Digimon Fan Fiction / Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ Ultimatum 2: The Argetlahm Adventures ❯ Veemon, Gatomon, and.. oh, no... ( Chapter 15 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

(While the Argetlahm Adventures take place, Keyvan and his henchmen reside aboard his own personal starship, the S.S. Ess Ess Ess......)



RED ALERT!! RED ALERT!!

Keyvan - Great, now what?

King Kai - Aaaah!! There appears to be a fanfic of some sort melding with yours, captain!

Bender - Aw, hell, now what?

Fry - I don't know, it's some kind of... fanfic, I guess. Scanners say it's rated R, though.

Gennai - Isn't that just great.

Keyvan - (eyes wide) Damn it! I wanted this to stay PG-13!!! Evasive manouvers!!!

(Loud explosion sound is heard. The bridge is dumped into a deep red light.)

Trunks - Critical systems damage, captain. It appears the R fic is going to collide with the PG-13 one.

Keyvan - Any reports?

Lynx (from Chrono Cross, rather than a wild panther) - The fic stars Veemon. It's a kind of sidestory of the Argetlahm Adventures, when everybody rests on Server continent. ....( -_-' )

Keyvan - Lynx? Is there something you're not telling me?

Lynx - It has a lot of expletitive sex talk. (walks over to a computer and starts typing)

Cartman - What the hell does he mean?

Keyvan - Uh oh. Apparently, the next chapter of the Argetlahm Adventures is... um... how do I say this...

(extensive pause)

Keyvan - A lime?


<dramatic music> DUM DUM DUUUUUUUM


King Kai - God no!!

Fry - AAaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Gennai - That's impossible!!

Trunks - By the gods!

Bender - Heh heh.. so it's a porn, right?

(everybody glares at Bender)

Bender - ...sorry.

Keyvan - (sits casually) It depends on how you look at it. Lots of sex talk goes on, but nothing descriptive. You know.

Bender - Sex ed videos.

Keyvan - Shut up.

Bender - Screw you.




(A/N - Heed this warning, readers! If my overly confusing update did not get through to you, THIS CHAPTER COULD BE A POSSIBLE LIME!! Well, maybe not, people talking about... um... damn man, I can't do this... just read. Disgusted? Go to the next chapter, then. Of course, it isn't up. ;) To make a long story short, this is the one chapter in the Argetlahm Adventures that merits it its R rating. As long as I have my fire hose nearby, your flames cannot harm me.)





Do sexual situations between the Argetlahm crew scare you? Last warning - SKIP THE CHAPTER!! This is mostly just something I wanted to try doing. Don't mind me. -_-' )





















Server Mainland
Day 18, 1:57 AM








It was generally designed to be a long night. As everybody lied off in the distance in their sleeping bags, oblivious to the possible final fight that lied before them the following day, a large group of the men sat around a blazing campfire set up a short hike away from the makeshift campsite. Ultimanium wasn't there. Neither was Magnus. Or Raul. TK reached forward and tossed another log on top of the crimson waves that danced before him.

Everybody sat silent, watching the heated disintegration of the wood ahead of them. Yeah, this was a philosophical night for some people. But these are the guys we're talking about here, for God sakes.

Conker leant forward. "I have a case of beer still."

Rodent leapt up. "Yeeeeeah!! Let's toss it on the fire and see how far the flames rise!!"

Everybody stared at him.

"...what?"

Conker sighed. "Rodent, what are you doing here? You're not a man."

"Yes I am!"

Conker tossed the case of beer to Rodent. "If you drink all of this and come back in about half an hour, we'll call you a man."

"oooooh!!" Rodent squealed. He bounded back into the bushes to have a nice long drink to his manly self. Even though he still thought Conker carried around "root" beer with him. Boy, he had a lot to learn.

Tai confined a snicker to himself. "He's gonna come back smaaaaaaaaashed. 20 bucks says so."

"30 bucks says he accidently steps into the fire." Serge said.

Tai grinned. "You're on."

As everybody joined in communal man discussion, Veemon watched from a nearby bush. In his left hand he held his rolled up sleeping bag. He unrolled it partially and glanced at a small stain on the surface. He pushed gently on it with his finger. Yep, still wet. He couldn't hide his lack of knowledge any more. He had to have a long, stern talk with the guys. For good times sake. Veemon quickly rerolled his sleeping bag and began to creep slowly to Davis' log where he was seated.

Davis stared down at the ground. "...." Goku turned and slapped him on the shoulder.

"Damn, man!" Goku laughed. "What's wrong? Ultramagnus scaring the wit out of you?"

Davis sighed. "A tiny bit. Has he ever made you wonder what his true power is?"

Goku leaned back and stared up at the starry Digiworld sky. "Can't say so. I've really never cared what my adversary's power is. I just go at a fight, I give it my best, and see who wins. I'm not into messing up the order of things any. If I win, I win. If I lose, I lose. Like Cell. You know Cell. I don't put time into figuring him out, I don't find his weakness, I just fight as I am. I'm not into winning. All I want is a fair fight."

Davis sulked. "I see what you mean. But doesn't it bug you the least that you stand the chance of not winning?"

Goku shook his head. "Nope. I don't lose a terrible lot. If I lose, it's my own fault."

Davis turned his attention from his discussion to find that the entire circle had quieted down. They all sat and watched the burning wood in front of them, as if they were mesmerized by the glowing chars.

TK looked up. "I'm glad I boarded the Argetlahm. Are you guys?"

Everybody nodded.

Conker grinned. "It's nice to know there's so many heavy drinkers out there."

"You can say what you want," TK mumbled. "But... I've made so many friends in the past 2 weeks it's not funny. You guys are all so awesome."

"You guys are pretty bitchin' too." Karsh smirked. "Your digimon-things saved my ass multiple occaisions."

TK glanced back down. "Just wondering.. say, like we didn't win when we fought Ultramagnus.. what would be the last thing in your life you'd want to do?"

Serge frowned. "Pleasurewise?"

Davis bowed his head. "I'd like to make up to Kari some time... I've been ignoring her for the past while, and I think we're starting to split apart..."

All the guys stared at him, expecting an answer.










Davis glanced around nervously before sulking where he sat. "...I want to fuck her."

The group erupted in applause. Tai just stared at Davis with a twitch in his face.


Veemon stared at the group with a distorted look on his face. Alright, that just sounds funny. Davis, could I speak to you over here... it's about this 'vocabulary'...

Izzy and TK put their hands behind their heads. "Haven't we all."

More cheering. Tai glared at Izzy.

Goku picked at his fingernails. "I wonder if Chichi is putting out."

Hooting and hollering from the peanut gallery. Tai started laughing for the first time that night.

Veemon shook his head. Putting out? Putting.. out? Putting what out?

Serge sweatdropped. "Okay, Kid..."

Everybody fell off their logs, laughing before Serge could finish. "Damn man, now THAT would be funny!" TK yelled inbetween giggles.

Veemon snuck up and tapped Davis on the back, making him turn his head momentairly.

"...Veemon?" Davis whispered. "Make it quick, we're trying to talk here."

Veemon bowed his head. "It's about something serious."

Davis got up and ducked back with Veemon into the bushes as everybody continued laughing.





********




"Al right, Veemon, what do you want?" Davis sighed.

Veemon twiddled his thumbs. "Well... how can I say this without sounding like a kid of yours? Okay... give me a minute..."

"You could have planned this out somewhat."

Veemon grit his teeth. "I have... Davis? I need some knowledge of yours here."

Davis rolled his eyes. "Talk to Izzy."

"Birds. Bees. I want the talk." Veemon sighed.

Davis stared at Veemon. "....t....t.....the talk?... Veemon, what's the deal?"

"Normally, digimon's mothers would teach them about this kind of thing... anyways, it started with this." Veemon unrolled the sleeping bag and pointed to the stain. "Do you know what this is?"

Davis sat motionless, looking at the small stain on the bag. ".....why, that's... um... that's .... what's the word?..." Damn it, how the hell do I say this to someone like Veemon? ... okay, keep him busy for a minute while you think of an answer. Yeah. "...I know what it is, but first you need to know what causes it."

"What?"

"Did you have a dream recently?"

"Gatomon. And she... um...." Damn it, how the hell do I say this to someone like Davis? ... okay, keep him busy for a minute while you think of an answer. Yeah. "...she fought Machinedramon, and I watched!... but that's not the point."

Davis checked around him to make sure no one was watching. "Did she do anything... 'funny'... during the dream?"

"Weird stuff, Davis. She did..."

"Something pleasureable."

Veemon nodded vigorously. "Uncomfortable, yet pleasureable at the same time."

Davis lied down on his back by Veemon, glaring at the stars above the two isolated heroes. "And you really want to do that again? Yes? Man, you must really want to impress Gato badly."

Veemon blinked. "...impress?"

Davis winced. "Okay... let's try it like this... okay... I like to refer to the creation of life as one giant jigsaw puzzle. Some people, and digimon in your case, have notches in them which let them interlock with other people/digimon! When these people interlock they create new puzzle pieces to make the entire puzzle bigger! Understand?"

Veemon sweatdropped. "...no."

".. people put toppings on other pizzas; other people, and when people witness this more pizzas are made!"

"...wha?"

Davis made a ring with his left index finger and thumb, and drove the index finger on his right hand through it. "Look familiar to you?" he growled.

"Can't say so." Veemon sighed, shrugging.

Davis closed his eyes. "Screw A goes into Slot B. Envision it."

Veemon sulked. "Nope."

"What the hell!" Davis shouted. "Vee, you were able to humiliate Ken and Yolei when they scored during the Ultimatum, you were able to point out Tai and Sora's plan to sleep together then during a game of Truth and Dare, and I heard you talking from Kari's bunk with Patamon about the entries in Gato's diary when we raided the place (A/N - Chapter 4), and you can't say you understand any of this?!"


"None of it," Veemon sighed, dropping to a sit. "I try to use your language so it seems like I'm more in the group when the truth is I couldn't identify any of it if my life depended on it. You could say I'm lucky you haven't detected it before. I just get an urge whenever she's near me, that's the only lead I have."



The proverbial lightbulb above Davis' head flicked on. "...heh... hey, Vee, I have an idea. If this doesn't show you what I mean, nothing will."







********



< br> Izzy glanced down at his watch. "...3...2...1.."

Rodent flew out of the bushes in a frenzy, screaming his head off. "YAAAAAHH!!! IT'S AFTER ME!!! AHHHH!!" Being the stupid idiot he is, he ran straight through the campfire, lighting his boots on fire. He quickly dropped and rolled, extinguishing his blazing footwear.

Serge grinned. Tai just rolled his eyes and handed him a wad of bills.

"What's after you?" Conker sighed.

"The EVIL ROCK GOLEM OF DOOM, MAN!!" Rodent wailed out. "I tried to run, but he turned into a brick and threw himself at my head! I nearly got knocked out, but Jesus himself came down and disintegrated it before it hit my face! The rock-dude had a flamethrower-bazooka thing though, and he scared Jesus away! And suddenly the trees all lit up in a blue flame and when the smoke cleared I was in a giant disco hall! So I started to fight my way out using what Ninjitsu I knew, however, some bouncers came after me and shot me with their eye lasers and I exploded, killing everyone! When I finally awoke, I was back in the Digital World except all the trees were painted plaid and a marching band began chasing me so I ran into this clearing and found everyone! Weird, huh?!"

Tai glared back to Serge. Serge handed him 20 dollars back.

A Gotsumon stamped out of the bushes, carrying a baseball bat. "Where'd that little bastard go?!"

"You just missed him." Tai said flatly.

The Gotsumon eyed the group. "Damn it, must've went the other way. Sorry." He turned and stomped back into the foilage.

Izzy looked up from the laptop on his knee with a evil grin on his face. "How many of you like hentai?" Everybody rose from their seats and rushed over to get a good look at Izzy's screen.





********




Veemo n staggered slightly as he entered the long field. He looked around at the vast plain in front of him and spotted 2 tents situated at the lowest part of the clearing. "Davis? What are we doing here?"

"A little field exercise," Davis whispered. "I want you to go down there and get a good look into Kari's tent for me."

Veemon blinked in confusion for what had to be the eighty-ninth time that night. "But what is it about Kari? It's not Kari that gets me..."

"Just do it," Davis muttered, checking to make sure no one was watching. "You'll get the point... literally... if you catch my drift."

Veemon blinked for his ninetith time, before turning and heading slowly down the rolling plain for the lit tents off in the distance. Whatever Davis wanted from him, he meant it. It must've been for his own good. But then again, it all depends on how you look at it... unfortunately for Veemon, he would have front row seats. As Veemon cleared the site limits and tiptoed cautiously up to the tent on the left, he stayed out of range of the light and listened silently. Veemon sat and watched the silouette of Kari and Gatomon fight over what looked like a magazine.

"Hey!" Kari laughed. "I'm not done! Give that back! Just because you have a mindset on getting... er... whatever from one person doesn't mean I can't indulge in a good 'ol chick mag!"

Veemon shook his head. "Getting whatever. Suuuuure. The metaphors just keep coming." He mumbled to himself. Inside the tent, it was visible that Gatomon drooped slightly.

"Sorry, Kari," Gatomon sighed. "It just feels like I'm betraying Veemon with that in my vision."




*Keyvan bursts out of a dimensional rip, somewhere else in space*

Keyvan - Well, buy me a station wagon and roll me in hot tar! The bitch really does have the hots for that little freak!

Gennai - Captain, please refrain from such language.

Trunks - If this turns into a lemon, someone is going to die.

King Kai - If this turns into a lemon, someone is going to get my condolences.

Bender - If this turns into a lemon, someone is going to get my number.

(everybody stares at Bender with a twitch in their faces)

Cartman - Shut up shitface, and quit ruining the moment.

(Bender and Cartman wrestle each other to the ground and start punching each other)

Cartman - Bi-atch!! Respect my authori-tah!!

*...er... back to the story...*





Veemon scratched his head. "Betray? Me? What's reading a chick mag have to do with betrayal?"

Gatomon stared up with a glint in her eye. "I'm sick and tired of sitting around like this! Veemon? You anywhere near this campsite? Then come and get me!"

Veemon stepped in front of the tent opening, ready to scream "oogly boogly nya ha ha" and scare both residents, but froze as he caught sight of Gatomon. "... uh... hi.. Gatomon?" Veemon grinned uneasily and waved weakly to Gatomon.

Kari rolled her eyes and got up where she stood, holding her sleeping bag in one arm and the magazine in the other. "Gatomon? Do you need some alone time?"



Gatomon blinked. "Why, sure." As Kari left the tent scowling to herself, Gatomon turned her attention to Veemon. She threw her arms to the side and fell back onto her sleeping bag.

"Say no more." Gatomon cooed.

Veemon lit up, alongside a gigantic sweatdrop. "...uh...ah.... 'Screw A goes into Slot B'... I think I'm getting the hang of this..... hold on a minute, I'm coming...." Veemon gulped and began to approach.









********







Blackwargreymon opened his eyes. "Everybody! What was that?!"

Piedmon looked up from his desk, situated off in the distance away from the girls' tents. "Why, I think it's the sounds of.. true love! Or so I'm told... why, yes! That would make an excellent production! I can see it now... 'A Midnight Summer's Digital Dream'.. or something..." He dabbed a feathered pen into an ink goblet next to him and began scribbling down notes hastily.

Mummymon sat up. "These different-dimension Digidestined sure act funny, don't they? They almost act like.. me."

Arukenimon sighed to herself as she looked down on the camp, arms folded. "Yeah, except they actually succeed."

"That can be changed." Mummymon murmured as he slid closer to Arukenimon.

"Get away from me, you freak."

Mummymon winced as he slumped away. He lied down and returned to sleep.

Blackwargreymon also returned to a lying-down position in the field. "Do not let your guard up. Ultramagnus is a crafty foe. These new warriors will help us greatly in the fight, and it is crucial we do not bother them while they perform their task."






********




< br> Izzy gaped as he glanced back down to his laptop screen. "Davis! TK! Tai! Come here quick!"

At this moment in time, the digidestined were the only ones remaining awake. Tai reached over and removed a half-full can of beer from a sleeping Conker's hand and dumped a small amount on the simmering campfire, sending it ablaze again. "What is it, Izzy?"

"Scanners are showing an outburst of digital information in the vincinity. It's probably signifying the beginning phases of the creation of a new Digiegg."

TK's eyes opened wide. "A new Digiegg? Where's it situated?"

Izzy squinted down. "The signal hasn't fully picked up yet, but it's somewhere near the girls' tents."

Or IN the girls' tents, if you want to be specific, Davis thought to himself with a grin. "So it's outside of the nursery. Maybe some Digimon got lucky then."

"Maybe so," Izzy said, closing his laptop. "I can't say I've seen an occurance like this in a while. Most of the time the Digieggs just show up in the nursery. The only way the Digiegg could have been forged in the wild like this is if a Digimon mated."

TK looked over. "If a Digiegg is formed in the wild like this, how long does it take to hatch?"

Izzy shrugged. "Depending on the Digimon involved, anywhere from a day to a week. We'll probably wind up heading to Ultramagnus' HQ before we get time to look for it, so I guess we'll have to leave it alone."

Tai leant back. "Aw, forget about it. It was probably two stupid Digimon experimenting, that's all."

"I'm going to go take a piss," Davis said. "Be right back."



As Davis made his way back into the bush and began unzipping his pants, he glanced over and noticed a small blue-white figure wobbling over the hill, dazed. Davis quickly zipped back up. "Hey, that looks like a Demiveemon! I wonder what a Digimon like that is doing out here?"

"...Davis..." Demiveemon slurred.

Davis blinked. "...huh? Vee? That's you? How'd you get beaten down to In-training, Gato got second thoughts?"

"..nah... it was just a bit rough, that's all...." Demiveemon waddled a couple steps forward before falling, Davis catching him. "...never thought something like that could take so much out of a person... it was pretty cool, though... coooooooooooooooooooooooooll...."

Davis looked slightly worried. One, Gatomon probably did him into near-unconsciousness, and two, Demiveemon was officially getting more than him. "...forget about it. You wanna go to sleep? I think I'm ready for a nap."

Demiveemon smiled stupidly, before falling unconscious. "...cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooll....."

Davis rubbed a hand over Demiveemon. "...poor guy." Instead of heading back to the fire at the top of the hill, he turned and began to carry the knocked Demiveemon back to his tent. He'd better get sleep at some point if he wanted to be useful during the next mission.



"Rest well," Davis muttered. "It only gets worse from here. ...hey, Vee."

"...whaaaat....?"

"Was Kari naked?"

"Sure was."

"...figures it would be the one time I'm not down there...."


Both figures plodded toward their tent. It was a long night in a short period of time, to be sure.














Well, how do you like that, then? ...please don't hurt me. Finally, after much wincing, we finally get back to the problem on hand - Ultramagnus still has the Dragon Balls and Chrono Cross nearby, and that can only spell destruction for the universe. Can the Argetlahm crew get to him in time to stop him? Find out next time on the Argetlahm Adventures!!