Devil May Cry - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Attack of the Demon Dinosaur ❯ Return/Final Appearance of the Demon Dinosaur ( Chapter 4 )

A warning for those who will read-- the ending was made to make as little sense as possible. Don't even think about how it fits.

-Ultima

Return of the Demon Dinosaur

Fast forward a decade or so...

Vergil by now had gotten the sense beaten out of him (then into him) by Dante while on his pursuit of power for reasons now known— but still unknown by Dante himself, who thought his dear brother was just crazy in the head. Against his will, Vergil had been dragged off by his younger twin to live with him in his office-home. Although not as much against his will as he'd like to think he was. He had a hard time admitting that he somewhat missed having someplace to call a home after ten or so years of being on the run from demons, one of which he didn't doubt was Barney. But he didn't like to think of that.

He was taken in, and a few months and days made him realize that after such a long time— and despite so much of his life looking like it had changed—nothing really had changed. Like Dante's habits.

And on this day in particular, Vergil looked into Dante's room with disdain. He shook his head in disappointment and muttered, “Trust Dante not to clean his own room. He leaves it such a mess!"

He took a step in and walked— more like waded— around Dante's room, kicking away dirty laundry, beer bottles and cans, and the like.

"My brother hunts down demons for a living, yet can't even keep his own room tidy. Everything's on the floor, and—" He opened the door to Dante's closet, and random stuff poured out and pooled at his feet. At least the mess didn't bury him, like in cartoons. His gaze went from the floor and random knick-knacks, slowly up to the rest of the closet. "Figures. Maybe I should start here."

Vergil reached in and pulled out an old box full of who-knows-what. He started sifting through it, when he found a hint of something... "Purple?" He buried his hand into the box and pulled the object out. It happened to be a stuffed plushie. He tilted his head in confusion. "??"

As Vergil took a closer look, a voice from his past resurfaced, just as he thought he'd buried that forever...

'Mwahahaha!! Your soul is MINE!!'

Vergil's eyes widened for a moment, then he glared at the Barney plushie.

"Now I remember...” his voice carried the hint of a sneer, “to think that Dante could carry this little demented thing around, and even after all that happened, he still carries it...”

Vergil was slowly crushing the plushie in his hands as he spoke, but he stopped as he felt something odd. Something that shouldn't have been there. “Hm?" He turned Barney around and discovered something lodged in it. He pulled whatever it was out and examined it for a few seconds.

"A… walkie-talkie? This doesn't belong here... why would Dante— "

Vergil stopped then, and his eyes widened. A walkie-talkie?

It suddenly made sense. Recalling every moment where the demon had suddenly come to life and scared him, possibly scarred him, he noted… Dante was never around, but then he would come and the toy would fall silent, not even breathing an edge of a word or threat.

Dante would come, defending his plushie as any oblivious boy would at his age, but with so much enthusiasm… how else could he not have known? The truth was that he did! A Manipulator, he had taken Vergil and made him the toy …

Vergil gripped the walkie-talkie now, the plastic splintering into pieces and some was digging into his glove.

"The toy couldn't talk on its own…" He said aloud to himself, his eye starting to twitch.

Not even paying mind to how he presented himself then, he threw his head back, and yelled to the deaf sky, at the top of his lungs, "DANTE, YOU SON OF A-"

-

Dante walked into his room, just having gotten back from a mission he'd been called for. He almost regretted accepting the job, even if the guy on the other end had the right password. Killing a bunch of Blades had never been so tedious and boring.

He sighed and mumbled, "Note to self: Get a redder coat," pulled his coat off and slung it over his shoulder, a bloodstain partially evident on his not-all-that-red coat. He looked all around the room at all the things that had been moved around, at the mess on the floor that poured out from his closet. He sucked his teeth in a pouting fashion.

"Nice to know someone's been here. But if they were gonna clean up, they could've at least finished the job...” he shrugged it off. “Well, if it's all the same to me, which it is..."

Dante turned around, making a mental note to clean up later, only to find Yamato pointed at his throat and Vergil staring at him dead in the eyes, seething with rage. Dante instinctively stepped back, hands up in would-be mock surrender, wondering what the hell it was Vergil was pissed at him about.

"Hello, Dante." Vergil's voice came out not as the cool calm tenor he usually had, but lower, more stern and threatening. Like Dante himself in a bad mood. He pressed the Yamato again to his brother's throat. "You've got some nerve, don't you?”

Dante's mouth formed an `O'. “Huh? What are you talking abou—”

“Don't play any games with me!” Vergil roared. His left eye was twitching venomously, and the thought flashed through Dante's mind that he wasn't in the position to ask questions, lest his brother snap.

“You've some nerve,” he repeated, “using that walkie-talkie to make it look like the toy could speak on its own. Do you have any idea how traumatizing that was!?"

Dante just stared at him for a few minutes, when he caught hint of what it was Vergil was referring to. "Uh... yeah, about that..." A sweatdrop ran down the side of his head. "Listen, Verge, I was only funnin', it was just a joke... and it happened a really long time ago, so--"

"SHOVE IT, you lying sack of crap!!” Vergil cried out. “After all that you've done, I should just kill you right where you stand!! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just do it right now!!"

Dante shut his eyes, maybe he could come up with a good enough reason to at least justify his actions before Vergil sliced him up into ribbons. Maybe… he was just about to say something, when

"Because.."

Dante's breath caught in his throat. Vergil's expression changed to one of confusion as they both looked around for the source of the voice, then turned to the Barney plushie lying on the ground. It was the only other thing there, right?

Barney just laid there on its side, dead, inanimate, eyes staring into the far wall near where the brothers stood. Inanimate, but with a voice.

"Brothers shouldn't fight, they should be friends!"

Vergil's brows furrowed. Just how…? He nearly gave into the thought that the plushie was speaking of its own will, when he remembered just who he was in the presence of. He went back to his cool, calm self as he thought, Sorry, Dante, but the same trick won't work twice. “Oh, still with your little games? You can save your little ventriloquism act for later, if you even live that long.” He looked at Dante from the corner of his eyes, but Dante wasn't looking back at him like he'd half-expected. Instead, he was staring at the toy, his face an expression of… fear?

“Verge… It's not me… Seriously, it isn't… I swear…” Dante's voice was something below normal speaking level, he wasn't his loud boisterous self. “I wouldn't do this…”

Vergil scoffed. How like his brother, to lie even in the face of the truth. He was only playing. "Oh really?” he turned back to Barney, which was still lying on the ground. “Brothers should be friends, you say? What if we're not?"

The demonic toy shook a little, then got up to its feet with a start. “Brothers as enemies? That's just a shame now, isn't it?” Its head spun a full 360 degrees as it raised a foot up, then put it down, taking slow deliberate steps towards the twins. "I guess I'LL EAT BOTH OF YOUR SOULS!!"

Without warning, Barney suddenly grew to an awesome size, towering over Dante and Vergil.

“YAAAHH BITCH YAAHH!” it roared.

Vergil's jaw dropped and Dante yelled, “HOLY SHIT THIS THING REALLY IS ALIVE!! RUN AWAY!!"

Conveniently forgetting that he hunted things like this for a living, Dante turned tail and bolted out of his room while Vergil just stood there, frozen in shock and horror. The now giant evil plushie started lumbering towards him, ever-so-slowly and… er… evilly. Still, Vergil didn't move, gawking at Barney as it got closer.

Even though he was very, very scared (and the voice in his head was telling him so because it REALLY hadn't seen this coming), he tried to convince himself otherwise.

"I'm not… afraid... I'm not… afraid..."

Dante came back and grabbed Vergil by the chain of his amulet. "QUIT STANDING THERE AND HAUL YOUR ASS!" Yanking the chain and Vergil with it, he ran as fast out of the room as time would allow, down the hall then descending the steps more than two at a time.

But because the madness never ends, the situation occurred. The worst possible one, in the worst possible moment.

He tripped.

Tumbled down the rest of the way, and took poor Vergil down with him. But as entertaining as the notion is that the twins went down like a pair of half-demon slinkies, being chased by a demon dinosaur is NOT funny in the least.

They stopped right at the landing, an awkward pile of limbs and their respective color coats. Vergil mumbled something incoherently, only half conscious, while Dante came to with a start. He fixed them both, jumping to his feet, and continued his escape.

Just then, Lady walked into the office and Dante ran right past her, and yes, he was still dragging Vergil by the chain.

Lady had a `WTF?' look on her face, and she turned around. "Dante?"

Dante skidded to a halt, and turned around. "Lady!? Man, am I glad you showed up! I just—" he stopped, feeling a faint tapping on his leg. He looked down to find Vergil lying on the floor, his face turned blue from lack of air (Dante was accidentally choking him). "Oops! Sorry!" Dante apologized sadly.

Lady tilted her head to the right. "Dante, just what is going on?"

Dante looked up at her, suddenly remembering the urgency of the situation. He grabbed her shoulders. "There's no time to talk, we have to run away!"

"From what, exactly?"

Vergil got up, gasping. He took a moment to catch his breath, and answered her question as best he could. "From... Barney!"

Lady leaned back slightly. She didn't believe what she was hearing. Removing Dante's hands from her shoulders, she just said, "What?"

Dante waved his hands around in the air. "Well, yeah, we're running away from this huge-ass Barney plushie, like yay-high! It's EVIL, man!"

"It's evil, and it wants to eat our souls!" Vergil added.

Lady looked at them both and shook her head in disappointment and disbelief. "Listen, Dante, I always knew you were on some serious drugs, but you too, Vergil?"

Vergil looked offended. How dare she not believe him! "We're being serious!"

Lady smacked herself in the forehead. "Look, there is NO WAY a dinosaur from kid's shows could possibly be trying to eat your souls."

"OH REALLY, HUMAN?"

Barney crashed through the wall, just to prove a point.

"THEN I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL TOO!!”

Lady's eyes went to the size of saucers. "HOLY SHIT THAT'S BARNEY!?”

Dante and Vergil answered in unison, and in the whiniest `We-Told-You-So' voices, "We TOLD you he was evil!"

The three huddled together, and as Barney came closer to them, they backed right into a wall. Into a corner, to be more exact.

As Lady was being cornered, she wailed, "Waaah! We really ARE going to get eaten by a demon dinosaur that teaches 13-year-olds A-B-Cs!"

As Vergil was being cornered, he started to cry, genuine tears streaming down his face, "I… I think I'm too scared to piss on myself!"

As Dante was being cornered, he gulped and said in a guilty voice, "You guys... I think I wanna buy a Hummer."

Lady and Vergil both looked at Dante like they were going to just throttle him right then and there.

"JUST WTF DID THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!?"

Dante sweatdropped. "Heh, sorry..."

Barney just gave them a curious look. "Wow, you guys really can't take a joke!"

Dante Vergil and Lady turned to him, and one could swear question marks were floating over their heads. “Huh?”

A white aura surrounded the giant Barney plushie, and he shrank down to a human size, his features changing into those of… Sparda!?

The Legendary Dark Knight fixed his monocle, and stated as obvious as it could be, "You three get scared over the weirdest things!"

A/N: ...Told you it wasn't going to make much sense. XD Hm, yes, as I might have hinted, I love canon-defying cameos. And I think OOC-ness is funny. Teehee.

Review, please and thank you!