner In Me ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

 

Pitch: (def.) 

A substance commonly utilized to bind materials in construction... Tar pitch appears solid, and can be shattered with a hard impact, but it is actually fluid. Pitch flows at room temperature, but extremely slowly. To attain maximum fluidity, to be used, it must be exposed to heat.

 

Minds are like pitch. To reveal their full potential, they must be exposed to environs that apply stress. They must be challenged.

 

____________________________________________________________< /font>

 

Part 9: (The Sinner In Me)

 

L half entertained the thought of sneaking out and sparing himself the anxious fluttering in his chest.

 

I'm genetically predisposed to avoiding unpredictable situations.

 

Lack of calculable elements by which to anticipate a likely flow of events was enough to make him feel the pressing urge to remove himself from the whole thing entirely; Yagami Raito was about as predictable as a force of nature.

 

Lack of appropriate attire, however, went a long way in curbing that response.

 

L paused near the the door that was neither the bathroom's nor the bedroom's, wondering once more what could possibly lie beyond it. Compulsively, he had tried the handle on his first pass by and had discovered the door to be firmly locked. There was a keyed lock above the door handle that was unique to that door alone - none of the others had it. It was just the sort of thing that was incongruous enough for it to pique his interest. What was Raito hiding in there? Clues to the source of his income? A torture chamber? 

 

Ok, the last one was made in jest. Just a morbid little reminder from the back of his brain to the front that he did not know the brunette well at all. Or even on a surface level, really. Perhaps trying to establish more conversation between them should be his priority? For it did not seem that keeping his distance was going to work on any level; Raito had made that clear when he had showed up in L's house earlier. You can run, but you cannot hide.

 

What was it that made Raito so insistent? He seemed so laid back... so in control... Was he so unused to taking no for an answer that such a thing stirred him to action? 

 

First, my name.

 

Then, my number.

 

Now, my address.

 

The amount of confidential information the brunette was skillfully procuring about him was growing. In contrast, L had nothing. True, he also had the brunette's name, number, and address, as well as his parent's address, but... it wasn't the same. All of it had been too freely given. There had been no divulging of closely guarded secrets, no discoveries that had been slipped out from underneath him. 

 

L wanted at the information Raito was being evasive about.  

 

He could count the coasters as one win - the brunette obviously hadn't meant for him to see them. But to go to all the trouble of gaining the entirety of them, then casually 'get rid of them'? Had he really? Couldn't it be plausible that he had retained them after all? Perhaps they were even in the locked room next to him.

 

L stared at the blank door of the sealed room and touched the painted surface with his fingertips. He wanted in there. Badly.

 

But how to accomplish it?

 

Surely the key would not be in an obvious or accessible place... Raito was not likely to open the door while he was here... Nor would he leave me alone long enough to gain access even if I managed to locate the key. Of course, I do awaken faster than he does...

 

He supposed he could try and pick the lock, but something like that was not exactly his forte. He could research it, of course, but that didn't mean he would have skill enough to be successful or not get caught. It also felt like cheating. 

 

I bet Aiber can pick locks, he thought dryly. 

 

The sound of the sliding glass door opening made L jump. He started walking again, lest Raito find him loitering next to his vault of secrets. Well, that solves the question of where he is...

 

The light in the bedroom was still on, so he thought at first that the brunette was still working.

 

L caught sight of a tanned hand on the slider and bared shoulder as Raito stepped back inside, followed by the rest of him which was also equally uncovered to the waist. To be honest, the view was almost more than L could handle. His mouth went dry and he had to consciously drown the thoughts that spawned in his head until he could properly keep his grip on the towel at his waist. It wasn't that he had no self-control. It was the multiple instances of being kissed senseless, and feeling those hands upon his person earlier that were derailing his brain so quickly.

 

Raito slid the door the rest of the way shut and latched it, his bangs falling into his face as looked down to do so. 

 

That and the fact that we are now both only partially dressed.

 

A moment later and dark amber eyes had located him, containing some quality that made L's pulse jump into his throat and butterflies storm through his stomach.

 

"I wasn't sure what I was supposed to wear," L said uncertainly, feeling the need to explain his lone towel though it was all he'd been provided with. 

 

Raito's gaze panned down the length of his body, slowly, as if caressing every bare inch of it, and back up again on L's slightly coloring face. He smiled. It might have been intended as a reassurance, but it had a decidedly lascivious slant to it that matched the hooded look in the brunette's eyes.

 

Talking, L reminded himself forcibly.

 

"How thoughtless of me," Raito said, strolling over to him. "I was distracted earlier."

 

L was distracted now. He couldn't quite keep from staring at the casual grace of the brunette as he moved or the beautiful color of his smoothly muscled body.

 

He held his breath as Raito stopped in front of him.

 

So close... was Raito going to kiss him? Touch him?

 

That heated look was there in his eyes, and the bedroom was only a few feet away. The bed was only a few feet away and this time, there were no obstacles such as parents or cars or a ride home to forestall them.

 

Raito leaned in, not breaking L's gaze as he did so, but returning it boldly. His voice whispered silkily across L's lips. "It's not polite to stare, Lawliet." 

 

L's eyes fluttered closed as yearning shot through him - to feel more than warm breath against his mouth as the brunette's scent sank deep within his lungs and stirred that impulsive desire he was becoming more familiar with. Never mind the sexy, taunting quality to that playful voice.

 

(What happened to talking?) the little voice in the back of his head screeched. (You totally want him to do what he did last time!)

 

God, yes. "l wasn't staring any more than you were, Raito."

 

He felt the feather-light trailing of fingers upon his chest then and insidiously flaring heat where they touched - and even where they did not. "Perhaps we aren't made out for polite society, you and I."

 

The desire to be touched was crushing L under its thumb as the brunette's voice rolled over him and through him, thick with suggestion.  

 

Raito drifted back from him, a knowing smile on his lips. "But let me not keep you waiting. Surely I have something suitable for you to wear."

 

L was of a mind to tell him exactly what he'd rather not be left waiting on, and it wasn't clothing, but he just couldn't bring himself to say the words. So he thought them at Raito as soon as the brunette's back was turned. He also had a sneaking suspicion that the other man had purposely chosen that particular phrasing for that very reason. Was he being played with?

 

Fine then, if Raito was trying to kill him with unresolved sexual tension, he would do his best counteract it.

 

"Are you finished with work?" he asked as he followed him into the room, deciding that the topic of drudgery was a good mood killer. Let's see you turn that around.

 

"Oh, yes," Raito said in a smooth, satisfied tone as he rifled through his closet. "Quite finished." He said it as if L had been asking whether or not they would have the entire night free to act on whatever debased impulses happened to strike them, and that he was quite looking forward to it.

 

How did the brunette manage to imply so much with so few words and the creative use of inflection?

 

"Here," Raito said, holding out something for him to wear. His eyes said he was aware of L's little attempt to sabotage him and that he was greatly amused by the failed effort.

 

The fabric nearly slipped out of L's grasp as he took it - it seemed to be silk or something similar. He felt his eyebrows raise as he discovered the deeply blue fabric was a short, long-sleeved robe. 'Suitable'? Why... this will be even more revealing than the towel and at least that is secure! 

 

Raito had a glint of challenge in his eye as he smiled serenely back at L. It was if he knew perfectly well what L had been thinking about out-maneuvering him and he was determined to beat down L's attempts at resistance through humility. For every paltry effort L tried to make to avoid being seduced into a helpless puddle on the floor, Raito would be ready and willing to put forth more effort into clouding his mind over with desire. Are you sure you want to play this game? he seemed to say.  

 

"Should I ignore the implications of such diminutive attire?" L asked, his back turned as he contemplated putting the thing on. Silk and arousal were natural born compatriots. Loose, slidey and revealing robes were the bane of anyone attempting not to think sexual thoughts.

 

"Implications?" Raito asked. Oh, so smoothly spoken. "I often wear such things after bathing." Pause. "Are you feeling shy, Lawliet?" Teasing, provocative. Raito was certainly a master of words.

 

L decided words were not the tactic to employ against a master tactician. He let his towel drop to the floor, exposing his back and the entire length of his naked body in an act of defiance against the 'shy' accusation, then unhurriedly slipped one arm into the robe and then the other. The sash was all there was to keep it closed - no inner tie was in evidence. Making sure his expression was bland and not smug in the least, he turned around.

 

To say that Raito's eyes had turned predatory was an understatement.

 

He stalked L, moving close and dragging a hand down the V of the robe to where it caught at the sash. "Oh, you are a tease, aren't you?" Raito breathed, forcing L back a few steps before his mouth descended on L's with barely checked passion.

 

L wasn't sure if this meant he'd won, but he was too preoccupied with the heart-stopping sensation of the other man's mouth feeding from his and the gut-wrenching desire that pulsed through him as he was pushed back onto the bed.

 

Please, he thought as heat raced through his body. 

 

The sash of his robe pulled against his waist as it was slowly untied.

 

Raito spread the cloth apart, following the contour of his chest with a splayed hand, causing L's breath to hitch as fingers and then a thumb brushed over his nipple. But that hand did not limit itself there - it smoothed down his torso as Raito's lips found his neck, tracing his hip with flirting fingers until he could not leave silence unbroken.

 

"God, you're sexy like that," Raito murmured fiercely against his skin, his mouth following the path that his hand had taken.

 

L's stomach muscles jumped as lips grazed his belly, and desire clenched in his stomach like a knot. 

 

The brunette's warm, soft mouth drifted lower, tantilizingly closer to his desperation. He willed their progress further, willed anything to bring the pleasure more at hand - to stop killing him with delicate teasing when his body was craving rougher things.

 

"Raito?" he asked as the other pulled back.

 

"I can't wait," Raito said huskily. He slid off of the bed, standing to rid himself of his slacks. L stared as the fabric fell, totally entranced by the look of him, the perfection of his tanned, flushing skin, and by the evidence of his desire. That desire that had once before been part of L's body, wringing pleasure from him with every movement.

 

L was more aware of it this time... the condom, the bottle of lubrication, the anticipation that was riding nervously and anxiously within him.

 

Raito bore him back down on the bed, kissing him with such intensity that coherence began once more to swim out of L's head. 

 

Coaxing hands ran up his body, down over his thighs, everywhere they could touch but the one place that really needed it, ratcheting his desire steadily higher until he was choking on it. Unable to think.

 

"Tell me you want this," Raito panted in his ear, the circle of his fingers skimming up L's length in a ruinous first caress.

 

The sensation was too powerful for L to get words past. He nodded as best as he could, losing focus on anything but the movement of that touch, the repeating of that touch and the wanting that that touch inspired. 

 

"Tell me, Lawliet," Raito said again forcibly, fingers leaving him so hands could part his thighs, spreading him open. "I want to hear you say it."

 

A slick digit stroked the entrance to his body, teasing the sensitive skin, making him toss his head. "P-Please," he managed. 

 

He gasped as it pushed inside, feeling slightly strange but oh so pleasurable. All he could think about was having the brunette truly inside of him, pushing his body to the limit, hearing the noises that Raito's voice might make in passion. 

 

"Please what, Lawliet?" the brunette asked as he added another finger.

 

L's face burned. He gasped as the digits moved in and out, brushing things in him that were making his back begin to arch. He didn't know how to ask it. He wanted it more than he could think, and he didn't have the words. Another finger and he couldn't hold back a moan. 

 

"Tell me you want me inside of you."

 

"I..." Speaking was too difficult, required more thought than he was capable. "Please, Raito..." 

 

"Tell me you need me," the brunette whispered heatedly, pulling his fingers from L. "Or," he added indulgently as L's body shook with desire, "we can stop here?" 

 

"I... need you," L panted obediently past the horror of not continuing, and being left adrift in this battering sea of wanting. The words were foreign on his tongue, and as foreign to his ears as the sound of his own voice. They made his stomach burn in shame as he uttered them, and as he was rewarded with a leisurely kiss.

 

Raito pressed against him, impossibly hard, and so much hotter than the feel of fingers. "Relax," he whispered.

 

Like the command could make someone instantly comply...

 

But Raito was pushing forward, sliding into him, making a place for himself inside of L while L fought to keep quiet. His body was on fire and as Raito started to slide back out and in again, rubbing over such sensitive areas. The moans began to fall from his mouth and his hips began to arch upwards.

 

L's arms wrapped around Raito without conscious effort, pulling the younger man's body more tightly to his, recieving his thrusts more deeply. 

 

He couldn't get enough. He moved his hips faster, encouraging the pace, hearing the brunette make sounds of pleasure that speared through him and ignited the lust until it was all that was left of him. 

 

He felt the pressure building, unrelenting as it coiled within his stomach and fanned through him in waves. It clenched his muscles as it began winding tighter, blanketing his thoughts and focusing them on the maddening rocking of hips and the taut, perfect body that lay over his - damp, heated skin kissing his own. 

 

His nails dug into flesh and muscle as it eventually overwhelmed him, pleasure sparking sharply within him and spilling out. It claimed his voice and the harsh cry of it was accompanied by the sound of his own name ringing in his ears.

 

---

 

Raito woke, fuzzily, some time later. It was something like when you wake before your alarm goes off - as if your brain is so insistent about the need to wake up that it happens even before it needs to. In this way, the back of Raito's brain was insistent on shaking him into consciousness and laying out the thought that there was something he should be doing. Faster than usual for just having woken, he realized that unconsciousness was supposed to take a back seat to the more pressing matter of getting his hands on Lawliet's phone.

 

He'd fully planned on doing it earlier - just after cleaning the both of them up and waiting for his dark-eyed companion to be safely asleep.

 

However, this time had been even better than last time, and he soon lost himself in sleep only moments after pretending to do that very thing. He'd felt completely worn out and drained on every level - mindless, utterly spent, and yet unbelievably satisfied.

 

Possibly even euphoric. 

 

Except now, he was going to be pressing his luck trying to accomplish his task. He didn't know how much time had passed, nor how long Lawliet would remain asleep. This is why he'd meant to do it before, when time was on his side and discovery was less of a reality.

 

Raito dragged his eyes open in the darkness, successful on the third try, fighting not to give in again to the bliss of sated rest. This will only take a few minutes, he told himself, I can sleep after. All he wanted to do was check a few things - see who Lawliet had been in contact with earlier. It wasn't unreasonable to want to know who might be offering him competition, and it was certainly fair for him to find out who had been distracting the dark-haired man from him.  

 

Raito turned to look at the man in question and found his own arm laying extended across an empty stretch of bed. Lawliet was not present. 

 

Wakefulness slammed through Raito and he bolted upright. Again?!

 

He flung the sheets off of himself and jumped out of bed, anger tumbling through his limbs in jagged shocks as he searched for something to throw on.

 

Of all the fucking idiotic...

 

He found his black robe, jerking it on and tying it about himself in terse motions.

 

What had gone wrong? Everything had been perfect! Why had provoked him into leaving this time?!

 

It figures, he snarled internally. I actually try to keep someone in my bed and that's the last thing they want to do.

 

Did I go too far?

 

I couldn't help making him say those things. Seeing him like that... the thought of making him beg was too insidiously thrilling. It was only rivaled by the rush he'd gotten when Lawliet had actually complied. Raito had watched his face, drinking in every reaction, every expression, loving the absolute control he'd had over him in those moments. And the sound of his voice...god... He'd never felt such a gripping compulsion to rip into someone - devour them - and make them cry out as loudly as possible.

 

Lawliet was a creature unused to passion, and yet Raito was able to make him drown in it. Pulling him down into it with me so far he has no hope of surfacing, no choice but to cling to me and let me lead him where I will...

 

But what good was there in that if Lawliet could slip out of his fingers so quickly, so easily? 

 

The moment I look away... 

 

He was starting to wonder if chaining up the other man was his only recourse after all. Or perhaps he could put a bell around his neck, like a cat, if only to be alerted when the silent one tried to vanish. 

 

Oh, it was infuriating. Frustrating. Last night had been... a turning point of sorts. Words spoken on whim had suddenly manifested into a deeper truth.

 

'Tell me you want this.'

 

It was obvious that his partner did, but he derived some twisted sort of pleasure in hearing him force out the words.

 

'Tell me you need me.' 

 

Oh, something had happened there. Plying this script from Lawliet's gasping mouth... he perversely wanted to elicit such falsely intimate words, to see if they'd be spoken... and to see what it felt like to pretend that he had the dark-haired intellectual that much within his power....

 

Why then had he taken it like it was some sort of confession? He knew it was forced - uttered only in the closet world that sex had wrapped around them. Why had he thought something had changed enough to keep Lawliet in place?

 

I'll kill him. I can't stand that he can so easily get up and away from me. I'll--

 

Raito stopped his mental tirade short. He'd been stalking angrily into the living room, fixated on the landline in the kitchen, from which he was going to make a call. Lawliet would know his cell number and would not necessarily pick up if he used it to make the call. He was going to get the wretched insomniac to speak to him, or he would be making a visit over to his house again shortly to lay this out straight.

 

Raito's feet stopped short, and his tumultuous thoughts stopped short, and he stared at the owlish black eyes that blinked back at him. Lawliet was sitting on his couch, knees drawn partway up to his chest with a book balancing atop them. He was wearing a pair of Raito's dark plaid, flannel pants which were a bit too large on his thinner frame.

 

"You..." Raito trailed, blinking as if he were seeing things.

 

"Is something wrong, Raito?" L asked, peering at him skittishly, book forgotten.

 

"Ah... no, nothing."

 

Foolish was not even the barest tip of the iceberg when it came to how he felt right now. 

 

"I borrowed a pair of your pants... I hope you don't mind, robes just aren't what I am used to."

 

"It's fine." Lawliet was still looking at him like he was some sort of deranged serial killer. Goddammit. The whole point of going to his parent's place, after avoiding it for so long, was to alleviate that image Lawliet seemed to have formed about him. And it was no wonder now - Raito hadn't had any reason to school his expression. He'd given it no thought in those moments, so he had no idea what might have been laid bare for the other man to see. 

 

Fuck! Why am I making this sort of error with him over and over?

 

I thought you left, he wanted to say, but couldn't. Lawliet would take it badly to know such a thing could set him off like it had. It would only reinforce the bad impressions he'd already developed.

 

"I remembered something about work when I woke up," Raito said in apology, approaching Lawliet. The insomniac was clutching the book in white-knuckled fingers. It made Raito frustrated and angry. Mostly it was ire directed at himself, but in a small way he wanted to shake the wariness from that slim body and right out of those eyes that watched him like a mouse watches a snake. "It was a rather pressing matter which I'd forgotten about until now. I'm sorry if I startled you... I thought you'd gone."

 

Damn. He'd said it after all.

 

"Oh," Lawliet replied simply, his face somewhat blank. "I don't sleep very much." His hands relaxed slightly upon the tome in his lap. "I thought I'd read that book you thought I would like, but I realized I didn't know the title, nor its location."

 

"Oh, that..." Raito murmured. "I think I left it in the bathroom at my parent's house." He moved closer, leaning over to tilt the book that rested in spidery, pale hands so that he could see the title. 

 

Lawliet tensed ever so slightly, a movement not betrayed by the blank expression on his face. 

 

Raito frowned slightly. Shake or soothe...? 

 

"Light reading?" he asked in a slightly playful tone, sinking to his knees as if to better view it. He didn't feel the amusement that should have been behind it. He realized he was donning a mask, hoping that acting out his typical mannerisms would make his guest react in a typical fashion, smoothing the tension and setting things back as they should be. 

 

"Well, I was rather surprised at your selection... this one just happened to stick in my hands."

 

It was a comprehensive book on Social Psychology. A lot of it rang true, but Raito disagreed with some of the theories expressed therein, due to personal experience and observation. Was Lawliet trying to gain insight into the way he thought in order to analyze him, or was it simply interest in the topic? It was hard to say. 

 

"What is there to be surprised about?" Raito asked, holding to his position by the insomniac's side, watching him for signs of letting down his guard. "A wide range of subject matter is beneficial to anyone in my line of work. It helps keep conversation moving and greases the wheels." 

 

Lawliet's bare shoulder beckoned him enticingly. It was vulnerably pale, especially so in contrast to the black leather of the couch. 

 

It was by compulsion that he laid a careful kiss upon it, exploring it tentatively with his mouth, waiting for the dark-haired intellectual to exhibit some sort of rejection. Muscles tensed, but not a sound was uttered, nor did he pull away. The only movement was the seemingly unwitting tilting of his head as Raito nuzzled the soft hollow of his throat.

 

I meant to give him more space...

 

He opened his mouth to taste the skin that smelled so incredibly good to him.

 

I'm going to make another mistake... I might be making one now...

 

The faint smell of sex lingered on his skin, exciting and heady. Lawliet's flesh was slightly salty and oh so sweet as his mouth pulled upon it, with gentle, suckling pressure. 

 

Why can't I get enough of you?

 

Almost as soon as it was slain, his desire for the dark-haired man was rekindling, building itself back up to ferocious new heights.

 

Raito pulled back enough to see that Lawliet's eyes had drifted closed and his face was not so expressionless as before. He looked caught - unsettled but unable to deny the pleasure he'd felt.

 

"Do you take food in the mornings, or is knowledge your only sustenance?" Raito teased distractedly as his good humor started to come back to him. Last night... oh if only it were permissible to feel Lawliet against his body so soon. To drown in his harsh breaths and trembling thighs... 

 

It's becoming a sickness... these thoughts and desires...

 

And such indulgences were not to be owned when no viable bond existed between them. They were nearly strangers at this juncture - a thing which prevented the frequency with which he wanted to possess the other man. Lawliet was too flitting... so nearly insubstantial... would he be crushed or marred like a butterfly would be from too much handling? Would such closeness and intensity drive him off? Or could I catch him in a web of my own devising? Struggling but unable to move away?  

 

"I eat in the morning," his-dark eyed guest said faintly, a small quaver to the challenge in his voice. Endearing.

 

"I'm sure you have work waiting for you, " Raito murmured, his lips haunting the skin of that lovely shoulder, "but would you have time to stay for breakfast?"

 

"...okay," was the meek and shuttered reply. 

 

Raito rose, dark eyes surreptitiously marking his ascent, and turned to the kitchen - giving the other man space while also hiding the smile that spread his lips. Perhaps if he could play things right, familiarity would provide the proper sort of collar for his skittish, pet intellectual.

 

---

 

L huddled on the couch, knees pulling closer to his chest. The book still balanced on them was quite forgotten.

 

Strange.

 

Strange and stranger still...

 

L's thumb crept to his mouth as Raito left him for the kitchen. 

 

He bit down upon it, a pain that he was used to, something to ground him as he flailed within the circle of the brunette's attention. Raito scared him and seduced him in turns, a combination that served to keep him completely off balance as he was accustomed to neither fear nor seduction. The look on the brunette's face as he had stormed out into the living room just a little while ago had been frightful. Work, was it? It just didn't seem likely, especially when that expression had shifted the moment he saw L, boarding itself up and becoming lost among the usual faces he tended to make - but not before surprise had briefly blossomed there.

 

If it were merely work, and the remembering of some crucial thing once forgotten, how now did Raito seem calm and at ease without acting to rectify it? 

 

How was it that the crackling anger brewing beneath his skin had been stilted, disbanded, and eventually smoothed over with standard mannerisms flooding back to the fore? Such a complicated process, culminating in the brunette's lips possessively drifting over his skin...

 

L shivered, still feeling the intensity of those eyes boring down on him and the resulting catch in his throat as Raito had first drifted close, then closer. 

 

It made him anxious to be watched like that, not fully knowing the cause of the brunette's volatile, fickle moods. He'd been uncertain whether it was due to his having left the bed, borrowing things unasked, or something else entirely that he would have no way to name. Had Raito been displeased with him in some way for the night before? Had he been expecting things to happen differently?

 

'Tell me you want me inside of you.'

 

'I... please, Raito...' 

 

L put the book in his lap aside, burying his burning face in his knees, the dialog of the night before snaking into his mind unprompted. Raito had seemed anything but displeased that time, playing his body and dragging the awful, desperation-choked words from him.  

 

'Tell me you need me.'

 

'I... need you.'

 

Need... such a strong, intimate word. So hard to speak when prompted, especially when dark, cherry amber eyes leveled him with such an unflinching, hooded gaze. So hard to respond to that nearly breathless, enraptured voice which crawled and fought its way inside of him, even though it puppeted his lips against the shame of saying those three words back. The dark light that glinted in those eyes in response, the expression that flickered across his face in that instant, hidden again with the indulgent press of lips against his own and a slowly consuming kiss... it sparked through L, then and now. Unsteady desire and trepidation. 

 

What does he want from me?

 

The feel of Raito's lips upon his shoulder, a nearly innocent touch, brought it all back so viscerally. He could feel the possession in it, the intensity behind the gentleness, and the message was that he was at the brunette's mercy. It drew him in just as strongly as it made him want to flee.

 

And the not so innocent touch... Raito's hot mouth on the sensitive flesh of his neck... his eyes had closed against the conflict and desire it stirred with every flick of tongue.

 

I know nothing about you.

 

What do you know about me?

 

Steady still was his bafflement over how Raito could possible desire him as it seemed he did. Was that just another sign that the brunette was dangerously bereft of sanity? Or what of his family? How could it be coincidence that they warned L away? Had this... had this happened before? Was there another person Raito had grown infatuated with only to have it end badly? ...multiple persons?

 

A feeling that was uncomfortably close to jealousy tried to surface.

 

Raito kissing someone else... cornering and pressing them with these acts of intimacy... laying them down in his bed...

 

L's hands tightened upon his flannel covered knees, twisting the cloth between his fingers.

 

How much of this is just a game to him? 

 

How thoroughly will this mess me up if it evaporates into nothing?

 

"So, you don't like coffee?" Raito asked him blandly, breaking the spiral of his thoughts.

 

L jumped, his eyes skating upwards. The brunette was holding a mug of what was probably coffee in his hands.

 

"I'm sorry?" L said lamely. He might as well own up to that fact that he hadn't heard a word. It was safer that way. Raito's affinity for language and his skill with setting intricate traps with carefully chosen words was second to none. To pretend to have heard anything that was missed, at any time, would be a grievous blunder.

 

"You looked incredibly put out when I brought it up just now, though you agreed to wanting some just a moment before..." Raito was giving him that calm, assessing look. 

 

"Coffee is fine..." He tried to mitigate the curtness of his reply, since he had apparently requested the beverage, "I usually drink tea, though." Really, it was completely embarrassing that his thoughts had trailed so far away from him that he hadn't even noticed Raito mention the coffee, nor agreeing to wanting any. He was truly deep inside of his own head when he started making automatic replies unconsciously.

 

Raito handed the mug to him, a slightly amused expression ghosting his face. "You're more Japanese than I am. I rarely drink tea."

 

"British," L corrected. "The Japanese are not the only ones who take tea."

 

"Oh?" Amusement. "So you're British?"

 

L half choked on the sip of bitter coffee (it had creamer and sugar, but to normal people's standards), realizing the giant piece of information he'd unwittingly doled out. I have to remember not to answer him like that. I have to be just as vague and unhelpful as he is. "I merely meant that I usually drink British style tea, not Japanese."

 

"I see," Raito said, the incline of his head indicating that he was not falling for L's diverting statement. The amusement amplified.

 

"Would you mind adding more sugar to this?" L asked, as if that had been the reason he choked, thrusting the mug back at the brunette.

 

"How much did you have in mind?"

 

"Another 4 spoonfuls or so."

 

Raito grimaced as he took the mug in hand. "Should I have asked instead if you wanted coffee with your sugar?"

 

L smiled as the brunette cringed in the face of his sweet tooth. "If that distinction pleases you, go right ahead."

 

Raito shook his head, muttering something about wondering how L managed to stay so thin, and headed back to the kitchen for more sugar.

 

---

 

As Raito had been making the coffee, he'd been surprised to note that it was actually a good deal later than he'd originally surmised upon waking. What had seemed like minutes of sleep, and surely no more than an hour, was actually closer to 4 hours. It was nearly 3 a.m..

 

That gave him at least two hours with Lawliet before he should start getting ready for work.

 

But work seemed very far away in the chill of early morning and the blackness beyond the windows.

 

Insignificant, even.

 

He watched Lawliet upon the couch, never tiring of studying the dark-haired man. Such interesting reactions he had to everything... such absorbing expressions...

 

Work... maybe he could call off. He'd never done such a thing before, so it wasn't likely they'd deny him. But then how long could he expect to keep Lawliet from wiggling out of his grasp? Until after breakfast? If only then, he might as well accept the distraction work afforded. And what about Lawliet's livelihood? What kind of schedule did he keep as a detective? How engrossing was his work to him? Not enough to keep him from his late night forays into bars, obviously, but then how long had he been doing even that?

 

---

 

L decided that he had better go fetch his phone and make sure nothing spectacularly important had happened in the last several hours that he should know about. He unfolded his legs and placed his feet upon the cool, wood floor, wondering if any of Raito's ire the previous evening had been linked to his phone and that one dark look he'd caught the tail end of in the car.

 

If there is a problem with me using my phone, maybe I should just bring that to the fore now. I dislike unreasonable people...

 

Uncertainty stayed his hand. It was getting harder to deny that he actively wanted to stay in the brunette's good graces, reasonable or not. If using his phone was that likely to set the brunette off into one of those bitingly awful moods, did he really want to go and do that very thing, just to confirm it and have his little rebellion?

 

L chewed at his lip.

 

He'd never had indecision such as this before. Bowing to others' wishes was just not in his makeup. If he needed to do something, he did it. Or if he felt like appeasing a client for his own reasons, for instance, he might do it, but not with such a back-and-forth mentality. He was not in the habit of censoring his own behavior.

 

That was a skill I was trying to learn with the help of my experiment... 

 

Perhaps it was a skill that still needed learned. Wasn't that the focus of all of this in the first place? Doing what did not come natural, and trying to carve out a niche for himself in the world that extended beyond the role of 'detective'? 

 

Was the challenge that Raito presented inadvertently helping him to advance his experiment? The boss level to breaking out of the shell he'd constructed to protect himself?

 

It was horrifying, in that way. Raito slipped behind his walls in some ways, making them seem useless, while also making him feel as if he desperately needed to keep them intact. What if breaking them down now for the sake of his experiment only proved their necessity beyond a shadow of a doubt? What if freeing his mind left him too vulnerable, and any hurt inflicted was all the more lethal for it? 

 

How stupid then would he feel for persisting in this, only to have it destroy him?

 

The solitary confinement of his empty room with its lone bed and computer seemed like a fortress in that regard, not a prison. He was safe there.

 

Raito, or anyone else, could not touch him there.

 

Only... Raito had been able to reach him there, breaking into the sanctuary of his room with that devil-may-care attitude and lithe stride, interring himself there with a maddening smile.

 

Maybe he owed it to himself to fight back.

 

L stood.

 

"Here," Raito said, returning and pressing the warm mug of highly sugared coffee into his hands before he could take a single step. His eyes were a shade cooler than before. Where are you going? they seemed to ask. "Sit," he commanded. "Drink your coffee. I'll be right back."

 

L sank back down onto the couch, pressed there by Raito's eyes, and took a sip from the mug in order to appease him.

 

(That was some fight you gave him) the snide little voice in his head said.

 

Shut up.

 

He watched Raito disappear down the hall.

 

---

 

Raito felt the vague pricklings of irritation as he strode down the hall. Leaving so soon? Where had you been thinking of disappearing off to? Lawliet had been looking towards the hall. His intent was either to regain his normal clothing, which Raito did not wish to allow, or to retrieve his cell phone, which Raito would certainly not tolerate.

 

The detective's state of undress left him pleasingly open and vulnerable, something that Raito wanted to extend as long as possible. The phone, however... He sneered. That you shall have only if I choose to give it to you.

 

He opened the bathroom door and found Lawliet's clothing in a pile that attempted orderliness. Picking up the jeans, he felt through the pockets for the little red cell phone. Black and candy-apple red, it shone dissmissively in his hand as he pulled it out.

 

He flipped it open, navigated to the messages folder and found what he was looking for. He only looked at the ones that were already opened, so as not to leave a trail of his investigation. Emails that came in as texts... no phone numbers were attributed to the messages, but he recognized the voice in of several of them. The arrogant, self-satisfied words were even signed by none other than the elusive Mister A.. 

 

Raito followed the exchange between the two of them, not liking the tone he sensed in their repartee, nor A.'s attempts to get Lawliet to meet with him. 

 

Not to mention the secrets A. seemed willing to spill... He had no doubt that he was the aforementioned 'acquaintance'. 

 

Disloyal bastard, he thought with annoyance. Though it might be that A. was loyal, but moreso to the dark-haired detective than to the one who was paying him - a cause for greater irritation. 

 

There wasn't enough time to go through it all. His only excuse now was that he was grabbing Lawliet's things for the wash (and the pending lie that he had taken care of work matters as well via the laptop in his room). He toyed with the idea of tossing the blasted little piece of electronics in with the laundry, ruining it in the water, but that would cause more friction than he would like and the thing would be easily replaced.

 

He slipped the phone into the pocket of his black silk robe, to be forgotten until it was asked after, and grabbed the small pile of clothing to throw in the wash. It would give him some time, at least. Lawliet would stay until the cycles had run and he had proper clothes to wear. He would have no choice in the matter, because he would not be consulted prior to his garments' cleansing. 

 

Raito judged him to be too self-conscious to return home wearing someone else's clothes. He was modest, embarrassable, and shared his home with someone who nearly seemed a parental figure, even if they were not actually related. Wrinkled clothing was one thing, ill-fitting foreign clothing was quite another and would spark off questions in anyone's mind. 

 

That it was so early yet was a disadvantage... Lawliet might think to bypass such a situation, and possible interrogation, due to the hour. He might still think to persist in leaving...

 

I'll just have to keep him distracted.

 

____________________________________________________________< /font>

TBC

 

A/N: Chapter title is taken from the title of a Depeche Mode song on the album Playing the Angel. The darkness of it and the overall sound just made me think of this version of Raito for some reason - like an image song of sorts. lol (Check it out on youtube or imeem.)

 

Other songs I was listening to (also Depeche Mode) include "A Pain That I'm Used To" and "In Chains". Really, I was just listening to like 3 different albums on repeat, but I can hardly list all of the songs. ;p  I love their newer stuff! :D