Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ Taming the Tiger ❯ Light and the Darkness ( Chapter 7 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A/N: Hola. Chapter 8. Italics are Mello signing. Remember, he's mute.

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Takeshi Obata.

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Matt didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he woke the next morning. When he did the first thing he saw was Mello sound asleep in his hospital bed. Matt slowly remembered why the doctors had allowed him to stay. He was the only one who could get close to `Arseniy' alone. Mello wouldn't allow anyone near him if Matt wasn't there. Besides, `Edmund' spoke `Arseniy's language and could speak to him better. He could also read sign language. And it helped that the nurses were still convinced that they were brothers. Personally, though, Matt was sick of the fake names.

Opening the curtains to allow the bright morning sunlight into the dim room, Matt finally got a chance to look over some of Mello's injuries. There was a long scar running along the left side of his jaw and a rough abrasion wound around his neck. Much of his skin was covered in bruises of various colours and stages of healing. He looked awful. In addition to his injuries he was pale and dangerously thin. They had cut his hair short, too. Mello wouldn't be happy when he realized that.

With a sigh Matt rose and walked to the window. It felt good to rest his head against the cool glass and let the warm morning sun wash over him. It was calming. Right now he needed more than anything to be able to think clearly, but it was hard to be cold and rational with the condition Mello was in. The doctors said he would recover, but that wasn't what Matt wanted. Not all of it, at least. He was glad Mello would heal, but he wanted the emotional scars to be gone too. He knew the blonde would never be the same. He would never be whole again.

There was a soft sound behind him and he turned around to see Mello watching him. He had a hand raised to shield his eyes and he was glancing toward the sunlight with a look of absolute horror. Quickly Matt pulled the curtains shut and went to sit beside his friend.

“What's wrong?” he asked gently, keeping himself from running a hand through Mello's now short hair.

The light, the frightened blonde answered. Matt, where are we?

Matt's face fell. Mello didn't remember, and that was bad. “We're in the hospital. What's wrong with the light?”

Theybrought the light, Mello told him with a shudder. Why are we in the hospital?

“You were hurt,” Matt said softly. It was like talking to a child. The gamer just sighed. He had been warned about this. Mello was on some pretty heavy painkillers. They had had to re-break a couple of bones to set them properly and he had been in bad shape to begin with. Actually, Matt was just surprised Mello was awake. “Who brought the light?”

Mello just shook his head. Cautiously Matt extended a hand toward the blonde. He knew he shouldn't, he knew there was a chance he would be hurt or that he would scare Mello, but he couldn't help it. To see him like that, it hurt more than any damage Mello could inflict. Almost.

Mello's eyes widened at the sight of the approaching hand and he jerked backward as though trying to get away. He winced when he twisted the IV line attached to the needle in his arm and promptly began an attempt to remove it.

“Hey!” Matt shouted. He grabbed Mello's hand before he could really manage anything. “Don't mess with that.”

Matt realized that Mello had stopped trying to pull out the needle. Instead he was perfectly still, staring up at Matt with an expression of terror. That was when Matt realized what he had done. Rather than pull away he gently worked his hand around Mello's, interlacing their fingers.

“Shh. It's ok,” he whispered gently. “I'm not going to hurt you. You remember back at the orphanage? You remember when I had nightmares and you would wake me up and hold me if I cried? I want to do that for you, but I don't know how. Please, Mello, let me help you. I promise I won't do anything to you. I just want to sit here and hold your hand. You can trust me. Remember?”

Mello nodded, but he still looked scared. I know, but I can't.

“It's alright. I understand,” Matt said softly, forcing himself to smile even though he felt like someone had torn out his heart. The look of fear Mello was giving him hurt more than anything. “You can't mess with your IV,” he said as he let go of Mello's hand. “I'm not sure exactly what's in that, but I know it's helping to keep you here.” He didn't want to say it was keeping Mello alive, because that would force him to recognize that he could lose the one person who really mattered. “You don't want to go, do you?”

Mello understood exactly what Matt was trying to say and nodded wearily. I do.

“Mello,” Matt choked as his eyes widened. He was fighting to keep his emotions in check. “Don't say that. Ever. You can't go. You can't leave me here. Mello...”

The gamer felt a single tear escape to slip down his cheek. That was all Mello needed to see. He turned away, not wanting to see the pain he was causing his best friend. The blonde knew it was his fault. All of it was his fault. Everything that had happened. The pain, the sorrow, the hollowness, the guilt - it was suffocating him. He felt like he was drowning. All he wanted was the dreamless sleep the sedatives provided. He wanted to escape. He wanted it to end. What he had told Matt was true. He wanted to die.