Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ PITCH ❯ Date - part b ( Chapter 22 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: selena281 
Anime/Manga: Death Note Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Psychological / Romance / Angst / Drama / Comedy | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.30.2011 | Pages: 9 | Words: 12.8K | Visits: 461 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Death Note Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Psychological / Romance / Angst / Drama / Comedy | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.30.2011 | Pages: 9 | Words: 12.8K | Visits: 461 | Status: Work In Progress
PITCH
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Light x L
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Part 21b
L is a reclusive detective who takes his job seriously. Too seriously, in fact. Once he takes note of how neglected and stagnant his life truly is, he decides to make some changes. Challenges arise through an unanticipated meeting. AU
A/N: Part two of the split chapter. Sorry guys. Guess it really is EXTRA loooong.
Disclaimer: (See part 1 for full disclaimer.)
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Pitch: (def.)
A substance commonly utilized to bind materials in construction... Tar pitch appears solid, and can be shattered with a hard impact, but it is actually fluid. Pitch flows at room temperature, but extremely slowly. To attain maximum fluidity, to be used, it must be exposed to heat.
Minds are like pitch. To reveal their full potential, they must be exposed to environs that apply stress. They must be challenged.
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Part 21b: (Date)
L's eyes had squinted closed; he opened them now as movements ceased. Silver glinted before his eyes, the sharp edge of the blade holding the second to last button in a death grip, a breath away from beheading it.
"I'll elaborate," he said in a pale voice. "So, please, just put that down."
"You first," Raito replied.
"I... I'm not sure I understand why you're angry," he began, unable to tell if he was having any success in sounding as harmless and inoffensive as possible. It was probably too much to hope that he didn't sound like he was being held at knifepoint. "I am being truthful when I say that the concept of living with someone is foreign to me. But to have you go the opposite way after I told you this, to discard me so suddenly..."
The words were coming out in a rambling fashion. L was nearly talking to the blade as opposed to its wielder. The words spilled forth as if he could gain distance from it if there were only enough of them. He stopped focusing wholly on what he was actually voicing, the stress of the situation being so distracting. "Am I really that much of an inconvenience to you? But if so, why would you suddenly switch from insistence that I stay with you to abandonment? I don't understand."
"Abandonment?" Raito's voice had settled from the poisonous tones it had held minutes before. Perhaps he was feeling more reasonable?
"Well, what would you call it, then?" L said under his breath. "That you would refrain from being with others, then say how intolerable that has been--"
Oh-- there had been some emotion that slipped out there -- his voice even caught on the words, embarrassing him.
"So you act spiteful when you are jealous?"
Underneath, L bristled at the words, but Raito was not antagonizing him. He was really asking. His tone was not very combative, either.
"I never said I was jealous," L muttered, pride disallowing him to admit it just now. Not in this situation.
"Honesty, Lawliet," the brunet said, his voice dipping back into unyielding tones. The remaining two buttons on his shirt were popped free, making him flinch each time, the last one striking him in the jaw. Or was that the kiss of metal against his skin?
((Stop letting him intimidate you)) the voice in his head berated him as he closed his eyes to try and gather himself.
But he has a knife, L stressed again.
Inexplicably, L felt something brush his chest, something warm. Something that made his stomach tighten suddenly in response. Clever and soft...
Lips against skin...
It made no sense, but he knew the feel of that mouth, the heat of it, and the pleasure of an even hotter tongue gracing his chest. He shuddered as reaction took his body, wrongly amplified by his distress and confusion.
"But you are jealous, aren't you?" Raito's voice was a humming against his flesh. Mocking him, but gently. Encouraging, baiting. "Honesty now, Lawliet," he repeated softly.
L could hear the curling smile in the utterance of his name. He could feel the answering thrum tremor through his body.
Hands alighted upon him and his breath was quickening, chasing his heartbeat. He thrashed against the cuffs and his tormentor. "No--"
"You want me to touch you like this - I could feel it in every line of your body the moment I began."
L's eyes flew open and were at once filled with the red-amber of Raito's gaze as his body was caged by that of the other man and lips descended on his. It was no chaste kiss. It shot through him, blazing in his gut and between his legs. He could feel his face flushing as his mouth was overcome with liquid heat and a skilled tongue.
He struggled against it. He was falling prey to this much too fast.
"Does it bother you to think of me doing this with anyone else?" Raito crooned in his ear breathily as his hand brushed down L's waist. "Are you over-possessive because I was your first?" L squirmed, trying to foil the success of the brunet's hand upon the button of his jeans. He was aching and helpless and could not escape the words gracing his ear which tormented him to distraction.
"I'm not- jealous-" he pled as the button gave way and the zipper slid down without resistance.
The cuffs clinked loudly as L jerked at them. His face blazed red in shame as Raito pulled back to slide his clothing down off of his hips.
"Are you also not aroused, then?" Raito mocked him, his position very near to the evidence of that arousal. "If we are in the mode of telling untruths, we might as well continue..."
L bit his lips as the brunet subtly tried to humiliate him.
"Not aroused, not jealous... what else?" Raito mused, beginning to touch his burning need with taunting fingers and a fleeting mouth. L couldn't hold onto the noises that began escaping his lips then. "Unaffected by my touch... and would you also be equally unaffected if I were to handle someone else like this? Or in knowing that I have been with people like this?" Raito lavished attention upon his flesh, offering pleasure as he stirred tar-like emotions with his words. L knew he was screwing with his head, but he could no longer think clearly. He was just reacting. Physically, emotionally, and he couldn't stop. "Surely it would be of no concern to you, then, that I open my bed to others if that place is not already taken."
To L's mortification, he felt dampness upon his cheek. There was not much time to dwell upon it, however, because Raito's poisonous mouth was pulling him inside and destroying what was left of conscious thought.
His chest was heaving with panted breaths and his entire body felt like it was on fire. Insidious fingertips stroked his hips, teasing, enticing. He waited for the pleasure to build enough to topple him, but it just banked and burned brighter. He was being tormented with the most intimate of trailing caresses. It was just short of enough. That sinuous, sinful tongue was flicking along his skin and it was purposely not enough.
"What- do you want- from me?" L choked out.
"Love me," Raito said, abandoning his task and meeting his gaze.
What?! L's mind stuttered to process that.
Raito laughed then, an edge of cruelty to it. "Don't look so stricken, Lawliet. I jest." He slid slowly up L's body until they were face to face, inches apart. His eyes burned in that fever-bright way where L could not tell what he was thinking. "You think I would require that of you?"
He kissed L softly then, further confusing the issue.
But you have that already, despite me!
"Would you require that of anyone?" he challenged, his frustration with everything surfacing enough to battle the desire that was obscuring his mind's functions. "Or would feelings be inconvenient?"
"Shhh," Raito hushed him instead of answering him, deviating to explore his throat. "The only thing of inconvenience is that you don't understand the position you are in."
"And which position might that be?"
"Indeed, there are several..." Raito mused distractedly. "But you fail to see where you stand in all of them."
Then why won't you enlighten me?
Raito drew back just enough to meet his eyes. "One of the most pertinent, however, is that your willfulness puts you at a disadvantage."
"If that is true of the current situation, then I dare say you like the results more than I."
"I wasn't speaking of this, but if I were, I would say that it is only a sense of duty that compels me to break down your protests until you can no longer deny me."
"Duty?" L thought that was one of the oddest and nonsensical explanations he might have heard the brunet venture.
"Of course," Raito confirmed as if it were obvious, his eyes raking L with their heat. "If I do not keep you in check, who's to say what will happen? Where might your pride and resistance leave us if I gave you free reign?" His voice dipped lower, almost a murmur as he said, "And how would you know to submit, if you are not forced to your knees?"
Raito slid back like the pulling of the tide, kneeling now on the bed.
"I've enjoyed our little chat," he said smokily. His eyes roved L's nearly naked body unabashedly.
His gaze was fondly possessive as he distanced himself.
L busily tried to forget the fact that he was naked except for his gaping shirt. "What now?" The brunet seemed up to something.
Raito reached into his pocket and drew out a shiny red cell phone. "This," he said. "This little device holds such fascination and contempt for me that I just can't seem to want to leave it alone."
"Raito, that's mine," L warned him as the brunet flipped it open.
"But I'm inquisitive by nature," he responded, hardly even reacting as the legs he was straddling tried to unseat him. "How could I resist taking a peek?"
Raito had the audacity to stroke his naked thigh placatingly as L fought the cuffs, seeking to break them, even at the expense of his arms. They clanged harshly against the metal headboard they were looped through. "I wasn't serious when I said they were novelty items," he informed L as he pressed buttons and navigated his way through the phone. "I'm sure you've realized, they are quite real. You won't be able to break them."
"Raito, I feel the same way about privacy that you do," L ground out, panting from his battle with the unyielding handcuffs. "Would you stop and think of how you would feel if our positions were reversed?"
The brunet looked up, arching an elegant brow. "I would never have gotten myself into such a position."
He held the phone up a little higher and a sound much like a camera snapping a picture could be heard.
"What are you doing?" L asked sharply.
"Immortalizing the stunning sight of your restrained anger." He smiled. "It is quite interesting, as it is bound both by your self-possession and by your immobility." He took another picture and another.
With each snap, L's focus shifted to schooling his expression, though he was furious. Blank. Blank.
"Oh, that's no fun, Lawliet, you aren't supposed to hide."
Again he snapped another picture as he gave L a melodramatic little frown.
"You are severely trying my patience," L warned him again.
"And what are you going to do about it, hm?" Raito sneered. "Are you going to lash out at me, detective? Show me your true colors? Let's see it, then! Come on! Show me who you really are underneath the civility we are all socialized to wear."
"It's ironic that you would taunt me like this when there is no way for you to lose control of the situation," L said snidely. "Are you that scared of not coming out on top? Are you that afraid of losing the upper hand?"
Raito's jaw clenched briefly, the only indication that L's words had had an effect. He smoothed it over with an infuriating smile. "Never that. I only fear what is possible."
L gritted his teeth, hands clenching into fists in truth. If he were not bound right now, he most certainly would strike the brunet for such taunting! Of course the brunet typically had the upper hand, but such pompous arrogance was enraging. Did he really believe that he was always in control and that that would always be the case? Did he never fear losing that position? Did he truly feel that entitled??
"I bet you are feeling like you could use a drink right about now," the prince said. He reached for the bottle on the nightstand, his body lowering to L's as he stretched.
L knew Raito didn't dare get up or rise to his knees as he straddled him - both would allow L free movement to lash out with his legs. And yes, at this point, he would.
Raito poured the liquor into the tiny glass, and sat a moment, just gazing upon L's face in contemplation. There was no anger or antagonism in his expression just now. In fact, he looked rather laid back. All of those negative feelings seemed to be living inside of L, alone. Seething.
Raito sipped at the drink distractedly, watching him.
Long moments passed, neither speaking.
"It's no use," the brunet said at last, with a sigh. "I like you even like this."
L couldn't stop his face from contorting in disbelief. What, angry?
Raito shook his head slightly to himself and poured more alcohol.
"Raito, I think you've had enough--" L began firmly, trying to shelve his anger for the moment.
The other man looked at him simply. "Indeed, maybe I have." He leaned towards L. "But this wasn't for me," he concluded, gracefully reaching out to tip the tiny glass to L's mouth while he pinched his nose closed.
L had just had the misfortune of exhaling right before, so he was only able to hold out for a few seconds before the burning in his lungs bade him to accept the draught. As soon as he swallowed, his nose was released, and he could choke on the strength of the libation without contest. He couldn't identify it, but it was stronger than whiskey, and tasted something like it, and a little like rum.
"Would you care for another?"
"Not particularly," L said weakly. How had the brunet managed to drink this stuff with a straight face, let alone so much of it?
Next thing he knew, his nose was suddenly being held shut again, the press of glass was against his lips, and the burning liquor was flooding his mouth.
His eyes teared up a little at the strength of it and with the difficulty of swallowing the punishing liquid.
Once he had gotten it down, he turned accusatory eyes to the brunet. "If what you meant was, 'would you like to take it on your own?' I would have answered differently."
"It's strong, isn't it?" Raito said conversationally. He seemed unmoved to apologize or be reticent in any way.
"It is," L agreed. "What is it?"
"If I tell you, it will no longer be a mystery."
L opened his mouth to say exactly what his opinion was on that, but the brunet cut him off.
"And don't give me some tired conviction on how you don't like mysteries, because if that were true, you would hardly be in your current profession."
"I like unraveling them, not leaving them sit. There is a difference."
"And so I leave it for you to unravel, oh Great Detective."
L was feeling less than charitable. "Can I surmise that your chosen profession similarly indicates your comfort with lies and illusion?" Also, the alcohol was starting to burn through his body and he could do nothing to mute the effect.
"No, you cannot," Raito said with barely masked irritation. "If anything, it is an indication of my desire to be in a position of power."
"In a mood to share now, are we?" L said condescendingly. He was too agitated to take the gesture as a peace offering, if that was even what the forthright words were intended to be.
"Isn't this ultimately what you wanted from me?" Raito said scathingly. "Hadn't you wanted to talk?" He sneered then, "What does it matter the setting? You are getting exactly what you want. We are getting to know each other quite well, aren't we? All I've done is stripped away the artifice and you seem to dislike being seen at your most truthful."
"When have I ever not been truthful?" L asked incredulously. "Of the two of us, you are the one that seems to encounter problems with honesty."
"Shut up."
"No. You are being unreasonable."
Raito's eyes flashed at him. "You want to see unreasonable? I can show you unreasonable."
He raised the glass bottle of alcohol up over his head like he was going to strike it downwards. L flinched slightly, trying to anticipate the brunet's intent, but all that came down was a thin stream of amber toned liquid. Raito's eyes locked to his as he defiantly poured the alcohol upon him, over his chest, stomach, and even his lap. He could feel it running down his sides in tiny rivulets onto the bed.
It was wasteful, and inconceivable as to why Raito would feel the need to--
Raito bent down and lapped at his skin.
L froze, his mind freezing as well at the unexpected action.
The brunet's sensitive mouth was hot against his flesh, branding him as it explored the mess he'd made.
It was a leisurely journey that took him over L's quivering stomach, his chest, stopping here and there to give special attention, sucking on sensitive spots as if devoted to pulling whatever alcohol from it that might have somehow seeped in.
L was nearly biting through his lip, desperate to remain in control of himself and to not give the brunet anything that could be taken as encouragement.
God...
His anger was still as present as it had been, but it was paling in the face of this treatment. It wasn't fair. Raito had not long ago been stroking his body into maddened desire and it hadn't dropped much below the surface. It was all to easy for him to call it back up.
He wanted to stay angry. He hated having the brunet wash such things away with this cloying intimacy. He hated being unable to think and the alcohol was mussing his mind as well.
His body was trembling, and it was not something he had control of. Despite being in and out of fights and brutal arguments, his stupid body was not listening to him when he insisted it should not react to this person - that it was inappropriate to do so. Instead, it defied and humiliated him, shuddering with reaction when the brunet grew more insistent.
"I love you like this," Raito murmured, lips trailing lower, down the edge of his hip.
"I hate it," L panted.
"Yet you also love it." Raito's eyes marked him as the tip of his tongue touched very hard flesh. They drank in his frustration, roving over every nuance of his bare expressions that he no longer had the ability to mask.
"No, I do not," L ground out. "I can't help that... I have a... physiological... reaction..."
"Your body is much more honest than you are, Lawliet. That is why I call you a liar."
Raito whispered kisses over his sensitive flesh, damning him many times over with the fleeting touches before pulling away. L's eyes had drifted closed as he focused on regulating his harsh breathing. It was a losing battle.
He heard something slosh, and then shortly after, Raito's mouth was pressing to his. It was a burning kiss, made more so when Raito parted his lips and fed him another draught of the mysterious drink that tasted like fire. Errant flicks of the brunet's sensual tongue teased him and caressed him into accepting the flow of it, drinking it in so that he could make way for a deeper kiss.
He was so close to giving up on himself.
Everything Raito did seemed to pull reaction after reaction out of him, no matter what he did or what he thought about it.
Everything extraneous burned away and sensation was the only thing that ruled.
Ka-shhk.
There was a soft sound that L did not immediately place.
In fact, he noted it several times, but every time he thought to determine the source, he found his attention pulled away again.
Sense trickled in when Raito moved back and the oppression of his presence lifted, allowing L a little cool air to clear his head.
Ka-shhk.
"Perfect," Raito said in roughened voice.
L experienced a moment of horror as he suspected that noise to be the shutter sound on his camera phone. He looked up and sure enough...
Ka-shhk.
Raito was staring down at him, looking scandalously sexy as he held up the little red phone and took another picture.
L couldn't recall him losing his shirt, but the brunet's lean, tanned body was bare from the waist up. His hair was slightly messy, and his lips were slightly bruised from kissing. His eyes were stunning.
Ka-shhk.
"Raito, stop that," he protested, his voice sounding deeper and more raw than it should.
"Mmn," the brunet hummed and licked his lips lasciviously.
Ka-shhk. Ka-shhk.
"I'm serious," he tried to sound authoritative. "Quit it."
"I'm sorry, Lawliet. You sound so sexy like that, I just can't stop myself."
L bit his lip. Raito's voice was the one that sounded sexy - all rushed and breathy. It made his belly tighten in response.
Ka-shhk.
"Raito..." he groaned. He didn't want umpteen million pictures of himself on his phone. Especially not now. If anything, it was the brunet's image he would want to see captured. Especially now.
"Who should I send them to, I wonder," Raito mused in a murmur. "Let's see who our choices are..."
"You wouldn't!"
"Wouldn't I?" The brunet gave him a lazy smile. It was by no means innocent.
L was horrified all over again.
"You're horrible!" he said. "How could you?" If only he could snatch his phone out of those devious hands!
"Well then, maybe you should stop me," the brunet taunted him archly.
The urge to hit Raito became so strong that L slammed his fists against the cuffs, wanting the sharp pain of metal to quell the racketing emotions inside of him. But that choking metal grip never manifested. His hands slipped free.
He didn't spare too long to contemplate why. Though it had to be the brunet's doing. He had not managed to get free on his own no matter how hard he'd tried.
He lunged forward, grabbing at the camera phone.
Raito evaded him, and began reading aloud from his contacts list. "Or should I just send one to Watari? He seems to be a good candidate for a wake-up call."
"None of the above," L snarled, getting more agitated at Raito's skills of evasion.
How does he do that?!
"Then again," Raito said, "the circumstances should be made apparent to the recipient to have the intended effect. How about this one?" The brunet flashed him a picture that captured the both of them that was infinitely less suitable for public consumption. 'Compromising' was not a strong enough word. 'Porn' sounded too mild a descriptor as well. It was mortifying and scandalous, and if he hadn't just been shown the image in the current situation, he might well have wanted to have another look at it. In the privacy of his own home. Behind closed doors. In the dark. Maybe also hidden under a blanket.
"Do you have that rat-bastard Aiber's number in here? Maybe he should get a look so that he can get it through his thick skull that you are not a free entity."
"Yes, I do, but I will kill you if you send pictures to anyone."
Bleep bloop.
"Too late."
L literally saw red for a moment. Next thing he knew, he had pinned the brunet to the bed, his hands wrapped around his throat. Raito did not have the good grace to look upset or scared, but had traded his previous expression for one that looked falsely calm. "I should just--" L snarled.
"Do it then."
L's grip tightened a little.
"Do whatever it is you think I deserve." Why was it that Raito's eyes nearly looked soulful in their quiet gaze just now? "I'm always doing the same to you, after all. It's justified. Do it."
L glanced at his phone, still held loosely in Raito's hand where it was flung out across the bed. Mainly he wanted to get that back. But oh, how pissed off he was to think on who might be receiving that image. How crass and debased it was of Raito to have sent it! How could he just do things like that without a care as to how it might affect others?
L looked back towards his captive with narrowed eyes. "I can't believe you just did that to me."
Raito did not look away, nor did he seem guilty. "So punish me."
Again, the quietness of the brunet's gaze struck him. As if he were waiting for something. Awaiting judgment. No more maneuverings. Stillness.
"But if you are not intending to strangle me, or are otherwise undecided as to how to proceed," Raito said, "might I suggest that you not straddle me like this? I'm not accustomed to being beneath anyone else."
"Is that so?" L said with irritation, "Well, far be it from me to make you uncomfortable." He forced his lips upon the brunet's, figuring it served him right if it offended his sensibilities and tweaked at his compulsive need to be in control.
He was not denied when he demanded entrance past the brunet's sealed lips. Grudgingly, he was allowed inside. His angry possession of that mouth was met meekly. It was so unlike every other time, and it gave L a rush of power to see that it was so.
Punish you? I'll punish the hell out of you.
For what would be more of a sufferance to that massive ego than for Raito to be taken in the manner that he had taken so many others? How chafing that would be, for him to endure what he felt was beneath his station. And it was from his own lips that he gave L leave. So he couldn't refuse - had no right to refuse.
He stroked a hand down Raito's stomach, glorying in the small twitch his body gave as it tried to shy away.
He leaned back and surveyed what was now his to conquer. The broad shoulders and tapering waist, the golden, sun-kissed tone of smooth, taut skin... The flat planes of his chest and the slight concavity of his abdomen where it disappeared beneath his pants....
He imagined how it might feel were he to peel back cloth and somehow, impossibly, slide inside of that body, to feel it be forced to take him in and to see what sort of expression the brunet might make. Would he try to appear unaffected? Would he look pained? Or would the marks of pleasure slide onto his face unwittingly?
L bent to move lips over the chest of his captive audience, feeling the lean body tense. He stroked his hands over his skin as he took the darkened nub of a nipple into his mouth, rolling it with tongue and teeth and feeling a shudder beneath him.
Maybe it was the alcohol, but he did not feel anxious contemplating doing this for the first time. His only focus was pulling reactions from the brunet, strong enough to embarrass him and to keep him from his stoic silence.
He ran his hand down over the front of Raito's slacks, cupping the brunet in his hand and squeezing. He received a stifled moan, but that was hardly enough. He returned to the petulant, sensual mouth that often said such rotten, dismissive things, and interred himself there. He kissed aggressively while he worked the brunet's flesh in his hand, and soon he could feel the faster rise and fall of that chest and began to hear the muffled sounds of passion which he devoured as soon as they were half formed.
They almost sounded like whimpers since they were cut so short.
The button and zipper on Raito's slacks came undone easier than expected, and L dragged them down the brunet's hips, catching his boxer's as well. Again, he felt that delicious tensing beneath him.
You're right, I'm justified. You've done this to me and more. Constantly you've clouded my head and used this as a tool against me. Just because you can?
I'll make sure you want this as much as you don't want it. I'll let you suck on that conflict as I take you.
The pants annoyed him to no end as he slid them down Raito's long, enticing legs, a seemingly endless task. Strong and well-made, they seemed unaccustomed to things like parting, but they were graceful too, and smooth. Flawless, L thought as his eyes moved up the length of them, settling to where he would soon be penetrating the arrogant brunet's body.
He noticed something upon the bed as he tossed the clothing in his hands aside. A small bottle. He peered at it as he removed his own shirt and laughed to himself. So Raito was always prepared, was he? Whether it was before their fight had started, or after, Raito had secured some kind of lubricant as well as a scattering of small, squarish packets that promised someone was going to be compromised bodily. Only this time, it wouldn't be him.
Raito lay with his eyes closed, not breaking expression. Even when L touched his bare flesh and took hardened steeple of it into his mouth.
Initially.
But even Raito's nearly impenetrable masks were not flawless. Not against something like this. And L remembered the only other time he'd held Raito in this fashion, cradling him upon his tongue and feeling the swell of response; the brunet had not lasted long. All too soon, his body had seized and shuddered in release.
His own body throbbed as he dragged the brunet into pleasure. It spiked when Raito gasped or moaned through clenched teeth, trying to overcome sensation and failing.
He coaxed, wheedled, and demanded in turn. And this time, there was no lack of light to hide Raito's face. It was enrapturing. He could see the response in him as he did this or that, spurring his creativity. He was also watching in fascination as a steady flush began to alight upon the brunet's cheeks.
Raito was fighting very hard not to lose himself. His arousal gave him away, however, despite the masks. And the rise and fall of his chest was only increasing.
While he was distracted with that, L had been preparing things on his end. He paused in his ministrations only long enough to tear one of the small packages open with his teeth. The rest he could manage with one hand.
The condom was not difficult to roll on, though he had to steel himself against the feel of anything touching his length as he was already quite hard. The lubricant's lid made only a minimal noise as he pried it open, surely soft enough to escape one's notice if one were being distracted in the manner that Raito was.
Raito was panting heavily now, his face turned to the side and an expression quite like endurance riding his face. He nearly looked vulnerable. For him. No longer did he look to be the indomitable force that L had encountered almost exclusively.
L put a finger to his entrance, and slowly pushed inside, watching the brunet unerringly.
A slight twitch was the only facial reaction.
Raito looked much younger than normal just now, like he did when he was sleeping. Without those sharp expressions, his visage changed drastically. L kissed his thighs, encouraging the brunet to spread his legs wider. He seemed loath to do so. Embarrassment at last? L wondered with a flash of satisfaction. He added a second finger and felt both vindicated and aroused as his partner made a noise that was either from discomfort or pleasure.
Of course, he himself was well acquainted with the feeling of all of this. So when he began to slide his fingers in and out, he was not surprised to see the conflicted desire try to surface on Raito's face. He added a third finger and took his time getting the body before him used to it.
Raito had flung an arm across his eyes and his mouth was open, moving slightly with his panting breaths.
It would be hard to look upon him like this, laid bare, and not be affected. It was hard enough to wait this long in order to do this right. L wanted more and needed to see that face from close up as he breached his body.
He kept expecting Raito to say something. To joke, or say something cutting as usual. It was strange to have the utter silence. But that was something he would have to dissect at a later date. He was past thinking clearly. The buzz of alcohol sang in his veins, forming a chorus with the rush of the power trip he was on in this moment and the steady beat of arousal that battered at his patience.
He withdrew his fingers and moved into position over Raito's body, the radiating heat of it driving him mad. He wanted to sink into it, bite it, caress it - all at once and he couldn't decide. But he knew it was only his mind focusing on easier things than the last transgression he was about to make.
Was Raito really allowing him to do this?
But why?
Really, why?
He wondered and yet, even as he did, he was already pushing inside.
It was tight and feverishly hot. He nearly had to pause to catch his breath but his body was still sliding forward, forward, then thrusting out and back in again experimentally before he could stop it - before he could even look up at the brunet's face or catch his lips like he'd been wanting to do.
His hand ghosted up Raito's arousal, moving upon it as he slid again within that gripping heat and he started to hear the sounds he'd been craving. He played to the brunet's body, kissing his neck and feeling every part of him respond as he moved. He kneaded the flesh in his hand until it was as firm as steel and Raito's back was arching, his body now opening more to his penetration.
He sought Raito's mouth, kissing him fervently, and eventually he felt arms circle him in a tentative embrace.
It was so unreal.
And so.... hot.
He murmured the brunet's name over and over again, overcome with sensation and the feelings swamping him.
He felt so close to him right now, as if he was nearly touching his very soul. And there were words whispered in his own ears, amidst panting breaths, that he could not quite make sense of but made this feel so right.
He wished Raito would lose control, though. He said as much, and was rewarded with the cantankerous raking of nails down his back.
"Nnn!" The sound slipped out as his flesh protested. The wicked, stinging little trails hurt. Not only that, he could swear that the brunet's body squeezed around him at that same moment, dragging another moan from his lips.
"Raito-" he started, determined to find out if his partner had really felt a thrill from his pain.
Raito's eyes were luminous.
The reddened amber was like a slivered crescent moon around the deep pool of black in the center. He did not look like a victim. He looked like bait that was really actually the trap itself. The brunet placed a predatory kiss upon L's mouth, pressing it there with a curling smile. Nails skimmed his back, threatening to drag down at any moment. "Don't stop on my account," Raito breathed against his mouth.
That familiar fissure of uncertainty trickled through L: that twisted-up, familiar feeling of desire and unease. That god-awful ruinous feeling that the brunet so easily inspired, which tore at what passed for L's confidence. And yet it was that same unstable feeling that could amplify such things as desire.
Raito moved against him, sinking claws into the flesh of his buttocks as his hips canted upward - making L cry out hoarsely at the pain, and the pleasure of slipping deeper into that treacherous body. "Mmmn," Raito issued a self-satisfied moan as his body squeezed him. It reddened L's face in an instant.
He wasn't sure if it was real or just for show, that moan, but it affected him all the same.
"Come, Lawliet, or do you need me to pick up where you are leaving off?"
"You can't just--" L started in a winded voice, not sure what exactly he was even trying to protest. But it was just that... well... he suddenly felt as if control had been snapped up and away from him and he wasn't quite sure how or why or what to do about it.
Oh, there was nothing innocent in the brunet's expression now, though he looked like he was torn between being mean and being indulgent.
Raito began caressing his back, his sides, and everywhere his insidious hands could touch.
L felt his arousal throb, still buried deep inside the brunet - still very much alive and swollen with need.
Raito's hips rocked upwards into his, and his mouth sought L's.
Why does it feel so very different when he is the one kissing me, or doing things to me? It all felt so good, but when the brunet was leading, L's brain took an extended vacation. He felt helpless to do anything else.
Desire curled in his gut, spurred on by the active part Raito was now choosing to play. The brunet's muscles milked his flesh as they moved, merciless and demanding. He was breathing hard now, gasps and moans starting to spill from his lips.
L felt a hand twist into his hair, pulling it down. "Was it as good as you imagined," Raito whispered harshly into his ear, breathing heavily himself, "being in control?"
"Yes," L ground out.
"Liar," Raito said almost affectionately. "You're feeling it much more now. Look at you, you're a mess. Your eyes are glazing over and you can't even move without shuddering and moaning my name."
L flushed even harder at that and tried to protest. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't.
Raito coiled about him like a snake and squeezed, arms that were once loose were now gripping tightly, and even his legs were doing the same. It shifted their position so that when Raito thrust upward, it was more devastating than ever.
L tried to keep silent but, damnit, it was just not humanly possible.
"You should have just... let me... ravish you... in the first place... you stubborn fool," the brunet panted.
God... L moaned, losing his wits.
Maybe the brunet had a point but he still... still... could not express how amazing it felt to be inside of him... So what if he was no longer in control once Raito decided to have that for himself? He still wanted this, and felt this, and top or bottom - things like that were of little consequence. Desire was flaring in him with each motion, threatening to explode.
"Top or... bottom... I still own you," Raito said, dragging L's mouth down to his roughly, his body bowing up and swallowing L's as release took him.
L spasmed as Raito's body sucked at his, drawing orgasm from him forcefully like it was something that could be snatched away by a thief.
His vision was blinded white, and he grounded himself by sinking his teeth into the curve of Raito's shoulder. Intense feeling shuddered and rippled through him, whipping away pieces of his being with every wave. Hammering him. Stripping his self-awareness until nothing was left.
Finally, like even the most brutal storm, it subsided.
He collapsed bonelessly to the bed as it let him go, and spent the next small eternity relearning how to breathe.
---
The early afternoon sun was not much of a match for the hazy motel room window, but it did its best.
Raito mulled over the dour curtains which he probably should have closed earlier - they might have given some passerby quite an eyeful - but the notion did not seem all that pressing at the moment, and he made no move to remedy it. Besides, the chances that someone had made it by this room at the end, or that anyone else had even stopped at this place, were pretty slim.
Not that he would have bothered himself to move if that hadn't been the case. He was quite comfortable. He'd grabbed one of the pillows and jammed it under his head before he let lethargy take over. It felt a little strange being cattycorner on the bed with their feet pointed vaguely towards the head of the bed, but he hadn't wanted to take the time to move from where they lay. It also made it easy for him to pull his companion to him to use his own body as a pillow.
His hands were drifting lazily over the detective's spiky dark hair, toying with it and smoothing it in turns.
It was warm and pleasing like this.
"Raito?" Lawliet asked in voice that was just this side of talking in his sleep.
He sounded worn out. Not surprising what with how many times they'd come together like this in the last 24 hours. The time in the elevator at work yesterday, the extended, repeated times yesterday evening after the dinner and game they'd had with Watari and Celia, the time Aiber had been privy to this morning, and just now...
It was a new record.
The frequency was quite gratifying. For many reasons.
"Mn?" he responded softly. He was wrapped in a warmth of feeling, and even this room managed to look restful. Indeed, he could not think of one single place he would rather be than right here with Lawliet laying within the languid cage of his arms. Thoughts drifted lazily across the surface of his mind like clouds.
Raito loved this feeling of being utterly sated.
He felt so calm and at peace.
"Why do we always fight so much?" his companion ventured. His voice did not lose much of the drowsy sound. He spoke it like it was a passing thought, something that he truly had no opinion on. There were no accusations, just the simple inquiry.
Raito rolled the question around in his head lazily, turning it this way and that. Pondering. "Maybe because we are both headstrong and used to having things exactly how we want them?"
"Hn," Lawliet responded in a deflated tone, "then I suppose we're doomed."
"Why would you say that?" Raito murmured as he continued playing his hands through the soft jags of hair, unconcerned.
It was funny, how much differently this conversation might have gone under different circumstances. Just now, it was still not enough to disrupt the connection between them nor dispel the feeling of belonging. It was nice, being on the same side of a discussion, not battling things out - to calmly dissect something without being at odds.
"Because the circumstances, if those are it, do not seem likely to change?" His pet intellectual sounded sullen.
Really...
"Have faith in us," he chided softly.
It was only when he felt Lawliet's body tense slightly in surprise that he realized how that sounded. Speaking of them as a couple like that... As if they were already bound inextricably and were one in mind as well as body... That slipped closer to the realm of taking their relationship further - which often led to the topic of living together and that was a sticking point that could surely break this spell. "We are both of above-average intellect, I'm sure we can discover a way around it," he added, hoping he passed it off as the continuation of the previous thought.
"Mm," Lawliet responded, settling back down again. He was silent for a time. "It would be easier if we could be like this more often," he murmured. He paused, as if weighing what he said next. "It seems easier to talk to you."
"I'd be more than happy to offer my services any time you like," he said archly.
"Ugh," the other man groaned, peeved though embarrassed at his propositioning. "You know that isn't what I meant."
"Of course." He smiled warmly, though his companion couldn't see it. "But why would I miss out on a choice opportunity to tease you?"
"Indeed." Lawliet sounded a little miffed. But there was no tension in his body and he didn't bother to move. He also did not seem to mind Raito's hands in his hair. "So why aren't you like this more often?"
"Stress? Paranoia? Control issues?" he mused aloud. "I don't know, take your pick."
It was still a little unnerving how honest and open he could get when he was drowsy or sated. He'd realized that before when dealing with Lawliet. He'd found as well that with all of his armor at his feet, their interaction was much smoother and he didn't in fact feel that he needed it. But that would be the only instance in life when he'd felt such a thing. He typically armed himself to the teeth. And with good reason.
"I'm still mad at you, you know," his dark-haired companion informed him offhandedly.
"For what?" he asked casually. He wasn't surprised to hear it. It was to be expected. But again, his reactions were not kicking up, and he merely accepted the statement without rancor or defenses.
"For handcuffing me. For fighting with me. For driving recklessly. For trying to scare me with a knife - where did you get that, by the way?"
"I keep it in my car. Are you done yet, or were you pausing for breath?"
"I shall continue. I have a long list of grievances."
Again, Raito noted with wry amusement that the complaining detective was lying upon him quite comfortably and did not seem inclined to relocate. "I'm listening," Raito said.
"For making me drink strange liquor. For hijacking me to wherever it is that we are now. For always taunting me and making me feel like I can't move a muscle without you jumping me." He interrupted himself, "Actually, this list is too long already. Besides, I'm sure there are things you've done that I don't even know about, so it isn't even possible to have a comprehensive list."
"That might be true," Raito admitted good-naturedly. He tapped down the flow of words that might have had him admit to Lawliet the true events of this morning and Aiber's involvement. "By the way, I only sent that picture to myself." He actually would have liked to send copies of all of the pictures he'd taken on the detective's phone to himself, but there had hardly been time.
"Really?" Lawliet sounded relieved.
"Check your phone later. You'll see."
He would probably need to get ahold of the little red phone before the insomniac got his hands on it though, or all of those interesting pictures would likely be deleted.
"Raito... I know this is sort of a sore topic, but... Is there some reason you aren't telling me that makes you want me to move in with you?"
"Mm." He stalled. The first thing he felt moved to say would have needed to be backed up promptly with his divulging of Aiber's stalking, breaking and entering. Doing that still seemed like a bad move, even now.
"You aren't going to tell me?" A wary tone was creeping into the detective's voice. If left unchecked, it would destroy the bubble surrounding them.
"I just didn't see why you were so averse to it," Raito said placatingly. "You hadn't struck me as being afraid to commit."
"I'm not, I guess," Lawliet said reluctantly. "It hadn't really come up before. I just can't predict a lot of this kind of stuff... and I don't want to say I am all right with something only to take it back."
"Why don't you just try it out and see what you think?"
Lawliet pushed up onto his elbows and peered into Raito's face, dark eyes searching for something. "That sounds reasonable." He paused. "Are you feeling ok?"
"Do you expect that I am sick every time I've uttered something you deem reasonable?"
Lawliet frowned. "Well, no, but we've touched on this topic many times and this is the first time it seems feasible."
Raito shrugged.
"Are you certain you would be ok with it? What if I decide that it is not workable after trying it? Won't you just get angry? Would you even let me leave again?"
Ok, so now frustration was trying to trickle in. Lawliet really did make him sound unreasonable. "Yes, I would be ok with it. I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise." He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. "I was mostly angry because you wouldn't consider it. At least if you tried it, you could say with certainty why you didn't like it, or you would find out that it was fine."
Though, annoyingly enough, his companion was right - he probably wouldn't see any reason of Lawliet's as being valid enough. And I probably wouldn't want to let him leave, either.
"I'll give you the use of the room I used to keep locked so that you can work in peace," he offered. "Surely your work is your most pressing concern?"
"And if I am working, you will not try to distract me?" the detective asked dubiously. "I can know that you will leave me to it when I am in there?"
Raito sighed in a put-upon manner. "As much as it pains me to agree to that... yes." He eyed his recalcitrant bedfellow. "But you must go to sleep with me when I retire for the evening. And be cognizant of meal times so that I will not be disturbing you."
Was that a slight nodding of that dark head that he perceived?
"I'll agree to it then, on one condition," Lawliet said slowly, bargaining with him. He seemed more amenable now that ground rules, something concrete, had been established.
"And that is?"
"That you will allow me the option of being the top, if I want it," he said defiantly.
Raito gifted him with a rather large frown. "I thought you saw the folly in that earlier."
He was actually rather disgruntled at the request. It had been exceedingly difficult to put himself in that position, to give that kind of trust to the other man. He'd mostly done it as an act of desperation. He'd realized how out of hand things were getting and the only thing he could think of to make any sort of amends was to relinquish his control. And the only way he thought he could make that happen was if they were both drunk, aroused, and if his companion was angry enough to go through with it, without concern for his feelings.
It wasn't intended to be a repeat activity.
In fact, it had thrown him seriously out of whack as he'd lain there, waiting for it to happen. He'd only felt himself again when Lawliet had faltered and he had picked up the slack.
He didn't like feeling young and defenseless. And that was exactly how he'd felt when he'd suffered the same position back in France with the classmate he'd been boarding with. He'd had to play a very specific role with that boy in order to get what he'd wanted. Innocent, preppy, harmless. That role had chipped away at him every day and every time he'd found it necessary to seduce the other boy. He'd had the boy wrapped around his finger, a convenience for his exodus, but an inconvenience when it came to really living. It had been tiresome and tedious to have to seduce the other boy each time, while making it seem like he was the one being seduced.
Yes, playing innocent chafed greatly.
It had been such a relief when he was in the position to move on and find his own place. Much like leaving the restrictions he'd suffered at home. Indeed, between the two situations he'd been playing a similar part.
Being with Lawliet was different. He was allowed to be rash, spontaneous, and even debased. It was nearly expected of him. He wouldn't mind having the dark-haired man in his space, because he could mostly be himself. It was comfortable.
So why did the other man have to ask him to compromise himself in such a way?
(You could always just ask) a voice in the back of his head suggested blandly.
They had locked gazes, each stubbornly trying to get his way through sheer will.
"Why are you asking me for this?"
"Because you don't want to do it," the detective said simply.
Raito frowned. "I hope there is more to your reasoning than that," he said bluntly. "A great deal more."
"It's important," the dark-haired insomniac maintained. "I've had reservations about many things that you have asked me for, and so I want this. It isn't merely because you are not inclined. It's because you would be showing me a good deal of trust in accepting."
Raito grit his teeth in irritation. It was a good argument. Fairly airtight. He wanted to rip it apart and find the flaws, but he knew that he would be upsetting a fragile balance.
Lawliet watched him carefully. "It wasn't as bad as all of that, was it?" Tension was forming around his dark eyes and his face was slipping towards the blank mask he slipped on at the first sign of trouble.
"No... it's..." Raito ran a hand through his hair then slid up off of the bed, seeking his clothing. He wondered if everything would be ruined if he were to acquiesce to this condition. What if it changed things? Would he need to be prepared to have this condition be met at any given time? What if he was made to stuff himself back into that stifling role again? He couldn't bear it.
"Raito," the detective said quietly. "Can't you just talk to me? I can feel you closing off, and your mind is going a mile a minute. What is amiss?"
Raito begin pacing back and forth, dark eyes following him. He knew this was one of those moments where miscommunication could fling them headlong into an argument. He chewed the inside of his lip. They both seemed to be rather sensitive individuals at the core; it was kind of funny, in an unamusing sort of way. This was one of those times where their superior intellect was supposed to chime in and help keep them from ruining their fledgling relationship. Or so he had assured his companion only minutes ago.
He sighed heavily, deciding that evasion was what usually escalated things perilously. Not that truth always panned out in any sort of acceptable way...
Maybe we are doomed to fail, he thought miserably.
"Lawliet, do you not agree that you are more amenable to me when I am leading things?"
The detective was frowning at him, he noted with a glance. "I suppose that might be the case," the detective said reluctantly.
"Then why do you want this? Why is this your condition?"
"I've already answered that."
Raito chewed on the inside of his lip more harshly, and sooner or later the skin was bound to split. He wanted to act out of anger, feeling as if answers were being willfully withheld from him, but maybe Lawliet just did not understand what he was asking. He'd already said he did not like the fighting, so it was unlikely that he would start a fight intentionally. "Yes, trust," he waved it off, "but why like this?"
"Oh." Lawliet looked pensive for a moment. "Perhaps that is because I thought it was a shame that you would let me be with you like that only the one time. I agree that you are in fine form when you are in control, but it hardly seemed that being on the bottom restricted you in that overmuch. Not by the end anyway." He looked slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure that made sense."
Raito stared at him consideringly, his eyes narrowed. "You were ok with how that transpired? I thought you might have been irritated over it."
Lawliet made a sour face. "It's galling to admit it, but you are probably right. I liked being in control but it pales in intensity."
"So you do not require submission, only that I might allow a reversal of positions?"
The detective suffered a blush and turned away. "Yes, I suppose that is a fairly accurate summation."
Raito stopped pacing. It still chafed a bit, but if that was the case, he could stand to relent. He still worried about the execution, but if Lawliet was saying he needn't change his behavior, then maybe it would work. And, if he played his cards right, perhaps he could dissuade the detective from desiring such a thing from him at all. Lawliet was a bottom, through and through, just as he himself was naturally a top. There was a balance there, a natural order that should not be tampered with.
It truly wasn't that it hadn't felt good. It had - just as everything with the dark-haired intellectual felt more intense than it had with anyone else. It was the psychological aspect that was the issue. As long as he could keep that in his realm of liking, he wouldn't complain.
"All right," he said, more tersely than he intended.
Lawliet looked surprised. "You'll go through with it?"
"It looks that way, doesn't it?" You know, it can sometimes be utterly exhausting being so open all the time, he thought. He found some solace in being vague.
He felt exceptionally tired all of a sudden.
Making his way back to the bed, he allowed himself to fall upon it face first and found that he desperately desired sleep. He wondered vaguely what Lawliet would do with himself if he passed out, and then there was darkness.
L's eyes had squinted closed; he opened them now as movements ceased. Silver glinted before his eyes, the sharp edge of the blade holding the second to last button in a death grip, a breath away from beheading it.
"I'll elaborate," he said in a pale voice. "So, please, just put that down."
"You first," Raito replied.
"I... I'm not sure I understand why you're angry," he began, unable to tell if he was having any success in sounding as harmless and inoffensive as possible. It was probably too much to hope that he didn't sound like he was being held at knifepoint. "I am being truthful when I say that the concept of living with someone is foreign to me. But to have you go the opposite way after I told you this, to discard me so suddenly..."
The words were coming out in a rambling fashion. L was nearly talking to the blade as opposed to its wielder. The words spilled forth as if he could gain distance from it if there were only enough of them. He stopped focusing wholly on what he was actually voicing, the stress of the situation being so distracting. "Am I really that much of an inconvenience to you? But if so, why would you suddenly switch from insistence that I stay with you to abandonment? I don't understand."
"Abandonment?" Raito's voice had settled from the poisonous tones it had held minutes before. Perhaps he was feeling more reasonable?
"Well, what would you call it, then?" L said under his breath. "That you would refrain from being with others, then say how intolerable that has been--"
Oh-- there had been some emotion that slipped out there -- his voice even caught on the words, embarrassing him.
"So you act spiteful when you are jealous?"
Underneath, L bristled at the words, but Raito was not antagonizing him. He was really asking. His tone was not very combative, either.
"I never said I was jealous," L muttered, pride disallowing him to admit it just now. Not in this situation.
"Honesty, Lawliet," the brunet said, his voice dipping back into unyielding tones. The remaining two buttons on his shirt were popped free, making him flinch each time, the last one striking him in the jaw. Or was that the kiss of metal against his skin?
((Stop letting him intimidate you)) the voice in his head berated him as he closed his eyes to try and gather himself.
But he has a knife, L stressed again.
Inexplicably, L felt something brush his chest, something warm. Something that made his stomach tighten suddenly in response. Clever and soft...
Lips against skin...
It made no sense, but he knew the feel of that mouth, the heat of it, and the pleasure of an even hotter tongue gracing his chest. He shuddered as reaction took his body, wrongly amplified by his distress and confusion.
"But you are jealous, aren't you?" Raito's voice was a humming against his flesh. Mocking him, but gently. Encouraging, baiting. "Honesty now, Lawliet," he repeated softly.
L could hear the curling smile in the utterance of his name. He could feel the answering thrum tremor through his body.
Hands alighted upon him and his breath was quickening, chasing his heartbeat. He thrashed against the cuffs and his tormentor. "No--"
"You want me to touch you like this - I could feel it in every line of your body the moment I began."
L's eyes flew open and were at once filled with the red-amber of Raito's gaze as his body was caged by that of the other man and lips descended on his. It was no chaste kiss. It shot through him, blazing in his gut and between his legs. He could feel his face flushing as his mouth was overcome with liquid heat and a skilled tongue.
He struggled against it. He was falling prey to this much too fast.
"Does it bother you to think of me doing this with anyone else?" Raito crooned in his ear breathily as his hand brushed down L's waist. "Are you over-possessive because I was your first?" L squirmed, trying to foil the success of the brunet's hand upon the button of his jeans. He was aching and helpless and could not escape the words gracing his ear which tormented him to distraction.
"I'm not- jealous-" he pled as the button gave way and the zipper slid down without resistance.
The cuffs clinked loudly as L jerked at them. His face blazed red in shame as Raito pulled back to slide his clothing down off of his hips.
"Are you also not aroused, then?" Raito mocked him, his position very near to the evidence of that arousal. "If we are in the mode of telling untruths, we might as well continue..."
L bit his lips as the brunet subtly tried to humiliate him.
"Not aroused, not jealous... what else?" Raito mused, beginning to touch his burning need with taunting fingers and a fleeting mouth. L couldn't hold onto the noises that began escaping his lips then. "Unaffected by my touch... and would you also be equally unaffected if I were to handle someone else like this? Or in knowing that I have been with people like this?" Raito lavished attention upon his flesh, offering pleasure as he stirred tar-like emotions with his words. L knew he was screwing with his head, but he could no longer think clearly. He was just reacting. Physically, emotionally, and he couldn't stop. "Surely it would be of no concern to you, then, that I open my bed to others if that place is not already taken."
To L's mortification, he felt dampness upon his cheek. There was not much time to dwell upon it, however, because Raito's poisonous mouth was pulling him inside and destroying what was left of conscious thought.
His chest was heaving with panted breaths and his entire body felt like it was on fire. Insidious fingertips stroked his hips, teasing, enticing. He waited for the pleasure to build enough to topple him, but it just banked and burned brighter. He was being tormented with the most intimate of trailing caresses. It was just short of enough. That sinuous, sinful tongue was flicking along his skin and it was purposely not enough.
"What- do you want- from me?" L choked out.
"Love me," Raito said, abandoning his task and meeting his gaze.
What?! L's mind stuttered to process that.
Raito laughed then, an edge of cruelty to it. "Don't look so stricken, Lawliet. I jest." He slid slowly up L's body until they were face to face, inches apart. His eyes burned in that fever-bright way where L could not tell what he was thinking. "You think I would require that of you?"
He kissed L softly then, further confusing the issue.
But you have that already, despite me!
"Would you require that of anyone?" he challenged, his frustration with everything surfacing enough to battle the desire that was obscuring his mind's functions. "Or would feelings be inconvenient?"
"Shhh," Raito hushed him instead of answering him, deviating to explore his throat. "The only thing of inconvenience is that you don't understand the position you are in."
"And which position might that be?"
"Indeed, there are several..." Raito mused distractedly. "But you fail to see where you stand in all of them."
Then why won't you enlighten me?
Raito drew back just enough to meet his eyes. "One of the most pertinent, however, is that your willfulness puts you at a disadvantage."
"If that is true of the current situation, then I dare say you like the results more than I."
"I wasn't speaking of this, but if I were, I would say that it is only a sense of duty that compels me to break down your protests until you can no longer deny me."
"Duty?" L thought that was one of the oddest and nonsensical explanations he might have heard the brunet venture.
"Of course," Raito confirmed as if it were obvious, his eyes raking L with their heat. "If I do not keep you in check, who's to say what will happen? Where might your pride and resistance leave us if I gave you free reign?" His voice dipped lower, almost a murmur as he said, "And how would you know to submit, if you are not forced to your knees?"
Raito slid back like the pulling of the tide, kneeling now on the bed.
"I've enjoyed our little chat," he said smokily. His eyes roved L's nearly naked body unabashedly.
His gaze was fondly possessive as he distanced himself.
L busily tried to forget the fact that he was naked except for his gaping shirt. "What now?" The brunet seemed up to something.
Raito reached into his pocket and drew out a shiny red cell phone. "This," he said. "This little device holds such fascination and contempt for me that I just can't seem to want to leave it alone."
"Raito, that's mine," L warned him as the brunet flipped it open.
"But I'm inquisitive by nature," he responded, hardly even reacting as the legs he was straddling tried to unseat him. "How could I resist taking a peek?"
Raito had the audacity to stroke his naked thigh placatingly as L fought the cuffs, seeking to break them, even at the expense of his arms. They clanged harshly against the metal headboard they were looped through. "I wasn't serious when I said they were novelty items," he informed L as he pressed buttons and navigated his way through the phone. "I'm sure you've realized, they are quite real. You won't be able to break them."
"Raito, I feel the same way about privacy that you do," L ground out, panting from his battle with the unyielding handcuffs. "Would you stop and think of how you would feel if our positions were reversed?"
The brunet looked up, arching an elegant brow. "I would never have gotten myself into such a position."
He held the phone up a little higher and a sound much like a camera snapping a picture could be heard.
"What are you doing?" L asked sharply.
"Immortalizing the stunning sight of your restrained anger." He smiled. "It is quite interesting, as it is bound both by your self-possession and by your immobility." He took another picture and another.
With each snap, L's focus shifted to schooling his expression, though he was furious. Blank. Blank.
"Oh, that's no fun, Lawliet, you aren't supposed to hide."
Again he snapped another picture as he gave L a melodramatic little frown.
"You are severely trying my patience," L warned him again.
"And what are you going to do about it, hm?" Raito sneered. "Are you going to lash out at me, detective? Show me your true colors? Let's see it, then! Come on! Show me who you really are underneath the civility we are all socialized to wear."
"It's ironic that you would taunt me like this when there is no way for you to lose control of the situation," L said snidely. "Are you that scared of not coming out on top? Are you that afraid of losing the upper hand?"
Raito's jaw clenched briefly, the only indication that L's words had had an effect. He smoothed it over with an infuriating smile. "Never that. I only fear what is possible."
L gritted his teeth, hands clenching into fists in truth. If he were not bound right now, he most certainly would strike the brunet for such taunting! Of course the brunet typically had the upper hand, but such pompous arrogance was enraging. Did he really believe that he was always in control and that that would always be the case? Did he never fear losing that position? Did he truly feel that entitled??
"I bet you are feeling like you could use a drink right about now," the prince said. He reached for the bottle on the nightstand, his body lowering to L's as he stretched.
L knew Raito didn't dare get up or rise to his knees as he straddled him - both would allow L free movement to lash out with his legs. And yes, at this point, he would.
Raito poured the liquor into the tiny glass, and sat a moment, just gazing upon L's face in contemplation. There was no anger or antagonism in his expression just now. In fact, he looked rather laid back. All of those negative feelings seemed to be living inside of L, alone. Seething.
Raito sipped at the drink distractedly, watching him.
Long moments passed, neither speaking.
"It's no use," the brunet said at last, with a sigh. "I like you even like this."
L couldn't stop his face from contorting in disbelief. What, angry?
Raito shook his head slightly to himself and poured more alcohol.
"Raito, I think you've had enough--" L began firmly, trying to shelve his anger for the moment.
The other man looked at him simply. "Indeed, maybe I have." He leaned towards L. "But this wasn't for me," he concluded, gracefully reaching out to tip the tiny glass to L's mouth while he pinched his nose closed.
L had just had the misfortune of exhaling right before, so he was only able to hold out for a few seconds before the burning in his lungs bade him to accept the draught. As soon as he swallowed, his nose was released, and he could choke on the strength of the libation without contest. He couldn't identify it, but it was stronger than whiskey, and tasted something like it, and a little like rum.
"Would you care for another?"
"Not particularly," L said weakly. How had the brunet managed to drink this stuff with a straight face, let alone so much of it?
Next thing he knew, his nose was suddenly being held shut again, the press of glass was against his lips, and the burning liquor was flooding his mouth.
His eyes teared up a little at the strength of it and with the difficulty of swallowing the punishing liquid.
Once he had gotten it down, he turned accusatory eyes to the brunet. "If what you meant was, 'would you like to take it on your own?' I would have answered differently."
"It's strong, isn't it?" Raito said conversationally. He seemed unmoved to apologize or be reticent in any way.
"It is," L agreed. "What is it?"
"If I tell you, it will no longer be a mystery."
L opened his mouth to say exactly what his opinion was on that, but the brunet cut him off.
"And don't give me some tired conviction on how you don't like mysteries, because if that were true, you would hardly be in your current profession."
"I like unraveling them, not leaving them sit. There is a difference."
"And so I leave it for you to unravel, oh Great Detective."
L was feeling less than charitable. "Can I surmise that your chosen profession similarly indicates your comfort with lies and illusion?" Also, the alcohol was starting to burn through his body and he could do nothing to mute the effect.
"No, you cannot," Raito said with barely masked irritation. "If anything, it is an indication of my desire to be in a position of power."
"In a mood to share now, are we?" L said condescendingly. He was too agitated to take the gesture as a peace offering, if that was even what the forthright words were intended to be.
"Isn't this ultimately what you wanted from me?" Raito said scathingly. "Hadn't you wanted to talk?" He sneered then, "What does it matter the setting? You are getting exactly what you want. We are getting to know each other quite well, aren't we? All I've done is stripped away the artifice and you seem to dislike being seen at your most truthful."
"When have I ever not been truthful?" L asked incredulously. "Of the two of us, you are the one that seems to encounter problems with honesty."
"Shut up."
"No. You are being unreasonable."
Raito's eyes flashed at him. "You want to see unreasonable? I can show you unreasonable."
He raised the glass bottle of alcohol up over his head like he was going to strike it downwards. L flinched slightly, trying to anticipate the brunet's intent, but all that came down was a thin stream of amber toned liquid. Raito's eyes locked to his as he defiantly poured the alcohol upon him, over his chest, stomach, and even his lap. He could feel it running down his sides in tiny rivulets onto the bed.
It was wasteful, and inconceivable as to why Raito would feel the need to--
Raito bent down and lapped at his skin.
L froze, his mind freezing as well at the unexpected action.
The brunet's sensitive mouth was hot against his flesh, branding him as it explored the mess he'd made.
It was a leisurely journey that took him over L's quivering stomach, his chest, stopping here and there to give special attention, sucking on sensitive spots as if devoted to pulling whatever alcohol from it that might have somehow seeped in.
L was nearly biting through his lip, desperate to remain in control of himself and to not give the brunet anything that could be taken as encouragement.
God...
His anger was still as present as it had been, but it was paling in the face of this treatment. It wasn't fair. Raito had not long ago been stroking his body into maddened desire and it hadn't dropped much below the surface. It was all to easy for him to call it back up.
He wanted to stay angry. He hated having the brunet wash such things away with this cloying intimacy. He hated being unable to think and the alcohol was mussing his mind as well.
His body was trembling, and it was not something he had control of. Despite being in and out of fights and brutal arguments, his stupid body was not listening to him when he insisted it should not react to this person - that it was inappropriate to do so. Instead, it defied and humiliated him, shuddering with reaction when the brunet grew more insistent.
"I love you like this," Raito murmured, lips trailing lower, down the edge of his hip.
"I hate it," L panted.
"Yet you also love it." Raito's eyes marked him as the tip of his tongue touched very hard flesh. They drank in his frustration, roving over every nuance of his bare expressions that he no longer had the ability to mask.
"No, I do not," L ground out. "I can't help that... I have a... physiological... reaction..."
"Your body is much more honest than you are, Lawliet. That is why I call you a liar."
Raito whispered kisses over his sensitive flesh, damning him many times over with the fleeting touches before pulling away. L's eyes had drifted closed as he focused on regulating his harsh breathing. It was a losing battle.
He heard something slosh, and then shortly after, Raito's mouth was pressing to his. It was a burning kiss, made more so when Raito parted his lips and fed him another draught of the mysterious drink that tasted like fire. Errant flicks of the brunet's sensual tongue teased him and caressed him into accepting the flow of it, drinking it in so that he could make way for a deeper kiss.
He was so close to giving up on himself.
Everything Raito did seemed to pull reaction after reaction out of him, no matter what he did or what he thought about it.
Everything extraneous burned away and sensation was the only thing that ruled.
Ka-shhk.
There was a soft sound that L did not immediately place.
In fact, he noted it several times, but every time he thought to determine the source, he found his attention pulled away again.
Sense trickled in when Raito moved back and the oppression of his presence lifted, allowing L a little cool air to clear his head.
Ka-shhk.
"Perfect," Raito said in roughened voice.
L experienced a moment of horror as he suspected that noise to be the shutter sound on his camera phone. He looked up and sure enough...
Ka-shhk.
Raito was staring down at him, looking scandalously sexy as he held up the little red phone and took another picture.
L couldn't recall him losing his shirt, but the brunet's lean, tanned body was bare from the waist up. His hair was slightly messy, and his lips were slightly bruised from kissing. His eyes were stunning.
Ka-shhk.
"Raito, stop that," he protested, his voice sounding deeper and more raw than it should.
"Mmn," the brunet hummed and licked his lips lasciviously.
Ka-shhk. Ka-shhk.
"I'm serious," he tried to sound authoritative. "Quit it."
"I'm sorry, Lawliet. You sound so sexy like that, I just can't stop myself."
L bit his lip. Raito's voice was the one that sounded sexy - all rushed and breathy. It made his belly tighten in response.
Ka-shhk.
"Raito..." he groaned. He didn't want umpteen million pictures of himself on his phone. Especially not now. If anything, it was the brunet's image he would want to see captured. Especially now.
"Who should I send them to, I wonder," Raito mused in a murmur. "Let's see who our choices are..."
"You wouldn't!"
"Wouldn't I?" The brunet gave him a lazy smile. It was by no means innocent.
L was horrified all over again.
"You're horrible!" he said. "How could you?" If only he could snatch his phone out of those devious hands!
"Well then, maybe you should stop me," the brunet taunted him archly.
The urge to hit Raito became so strong that L slammed his fists against the cuffs, wanting the sharp pain of metal to quell the racketing emotions inside of him. But that choking metal grip never manifested. His hands slipped free.
He didn't spare too long to contemplate why. Though it had to be the brunet's doing. He had not managed to get free on his own no matter how hard he'd tried.
He lunged forward, grabbing at the camera phone.
Raito evaded him, and began reading aloud from his contacts list. "Or should I just send one to Watari? He seems to be a good candidate for a wake-up call."
"None of the above," L snarled, getting more agitated at Raito's skills of evasion.
How does he do that?!
"Then again," Raito said, "the circumstances should be made apparent to the recipient to have the intended effect. How about this one?" The brunet flashed him a picture that captured the both of them that was infinitely less suitable for public consumption. 'Compromising' was not a strong enough word. 'Porn' sounded too mild a descriptor as well. It was mortifying and scandalous, and if he hadn't just been shown the image in the current situation, he might well have wanted to have another look at it. In the privacy of his own home. Behind closed doors. In the dark. Maybe also hidden under a blanket.
"Do you have that rat-bastard Aiber's number in here? Maybe he should get a look so that he can get it through his thick skull that you are not a free entity."
"Yes, I do, but I will kill you if you send pictures to anyone."
Bleep bloop.
"Too late."
L literally saw red for a moment. Next thing he knew, he had pinned the brunet to the bed, his hands wrapped around his throat. Raito did not have the good grace to look upset or scared, but had traded his previous expression for one that looked falsely calm. "I should just--" L snarled.
"Do it then."
L's grip tightened a little.
"Do whatever it is you think I deserve." Why was it that Raito's eyes nearly looked soulful in their quiet gaze just now? "I'm always doing the same to you, after all. It's justified. Do it."
L glanced at his phone, still held loosely in Raito's hand where it was flung out across the bed. Mainly he wanted to get that back. But oh, how pissed off he was to think on who might be receiving that image. How crass and debased it was of Raito to have sent it! How could he just do things like that without a care as to how it might affect others?
L looked back towards his captive with narrowed eyes. "I can't believe you just did that to me."
Raito did not look away, nor did he seem guilty. "So punish me."
Again, the quietness of the brunet's gaze struck him. As if he were waiting for something. Awaiting judgment. No more maneuverings. Stillness.
"But if you are not intending to strangle me, or are otherwise undecided as to how to proceed," Raito said, "might I suggest that you not straddle me like this? I'm not accustomed to being beneath anyone else."
"Is that so?" L said with irritation, "Well, far be it from me to make you uncomfortable." He forced his lips upon the brunet's, figuring it served him right if it offended his sensibilities and tweaked at his compulsive need to be in control.
He was not denied when he demanded entrance past the brunet's sealed lips. Grudgingly, he was allowed inside. His angry possession of that mouth was met meekly. It was so unlike every other time, and it gave L a rush of power to see that it was so.
Punish you? I'll punish the hell out of you.
For what would be more of a sufferance to that massive ego than for Raito to be taken in the manner that he had taken so many others? How chafing that would be, for him to endure what he felt was beneath his station. And it was from his own lips that he gave L leave. So he couldn't refuse - had no right to refuse.
He stroked a hand down Raito's stomach, glorying in the small twitch his body gave as it tried to shy away.
He leaned back and surveyed what was now his to conquer. The broad shoulders and tapering waist, the golden, sun-kissed tone of smooth, taut skin... The flat planes of his chest and the slight concavity of his abdomen where it disappeared beneath his pants....
He imagined how it might feel were he to peel back cloth and somehow, impossibly, slide inside of that body, to feel it be forced to take him in and to see what sort of expression the brunet might make. Would he try to appear unaffected? Would he look pained? Or would the marks of pleasure slide onto his face unwittingly?
L bent to move lips over the chest of his captive audience, feeling the lean body tense. He stroked his hands over his skin as he took the darkened nub of a nipple into his mouth, rolling it with tongue and teeth and feeling a shudder beneath him.
Maybe it was the alcohol, but he did not feel anxious contemplating doing this for the first time. His only focus was pulling reactions from the brunet, strong enough to embarrass him and to keep him from his stoic silence.
He ran his hand down over the front of Raito's slacks, cupping the brunet in his hand and squeezing. He received a stifled moan, but that was hardly enough. He returned to the petulant, sensual mouth that often said such rotten, dismissive things, and interred himself there. He kissed aggressively while he worked the brunet's flesh in his hand, and soon he could feel the faster rise and fall of that chest and began to hear the muffled sounds of passion which he devoured as soon as they were half formed.
They almost sounded like whimpers since they were cut so short.
The button and zipper on Raito's slacks came undone easier than expected, and L dragged them down the brunet's hips, catching his boxer's as well. Again, he felt that delicious tensing beneath him.
You're right, I'm justified. You've done this to me and more. Constantly you've clouded my head and used this as a tool against me. Just because you can?
I'll make sure you want this as much as you don't want it. I'll let you suck on that conflict as I take you.
The pants annoyed him to no end as he slid them down Raito's long, enticing legs, a seemingly endless task. Strong and well-made, they seemed unaccustomed to things like parting, but they were graceful too, and smooth. Flawless, L thought as his eyes moved up the length of them, settling to where he would soon be penetrating the arrogant brunet's body.
He noticed something upon the bed as he tossed the clothing in his hands aside. A small bottle. He peered at it as he removed his own shirt and laughed to himself. So Raito was always prepared, was he? Whether it was before their fight had started, or after, Raito had secured some kind of lubricant as well as a scattering of small, squarish packets that promised someone was going to be compromised bodily. Only this time, it wouldn't be him.
Raito lay with his eyes closed, not breaking expression. Even when L touched his bare flesh and took hardened steeple of it into his mouth.
Initially.
But even Raito's nearly impenetrable masks were not flawless. Not against something like this. And L remembered the only other time he'd held Raito in this fashion, cradling him upon his tongue and feeling the swell of response; the brunet had not lasted long. All too soon, his body had seized and shuddered in release.
His own body throbbed as he dragged the brunet into pleasure. It spiked when Raito gasped or moaned through clenched teeth, trying to overcome sensation and failing.
He coaxed, wheedled, and demanded in turn. And this time, there was no lack of light to hide Raito's face. It was enrapturing. He could see the response in him as he did this or that, spurring his creativity. He was also watching in fascination as a steady flush began to alight upon the brunet's cheeks.
Raito was fighting very hard not to lose himself. His arousal gave him away, however, despite the masks. And the rise and fall of his chest was only increasing.
While he was distracted with that, L had been preparing things on his end. He paused in his ministrations only long enough to tear one of the small packages open with his teeth. The rest he could manage with one hand.
The condom was not difficult to roll on, though he had to steel himself against the feel of anything touching his length as he was already quite hard. The lubricant's lid made only a minimal noise as he pried it open, surely soft enough to escape one's notice if one were being distracted in the manner that Raito was.
Raito was panting heavily now, his face turned to the side and an expression quite like endurance riding his face. He nearly looked vulnerable. For him. No longer did he look to be the indomitable force that L had encountered almost exclusively.
L put a finger to his entrance, and slowly pushed inside, watching the brunet unerringly.
A slight twitch was the only facial reaction.
Raito looked much younger than normal just now, like he did when he was sleeping. Without those sharp expressions, his visage changed drastically. L kissed his thighs, encouraging the brunet to spread his legs wider. He seemed loath to do so. Embarrassment at last? L wondered with a flash of satisfaction. He added a second finger and felt both vindicated and aroused as his partner made a noise that was either from discomfort or pleasure.
Of course, he himself was well acquainted with the feeling of all of this. So when he began to slide his fingers in and out, he was not surprised to see the conflicted desire try to surface on Raito's face. He added a third finger and took his time getting the body before him used to it.
Raito had flung an arm across his eyes and his mouth was open, moving slightly with his panting breaths.
It would be hard to look upon him like this, laid bare, and not be affected. It was hard enough to wait this long in order to do this right. L wanted more and needed to see that face from close up as he breached his body.
He kept expecting Raito to say something. To joke, or say something cutting as usual. It was strange to have the utter silence. But that was something he would have to dissect at a later date. He was past thinking clearly. The buzz of alcohol sang in his veins, forming a chorus with the rush of the power trip he was on in this moment and the steady beat of arousal that battered at his patience.
He withdrew his fingers and moved into position over Raito's body, the radiating heat of it driving him mad. He wanted to sink into it, bite it, caress it - all at once and he couldn't decide. But he knew it was only his mind focusing on easier things than the last transgression he was about to make.
Was Raito really allowing him to do this?
But why?
Really, why?
He wondered and yet, even as he did, he was already pushing inside.
It was tight and feverishly hot. He nearly had to pause to catch his breath but his body was still sliding forward, forward, then thrusting out and back in again experimentally before he could stop it - before he could even look up at the brunet's face or catch his lips like he'd been wanting to do.
His hand ghosted up Raito's arousal, moving upon it as he slid again within that gripping heat and he started to hear the sounds he'd been craving. He played to the brunet's body, kissing his neck and feeling every part of him respond as he moved. He kneaded the flesh in his hand until it was as firm as steel and Raito's back was arching, his body now opening more to his penetration.
He sought Raito's mouth, kissing him fervently, and eventually he felt arms circle him in a tentative embrace.
It was so unreal.
And so.... hot.
He murmured the brunet's name over and over again, overcome with sensation and the feelings swamping him.
He felt so close to him right now, as if he was nearly touching his very soul. And there were words whispered in his own ears, amidst panting breaths, that he could not quite make sense of but made this feel so right.
He wished Raito would lose control, though. He said as much, and was rewarded with the cantankerous raking of nails down his back.
"Nnn!" The sound slipped out as his flesh protested. The wicked, stinging little trails hurt. Not only that, he could swear that the brunet's body squeezed around him at that same moment, dragging another moan from his lips.
"Raito-" he started, determined to find out if his partner had really felt a thrill from his pain.
Raito's eyes were luminous.
The reddened amber was like a slivered crescent moon around the deep pool of black in the center. He did not look like a victim. He looked like bait that was really actually the trap itself. The brunet placed a predatory kiss upon L's mouth, pressing it there with a curling smile. Nails skimmed his back, threatening to drag down at any moment. "Don't stop on my account," Raito breathed against his mouth.
That familiar fissure of uncertainty trickled through L: that twisted-up, familiar feeling of desire and unease. That god-awful ruinous feeling that the brunet so easily inspired, which tore at what passed for L's confidence. And yet it was that same unstable feeling that could amplify such things as desire.
Raito moved against him, sinking claws into the flesh of his buttocks as his hips canted upward - making L cry out hoarsely at the pain, and the pleasure of slipping deeper into that treacherous body. "Mmmn," Raito issued a self-satisfied moan as his body squeezed him. It reddened L's face in an instant.
He wasn't sure if it was real or just for show, that moan, but it affected him all the same.
"Come, Lawliet, or do you need me to pick up where you are leaving off?"
"You can't just--" L started in a winded voice, not sure what exactly he was even trying to protest. But it was just that... well... he suddenly felt as if control had been snapped up and away from him and he wasn't quite sure how or why or what to do about it.
Oh, there was nothing innocent in the brunet's expression now, though he looked like he was torn between being mean and being indulgent.
Raito began caressing his back, his sides, and everywhere his insidious hands could touch.
L felt his arousal throb, still buried deep inside the brunet - still very much alive and swollen with need.
Raito's hips rocked upwards into his, and his mouth sought L's.
Why does it feel so very different when he is the one kissing me, or doing things to me? It all felt so good, but when the brunet was leading, L's brain took an extended vacation. He felt helpless to do anything else.
Desire curled in his gut, spurred on by the active part Raito was now choosing to play. The brunet's muscles milked his flesh as they moved, merciless and demanding. He was breathing hard now, gasps and moans starting to spill from his lips.
L felt a hand twist into his hair, pulling it down. "Was it as good as you imagined," Raito whispered harshly into his ear, breathing heavily himself, "being in control?"
"Yes," L ground out.
"Liar," Raito said almost affectionately. "You're feeling it much more now. Look at you, you're a mess. Your eyes are glazing over and you can't even move without shuddering and moaning my name."
L flushed even harder at that and tried to protest. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't.
Raito coiled about him like a snake and squeezed, arms that were once loose were now gripping tightly, and even his legs were doing the same. It shifted their position so that when Raito thrust upward, it was more devastating than ever.
L tried to keep silent but, damnit, it was just not humanly possible.
"You should have just... let me... ravish you... in the first place... you stubborn fool," the brunet panted.
God... L moaned, losing his wits.
Maybe the brunet had a point but he still... still... could not express how amazing it felt to be inside of him... So what if he was no longer in control once Raito decided to have that for himself? He still wanted this, and felt this, and top or bottom - things like that were of little consequence. Desire was flaring in him with each motion, threatening to explode.
"Top or... bottom... I still own you," Raito said, dragging L's mouth down to his roughly, his body bowing up and swallowing L's as release took him.
L spasmed as Raito's body sucked at his, drawing orgasm from him forcefully like it was something that could be snatched away by a thief.
His vision was blinded white, and he grounded himself by sinking his teeth into the curve of Raito's shoulder. Intense feeling shuddered and rippled through him, whipping away pieces of his being with every wave. Hammering him. Stripping his self-awareness until nothing was left.
Finally, like even the most brutal storm, it subsided.
He collapsed bonelessly to the bed as it let him go, and spent the next small eternity relearning how to breathe.
---
The early afternoon sun was not much of a match for the hazy motel room window, but it did its best.
Raito mulled over the dour curtains which he probably should have closed earlier - they might have given some passerby quite an eyeful - but the notion did not seem all that pressing at the moment, and he made no move to remedy it. Besides, the chances that someone had made it by this room at the end, or that anyone else had even stopped at this place, were pretty slim.
Not that he would have bothered himself to move if that hadn't been the case. He was quite comfortable. He'd grabbed one of the pillows and jammed it under his head before he let lethargy take over. It felt a little strange being cattycorner on the bed with their feet pointed vaguely towards the head of the bed, but he hadn't wanted to take the time to move from where they lay. It also made it easy for him to pull his companion to him to use his own body as a pillow.
His hands were drifting lazily over the detective's spiky dark hair, toying with it and smoothing it in turns.
It was warm and pleasing like this.
"Raito?" Lawliet asked in voice that was just this side of talking in his sleep.
He sounded worn out. Not surprising what with how many times they'd come together like this in the last 24 hours. The time in the elevator at work yesterday, the extended, repeated times yesterday evening after the dinner and game they'd had with Watari and Celia, the time Aiber had been privy to this morning, and just now...
It was a new record.
The frequency was quite gratifying. For many reasons.
"Mn?" he responded softly. He was wrapped in a warmth of feeling, and even this room managed to look restful. Indeed, he could not think of one single place he would rather be than right here with Lawliet laying within the languid cage of his arms. Thoughts drifted lazily across the surface of his mind like clouds.
Raito loved this feeling of being utterly sated.
He felt so calm and at peace.
"Why do we always fight so much?" his companion ventured. His voice did not lose much of the drowsy sound. He spoke it like it was a passing thought, something that he truly had no opinion on. There were no accusations, just the simple inquiry.
Raito rolled the question around in his head lazily, turning it this way and that. Pondering. "Maybe because we are both headstrong and used to having things exactly how we want them?"
"Hn," Lawliet responded in a deflated tone, "then I suppose we're doomed."
"Why would you say that?" Raito murmured as he continued playing his hands through the soft jags of hair, unconcerned.
It was funny, how much differently this conversation might have gone under different circumstances. Just now, it was still not enough to disrupt the connection between them nor dispel the feeling of belonging. It was nice, being on the same side of a discussion, not battling things out - to calmly dissect something without being at odds.
"Because the circumstances, if those are it, do not seem likely to change?" His pet intellectual sounded sullen.
Really...
"Have faith in us," he chided softly.
It was only when he felt Lawliet's body tense slightly in surprise that he realized how that sounded. Speaking of them as a couple like that... As if they were already bound inextricably and were one in mind as well as body... That slipped closer to the realm of taking their relationship further - which often led to the topic of living together and that was a sticking point that could surely break this spell. "We are both of above-average intellect, I'm sure we can discover a way around it," he added, hoping he passed it off as the continuation of the previous thought.
"Mm," Lawliet responded, settling back down again. He was silent for a time. "It would be easier if we could be like this more often," he murmured. He paused, as if weighing what he said next. "It seems easier to talk to you."
"I'd be more than happy to offer my services any time you like," he said archly.
"Ugh," the other man groaned, peeved though embarrassed at his propositioning. "You know that isn't what I meant."
"Of course." He smiled warmly, though his companion couldn't see it. "But why would I miss out on a choice opportunity to tease you?"
"Indeed." Lawliet sounded a little miffed. But there was no tension in his body and he didn't bother to move. He also did not seem to mind Raito's hands in his hair. "So why aren't you like this more often?"
"Stress? Paranoia? Control issues?" he mused aloud. "I don't know, take your pick."
It was still a little unnerving how honest and open he could get when he was drowsy or sated. He'd realized that before when dealing with Lawliet. He'd found as well that with all of his armor at his feet, their interaction was much smoother and he didn't in fact feel that he needed it. But that would be the only instance in life when he'd felt such a thing. He typically armed himself to the teeth. And with good reason.
"I'm still mad at you, you know," his dark-haired companion informed him offhandedly.
"For what?" he asked casually. He wasn't surprised to hear it. It was to be expected. But again, his reactions were not kicking up, and he merely accepted the statement without rancor or defenses.
"For handcuffing me. For fighting with me. For driving recklessly. For trying to scare me with a knife - where did you get that, by the way?"
"I keep it in my car. Are you done yet, or were you pausing for breath?"
"I shall continue. I have a long list of grievances."
Again, Raito noted with wry amusement that the complaining detective was lying upon him quite comfortably and did not seem inclined to relocate. "I'm listening," Raito said.
"For making me drink strange liquor. For hijacking me to wherever it is that we are now. For always taunting me and making me feel like I can't move a muscle without you jumping me." He interrupted himself, "Actually, this list is too long already. Besides, I'm sure there are things you've done that I don't even know about, so it isn't even possible to have a comprehensive list."
"That might be true," Raito admitted good-naturedly. He tapped down the flow of words that might have had him admit to Lawliet the true events of this morning and Aiber's involvement. "By the way, I only sent that picture to myself." He actually would have liked to send copies of all of the pictures he'd taken on the detective's phone to himself, but there had hardly been time.
"Really?" Lawliet sounded relieved.
"Check your phone later. You'll see."
He would probably need to get ahold of the little red phone before the insomniac got his hands on it though, or all of those interesting pictures would likely be deleted.
"Raito... I know this is sort of a sore topic, but... Is there some reason you aren't telling me that makes you want me to move in with you?"
"Mm." He stalled. The first thing he felt moved to say would have needed to be backed up promptly with his divulging of Aiber's stalking, breaking and entering. Doing that still seemed like a bad move, even now.
"You aren't going to tell me?" A wary tone was creeping into the detective's voice. If left unchecked, it would destroy the bubble surrounding them.
"I just didn't see why you were so averse to it," Raito said placatingly. "You hadn't struck me as being afraid to commit."
"I'm not, I guess," Lawliet said reluctantly. "It hadn't really come up before. I just can't predict a lot of this kind of stuff... and I don't want to say I am all right with something only to take it back."
"Why don't you just try it out and see what you think?"
Lawliet pushed up onto his elbows and peered into Raito's face, dark eyes searching for something. "That sounds reasonable." He paused. "Are you feeling ok?"
"Do you expect that I am sick every time I've uttered something you deem reasonable?"
Lawliet frowned. "Well, no, but we've touched on this topic many times and this is the first time it seems feasible."
Raito shrugged.
"Are you certain you would be ok with it? What if I decide that it is not workable after trying it? Won't you just get angry? Would you even let me leave again?"
Ok, so now frustration was trying to trickle in. Lawliet really did make him sound unreasonable. "Yes, I would be ok with it. I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise." He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. "I was mostly angry because you wouldn't consider it. At least if you tried it, you could say with certainty why you didn't like it, or you would find out that it was fine."
Though, annoyingly enough, his companion was right - he probably wouldn't see any reason of Lawliet's as being valid enough. And I probably wouldn't want to let him leave, either.
"I'll give you the use of the room I used to keep locked so that you can work in peace," he offered. "Surely your work is your most pressing concern?"
"And if I am working, you will not try to distract me?" the detective asked dubiously. "I can know that you will leave me to it when I am in there?"
Raito sighed in a put-upon manner. "As much as it pains me to agree to that... yes." He eyed his recalcitrant bedfellow. "But you must go to sleep with me when I retire for the evening. And be cognizant of meal times so that I will not be disturbing you."
Was that a slight nodding of that dark head that he perceived?
"I'll agree to it then, on one condition," Lawliet said slowly, bargaining with him. He seemed more amenable now that ground rules, something concrete, had been established.
"And that is?"
"That you will allow me the option of being the top, if I want it," he said defiantly.
Raito gifted him with a rather large frown. "I thought you saw the folly in that earlier."
He was actually rather disgruntled at the request. It had been exceedingly difficult to put himself in that position, to give that kind of trust to the other man. He'd mostly done it as an act of desperation. He'd realized how out of hand things were getting and the only thing he could think of to make any sort of amends was to relinquish his control. And the only way he thought he could make that happen was if they were both drunk, aroused, and if his companion was angry enough to go through with it, without concern for his feelings.
It wasn't intended to be a repeat activity.
In fact, it had thrown him seriously out of whack as he'd lain there, waiting for it to happen. He'd only felt himself again when Lawliet had faltered and he had picked up the slack.
He didn't like feeling young and defenseless. And that was exactly how he'd felt when he'd suffered the same position back in France with the classmate he'd been boarding with. He'd had to play a very specific role with that boy in order to get what he'd wanted. Innocent, preppy, harmless. That role had chipped away at him every day and every time he'd found it necessary to seduce the other boy. He'd had the boy wrapped around his finger, a convenience for his exodus, but an inconvenience when it came to really living. It had been tiresome and tedious to have to seduce the other boy each time, while making it seem like he was the one being seduced.
Yes, playing innocent chafed greatly.
It had been such a relief when he was in the position to move on and find his own place. Much like leaving the restrictions he'd suffered at home. Indeed, between the two situations he'd been playing a similar part.
Being with Lawliet was different. He was allowed to be rash, spontaneous, and even debased. It was nearly expected of him. He wouldn't mind having the dark-haired man in his space, because he could mostly be himself. It was comfortable.
So why did the other man have to ask him to compromise himself in such a way?
(You could always just ask) a voice in the back of his head suggested blandly.
They had locked gazes, each stubbornly trying to get his way through sheer will.
"Why are you asking me for this?"
"Because you don't want to do it," the detective said simply.
Raito frowned. "I hope there is more to your reasoning than that," he said bluntly. "A great deal more."
"It's important," the dark-haired insomniac maintained. "I've had reservations about many things that you have asked me for, and so I want this. It isn't merely because you are not inclined. It's because you would be showing me a good deal of trust in accepting."
Raito grit his teeth in irritation. It was a good argument. Fairly airtight. He wanted to rip it apart and find the flaws, but he knew that he would be upsetting a fragile balance.
Lawliet watched him carefully. "It wasn't as bad as all of that, was it?" Tension was forming around his dark eyes and his face was slipping towards the blank mask he slipped on at the first sign of trouble.
"No... it's..." Raito ran a hand through his hair then slid up off of the bed, seeking his clothing. He wondered if everything would be ruined if he were to acquiesce to this condition. What if it changed things? Would he need to be prepared to have this condition be met at any given time? What if he was made to stuff himself back into that stifling role again? He couldn't bear it.
"Raito," the detective said quietly. "Can't you just talk to me? I can feel you closing off, and your mind is going a mile a minute. What is amiss?"
Raito begin pacing back and forth, dark eyes following him. He knew this was one of those moments where miscommunication could fling them headlong into an argument. He chewed the inside of his lip. They both seemed to be rather sensitive individuals at the core; it was kind of funny, in an unamusing sort of way. This was one of those times where their superior intellect was supposed to chime in and help keep them from ruining their fledgling relationship. Or so he had assured his companion only minutes ago.
He sighed heavily, deciding that evasion was what usually escalated things perilously. Not that truth always panned out in any sort of acceptable way...
Maybe we are doomed to fail, he thought miserably.
"Lawliet, do you not agree that you are more amenable to me when I am leading things?"
The detective was frowning at him, he noted with a glance. "I suppose that might be the case," the detective said reluctantly.
"Then why do you want this? Why is this your condition?"
"I've already answered that."
Raito chewed on the inside of his lip more harshly, and sooner or later the skin was bound to split. He wanted to act out of anger, feeling as if answers were being willfully withheld from him, but maybe Lawliet just did not understand what he was asking. He'd already said he did not like the fighting, so it was unlikely that he would start a fight intentionally. "Yes, trust," he waved it off, "but why like this?"
"Oh." Lawliet looked pensive for a moment. "Perhaps that is because I thought it was a shame that you would let me be with you like that only the one time. I agree that you are in fine form when you are in control, but it hardly seemed that being on the bottom restricted you in that overmuch. Not by the end anyway." He looked slightly apologetic. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure that made sense."
Raito stared at him consideringly, his eyes narrowed. "You were ok with how that transpired? I thought you might have been irritated over it."
Lawliet made a sour face. "It's galling to admit it, but you are probably right. I liked being in control but it pales in intensity."
"So you do not require submission, only that I might allow a reversal of positions?"
The detective suffered a blush and turned away. "Yes, I suppose that is a fairly accurate summation."
Raito stopped pacing. It still chafed a bit, but if that was the case, he could stand to relent. He still worried about the execution, but if Lawliet was saying he needn't change his behavior, then maybe it would work. And, if he played his cards right, perhaps he could dissuade the detective from desiring such a thing from him at all. Lawliet was a bottom, through and through, just as he himself was naturally a top. There was a balance there, a natural order that should not be tampered with.
It truly wasn't that it hadn't felt good. It had - just as everything with the dark-haired intellectual felt more intense than it had with anyone else. It was the psychological aspect that was the issue. As long as he could keep that in his realm of liking, he wouldn't complain.
"All right," he said, more tersely than he intended.
Lawliet looked surprised. "You'll go through with it?"
"It looks that way, doesn't it?" You know, it can sometimes be utterly exhausting being so open all the time, he thought. He found some solace in being vague.
He felt exceptionally tired all of a sudden.
Making his way back to the bed, he allowed himself to fall upon it face first and found that he desperately desired sleep. He wondered vaguely what Lawliet would do with himself if he passed out, and then there was darkness.
_______________________________________________
TBC