Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ True Affection ❯ A Guilt ( Chapter 12 )

True Affection 12

 

--

 

Much to Misa's surprise, the large key actually did go to something. After she tore the wrapping off her present, a chest-like cabinet was revealed to her marked with golden keyhole.

L and Watari both had gotten her many different gifts; new outfits, jewelery, flowers, magazines, boots, makeup, and a multitude of other earthly gifts that Misa didn't even need!

 

But that is what L said that he'd do.

Yet, while she gushed over her presents, L had another present that he kept secretly hidden from her sight. He had bought it especially and specifically for her birthday and kept it securely within his pants pocket—which was another reason as to why he kept stuffing his hands in them.

 

“Oh Amai, I love it! Everything you bought I don't even need, but I'm still so glad you remembered my birthday!” Misa chirped, fully focused on her presents while addressing her words to him. With a giggle, she held up a black gothic dress with striped arm warmers to her body, getting a glimpse at how it might fit.

L smiled faintly; his eyes claiming secrecy behind the thick hair in his face. Silently, he prepared himself to show her the special present he had for her.

Inwardly, he took a deep breath and began to slide the small box from his pocket that he gripped in the palm of his hand.

 

“Ohhhh! And you got Misa matching earrings and---!!” she stopped abruptly to inhale sharply in surprise and disbelief before nearly pouncing inside the chest to grab something she thought was the latest fashion.

L couldn't help but feel a bit tossed to the side from her excitement towards her presents but he could only blame himself for that. When shopping, Watari had eluded to the fact L simply bought too much for the girl all at once, but L wanted to give as much as he could on such short notice.

 

At least his efforts were appreciated. But now, he wanted her attention in a more serious matter.

Finally, he found his voice and stepped closer to her, his present in hand. “Madeleine...”

Merrily appeased with her finding, Misa pulled out a cute sweet lolita dress with little skulls and strawberries decorating it and hugged it. “Oh, this is so cuuute! Thank you, Amai! How did you know I secretly always wanted to wear one of these?” she mused, glancing to him and oblivious to the serious look on his face. To her, he usually always looked like that.

 

“Yes...Madeleine, I...” he sighed, a tad bit frustrated, “Misa, could you hear me out just for one minute?”

“Huh?” she questioned with wide eyes, whipping around to face him fully, and accidentally, colliding into him knocking him off balance.

 

With a grunt, L swiftly caught his balance by kneeling on one knee and held tightly to the small box. With a sound of frustration, he peered up at the flustered girl; a blatant apology spreading across her blushing face.

“Oh, La—ah -Amai! I'm sorry!!” she squeaked, shoving the dress back in the chest and reaching out for him to take her hand.

Irritated and uncomfortable from being so close to the floor, L opened his mouth to retaliate, but when his eyes drifted down to her hand, the situation became rather soothing.

“Misa...” he began, taking her small hand in his and opened the tiny box with his forefinger.

And for a second, Misa thought she was going blind from the amount of sparkle that shimmered before her eyes.

 

L watched her intently, mildly amused to find her speechless, and also a bit unnerved by it. He wasn't sure if her surprise was good or bad in his taste in rings.

Modesty overtook him and he looked away bashfully. “Again, happy birthday, Mi-Madeleine. This is your birthday present, although I apologize that it's only one ring and not more...” he confessed rather briskly in a low tone, placing the empty box aside. Even softer, he added, “I hope you like it. I thought it suited you so...I had it especially designed for you.”

“... ... ... ...!”

He glanced to her, then adverted his gaze again, not knowing what to do.

It was odd enough, when she knocked him to one knee, and he offered her the ring that this display of affection looked very similar to a marriage proposal...

 

And to that, a slight twinge of pink kissed his cheeks. But when she gave no answer, he became worried. “Um...”

The truth was, Misa didn't even hear him. Her bright honey-brown eyes remained enraptured by the glittering luster of the jewelry that looked back at her.

A sparkling ruby that was in the shape of a strawberry rested regally atop a fluffy-looking swirl of diamonds in the form of whipped cream. And if that wasn't enough, the band itself was solid 24 karat gold.

L really did get her the best he could, even if it was on such short notice. He didn't have to go out and get her something so expensive. A plastic strawberry and whipped cream ring would have been fine too.

Unable to take her eyes off the genuine gemstones, Misa began to stammer, “A-are! Are--! Are those...REAL diamonds and REAL rubies?!!” she gasped in disbelief.

L was a bit embarrassed by this fact and for the reason that even HE thought himself insane for getting such an extravagant gift. He could have bought at least 40 dozen shortcakes with that money. 40 dozen high quality shortcakes, at that.

 

“Misa...” the detective began, his voice low for only their ears to hear, “ My Madeleine, would you...agree to becoming my significant other?”

“What?!” she gasped, unable to read his expression as serious or playful. 'Is—is he proposing to me?!' she thought feverishly, her cheeks warming up and her heartbeat thumping wildly.

L eyed her placidly, his features vacant, yet he managed to catch on to her train of thoughts and slightly rolled his eyes.

“Will you be my GIRLFRIEND, my Madeleine?”

“Oh!” she exhaled in relief. Even though she cared a lot about L, she wasn't ready for marriage yet! But the happiness was clearly dancing in her eyes as she beheld him take her left hand and slide the ring down her middle finger.

“Just so you know, I put it there to save your ring finger for our possible later years to come, “ he uttered informatively, barely moving his lips, “If that's all right with you, that is...” he continued, standing to his feet.

 

Misa was too stunned for words and ogled the ring with awe and joy. It wasn't just the ornament on her finger that made her so happy, but L's words that really made her gleeful.

“Oh Amai...” she sighed breathlessly.

L chuckled lightly and gingerly held her hand in his again to brush his lips across the back of it. Then he returned his hands to their usual place in his pockets.

A bit of nervousness tensed at the pit of his stomach and he bashfully glanced away from her for a moment. “So, was that satisfactory, or am I just unspeakably horrible at this?” he candidly wondered, returning his gaze to her small frame, “It is rather new to me, you know.”

 

“.........!!!!” Misa was speechless again.

And while her speechlessness was cute, he had to know if happiness hushed her tongue or if disappointment did.

And when the small glistening of a clear liquid wavered in her eyes, L appeared rather shocked and readied for the worst. “...Whoa--”

Sniffling faintly, Misa shut her eyes, allowing her tears to flow freely down her peach face. “...I...lve...t...” she murmured.

Not understanding, L leaned his ear close and cupped a hand over it. “Pardon?”

“I said I LOVE IT!!” the young girl cried, leaping towards him and throwing her arms around his neck.

“You're the only one to do something this sweet and lovable for me!! You care so much for me it's crazy! It makes ME crazy because I don't know what I can do to give it back to return your affection, La—Amai!”

Taking her odd statements as a type of compliment, L hugged her and glided his large fingers through her silky tresses lovingly. Yet, while her answer was endearing to hear and very good news, it was still not the answer he had wanted to hear.

“Madeleine...”

“And yes! Yes! Yes! YES! I'll be your girlfriend!! Yes!! Not only do you care for me, but you went out and got me super expensive gifts that must have cost you nearly a fortune! And you did it all on such short notice too!”

L chuckled a bit in his throat, stroking her hair earnestly and gently. “Monetary value makes no difference to me. So, in other words, expect to be very spoiled.”

 

Through her lucid tears, Misa laughed cheerfully and let herself down. “Silly, I don't need all that!” she confessed, wiping her eyes, “I just need one thing!” she gestured, cutely holding up one finger.

 

Intrigued as if they had engaged in a new type of game, L thoughtfully shifted his weight to the right. “Ohhh?” he wondered, placing his middle finger atop both lips, “And just what may that be?”

“Y! O! U!” she chirped, using both hands to form the English letters, then tilted her head to the side with a bright smile adorning her features.

“Really...” L uttered flatly, his tone hiding his actual solace from hearing her say that—and in such a cute way too.

Enthusiastically, she nodded. “Yes!”

“I'm glad...” he whispered, placing his hands on her shoulders and sweeping her into his arms.

The moment her body touched his chest, her eyes instinctively closed, as did L's, and their lips met softly.

Quickly.

Passionately.

Their bodies, perfectly in sync with the other, moved according to their desires and heightened the intensity of their embraces.

Slowly, L slipped an arm around her back and dipped slightly to slide the other behind her thighs to scoop her into his arms.

For a novice in real relationships, he didn't think he was doing too badly after all.

A soft sound escaped Misa's lips as her small hands clutched at his shirt, then laced around his neck. “Lawliet...” she breathed in a voice only the two of them could hear, unable to help herself to call him anything else at that moment.

“Misa...” L breathed, his tone husky and ranging below a whisper.

“Yes?” she responded equally as airily.

 

L paused to choose his words carefully. There was no way around how he felt.

He didn't care about the note Light had written.

“If Light is freed, Misa can't use the Death Note... “

He didn't care about the possible danger he was seeping the both of them into.

“...and will be not able to let go of Light... “

He didn't care that loving Misa was selfish. He wasn't letting her go. She was his, his love.

“...as long as a certain detective remains in love with a pawn of Kira...”

He didn't care if she was a former pawn of a killer. This was the first time he had experienced real love and he refused to leave it; to leave her. Besides he had already protected her when he wrote their names in her Death Note. Whatever happened, Misa would live.

Only for now, the consequences could wait. At least for a day.

He knew it was childish as much as it was selfish, but people are known to do insane things in the illogical name of love.

He just wanted to be with Misa. And...

 

“Misa...Misa, may I...love you?” his voice trembled with uncertainty. And guilt.

 

Misa kissed him strongly and nipped at his bottom lip. “Yes,” she answered, without realizing.

In truth, she wasn't sure if he meant his words in the literal sense or in the more intimate sense. Either way, she felt herself giving in.

 

L was keenly aware of her thoughts however, “I mean that in the literal sense.”

She smiled against his lips, “ Then why are you carrying me?”

“Do I need a reason for everything I choose to do for you?” he questioned, his words laced with hidden meaning he chose to keep withheld from her.

She giggled, breaking the kiss, “You'd better believe you have to!”

 

“Let's go out on a date, Madeleine,” L suddenly offered, swiftly changing the subject with a wistful tone.

Her composed features brightened instantly, “Really?? You mean it?? A real date?!”

“Yes. Or, if you prefer, we can have a private dinner here.”

Pulling away slightly, Misa shook her head. “Nuh-uh! Madeleine wants to go out!”

 

L chuckled lightly at her enthusiasm, and brought her back to her feet. “Very well. You may dress up if you like.”

She studied him cutely and imitated him, putting a finger to her lips, “I see. Will you?”

L copied her motions as well. “Perhaps.”

“Madeleine suggests Amai does if they're going to a restaurant!”

“Would Madeline's affection for Amai decrease if Amai didn't?” he retaliated, tilting his head to the side, mocking her.

She raised a brow and playfully gave him a push before heading back over to the chest and fetching one of the black dresses. “No! What kind of goofy counter-question is that?! Madeleine knows about reverse psychology too, you know!!”

“I see. Then you will care for me more if I wore something more casual?”

“Huh?!” she questioned, her expression obviously puzzled, “Whatever makes you comfortable and looks nice.”

“Then I shall wear what I have on,” he smiled, walking away from her.

Tricked, she stomped a foot in frustration and stuck her tongue out at him. “MEANIE!!”

 

Expecting the outburst, L could only laugh.

 

--

 

Days passed. L and Misa rapidly found themselves enjoying the other's company more than they thought was even possible.

Although being out in public and having to abide by typical restaurant clothing rules was out of L's comfort zone, going out on dates with Misa were a rather pleasing experience for him.

 

He was quick to realize that Misa Amane was something he never knew he needed during their earlier meetings as much as he found he needed her now.

 

And he wouldn't have had it any other way.

 

--

 

Light's trial and execution went on as planned. L was sure to watch that to make certain the manipulative male received a lethal bleach injection.

 

But although this was justice, his justice, something about it disagreed with L. Something was sourly amiss and out of place.

And it wasn't realized until the brown-haired male took his last dying gasps of breath that the truth was exposed to the detective.

The male portraying, only pretending to be Light Yagami, lifted his head and grinned, then wheezed a mocking statement right before his death. There was no sound feed, but L could read the mouth movements clearly.

“You lose, L.”

 

A sudden jolt of shock ran through the detective and fear licked at his spine. On impulse, he rose from his perch in front of the monitors and dashed towards the stairs to head to his room where Misa was sleeping about an hour ago.

 

The door flew open and L's chest heaved as he caught his breath, exhaling through his nose. Instantly his eyes fell on Misa's sitting form in the bed.

The blonde, clad only in his t-shirt and the bedsheets, stared into nothingness, a distant look dressed across her features.

 

L was not able to see the looming Shinigami that stood at Misa's bedside.

 

Rem kept her narrowed eye on L, watching as he briskly slid into the bed next to Misa and cupped her cheeks in his hands.

Since neither of the humans could see her presence, the onlooking Shinigami clutched Misa's Death Note securely and spread her vast wings.

 

Earlier that morning, after Misa and L shared a tender bonding moment, the petite model took it upon herself to allow curiosity to get the better of her and look for the magazines Rem had eluded to L having of her. But as she lifted the mattress, her fingertips sunk into the small slice in the object and brushed against something she instantly recognized as being familiar.

 

Dropping the mattress, she pulled out the Death Note, shocked it was still in the human world. But as she opened it, a sharp pain shot into her head and she threw down the book as if it malformed into fire and burned her.

And in a way, it had.

 

Before she could do anything else, Rem appeared to her, explaining sadly that Misa could no longer use the Death Note and that she had to forfeit ownership of it.

Yet, the Shinigami was fighting back waves of remorse, and promised the girl that she would help her find a way out of this situation someday.

Rem swore it.

 

After the forfeit, Misa lost he Shinigami Eyes ability, as well as all memories tied to and dealing with the notebook; the Shinigami Realm, Kira's identity, her actions as the Second Kira, and the two names of two specific individuals.

One of them she wanted to forget, but could not stop thinking about, while the other was someone very dear to her.

 

Afterwards, she was unable to piece together her sense of loss and simply got back in bed; her head hurting from trying to figure out something that was no longer there.

 

“Misa!” L called, getting her bemused eyes to finally meet with his frantic ones, “Misa, what happened?”

Innocently, she blinked and lightly covered his hands with her own against her face, “I...I'm fine, I just got this weird headache. Amai, is something wrong??”

L paused, holding in a breath. He remembered Rem informing him about forfeiting and his mind reeled back to that accused note Light left.

L knew Misa's memories would be affected.

His suggestion to her to give him a nickname was in possibility of this situation. In the event Misa ever forgot...

“What... is my name, Misa?”

Confused, she made a face as if he had grown 5 heads, “Ryuzaki....?”

“No,” he stated, his voice cracking a bit, “The name only you may call me.”

“Huh? You mean Amai, right? That's the only other name I know, remember?”

“....”

Words would fail explaining the defeat that weighed upon L and wrenched his heart.

Silently, L closed his eyes and hugged her tightly. One hand rested behind the back of her head while the other gently clawed at her side, gripping the fabric of his shirt that she wore.

“I know...” he forced, biting his lip to keep it from quivering as the true impact of the situation ripped at the core of his soul. A solitary drop of liquid glistened from the corner of his eyes.

Although he expected this possible outcome, nothing could prepare him for the extremity of it. “I know... ...”

 

But regardless of the grim outcome, he would rectify this tribulation, despite the fact that all of these events were trigged by him. But he didn't care.

 

L chose to continue to love her no matter what warnings he was given,

And that was their undoing.

 

Witnessing all of this, Rem turned away from them and flew off disdainfully towards her realm, determined to keep her promise.

 

--

 

To be continued!

 

Is this too confusing? Perhaps it'll clear up in the next installment.

 

-Mel