Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ The Forbidden Kisses Of A Would Be God ❯ Alternate Ending ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Firstly not that i'm not thankful to the site for hosting me but I am about to give up on MM.org's formatting therefore if you wan to read this well formatted and pretty go over to AFF.net where I guarantee an easy read.

Well everyone that commented said what a sad ending it was and I suddenly thought ‘You know what? They’re right!’. I know it was supposed to be a oneshot but I just can’t stand sad endings. This is not exactly a new chapter but an alternate ending to the previous chapter, which you can choose to read or not and which’s ending will ultimately be a little happier than the previous one. It is going to become a three shot but the third instalment may be a little time in coming as I had mucho problems writing this chapter and want a nice long relaxing interval before tackling the next one. However reviews could convince me to get over it quicker *looks longingly at the review counter* Whichever way the ending will eventually appear J

Disclaimer: Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and illustrator Takeshi Obata, I make absolutely no money from this work of fiction.




“L....” Just a whisper, almost a plea. His face slowly begins to lower to mine and I feel a momentary panic as those perfect pink lips draw closer to me, my eyes fixed on that one point of entrapment, that one weakness! My breath quickens and my heart begins to thump harder than it had even at the apex of my passion. I thought he had given up. I have made it unarguably clear over and over that I will not allow such an act to occur.

Because........he is Kira.

It takes a ridiculous amount of will but eventually, as his lips come within less than an inch of my own I turn my face to one side and I sense the adored flesh come to a halt just above my cheek. Slight relief flooded me. If they had actually come to rest against my skin there is an uncomfortably high percentage that I would have been unable to resist turning my head to receive them properly. Having my single temptation so close, to have them actually touching me, would have been my undoing.

The relaxed haze hanging lazily over the room was instantly permeated by a tense aura. It would have been fanciful for me to describe it as being tangible, but it was certainly distasteful, and for a moment I allowed a rush of cold regret to take me as I mourned the passing of our state of post-coital bliss. He is no doubt upset that I have again thwarted his attempt to kiss me, however it is an unfortunate necessity.

I do not do this to insult you Light. It’s simply that kissing is more than just a caress, it’s a promise. An act that should only be performed under the trust of honest affection or, at least that is what I have been led to believe. It’s a promise you can’t grant me, I do not trust you. Your lips while considerably more tempting than strawberry cake are deceitful, I don’t want you to deceive me with kisses also. I hope you will react in the same way as you have previously; haughtily brush this off and continue your normal pursuits.

However, no matter how much one bases his life in science and reason, sometimes the universe makes it its business to throw an almighty steel rod in the gears.

“L, I wan-


“I have no desire for further physical intimacy with you tonight,” I interrupted the hesitant voice without thought, centering my gaze away from him and those instruments of the devil that had currently dropped open in shock with my callous statement. “So if you would let me up we should go to the bathroom. If memory serves you like to bathe after sex.”


He doesn’t move, even an inch or speak a word. I think it is safe to assume I have shocked him quite profusely which, is precisely what I intended. Had I let him continue he would have undoubtedly demanded explanations of which I was not yet -and possibly never would be- willing to provide the answers for. There would be absolutely no merit in being drawn into a discussion about the motives behind my refusal to kiss him.




Thought with such a statement I should really have been anticipating suitable retribution. However due to the fact my concentration was on keeping my eyes off of him, I did not see the way his whole body stiffened and trembled in anger at my cruel dismissal, or note the fist that was hurtling directly at my face.



Crack!



Needless to say that definitely succeeded in capturing my attention, Light.




“That…Hurt…” I ground out, lifting an arm and bringing my hand to cradle my throbbing cheek. Despite the pain I spare a second to appreciate that he had enough control of himself to refrain from using his left hand; the snap back from the chain would have been terribly painful.



“Oh really?” The blow to his pride and the incident with the cuffs being compounded with the embarrassment from my casual dismissal serves to make him almost growl in his throat. All traces of fatigue absent he pulls himself to his knees slamming a hand down on the mattress besides my head, and with no regard for the fact that he had just delivered a powerful right hook to my face he grabs my chin between his fingers and roughly yanking my face back to his. For some inexplicable reason I can’t help but think I deserve this pain. After all my comments obviously caused more suffering than I had intended.


I brought my gaze up to rest steadily on his own, eyes that no longer reflected the calmness of water stared back at me, sparks of fiery anger swirled viciously within them. I do not want to deal with your anger Light, you have no reason to become so riled up. You are perfectly aware of the fact that you are my primary suspect and as such, cannot object to my right to keep you –in all ways other than physically- at a length of substantially more than five foot. I raised the arm not cupping my cheek and pressed my forearm across his chest pushing against him.

“I do not condone these actions Light, I would appreciate it if you removed yourself from my personal space at once. Should you refuse I will have no choice but to evict you myself.” My detached demeanour betrayed none of my internal confusion.


“I don’t think so L. I am tired of this tedious routine of yours.” The words emerged controlled, belying the anger in his face.


“It was interesting at first, I thought with enough patience I would be able to temp you into cooperating but now .....now it’s just irritating!” I had no idea Yagami Light was capable of snarling but those last few words had risen in a loss of control that could be described in no other way.


“Whatever you may be thinking is irrelevant to me at this particular moment.” I stated increasing my efforts to escape his grip and push him away from me. So does Light actually understand why I don’t kiss him? Nevertheless I suppose the fact that he has finally chose to challenge my behavior means that I cannot use this as evidence to raise the percentage of him being Kira, at least not as much as I had hoped.


In retaliation he makes use of his superior position to grab my wrists amd jerk my arms back to pin them above my head. His grip while tight is not painful. If I truly wanted to I could escape easily. Then why aren’t I? Assuming I am quick enough with his knelt position between my legs I have just enough space to bring up one foot and kick him off. But I’ve already dealt what is proving to be a debilitating mental blow; I don’t really want to hurt him anymore.


“Light I refuse to carry out this discussion in this position and I will not be held responsible for my actions should you continue to ignore my request.” Just move for God’s sake. The heated pulsing underneath my eye was becoming an annoyance and the uncomfortable feeling of the flesh swelling as it began to bruise only helped to detract from my patience. Still I heard nothing but silence from the boy above me.


“You will release me immediately, Light!” My own anger finally becoming projected.



“.......I refuse.” The previously furious tone now sounded to be calming into a semblance of sanity.



“Light you are beginning to aggravate me. Don’t think because of the act that just occurred between us I will refrain from forcing the issue.” I threatened lowly.



“I told you,” His voice softening further and calm relaxing his face. “I refuse. I have already formed a theory as to why you are doing this but, I won’t move until you yourself explain.”


Enough was enough, I can understand a certain amount of ire and rebellion after the unemotional answers I have provided him with, but flat out refusal to my demands is unacceptable. As he had relaxed, his hold on my wrists was becoming looser and so tensing I was able to haul my arms up a foot levering his torso up with. Then with him high enough I pushed my flexibility to its limits to flinging one leg out and up in a semi-circle to strike with perfect accuracy with my heel right in the jaw. The momentum of my kick sent both of us flying, him loudly hitting the carpet and I following the arc, ended up sprawled on my front half on half off the bed.


The abrupt change in position dizzied me for a second and I heard a low groan from somewhere below and behind me.

“Godammit Ryuzaki! Was that -really- necessary!?”


Odd, he did not usually call me by my pseudonym outside the hearing of the other members of the task force, and that annoying air-headed girlfriend of his. Besides it had to hurt or it would not have been an effective deterrent.


“An eye for an eye, Light.” I muttered instead as I heaved up and looked over my shoulder, to find him pulling himself up from his back and lifting a slightly shaking arm to gingerly nurse his jaw.


“In that case I owe you at least two more.”


I froze as I became aware for the first time exactly where my hit landed. The plump flesh at the left of his mouth quickly began to swell and discolour. I hadn’t thought when I initiated the attack, I just wanted to target the most effective place to move him and if you move the head the body never fails to follow. But how could I target him there off all places.


“Did you think I would let you keep me there like that? Action was required as you were not adhering to my request.”



He sighed “You are right L, I should have let you up when you first asked. However if I was going to get any answers out of you I needed to be the one with the power, just for a few moments.”



“Then you went about it in the wrong way.” I stated blandly, rolling back onto my haunches and rising to my feet. My foot and knee were throbbing slightly; the hit while effective had not been the most perfectly executed. Understandable, all things considered.



“I know, I was mistaken but, I was mad.” He looked up at me. “So you’re up, will you explain now?”



“You still expect me to explain after how unreasonable you behavior?” I am being deliberately obtuse, I know. Can he really expect anything less from me though?



“Don’t answer my question with a question L.” He murmured, likely due to the fact both hands were pressing to his jaw. The pose caused remorse and worry to shoot through me as I realized there was a high probability that I could have fractured his jaw. Favoring my right foot I quickly crouched at his side and reached out to pull his hands away from the injury meaning to inspect it, but fixing me with and intense ‘back off’ look he jerked his head back clutching his hands tighter.



“Don’t be childish Light.” I chastised leaving my hands hanging in mid-air.



He glared up at my outstretched hand torn between whether to willfully reject the offer or let it touch him, before sighing once again dropping his arms and grudgingly moving his chin back into my reach.



Clasping him and tilting his head to the side so I could view it more clearly I pressed my fingertips gently against the rapidly growing bruise. Gently probing the injury I determined it was going to leave a hell of a mark, but it was not fractured nor would hinder his ability to speak or eat too badly.



“It is going to take about a week and a half to heal but it will mend fine. Perhaps you will think twice before pulling such a stunt again Light.” I spoke a little condescendingly while retracting my arms from him.



As I was bent I turned and reached for my jeans lying slumped in a pile next to the bed. Cleaning up would have to wait. I could not currently chance removing him from my scope of personal observation, not until he had returned to his normal mental state. His mask cracks rarely and in his unstable state he may allow something to slip that could be vital to proving his guilt.



With my jeans hanging from one hand I turned back to him and absently offered the other to help him up. The physical fight was over, there shouldn’t be any further need to continue the hostility between us. He glared suspiciously at the outstretched arm for a second before extending his own out to grasp mine and letting me pull him back to his feet with myself. That done I set about re-dressing, though it was mildly un-nerving to feel his eyes boring into my back.



“So I’m good enough to fuck but not good enough to kiss?” My eyes widened in surprise, the completely neutral statement had actually floored me as I was not expecting it at all. Thinking I carefully chose my words as I answered him.




“The body has needs of which you are a welcome part of sating.” Denying his claim would only make him more adamant, so a reply that gave him no effective answer was the best course of action. “However one does not need to kiss in order to perform the act, it is a pleasant extension to fornication that -I am given to understand- promises something more, and is therefore unnecessary between us.



“More?”



“Yes, a kiss is something that one is able to perform publically with their lovers and can therefore display a certain degree of possession, and while not as physically satisfying can be considered more important than the sexual act itself.”



“And you, don’t you want me to give you this 'more' L?” He asked quietly.



I remained silent and shoved my hands into my pockets, the familiar position comforting even if I could not risk going into my usual crouch. I don’t want to lie to you Light but I will if you press the issue and it becomes a necessity.



“Then what if I decide I am going to take one. Maybe if you looked outside that little black box in your head you’ll see that I want ‘more’. ”



I suppose with my rigidness the only way you could possibly kiss me would be to force one on me. Though our styles are different our strengths are evenly matched. I predict there being a 50/50 chance that you could pin me if I came within range of your fists, however to do that you would have to overcome my kicks which have a much superior reach.



“You do not have the right to force me to perform anything physically that I do not wish to participate in.”



“ ‘Do not wish to participate in’? Don’t insult my intelligence L. Do you think I’m oblivious? With the way you stare at my mouth how can you possibly ‘not wish to participate’ in it!”



“I ‘stare’ at various parts of your anatomy at random times so there is no basis for that assumption, furthermore I have no intent nor interest in kissing you, Light” And so the lie makes itself present.



“STOP LYING!” The sheer volume of that statement shocked me and brought me round to face him. Of course I’ve heard him raise his voice before, but never quite to this level. Removing my hands from my pockets I hunched my back further and spread my arms slightly for balance as Light seemed to gear up for an assault, similarly prepared for either verbal or physical combat.



“You call me the liar but in reality, it’s you!” Anger indignation and hurt pride resounded in is voice. Please Light just let it drop I find these type confrontations with you unappealing and extremely unrewarding.



Wait a minute……Me? Not that he is incorrect but I do admit to a certain amount of curiosity as to how he has reached his conclusion. The many intricacies of his mind does always fascinate me to the point that sometimes I can’t help but participate in my own defeat.



“Why would you have cause to believe I am lying Light?”



“You are a private person L, you hide yourself from the world and exist as a letter from your damn computer yet, not only did you decide you were going to chain me indefinitely five feet from your side, you chose to allow a physical relationship with me. Christ you damn well propositioned me! Therefore you are lying and seemingly just for the hell of it, being an asshole!”



A simple reasoning. I must admit to slight disappointment Light, I thought your deductive potential was much more advanced than this.



“Have you explored the possibility I may have asked you simply due to the fact that you were convenient?” I winced a little out of his vision. Even with my obvious lack of social skills I could tell that had not been the most tactful statement.



Anger, livid - blossomed on his face. His voice was low and dangerous and….hurt?



“Don’t you dare belittle me L. I am just as intelligent as you are if not more so, and I know exactly why you are doing this. Would you like me to elaborate on that theory? I can set it all out on the table without your assistance if it so pleases you.”



Call it self-destructive curiosity but despite the fact I know I am setting myself up, I am eager to know exactly what his reasons were to come to this point. Light has proven repeatedly that he can easily follow my thought patterns; I want to find out if he is right.



“Then if you wouldn’t mind ‘elaborating’ I am curious to discover precisely what you think you know about me.”



“Fine! If you were callous and emotionally detached enough that you placed no value on your body and you considered sex ‘convenient’, then it stands to reason that you would also place no value on something as insignificant as a kiss. What need has someone will sleep with anyone to hold kisses in such high regards? They would be handed out freely and mean absolutely nothing to you. Contrary to this, you have stated that kisses mean something ‘more’. Add this to the fact that you keep all people at arm’s length, you detest even the simplest of casual touches, and you cannot abide people coming inside your radius of personal space, it can be assumed the opposite extreme in which you place too much value on your body can also be believed to be correct. That is not the behavior displayed by a man who does not care about his body, or who he sleeps with! Therefore, you DO place value on your body and as you allow me to touch you mine also, and as I am worthy of your body I am worthy of your kisses. In other words if I was nothing to you, you would NOT refuse to kiss me. The fact that you are refusing proves that it and I mean SOMETHING, that for some INANE reason you are refusing to do it, and that YOU are the one who is being deceitful…..NOT me!



“You are eccentric L, brilliant cunning and to a very prominent extent unfeeling. But there is a methodology and a reason to every -single- thing you do and I can follow it around your mind just as easily I can follow your footsteps down to the investigation room. Just try and tell me I’m wrong.”



His chest was heaving with likely from high levels of adrenaline that would have been released to fuel his anger and this confrontation. I must admit Light, you got me.



“Well done Light, you are correct. I was unsure confirming I held kisses in high regard would lead to this trail of reasoning. For the record I believe kisses to be an entirely different and separate form of intimacy to having sex.”



After all you don’t have to kiss to make love, you kiss because you love.



“You are also correct in the fact that I would not permit just anybody to touch me and that you have garnered that right. However, that still does not give me any solid reason to allow kissing if I should choose not to. Even if it is an act I would like to experience, what I do or do not do with my body is my prerogative not yours."



“You mean to tell me that you like me, you enjoy my mind and find pleasure in my body, you’ll let me come inside you! But, you would find it distasteful to kiss me?”



To my mortification I could feel a bush beginning in my chest that rose quickly up my neck and blossomed in my cheeks. Did you have to state that quite so plainly Light, I thought I was the one with ‘zero social skills’?



“I don’t often consider your logic to be muddled but in this case L?........You are totally screwed up. I fit all the expected criteria for a lover except for this.” He lifted his arm and loudly jangled the chain attached to the ever present cuffs. “I have no evidence to base this on as I have not witnessed your behaviour around previous lovers, but I can say with almost one hundred percent accuracy that none of them were chained to you under suspicion of being a psychopath. So, because of this chain and, -what was it?- thirteen percent, you’ve decided to spite yourself and refuse the one thing that has the possibility of giving you a medium of happiness.”



“That……that is correct.” Goddamit Light don’t patronize me. “So now you understand why I am refusing to kiss you.”



“I understand but do not like or accept it. I will not be used by you L. This is going to change.”



“Would it not be easier then to simply call an end to this farce of a relationship?” Why did I just say that, do I want him to walk away from me?



“In that case tell me of one other person that has the ability to make or has made you feel like I have proven I can. Just one, who could stimulate both your mind and body as I do.”



Ah, the arms have been crossed, the physical equivalent of the metaphorical foot coming down.



“………………& #8230;…………….”



“ ;Having problems L?” He quipped.



“It is a very short list Light.” I mumbled quietly. Truthfully I had not yet thought of one who could be classified as fulfilling both criteria, one or the other certainly but not both.



“It’s a fucking non-existent list L and you are perfectly aware of that. I am not about to let you throw me away because of this obsession you have about my identity as Kira!”



“But I am thirteen percent certain-



“And eighty-seven percent uncertain!” He yelled in indignation his arms sweeping out as if to attack something before stiffening dropping to the bed and seeming to collapse in on himself. His voice quieted and his head fell so that his chin was nearly resting on his chest, hands that had held me tightly only minutes ago clutched at the rumpled sheets as if trying to gain support from them. Other than when I had held him under suspicion in the quarantine cells I had never seen him look so dejected. My breath hitched in my throat as I witnessed his confusion, and sadness. I have never wanted Light to look like this. He is strong and proud and self-assured. This is not what I want.



“Usually it takes only a percentage of sixty, sometimes less, for you to justify taking a chance.” The statement came out forcefully calm and…………..hollow.



“Am I really, not worth the risk?” He whispered.



The distress present in his voice tore at my conscience, and viciously squeezed my heart. For a moment in the face of such brutal sadness it felt as if my much ignored human morals were physically trying to beat my mind back with a brick. I had no idea he felt this way. He has never once before acted like my refusal to accept that simple caress affected him so greatly. I was totally unaware he felt so depressed, felt like he was being used.



I’m not using him. My mind fought back. I am simply taking the necessary precautions to preserve my life until the resolution of this case. I cannot allow emotions to contaminate my judgment. Not until Kira has been apprehended.



So does that mean I have the right to protect myself from a thirteen percent threat at the cost of this young man’s happiness? Who in all fairness could be innocent of the crimes I am so adamant in blaming him for.



A young man, who captivates me.



Who fulfils me.



Who understands me.



I knew this would happen Light. It’s almost as if I am obstinately ignoring my own convictions just so I can deceive myself in to believing it is acceptable to submit to you.

Yes, you are worth the risk Light.

But I will not tell you that, not yet. When we catch Kira, when side by side we both look upon him bound in chains, then I’ll tell you, just how much I would gladly risk for you. How much you really mean to me.

“Alright Light, a kiss.” I agreed hesitantly and softly.

And a promise.....Don’t lie to me......Don’t break it.’

I caught the happiness that glimmered in his face as a small hopeful and slightly relieved smile blessed his features. Despite the bruise spreading out from those amazing tempting lips it was beautiful. I reached out to apologetically stroke my fingers over it. This time he did not flinch back and even as I revelled for a few seconds in the ability to touch that which had caused this whole situation, I could not ease the sense foreboding that nagged at the back of my mind.

The thought that screamed at me I have just agreed to allow myself to become emotionally attached to Kira.

But Light was worth the risk. I have already admitted that to myself and to deny that which I have already admitted would make me a mad man. I have been called extreme multiple times but I am not a mad man.

He purposefully stood up and I suddenly understood exactly what the expression ‘butterflies in the stomach’ meant. Of course I have kissed people before, there are very few who live up to my requirements but they do exist. However this was different, this was Light, -possibly Kira- the man who not only fulfilled my expectations, he damn well bulldozed through them. He is unique. He is the only one I desperately desire and also the only one I should never consider.

All this passed through my head as he stood quietly before me waiting for acknowledgement, then as my hands began to lower he caught them in his and -while deftly pulling me close to him,- guided them the rest of the way around his neck before running his fingers back down bare arms and tickling down my back. I felt them tighten as they reached my waist and pull me into a gripping embrace flush against each other -tight and inescapable- as if he never intends to let go.

Un-haltingly yet slowly he moved his head closer to mine. Though I wish I could have kept my eyes on his amber depths I weakened and dropped them to track the journey of my points of obsession, unable to take my eyes away from the mesmerising sight. Anticipation built in my belly, made the muscles in my legs twitch against my will and my hands tighten and tremble against his neck.

And he places his lips against mine for the first time.

A fleetingly innocent touch before he increases the pressure and hesitantly begins exploring in small tentative movements. I absently thought that it was as if he was attempting to reassure me that this was acceptable, that it was right. Then a few moments later his perseverance is rewarded when under his caresses I shiver and relax against him as I am teased and intoxicated by his steady motions. With my surrender his kiss gains confidence and I feel one hand leave my waist to trail up my back and grasp lightly at my hair, pulling and anchoring me closer to him as his lips slanted harder over my own.

I was right in that kisses are an entirely different feeling of intimacy though I was wrong on the second account. With Light, kisses are just as ‘satisfying’ as sex itself. This is no way this can be wrong.

Abruptly all the tension drained from his frame and he pulled away from me long enough to carefully manoeuvre me back into my earlier position on the bed. Almost as if he believed I was suddenly going to become spooked and bolt, before leaning over me and back down to possessively take control of my lips again. I could not stop myself from lifting my hands to press against his cheek letting myself be lost in the feeling of the increasingly passionate movements of my fixation against me. A strong urge to touch them even now as they danced against me overcame my attempt at control and as such, I was thusly reminded of the swelling decorating the side of his mouth.

This kiss you have finally won from me must be painful, Light.

I assure you, it’s painful for me too.

This forbidden kiss of a would be god.