Digimon Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Insanity 101 ❯ Chapter 1

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

[Once again, we own nothing. Don't sue us, we can barely manage to pay our bills as it is ^_~ ]

It's Saturday morning at the Harem. Most people are still asleep, except for Lashana, who is sitting on the couch in front of the TV, flipping through the channels at random until............

Lashana: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Blackwargreymon: *half runs, half falls into the room. He's still mostly asleep, and only wearing the *ahem* 'essential' parts of his armor* wha's wrong?

Lashana:*points to the TV in a mixture of shock and horror, her eyes misty with tears* they killed you off!!!!!

Blackwargreymon: *now fully awake* WHAT!?! *looks at TV screen in time to see his own demise* they made me sacrifice myself for a bunch of brats?!!? The same brats that tried to kill me?!?!?!

Lashana: *cries* it's no fair!!!!!

Zelgadis: *walks into room drinking a mug of coffee. Looks at a growling Blackwargreymon and a crying Lashana* Do I even want to know what's wrong?

Blackwargreymon: *angrily points at TV* They killed me off!!!!

Zel: *shrugs* Tough break. *sips coffee*

Lashana: *does one of her famed mood whiplashes* How would YOU know!?! You're still alive in the Slayers universe!!!!!

Zel: *shrugs again and leaves. He manages to get halfway down the corridor before Lashana's thrown fireball catches up with him* X_x

Blackwargreymon: *is now depressed and sitting on the couch* they killed me off ;_;

Lashana: *is seething with anger, but knows that going to kill the script writers of Digimon must wait. She walks up behind the couch and puts her arms around Blackwargreymon's shoulders* Now aren't you glad I brought you here?

Blackwargreymon: *reaches up and rests a hand on her arm, squeezing slightly* I was never not glad *pause* if that makes sense.

Lashana: It does to me. *hugs his shoulders*

Blackwargreymon: *is starting to feel better* That doesn't necessarily mean anything.

Lashana: -_- feeling better I see. *hugs him one last time and pulls away* Wanna watch a movie?

Blackwargreymon: Why not? I'm awake now. What time is it?

Lashana: *is rumaging around the movie cabinet* um.....10. I think.... Have you seen 'The Haunting'?

Blackwargreymon: *Stretches* No.

Lashana: Good *puts the tape in the machine and throws herself onto the couch, leaning against Blackwargreymon* *The credits roll, she fast forwards through the copyright, fights with Blackwargreymon for the control because he wants to see the previews, and finally presses 'play'. The movie starts and....*

Lashana & Blackwargreymon: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

*....Pokemon: The Movie appears on the screen.*

Pikachu: *on the screen* pika pika

Lashana: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! *fireballs the TV*

Blackwargreymon: *stares at the melted carcass of the TV and shudders* that was a thousand times worse than any horror movie I have ever seen.

Lashana: *gets up and savagely yanks the tape out of the VCR* the label says "The Haunting"!!!! Someone taped over my movie!!!! *hears muffled laughter from the corridor and stalks over to the doorway, looking out to glare at Duncan* You are so dead.

Duncan: *still laughing* I'm immortal!

Lashana: There are ways to torture immortals. *pointed look*

Duncan: *shuts up really fast and looks at her* you wouldn't!

Blackwargreymon: *joins them* I she won't I will.

Duncan: NO!!! *backs away as they advance on him and decides to make a run for it*

Lashana: *stops Blackwargreymon from running after him* He won't get far. C'mon, let's go talk to Xellos.

Blackwargreymon: *shudders* do we have to? Better yet, do I have to go with you?

Lashana: I'm not going alone! Are you daft? We're talking about Xellos here!

Blackwargreymon: *sighs* Good point. Alright, where is he?

Lashana: I think I saw him outside when I came down here this morning.

Blackwargreymon: Well, at least we'll be able to have enough room to make a run for it.... *follows Lashana out into the spacious backyard and looks around.* I never noticed how huge this place is.

Lashana: *looks around at the enormous pool, the large grassy yard, the numerous trees that could be considered a small forest, the duck pond, the gazebo, the deck.......* I don't see Xellos.

Blackwargreymon: I never thought that could be a bad thing.

Lashana: I know *shudders for a moment then takes a deep breath* XELLOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blackwargreymon: Ow. *shakes his head* Warn me before you do that!!!

Lashana: *ducks away from him* sorry *turns around and yelps when Xel teleports right in front of her* ACK!

Xel: You bellowed, Lashana-chan? ^_^ (chan means 'dear', remember?)

Lashana: First of all....

Blackwargreymon: *cuts her off* DON'T CALL HER 'CHAN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Xel: Would you prefer-

Lashana: Don't you dare finish that sentence or I'll make you watch the Pokemon movie.

Xel: You don't own the Pokemon Movie! =P

Lashana: Thanks to Duncan we do *evil grin*

Blackwargreymon: *evil grin*

Xel: *gulps*

Lashana: *grins* Now, I need you to find Duncan.

Xel: Why?

Blackwargreymon: He taped over Lashana's copy of 'The Haunting' with Pokemon.

Xel: *looks green*

Lashana: Exactly. He must be punished. And I know just how to do it. ^_^ But you've got to distract him for a few hours.

Xel: *looks almost too pleased by this idea* Hai, Lashana-chan! *teleports away* (Hai = yes)

Blackwargreymon: *yells out after him* STOP CALLING HER 'CHAN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lashana: *sideways look* jealous?

Blackwargreymon: *loudly and with much feeling* YES! *realises what he's implying* No!.....I mean......I.......uh......crap

Lashana: *with much sarcasm* thanks

Blackwargreymon: I didn't mean........*groans* I don't know what I'm doing!! ;_;

Lashana: I noticed -_-

Blackwargreymon: *sighs and puts an arm around her shoulders, hugging her* What are we doing to Duncan?

Lashana: *leans against him, accepting the silent apology* You'll see. *pulls away and strikes a heroic pose* Let's go internet shopping!

***************************************************

Four hours pass, and by now all in the Palace have become accustomed to Duncan's screams for help...of course no one's stupid enough to actually go help him. There's no telling what Xellos is doing to the poor guy and none of them want to share his fate. Lashana and Blackwargreymon have been busy, they've maxed out Telca's Mastercard in online stores and are very pleased with the Fedex same-day-delivery service. Granted they're gonna have to hide when Telca gets her Mastercard bill, but the prank they're going to pull will be worth it. That and they bought themselves plane tickets to Tahiti.

****************************************************
< br> Lashana: Okay! Everythings ready! Now, where's Xel and Duncan?

Blackwargreymon: Follow the screams. *pauses* I really hope Xel isn't doing the Rocky Horror Picture Show thing again *shudders*

Lashana: *shudders* I'll Dragon Slave him if he is.

Blackwargreymon: Good plan. Are we going to pretend to save Duncan?

Lashana: *following the cries for help* Pretend? At this point I think we may have to pry Xel off him with a crowbar.

Blackwargreymon: Too bad we don't have one.

Lashana: *sarcasticly* Always the optimist aren't you? *she walks over to the basement door and opens it a crack, wincing as the yells gain volume* methinks we found them. Okay, on three.....1..2..thr- Hey! GET BACK HERE!!

Blackwargreymon: *is trying to sneak away* Damn *walks back over to her, yanks the door open, and storms down the stairs* WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?!?!

Lashana: Well, at least he can act *follows him down the stairs and bumps into him when he freezes* what the-? *she follows his gaze and...* ACK!!

Duncan: *is chained to the wall wearing a black miniskirt and a bright pink blouse with his shoulder length dark brown hair in pig tails. He sees them and screams* HELP ME!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HELP ME!!!!!!! *Xel is actually no where to be seen. But he's left Duncan with a TV and VCR. The only problem is that it's playing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Over and over and over and over and over and.........well, you get the idea*

Lashana: *tries to keep a straight face, fails miserably and breaks out into hysterical laughter*

Blackwargreymon: *is doing a better job of keeping a straight face than Lashana, so he goes down to free Duncan.*

Duncan: Why didn't you come to help me!? I've been down here for hours!!!!

Lashana: Well, Blackwargreymon and I were outside...... *shrugs* sorry. Nice look though. *snicker*

Duncan: *tries to give her a death glare, but it doesn't work since he's in drag.* oh shut up *he reaches up and pulls out the
elastics in his hair, only to find that Xel had gelled the hair in palce*

Lashana: *is laughing herself sick*

Blackwargreymon: *has given up trying not to laugh and is practicly rolling around on the floor*

Duncan: Thanks a lot guys! *stomps up the stairs*

Lashana: *recovering* C'mon! Let's follow him! *she races after the immortal with Blackwargreymon at her heels, grinning insanely at what she knows is to come*

*******************************************

Duncan: *is heading to his room, muttering to himself* There has to be a way to kill Xellos. Maybe I can find an enchanted blade, or a spell, SOMETHING!! *he yanks on the miniskirt* how do women wear these?! *he reaches his room and gives a sigh of relief as he walks in, only to turn that same sigh into a bellow of horror when he sees his room. Pokemon. Everywhere he looked.....Pokemon. His sheets have pokemon on them, the walls and ceilings have pokemon posters and wallpaper, his computer has little pikachus dancing the macarena as the screensaver, there are giant plush pokemon all over his bed, his desk has pokemon stickers all over it, his chair looks like a giant bulbasaur, and his stereo is playing the pokemon theme song. It was simply too much for his tortured mind to handle, so all he can do is stand there in shock, gaping like a fish out of water and staring at his room in silent horror*

Lashana: *from around the corner* Quick! *she and Blackwargreymon rush over, pick up the immortal and throw him on the bed. She whips out a digital camera, takes numerous pictures and then she and her Favorite make a run for it before Duncan regains his senses*

Blackwargreymon: *once they were outside* Do you think he saw us? *he pauses as from within the Palace a scream of "YOU TWO ARE DEAD!!!!!!" is heard, and looks at her* We may be in trouble.

Lashana: I think you may be right. *grabs his arm and drags him after her as she makes a break for the small forest*

Duncan: *stalking out of the Palace, waving his sword like a maniac* I CANNNN SEEEEE YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN'T RUN FROM MEEEEE!!!!!

Lashana: *yells back* Oh yes we can! *runs faster*

Blackwargreymon: *is keeping pace with her* This wasn't such a good idea.

Lashana: Shaddup and keep running. *blinkies* Hey! You can fly, you big lummux! Why are we running!?!?!

Blackwargreymon: *defensively* I was distracted by the immortal, psychopathic sword-waving drag-queen, OKAY!? *he scoops her into his arms and leaps into the air, flying above the treetops*

Duncan: *from below them* YOU'VE GOTTA COME DOWN SOMETIME!!!!!!!!!!

Blackwargreymon: *looks at a pale Lashana, who's staring down at the sword-waving immortal* Now what?

Lashana: I could Dragon Slave him....but the blast would destroy the forest.

Blackwargreymon: So?

Lashana: *glares at him* I'm part Elf! The forest is my haven!!!

Blackwargreymon: Oh, right. *pause* then what are we going to do? *he tightens his hold on her and dodges the rock Duncan
throws at them, flying over to the Palace and landing on the roof*

Lashana: *hopefully* maybe he'll get bored?

Blackwargreymon: *sets her down on a flat section of the roof and goes over to the edge, peering over it at Duncan, who was scaling the Palace wall* I don't think that'll work. *sends a Terra Destroyer at the immortal and knocks him off the wall, temporarily 'killing' him*

Lashana: *smacks him* Don't hurt him!!

Blackwargreymon: *looks at her in disbelief* HURT HIM!?!?!?! Lashana, he wants to KILL us!!! He's IMMORTAL!!

Lashana: Well, yeah, but still.....

Blackwargreymon: *shakes his head* there are times where I really don't understand you. *looks over the edge to see that Duncan has awoken and is scaling the wall again* Um....we really should figure something out here.

Lashana: *sits down and pulls her knees to her chest* I can't Dragon Slave him when he's on the side of the Palace.......Damn, I really should've studied my spells.....

Blackwargreymon: This is no time for you to freeze up!

Lashana:......freeze.....That's it!!! *leaps to her feet and kisses him, leaving him dazed with a really stupid smile on his face* You're a genius! *is about to start chanting when Duncan hauls himself over the edge of the roof* Gee, he's a really good climber.....

Blackwargreymon: *shakes himself awake* NOT NOW!!! *grabs her and makes a run for it*

Lashana: *is being half dragged half carried* I can't weave the spell like this!!! Put me down!!!

Duncan: GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!! *starts swinging his sword*

Lashana: Nevermind! *holds onto Blackwargreymon* Run faster!!!

Blackwargreymon: *panicked* WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING!?!?! *jumps over a raised part of the roof and skids to a halt* Um....we're out of roof.

Lashana: *wriggles out of his hold, raises her hands and starts to chant* You who crosses between sky and earth.....

Duncan: *is cackling insanely as he advances on them*

Blackwargreymon: *moves so he's standing between Duncan and Lashana*

Lashana: .....gently flowing water.....

Blackwargreymon: *dodges a sword slash from Duncan, wishes he had thought to put his armor back on...he could really use those gauntlets right about now, and solves the problem by punching the immortal in the head, stunning him*

Lashana:...gather in my hand and become my power.....

Blackwargreymon: *is really starting to appreciate the recoperative powers of immortals as Duncan lunges at him, forcing him to twist out of the way.*

Lashana: *is milliseconds from finishing the spell when she see's Blackwargreymon evade Duncan's attack, and she realizes that she's in big trouble when Duncan's lunge sends him careening into her, knocking her off-balance....and off the roof*

Blackwargreymon: *gives vent to a roar of horror as he sees Duncan knock Lashana off the roof. He blasts Duncan aside with a hasty 'Terra Destroyer' and dives after her, using every amount of energy he has to try to catch her*

Lashana: *Reeeeaaaallllllly wishes she had studied her spells...Like the ones that allowed the caster to fly. She looks up and sees Blackwargreymon diving after her, his outstretched hand offering salvation, and she reaches out to him, her fingers brushing his...*

Blackwargreymon: *exerts a bit more energy into his dive as her fingers brush his and closes his hand around her wrist, unable to stiffle a triumphant roar as he pulls them out of the deadly dive...and her into his arms*

Lashana: *is trembling and has a death grip on Blackwargreymon's neck* put......me......on......the ground.

Blackwargreymon: *lands next to the pool and drops to his knees, gasping for breath from having to use so much energy in such a short amount of time. Yet he still manages to pull her into a strong hug :)* ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?!?!?

Lashana: *shakily* M'okay.....I'm okay...... *They sit there in silence for a few moments before a loud yell makes them look upwards as Duncan leaps off the roof*

Duncan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *he lands in the pool, the resulting wave of water soaking the two people who are seriously doubting his sanity*

Blackwargreymon: *is angrier than he's been in his entire life* I'm going to rip off his head!!!! *he starts to get to his feet, only
Lashana isn't letting go of him* Um....I can't attack him with you clinging to me like that. *when she doesn't answer he gives up and hugs her again*

Duncan: sputter-hack-cough-cough-hack *blubbers around in the pool for a bit before hauling himself out* IS SHE ALRIGHT!??!!

Blackwargreymon: *snarls and half-turns, sheilding Lashana protectively* No thanks to you. *he becomes aware that Lashana is murmuring something under her breath and looks down at her, swallowing nervously when he sees that she is glowing with a battle aura*

Lashana: *releases Blackwargreymon and glares at Duncan murderously* ....by the power that you and I possess!!! DRAGON SLAVEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *blows up Duncan, the pool, the deck and a good portion of the Palace. Again.*

Blackwargreymon: *sarcasticly* Feel better?

Lashana: .....not really *she staggered and would have fallen into the crater where the pool used to be had he not caught her*

Blackwargreymon: *hugs her again then holds her at arms length and shakes her* IF YOU EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN I'LL.....I'LL....*he's so angry he's incoherant, so he gives up trying to yell at her and hugs her again*

*************************************

Zelgadis: *looks up from his coffee and realizes that he kitchen is in ruins. Again. A scream from above him draws his attention and he looks up in time to have Duncan land on him, sending them both crashing to the floor. He groans and looks at the half-concious immortal* you pissed her off again, didn't you?

Duncan: @_@....stop the ride mommy, I wanna get off!!

Zelgadis: *sighs and starts to bang his head on the floor*

*************************************

Lashana: *is looking at the damage her spell caused* Telca is soooo not going to like this.

Blackwargreymon: *who is still holding onto her* can't you do that spell that fixed everything?

Lashana: ....I can try *she gathers her strength and snaps her fingers, mentally releasing the spell onto the Palace and trying not to collapse when it siphons the last of her energy from her. When she opens her eyes she is greatly relieved to see that it has worked* oh....good....

Zelgadis: *stalking over to them* Will you stop blowing people up for no reason!?!?

Lashana: *softly* oh leave me alone

Zelgadis: *looks at them closely, crosses his arms over his chest and sighs* what happened?

Blackwargreymon: Duncan nearly killed her.

Zel: *blinkies* WHAT?!? DUNCAN!!!! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU TRIED TO KILL HER!!!! *vanishes in a blur of demon speed in pursuit of said immortal*

Duncan: *from inside the Palace* ohshit *runs*

Lashana: *chuckles* serves him right *she looks at Blackwargreymon, who seems to be a little shakey* you okay?

Blackwargreymon: *looks at her in surprise* you've got to be kidding

Lashana: what?!

Blackwargreymon: You almost become a permanent part of the landscape and you're asking ME if I'M okay?!?!

Lashana: *warily. she's never seen him like this* Um.......yes?

Blackwargreymon: *stares at her for a moment and then chuckles, sweeping her into his arms and carrying her towards the Palace* you're incorrigable, you know that?

Lashana: I have no idea what you're talking about *sighs softly* all this over a movie....

Blackwargreymon: This WAS your idea. *he walks into the Kitchen and gently sets her on her feet*

Lashana: Do you hear me denying it? *she heads straight for the coffee machine, pouring herself a cup of coffee and sipping at it* Besides *she holds up the camera she's had stashed in a handy sub-space portal and grins* We have pictures that will last for ages!!! ^_^

Blackwargreymon: *covers his face with a hand* Oh gods no.....not again......didn't falling off the roof prove to you that this is insane?!

Lashana: *decides that letting it show that she likes him isn't a bad idea at the moment* No....it proved that you'll always be there to catch me.

Blackwargreymon: *gapes at her for a moment. Then, slowly, a grin spreads over his face*

Lashana: *blushes, clears her throat, and looks away from his warm golden gaze* .......Enough of this lovey-dovey crap! *holds up camera* We've got an immortal to torture!!

Blackwargreymon: *watches her as she heads for her room and calls after her* As much as you don't want to admit it, you LIKE this lovey-dovey crap!

Lashana: *blushes a crimson red and pretends she didn't hear him* wisecracking-digimon

Blackwargreymon: *still grinning* What was that?

Lashana: *Still blushing and getting flustered* ARE YOU COMING OR NOT!??!

Blackwargreymon: *chuckles and follows her* Yes, Lashana-chan *ducks a thrown book*

*******************************************

A week later

Kenshin: Telca-dono. Here's your mail *hands her a bill*

Telca: *opens it curiously, wondering why her Mastercard bill has come in when she hasn't used it in a month* O.O AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *shrieks in rage* WHO SPENT $3000 AND PUT IT ON MY MASTERCARD?!?!!?!?!?!? *pause* POKEMON!?!? WHICH ONE OF YOU PERVERTS BOUGHT POKEMON STUFF?!?!

Lashana: *is in her room hastily packing a backpack full of clothes as Blackwargreymon runs in wearing full armor*

Blackwargreymon: I think now would be a good time to go to Tahiti! *slams the door shut as Telca stomps upstairs. He grabs Lashana and her backpack and throws himself out the window....just as a sword slices the bedroom door open*

Telca: *is absolutely livid* YOU TWO HAVE TO COME BACK SOMETIME!!!! I'LL BE WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lashana: *grins at a panicked Blackwargreymon as they fly away from the Palace* It's okay *she pulls a credit card from the pocket of her jeans* I found her Visa card!!

Blackwargreymon: *chuckles* We are so doomed, my Lashana-chan ^_^