Devil May Cry - Series Fan Fiction ❯ When They're Not Around ❯ One-Shot

I, nor any of us here own any of the Devil May Cry characters. Unless you happen to work for Capcom, then you've got some serious explaining to do.

When They're Not Around...

Dante sat on the couch, kicking his legs lazily. He looked over to Vergil, who was flipping through a magazine and reading. They were both bored out of their minds, at today was one of those days where nothing they thought up seemed to amuse them any.

Dante yawned. "Hey, Verge.."

"Yeah? What is it?"

"I'm bored."

Vergil rolled his eyes. "Gee, I never would've noticed."

Dante crossed his arms and made a face. He always has to make a comment from anything, he thought . He opened his mouth to say something rude, but thought better of it. A few seconds later, he opened it up again. "There's nothing to do around here, is there? I mean, mom and dad went shopping... eh, wait, no- Mom dragged Dad to the store..." he shrugged.

Vergil nodded absentmindedly, and flipped to the next page after realizing his eyes had glazed over the same line 30 times in a row.

They wasted a few more minutes in silence, then—

Vergil slammed the magazine shut and tossed it away. "...Wanna see if there's anything to do around the house?"

Dante stopped kicking his legs. "Sounds good."

-In the kitchen-

Dante walked in after Vergil, and his eyes widened at the sight of the fridge-- like he'd never seen it before in his life! “Whoa! Hey, Verge!” he jumped up and down. “We can just kill some time, raiding the fridge!”

Vergil scoffed at the idea. “We? Dante, you can raid the entire kitchen just by yourself!”

Dante made a blank face, then tried to retaliate— "Oh yeah, well, you-- er-- uh-- ...shut up!!"

Vergil looked away. "Whatever, let's go see what's in the fridge."

Dante opened the fridge—mumbling a few choice obscenities under his breath—and Vergil looked in at the gallons of milk, canned food, and other things one would normally find in a fridge. He noticed something odd and unfamiliar, and reached his hands in and pulled out a case of bottles that looked oddly different from the bottles of soda in the fridge.

Needless to say, they were bottles of beer, but Dante and Vergil are underage, so they wouldn't know.

Vergil turned the box around. “What is this?”

Dante stood on his tiptoes, wanting to get a better look by peering over his brother's shoulder. "So, what's in those bottles?"

Vergil, in sarcasm mode, replied, "Oh, I don't know. Why not grab one and find out for yourself, genius?"

Dante got a vein throbbing in his temple. Oh, that's it! Enough is enough-- this'll shut him up! He snatched a bottle right out of the box. "FINE then!!" He flipped the cap off the bottle and started guzzling down the beer without even so much as a warning.

Vergil looked startled. "Ahh! I didn't mean for real! I was only joking!" he said, waving his hands in front of him. Dante kept drinking, and didn't pay Vergil any mind. He was only interested in making Vergil say something without sarcasm, for once.

Vergil stood there and watched Dante drink down the entire thing. Letting curiosity overcome his shock, he asked, "...Er... how was it...?" Dante turned to look at him, when suddenly he looked sick to his stomach. The organ in question churned, his body heaved, bile came up his throat—and despite all this, his situation wasn't all that bad.

Vergil, on the other hand got the short end of the stick, when Dante hurled sick all over him.

...More like, projectile vomited.

...All over his face.

And for a comical effect, Dante was hurling more than he actually drank.

But to save you people from hurling up your lunch, or just choking on whatever you're drinking, let's just say it was over.

Dante finished, spitting out whatever was left. "Ugh! Blech!! That was—gross!" He wiped away at his mouth like there was no tomorrow. Vergil, having been hurled on so hard that his hair was slicked back, instead of matted down to his head, tried to resist the urge to strangle Dante.

"That's... nice..." was all he said.

Dante was still wiping at his mouth. "Sorry, Verge. That thing tasted like crap!!"

Vergil combed his hair back down with his hands, not saying a word. He was thinking of plenty in his head, though, none too flattering.

The twins stared at each other for a while, then—

Dante grinned. "Betcha can't drink more than me!"

"You're on!!"

Minutes later…

Dante was blushing and trying to keep his balance, having drunk so much beer. "Ehh... lissen.. I don' mean 'o hurt your feelings, but this jus'.. isn' working out..." he slurred, swaying back and forth, trying to see through half-lidded eyes. "You hardly do anything for me!"

Vergil's head was resting on the table. He was unconscious, mumbling something under his breath.

Dante, meanwhile, was standing on the other side of the kitchen, talking to a broom.

He jabbed a finger at the broom, trying to give it the meanest look he could, what with his system being so messed up he couldn't even blink right. "What have you done for me lately!? Huh?? I mean— I mean— Ohhhh... my head..." he groaned, hugging the broom with all his might. "Oh, what am I saying, I can't stay mad at ya forever..." he cuddled it, not even noticing his tone changed drastically. He was so fickle when it came to relationships…

Vergil, regaining consciousness, picked his head up from the table.

"Dante, what's going on…?” He gave an `OMG-WTF!” gasp, looking at Dante and the broom hugging. "D- …Dante!?"

Dante dropped the broom on the floor like nothing, and raised his hands in some feeble attempt to defend himself. "What-- what-- this isn't what it looks like, I swear!"

Tears welled up in his older twin's eyes, and his voice started to quiver. "Yes, it is!! Y-y-you're ch-ch-cheating on me, I know you are!!" he bit his lip and gave Dante the saddest look you'd ever seen.

Dante leaned over the table to get closer to Vergil, without being too close. "Eh, no-no-no… This is all a misunderstanding..."

Vergil bit his lip harder for a moment before he closed the distance and yanked Dante the rest of the way across, holding him by the collar of his shirt. Their faces were very close, nose-to-nose in fact, but for some reason Vergil had made it a point to make his voice very loud.

"Yeah, yeah, a misunderstanding!?” he shook Dante repeatedly. “LIKE HELL IT IS!! I hate you, you JERK!! This relationship is OVER!"

Dante looked sad. "But... if... if that's the case... then why are you holding me so... so tenderly?”

Vergil was holding Dante like he was about to kiss him.

His voice barely a whisper, he replied, "Because I... love you."

They stared into each other's eyes, and time seemed to slow down for that split second. The background turned a light pink with soft yellow bubbles floating in the air, then—

"...NOT!"

Vergil dropped Dante on the floor, picked a flower out of his pocket and plucked the last remaining petal from it. Dante stared up at him, looking absolutely devastated.