Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ Sent to Make it Right ❯ Hurt, Puzzles, and Tests ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I do not own deathnote,I could never come up with that plot.

Better Summary & WARNINGS: "Light-chan...this is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this to you." "L..." "I'm sorry Light-chan..." Why can't he find Kira! How can Light know so much, what is he hidding, why are his eyes so empty? What happened to Yagami Raito, who did it? If only he could find Kira, if only his main suspect hadn't died. Maybe then he'd be with Light-chan. LxLight,character death, mentions of rape, yaoi, and slightly AU or altered story line...not sure which one.

 

A/N: Yo, I've finally updated and it's kind of angst-ish, okay. It's also sort of rushed a bit and I'm sorry, I tried to check it well but I more than likely missed things. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and there will more than likely be a time skip. This is definitely a different chapter compared to the previous chapters; since it's more from Raito's view. Um…also since all of you know Light is Raito I'm just gonna use Raito from now on, and if I didn't (except in dialogue or because it's from another person's perspective (sort of)…) I'm sorry. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter and things will get a little happier okay? - much love, depressedchildren

 

~8*8~

 

It was quiet, and his driver seemed slightly worried. He smiled at the kid through the review mirror; he only hoped it looked reassuring. The child stared back at him before turning back to the window; his eyes were empty as the scenery passed by. He wasn't tired, though it may appear that way to most; he doubted he even slept since L said those things… `L…' He sighed as he continued to stare blankly out of the window; he wasn't really taking in the lovely London view. He was trying to look deep in thought so the man wouldn't bother him, but really he wasn't doing anything. He let the buildings and winding streets fly past in a blur trying to keep from thinking about that one detective who hurt him so easily. He took a deep breath as they started to roll to a stop in front of a large brick wall. He got out and stood at the gate. The man caught himself, he was about to reach for his passengers luggage, when he remembered the boy didn't have any baggage.

 

“Well…Light was it?” he asked slowly in accented Japanese. The boy rolled his eyes and nodded. So the man continued on as he walked to the wrought iron gate. “This is Wammy, welcome, I must say we've heard a lot of good things about you from Watari-san,” the boy looked at the man with a dead pan expression when he finished his half Japanese, half English sentence. Obviously the help wasn't as gifted as the residents. In the awkward silence that followed the man was able to get them into the perimeter. He continued to try and keep an awkward and one-sided conversation afloat.

 

Light/Raito looked around at the children playing, he shook his head as some started to scream and chase each other. Was this really a place for the gifted and possible successors of L? He winced at the thought of that peculiar pale detective. His jaw trembled and his eyes started to sting. He turned his head to the side to control his expression before being sent inside.

 

The other children and teens looked at him curiously but quickly lost interested and went back to their games. Raito sighed, how was he going to fit in here, how was he going to gain peace of mind? He was lead to an office where the man that drove him quickly fled. He looked at the man behind the desk and walked into the cozy looking room.

 

He smiled at Light over his hands which were tented in front of him. “So you are this Light we've heard so much about from Watari-san? Tell me, why do you choose not to speak?” Raito looked at the man incredulously. He sighed and rolled his head to onside then back to the other. He shrugged before fixing the man with an even stare.

 

“Because of the people involved in the Kira case, if you ask me to elaborate you will be sorely disappointed,” the man blinked a few times at the mature sounding child's voice and nodded slowly. There was a loud bang and the door was thrown open. A…boy…with blonde straight chin length hair entered the room with a furious look on his face. Raito rolled his eyes and started to walk out of the room when the boy spoke.

 

If he had any doubt this person was a boy before, that was now decimated by his voice, “Where the hell is the little runt!?” the old man seemed used to this behavior and pointed casually at the little five year old heading for the angry blonde. He stared in disbelief while the child pushed past him out into the hallway. He heard a growl behind him and turned to face the charging blonde.

 

He just stood there as the boy grabbed the front of his big shirt and started to lift him up. The boy's doe eyes just stared back at the blonde with an emptiness that made the teen drop the child. Which was good since Raito started to slip out of his overly big shirt; there was a cough and a dull drone followed it.

 

“Mello, maybe you should refrain from harassing a new heir,” a boy behind the blonde stated dulling, curling his hair around his finger. Light tilted his head to look beyond the furious `Mello'. The boy had very pale hair and wore all white, he looked more like L than…Raito looked away from the boy his eyes closed as he started to walk aimlessly away from them.

 

He could do nothing now, he wasn't believed, and the person he knew he could love would die and never come back. He bit back a sob as he walked away from the office and those two teens. Why couldn't he be stronger, why didn't L believe him? His body started to shake and he started to run. Why couldn't he face the fact that L didn't believe him without breaking down? Why couldn't L see it was fine to love him? Why? WHY? He took a deep breath as he pushed forward more and more. He knew he'd get lost in this labyrinth of a House but he didn't care. He just kept running till he stumbled and fell in the middle of some random hallway.

 

He brought his legs to his chest before slowly getting up, his chest heaving. He numbly walked over to the wall and slumped against it. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his forehead against his knees. Was he really this helpless, this weak, this…this…this much of a wreck? He took shaky breath after shaky breath. He knew he liked L, he could feel his heart race at the thought of the man, he felt his body warm and his stomach flutter. He could still remember how L had kissed him, kissed his neck and made barely noticeable marks. His body tingled and he wondered why. Wasn't he five? But his body was reacting like he was a teenager, he shook his head and tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling.

 

He heard a growl and slowly rolled his head to look at the owner of the growl. It was that Mello person, Raito mused slightly that they needed to give him another nickname, he was nothing close to mellow. Raito could remember seeing him, and felt heat rise in his chest and red flash in his eyes. The bastard used the Death Note, or had his lackeys use it. He started to shake in anger, he threatened his sister! He was the cause of his father's death! Or he would, Raito reminded himself that fact and calmed reluctantly.

 

Mello seemed to have noticed his anger started to glare and get on the defensive. Though why would he when it was just a child getting angry at him? Raito looked at the teen thoughtfully, measuring his weaknesses and capabilities. What was his name again…Mihael Keehl…Michael Keehl…Keehler… Keehl…Mihael, Michael? Raito frowned; he should remember things like that better. After all the horrifying truth of what would have happened, had he been the sole user of Death Note, was still scorched into his mind.

 

“Mihael…Michael…” his frowned deepened and he saw the blonde stiffen.

 

“My name's Mello, runt, what's yours again…Light? Come on I'm supposed to show you to your stupid room,” the boy took out a candy bar and started to chomp away at it ferociously. Light just sat there refusing to move. L like sweets…he like strawberry cake too. He couldn't count how many times he saw L eating that kind of cake, either during his stay with the detective or what he saw on the screen in the Shinigami realm. He looked away from the boy biting his lip.

 

An impatient foot began to tap and the annoyed Mello began to speaking again. “Come on you little runt!” he stalked toward Raito who snapped his head around to glare at him. The boy ignored the look and grabbed Raito's arm and started to drag him away from the hallway.

 

“I'm sure you realized this, but I can walk on my own,” he spat out bitterly; perhaps once the hurt dulled away to a sting he wouldn't be so rude. Though his recovery time won't go any faster if he kept thinking about what made him feel this pain. He took a breath and locked his legs in an attempt to slow the one dragging him.

 

“Well why don't you walk then?” If only Raito wasn't being dragged like this, he could have been able to find ground and start walking. In the end he gave up and decided to wait for the teen to get tired. He may only be thirteen-eighteen kg (30-40 lbs), but that was thirteen-eighteen kg of dead weight! “Little kids like you aren't supposed to be up this late!” he huffed as he continued to drag the little kid, probably bruising his arm. Raito noted offhandedly that it was only seven in the evening.

 

“Really? L let me stay up till ten,” he took satisfaction in the tightening of the grip on his arm, and the faint sound of teeth grinding together. He was willing to feel the pain of thinking of L if it pissed off this murderer. Vindication…in advanced.

 

“I can't believe a little thing like you can be seriously competing with Near and I?” Raito shrugged despite the pointlessness of the action, it wasn't like the other would see it. “What are you…like a midget nine year old?”

 

“I'm five,” he stated offhandedly and felt the teen's hand shake. Mello was easily enraged. That was slightly gratifying. In the end after ten more minutes of receiving rug burn Raito was tossed into an immaculate white room. There was a little colored-pencil bed frame bed, with a matching table and chairs. He sighed and stared at the stiff starchy bed sheets. They were that blinding white that reeked of bleach. He stared at the solitary window, had all that time really passed? It was mid day when he got there and now it was coming on night. He sat down on the bed, it was stiff and hard. Like stone slab almost. He let his body sag and let his head hit the surprisingly comfortable pillow. He just stared at the blinding white ceiling. He slowly let his mind drift off to somewhere, but he didn't fall into unconsciousness.

 

There was a light knocking on his door but he didn't register this. After a few more knocks there was the soft click of the door opening. Soft footsteps padded across the room to the small child on the bed. A pale hand reached out to wake the boy who flickered his eyes to the hand before blinking and sitting up.

 

“You didn't sleep?” it was a statement, an observation, not in anyway a question. During the sleepless night of staring at the ceiling, Raito resigned himself to revert back to his silent ways. He shrugged as he sat up and closed his eyes. Was his job done now? They had the connection to Hisao now, Mello and Near could wrap things up now. His father would die, but would his sister be threatened? Probably his father was still in the Kira investigation force.

 

“You should sleep, otherwise your IQ tests may come out inaccurate and you might be sent back to a normal orphanage,” Raito closed his eyes before staring at the teen who had come to wake him. He was Near, or Nate River; was that his real name? Raito frowned in thought, before shaking his head and shrugging. “I see Mello,” he gestured toward the blossoming bruise on his forearm, choosing not to finish his sentence. Raito connected that that was why Near had come to pick him up. Of course there would be cameras in the halls, probably even in the rooms.

 

Near gestured to the door, and they left the room to enter the hallway. The odd pair walked silently through the halls; every now and then another resident would fly past them, and within the hour Raito knew where the dinning hall was and where the bathroom was. They were quiet and other than what Near had said earlier…no conversation was made.

 

Ratio could feel Near's eyes observing his every move and looking for all his flaws. He must also be irked that a five year old was threatening his position as a successor for the three greatest detectives' in the world. Though obviously he wasn't nearly as angered by Raito's appearance as Mello was, but still his calculating gaze was rather distressing. In the end Raito ended up sitting by Near as the teen worked on a puzzle. Raito idly looked around and fingered a puzzle piece. He let his mind wander, trying to stay clear of thinking of L.

 

“I'm not going to toy with the unrequited shit any longer…” he dropped the little piece of cardboard and was frozen in place. He hadn't heard that voice in a long time, hadn't heard those words since before he was in company with L… “I'm going to have you, I'm going to fuck you, and you're going to enjoy it.” He could feel those disgusting lips bruise his and his stomach dropped. Why was he remembering that now? Why? He didn't even remember the incident those times he saw Hisao…well actually when he was with Matsuda he had, but when he heard L's voice…

 

Raito calmly got up and started for one of the bathrooms, he could feel Hisao's clothed hands grabbing his thighs and he remembered the ripping pain that filled his entire being after those seconds. He picked up his pace to the bathroom as his mouth started to salivate showing that his nausea was growing. He slammed open the door and clutched one of the sinks in front of him. He rested his forehead against the porcelain basin which was level with his head. His tiny hands clutched the shining surface just above his brown tresses. He took in ragged breaths trying to calm his stomach and not think of what had happened to him…what his -what he thought was- best-friend did to him.

 

In the end his legs fell beneath him and his hands slide down to the drain pipe. His eyes were closed and his head was down between his arms. He still felt sick but the feel of cool metal relaxed him. He heard a door open and heard two sets of footsteps enter the bathroom. He turned around haggardly and regarded the two who entered.

 

“Come on runt it's time to prove your worth,” Mello sneered and jerked his head to the bathroom door. Near's big eyes bore into Raito, as if trying to dissect what had caused him to act so strangely. Raito nodded and slowly let go of the sink and started to head toward the office. He could feel two pairs of curious eyes watching him leave, one with a bit of noticeable hate backed behind it.

 

Raito was sent to a room he never thought the House would have but he eagerly awaited the tests that would await him. He didn't care if he was going to act like a normal five year old or not; he'd pull all the stops to keep from thinking about…about what Hisao did. And surprisingly this method of distraction worked. He ate up the subtle IQ tests one generally gives children. Once it was proven he could do that he was given standardized tests, ones to test his basic knowledge. And after each aced test came another more complicated and harder one. Eventually he was sure he had received a college admittance exam; and again he scored perfect marks.

 

After these tests he was set out to solve logic problems, word problems, and even abstract problems. He was so energized by all of this, by testing his mind's capacitates. But what truly pleased him were his final tests: Playing chess against the other successors. He easily bested Mello, but he had to admit with the risky stunts he pulled Mello could have won if he put more thought behind his moves. Near however took a painfully long time to play. Nearly four hours passed and only half of the players were left on both sides. Within another three hours Raito was victorious. He smiled to himself…this simulated something he had seen before, and his smile slowly turned morbid.

 

With his tests at a close Raito got up and tugged on both Near and Mello's sleeves before pointing at the chessboard. Mello looked irritated and Near just looked at him with his usual blank expression. Near pulled up another chair next to the open opposing one; he began to play Raito as he patted the seat next to him. Mello groaned but reluctantly sat down. They started playing close to Raito's curfew but they kept playing. Mello would spontaneously take control of the board and start to make Raito sweat before Raito regained control with a few sacrifices. Near was an excellent opponent, but too careful. And around two in the morning Raito was finally bested, but it was horribly close. In the end they had taken all his pieces, it was the only way to get to Raito, and the only pieces left on their side was a bishop and the king.

 

Raito smiled and closed his eyes and gave a pleased smile. Mello was out long ago, but thanks to him Near was able to finish the game…nearly two hours later. “Oh you're still here?” the man who gave Raito his tests said obliviously as he looked up from his manila folder after entering the testing room. “You should have been in bed already,” he shook his head, “you've had one restless night from these tests already,” Raito just stared back at him silently which caused the man to become uncomfortable. He coughed and adjusted his tie.

 

Mello seemed to awaken by the cough and mumbled something dazedly in his wake. The man shifted before looking at Raito again, “I must say…I've haven't see results like this since L last took these, in fact you may have surpassed…” Raito couldn't help that his body sagged and his eyes were downcast at the mention of that man's alias; and due to his reaction the man trailed off. He felt his eyes sting and his throat burn but he with his lack of sleep he couldn't help but start to cry. He got up and walked away from the room and even shrugged off the man's hand as he tried to stop him.

 

Damn, why did he have to act so pathetic? He rubbed away his tears furiously and heard loud footfalls coming after him, couldn't they just leave him be? He started to run not really registering where he went. He knew he was an equal to L that was evident through that screen the Shinigami showed him…heck with a few backhanded cheating moves he was able to surpass L. He was greater than L…and with that thought he fell to the ground and started to gag. That monster on the screen -with his face, his voice- killed L, bested him and Raito just admitted that that was him? He couldn't move he was so sick, and he kept retching onto the nice hallway carpet.

 

He wasn't that monster, that monster merely took his identity in the presence of the Death Note. He had never used the note when he had his first life, he never had a thought of using it by himself but again…he knew he would have if Hisao hadn't been his friend. Hisao was his friend…was his murderer, his rapists. His whole body was shaking and those pointless `what if's started to pop up again. What if the note never existed, would Hisao have still…still done that to him? Would he have wanted it, accepted it? What if L believed him, what if he loved him? Would L and he ever have met without the Death Note? Perhaps when they were older, when Raito was a well known detective and L needed police help on a case. Would they have bonded, would love have started?

 

Raito banged his tiny fists against the ground; he was such a fool, such an idiot. He knew those answers, Hisao probably would have raped him, probably wouldn't have the guts till they were going off to separate colleges… And all those hopes that L would love him, that he'd believe Raito? It was disgustingly pathetic, the man clearly stated he didn't believe Raito…and that last possibility he had come up with… He would have laughed at himself had his tears not been choking. `If we ever met, which the chances would be a billion to one, there would be no connection, no love; just straight up detached and untrusting business.'

 

He couldn't seem to get enough air into this stinging throat. He could taste the acid burning away his throat as he gave a final retch. He felt hands hold onto him as he started to fall forward. He was so tired, so sick of crying, of thinking, of moving… He just wanted to sleep now…wanted to sink into oblivion and not have to wake up all this mess was over.

 

Why was he so weak? Why? Why didn't L believe him, why couldn't he face this rejection like he would have before he was introduced to this sick fucked world of Death Notes and Shinigami? He vaguely registered that someone was cleaning up his face and helping him wash out his mouth. He just wobbled there with blurred eyes. Tears still falling silently. Why was L able to make him cry like this, why did he make him feel so hopeless now that he knew how the detective felt? Hisao made him sick, not sad, he didn't make him cry like this… He could feel people wrestling him into clean clothes, clothes that actually fit him; and he felt his body being led to a bed. He closed his eyes with stubborn tears still falling. He knew he was being watched by amused, worried, and curious eyes.

 

He probably looked like a hormonal woman; in fact he was acting like one…sort of… He could only dread what questions they would ask him as soon as he woke up, if he even fell asleep… He heard one of his small chairs be dragged away from the table after a hushed voice conversation took place outside the room. He turned away from the table to face the wall and pulled the blankets, tucked around him, tighter. He heard the room's other occupants breathing and the light thrum of wind against the window. Somewhere along the way the noises had suddenly changed to laughing, birds chirping, and basic day noises.

 

His body was stiff, his mouth tasted horrible, and his jaw was stiff. He slowly turned around and saw Mello asleep on the table, and Near staring at him on one of the chairs. Raito was instantly awake and aware of what happened. He looked down at his knees which seemed to be gravitating toward his chest. He stared at the movement with a confused expression but sighed and wrapped his arms around his legs. He rested his cheek against his knees and stared at Near who was in a similar position.

 

“Why?” Raito closed his eyes and marked that up as the first question of the day. When he opened his eyes he noted that there were several completed puzzles on the spaces of the table Mello wasn't drooling on. “Why?” Near pressed on, and Raito looked at him with a confused expression. Near let out a breath, it wasn't exactly a sigh, just letting out air in away that showed no emotion. “Why did L send you here when you could be useful with him? Your test results say you're smarter than either of us, no not just smarter, it's not just brains we're talking about… I wish to know why,” Raito's jaw was trembling and he tried not to think of the answer for that question. The silence continued and Raito turned away while trying to contain his emotions.

 

“Looks like you're in love,” Mello scoffed, Raito turned his head and blinked at the now, very much awake teen. “I was trying to catch some more sleep when Near started to talk,” Mello muttered something like `freak' under his breath. “I mean I'm no expert, but either something illegal happened or you have not so five year old feelings for L,” Raito's whole body started to shake and he bit his tongue. He closed his eyes and shook his head.

 

Near seemed confused but then started to ponder this possibility, it was obvious who was the brains and who was the heart. The one who had emotions was Mello, and the robot was Near. Ratio shook his head as his throat started to burn and tears reached the corners of his eyes. “N-NO,” was his hoarse reply. His throat was dry and scratchy, it hurt to talk. He winced but continued on. “No…t-that's n-not it,” why couldn't he lie smoothly about this?

 

The two teens looked at him expectantly, but Near spoke before Raito could continue. “Why are you here? I'm starting to see how it's plausible that you have…feelings for L” Raito involuntarily winced…perhaps with more sleep he could control his reactions better, “and your response to his name,”

 

“Yeah, when you started to cry and just now when you winced. I'm sure you're just being impressionable but you have some pretty adult emotions raging inside you, don't you?” Mello finished for Near and both looked at Raito contemplatively.

 

Raito choked out a sob not able to contain himself anymore, why did he have to fall apart like this? His tiny hands wiped at the tears as his small figure shook with each gasp and cry.

 

“Listen kid, we all kind of hero-worship L, but… We've never acted like that, I just don't get why you get all cry-baby on us when we bring him up,” Mello gave up halfway on cheering up the kid, after all he did show disdain for the little Raito even while trying to comfort him. Near pursed his lips before he spoke loudly enough for Raito to hear over his hysterics.

 

“What did you dream about? You kept screaming `stop' and saying `no'. You looked like you were in pain” Raito kept crying but his face paled and he couldn't seem to breathe. Mello muttered his insult again and shook his head.

 

“He's been here all night, we were suppose to switch posts,” Mello stated before continuing on, “But you did seem to be having a nightmare,” Raito slowly stopped crying but he still couldn't breathe. An idea was already forming in his mind and he knew this would be a perfect escape.

 

“I…I ran away from the orphanage,” he choked on his words and gasped for air, “A-a man…h-he,” Raito forced a convincing whimper and drew his knees tighter to his body. “I-I didn't do anything wrong did I? W-why'd he do that to me?” his eyes were wide and watery and his jaw was trembling. “I-it hurt a lot…I-I could move when he left alone,” he forced himself to start crying and he hid his face from the two teens staring at him. “L-L found me and helped me…h-he's really nice,” he choked out started to sob all over again. “I-I didn't think about w-what that man did to me,”

 

Near got up from his seat followed by Mello and the two fourteen year olds left Raito on his bed bawling. They needed to talk to an adult, this was out of their socially stunted hands.

 

 

A/N: sorry for the wait and I'm sorry it was pretty angsty. This more of a transition chapter, and I'm kind of stuck in this fanfic I'm writing that really angst-filled so… yeah thus the loss of cute lovable-ness.