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Disclaimer: Sadly, none of these characters belong to me, except for me (the host), my conscience. and my anti-conscience. (They're mine to abuse as I wish!) I suppose whoever these characters do belong to is really rich. I wish I was rich too, but I spend all of my money on anime and games. That said, please don't sue me, I have no money to give!

Episode 1: Lina Inverse VS Ranma Soatome

*A girl walks onto the stage, bows, taps on her mike, and begins to speak*

Kimi: Hi hi, ladies and bishonen! I'm Kimi, the host of Anime Arena, (arena, arena, arena…) the show that pits anime character against anime character and cute fuzzy monster against cute fuzzy monster in a battle to the DEATH!!! OK, so it's not always to the death, only when players want it to be. (Otherwise we would get into trouble with the Cute and Fuzzy Monsters' Rights Association) Anyway, today we have a battle between-

*Kimi is interrupted by a loud `POP' as two chibi versions of Kimi (one looking very much like an angel, the other a devil) appear next to Kimi's head. The angle proceeds immediately to glomp Kimi's arm*

Angle: Hey Kimi, why'd ya try 'n lock us 'n the bathroom 'gain? Huh, Kimi? Huh?

*The chibi-angel Kimi continues rating in a cute hyperactive fashion while snuggling against Kimi's arm until…*

Devil: May I?

Kimi: Please.

*The chibi-devil Kimi pulls out an extremely oversized laser from…(how about we just call it the `Zone'?) the `Zone' and points it at the cute little creature on Kimi's arm*

Devil: DIE!!!!

*There is a blinding flash of light followed by a bizarre `whoosh' noise. When the smoke clears, in the place of the chibi-angel is a smoldering pile of ash with a halo hovering above it*

Kimi: Oh well, I might as well introduce you two now… That pile of dust on the ground is, er…was…my Conscience . The little thing with the laser is my…uh…What are you, anyway?

Devil: Basically, I'm your Anti-Conscience.

Kimi: How about I just call you AC?

Devil: Hn.

Kimi: All right then…I guess we should probably get back to the actual show.

Anti-Conscience: Probably.

*Kimi glares at her anti-conscience, then looks over at where her conscience (somehow magically restored to its former cuteness) is struggling to hold up some very oversized cue-cards*

Kimi: Today we have a battle over the sake of pride between Lina Inverse and Ranma Soatome.

Anti-Conscience: It apparently started when Ranma got the last piece of cheesecake at the Roadhouse Café…or maybe when Lina threw that Fireball at Ranma…or that time when-

*The little devil is silenced by Kimi's glare, which promises a slow and extremely painful death*

Kimi: *Ahem* Right now, my conscience is outside Lina's dressing room. She's going to find out, firsthand, what really happened to start this bitter feud.

*A huge TV screen lowers out of the ceiling and turns on, showing Kimi's conscience floating in front of a door covered with scorch marks*

Conscience: Oooosh! Mesa here at Miss Lina's door. ^_^ Now mesa gonna knock and ask nice lady question for your amusement! Kay kay?

*The little angel turns around, knocks on the door, and a chunk of charred wood falls on her head*

Conscience: Ouchies ooooo! x_x

*She makes a cute little puffy mad face but knocks on the door once more, this time harder. Suddenly, a loud crash is heard from inside the room*

Conscience: Hallooo?

*The door swings open, and Gourry runs through the door, a Fireball (literally) hot on his tail*

Gourry: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!

*Gourry manages to get out of the path of Lina's spell, which is now flying straight at Kimi's conscience*

Conscience: Help meeeeeeeeeeee!!! O_O

*The Fireball makes contact, and the last shot before the picture dissolves into static is of an incinerated angel lying on the floor *

Kimi (looking up at the vid screen): Eh? Looks like we're not gonna get that interview after all…I guess we'll just have to go straight to the fight. Anyone got a problem with that? *Looks around* OK, let's go to the-

Anti-Conscience: Wait…the camel has a problem!

*Kimi follows her anti-conscience's frantic pointing to where a camel, sitting in the audience, is waving around its head trying to get some attention*

Kimi: You have permission to shoot the camel.

Anti-Conscience: YES!

*Kimi's anti-conscience pulls a bazooka out of…the `Zone'…aims it, and fires. Seconds later there is a small, smoking crater where the camel had been siting. Kimi's conscience (restored once more) holds up an `Ooooooo' sign and the audience complies*

Audience: Oooooooooo, aaaaaaaaaaah.

Kimi: Um…Okay then! Now, let's go to the arena, where our referee, Mr. Referee, (who did you think it would be?) will explain the rules of today's match.

*The vid screen turns on once again, this time showing Mr. Referee from Medabots standing in a huge dome-shaped room*

Mr. Referee: It's me, Mr. Referee, the referee! The rules of this game are simple: the first one knocked unconscious is the loser; no exiting the dome until the match is over; and last but not least, you break it, you bought it. (We don't have a big enough budget to cover damages…then again, I really don't think anyone has enough money to fix that type of damage) Now, let's bring in the challengers!

*A large hole opens up behind Mr. Referee and a platform raises up out of it. Standing on the platform are Ranma and Lina, both of which are too absorbed in glaring at each other to notice the sudden change in setting*

Mr. Referee: *Ahem!*

*Neither of them takes any notice of the referee*

Mr. Referee: Er…excuse me, but you've kind of got a match to fight. Would you please come down here?

*Still no response*

Mr. Referee: Okay then, fine! *pulls a medawatch out of his pocket* I didn't want to do this…Well, actually I did. Summon Referee-bot!

*A flash of light shoots out of the medawatch and forms into a rather odd looking black and white medabot. Mr. Referee grabs the metal out of his medawatch and puts it into the medabot's back*

Mr. Referee: Go Referee-bot!!!! Use your special attack!!!!

*Referee-bot lurches forward, jumps, and comes crashing down on Ranma with a giant fan, causing Ranma to fall off the platform*

Ranma: Ow! Watch it, old man!

*Lina follows Ranma off the platform and starts dancing triumphantly*

Lina: Ha! I win the staring contest!

Ranma: That was interference! Besides, who cares about getting beaten by an un-cute girl like you?

Lina: What did you say?!

Ranma: You're a short, un-cute, femininely challenged, tiny little pipsqueak of a girl!

Lina: Let's settle this, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!

Ranma: FINE WITH ME!!!

Mr. Referee: *shrugs* Okay then…I assume that both of you know the rules?

*Both Ranma and Lina nod, neither of them breaking eye contact*

Mr. Referee: I should inform you that since Lina can use magic, but Ranma can't, Lina is getting a handicap. During this match, Lina will not be able to use any of her more…dangerous…spells. (In other words, nothing more powerful than a Fireball) Now, are both of you ready to fight?

*The two nod once again*

Mr. Referee: Alright then. If you'll excuse me, I'll be leaving now.

Ranma: What? You're leaving?

Mr. Referee: Well…yes! My insurance doesn't cover accidents involving lasers, mecha, or magic, so I'll be leaving Referee-bot here to supervise.

Referee-bot: You're going to leave me here with them?!

Lina (muttering): I'm going to ignore that…

Mr. Referee: Yes, I'm leaving you here. Goodbye.

*Mr. Referee does a back flip onto the platform, which lowers back down, the hole closing after it*

Referee-bot: Well then…let's get started, shall we?

Ranma: Fine, let's just get this over with.

*Back over with Kimi, who is watching the exchange on the vid screen with her Genma, Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Soun, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis*

Anti-Conscience: Alright, the betting office is closed. Who wants popcorn?

Conscience: Oooooosa! Popsy-corn, yums! Mesa wants some!

Anti-Conscience: That'll be twelve dollars.

Conscience: Ish? That too muches…

Anti-Conscience: Fine then! No popcorn for you!

Genma (yelling into Kimi's mike): Ranma, you better win this!!!

Kimi: Hey, that's mine! Give it back you fuzzy old panda!!!

Amelia (grabbing the mike from Genma): You must win this battle, Miss Lina, for the sake of justice!

Zelgadis: Why am I even here?

Nabiki: Now really, one would think you would be used to this type of thing. You are friends with that witch, Lina Inverse.

Kasumi: That's not a very nice thing to say, Nabiki.

Nabiki: So?

Soun: Hey, little floating devil thing! I'll have a popcorn!

Gourry: I'll take four!!

Kimi: Oi…

*Back to the arena (and some semblance of sanity)*

Lina: I think I'll start this off with a bang! FIREBALL!!

*Lina shoots an abnormally large Fireball straight at Ranma's head*

Ranma: Too slow!

*Ranma dodges swiftly to the left and the Fireball goes right by him. It hits a wall, and smoke floods through the room. The fire alarm goes off, causing the sprinklers to go on, and Ranma to…*

Ranma (in a voice quite a bit higher than before): Oh *beep*!!!

Lina (watching Ranma between fits of laughter): This is priceless! Now I'm fighting a girl!!!

Ranma: Grrrr! Time to finish this!!!

*Ranma, taking advantage of Lina's fit of hysterical laughter, makes a super-human jump (complete with several fancy yet completely pointless flips and spins) and lands neatly behind Lina, grabbing her in a bear hug*

Ranma (squeezing Lina as hard as s/he can…which is pretty darn hard): I've got you now!! …Wow, Gourry was right…you are flat!!

Lina: THAT'S IT!!! DIGGER BOLT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*A small bolt of lightning shoots out of Lina's hand and into Ranma, who goes limp and falls on the floor*

Ranma: Ow…what was that?

Lina: The beginning of the end, and here comes the rest of it! FLARE ARROW!!!

*Lina performs a motion as if she were holding a bow and arrow, then releases, sending a fire arrow point blank at Ranma's head*

Referee-bot (coming out from behind his rock): We have a winner!!

*Part of the wall opens up and Kimi walks into the smoke-filled arena, followed closely by Genma and Mr. Referee*

Kimi: Congratulations, Lina! You just won the match, and earned yourself an Anime Arena `Medal of Honor'.

*Mr. Referee hands Lina a shiny gold medal along with a slip of paper*

Lina: What's this?

*Lina looks at the piece of paper and her eyes bulge slightly*

Kimi: Anime Arena rule number three: "You break it, you bought it." You will, of course, pay for the repairs of that hole in the wall, along with the dressing room you trashed, and the repairs to the fire system.

*Lina stares blankly at the host for a moment, then faints*

Kimi: Er…Genma, would you mind taking care of them?

*Genma grabs the two bedraggled, soggy, and comatose anime characters and drags them out of the building, muttering something about shaming the Soatome school of marital arts*

Kimi: Well, that completes the first episode of Anime Arena! Hope to see you next time. Bye bye!!

Conscience: So Miss Lina did win `cause Ranma is a big fatty moron?

Kimi: Yep.

Anti-Conscience: Don't forget to review this fic! Or you can email Kimi to make suggestions on who should be in the next episode! (Please no flames!)