Digimon Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Insanity...um...ack!! What number are we at?!? ❯ Prologue

It's Monday morning in the land of the Harem. Which means that NO ONE is awake. Well at least no one normal, which really doesn't include Duncan in the first place, so the fact that he's cooking and singing in the Kitchen shouldn't come as much of a surprise to anyone. Lashana and Blackwargreymon are seriously debating killing the immortal once and for all, since his singing has forced them out of a sound sleep...except the fear of Telca's reaction to that makes them settle for the idea of simply throwing the immortal into Xellos' clutches.

Lashana: *grumbles out curses as she hauls herself out of bed, grabbing the clock on the night-table and peering at it bleerily* Dear Gods....it's only 7am......

Blackwargreymon: *doesn't hear her. He's covered his head with a pillow and is trying to go back to sleep*

Lashana: *reaches over and wrestles the pillow from him* If I have to get up, you have to get up

Blackwargreymon:*grabs her arm and drags her back into bed* There, now I can go back to sleep *he winces as Duncan hits a particulairly 'off' note and buries his head under a pillow again*

Lashana: *pulls the blanket over herself and ends up staring at Blackwargreymon's chest* This isn't going to work. I have to go hurt Duncun *she sits up and swings her legs over the edge of the bed*

Blackwargreymon: *muffled. He's still under the pillow* Do I have to come?

Lashana: *evil smirk* No. I'll send Xellos in to wake you up around noon.

Blackwargreymon: *raises his head and looks at her, the pillow caught between the metal horns on his head* You wouldn't

Lashana: *just looks at him for a moment, until he sighs and reaches for his chest armor. She chuckles and grabs her housecoat before heading for the Kitchen, sighing wistfully as she passes other rooms and hears muted snores* It's no fair ;_;

Blackwargreymon: *grumbles as he trudges after her. He's not even fully awake, so he's left his helmet and gauntlets in the room. In his present state he's liable to accidentally stab himself......or Lashana. And he doubts that she'll be very understanding if he does that a third time.*

Lashana: *stomps into the Kitchen and glares at the immortal* Must you make so much noise this early in the morning?!?!?!

Duncan: It's 7am! It's late!

Lashana: LATE!?!??! Are you insane?!?

Duncan: *thinks that she should be the last person to accuse him of being insane* Um.....no. I'm hungry. *smiles charmingly* Want some bacon?

Blackwargreymon: *slaps a hand over Lashana's mouth to smother the screams* Yes.

Lashana: *glares at her Bonded as he forcably carries her over to a stool at the island-counter and sets her down, never removing his hand from her mouth. Confronted with this, she does the only thing that she can think of.....she bites him*

Blackwargreymon: OW!! *snatches his hand away and shakes it, peering at the small puncture marks made by her fangs* You bit me!!! That hurt!!!

Duncan: *is now convinced that they're both nuts and sets a plate covered with bacon in front of them before returning to the stove*

Lashana: *savagely tears a peice of bacon apart while alternating between returning Blackwargreymon's glare and glaring at Duncan.....until her Bonded sets a mug of fresh coffee and an Ovation stick in front of her* ^_^

Blackwargreymon: *grumpily* You're welcome

Lashana: *does the nice thing and Heals his hand before stirring her coffee with the chocolate stick-mint and sipping the beverage*

Duncan: *sighs and seriously debates having a beer...or whisky....maybe a shot of vodka....*

Lashana: *is almost finished her coffee when she hears a commotion from upstairs. Curious, she and her Bonded go out to the bottom of the main stairs and watch in amuzement as Zelgadis and Xellos come tumbling down the stairs*

Zelgadis: *to Lashana* HELP ME!!!! GET HIM OFF!!! *tries to kick Xellos off of him*

Lashana: *sighs and glances at her Bonded in askance*

Blackwargreymon: *reaches down and grabs the back of Xellos's neck, squeezing in such a way that the Mazoku looses all control of his muscles, going limp*

Zelgadis: *is now free* Thanks!

Xellos: *smiles up at Blackwargreymon. He's still paralyzed from the neck down* Can you teach me how to do this?

Blackwargreymon: *shudders at the mental image of Xel stunning everyone in the Palace for his own amuzement* No. Gods no. Not even if my life depended on it.

Xel: *evil grin in Lashana's direction* What if it was her life that depended on it?

Lashana: *shudders and looks at Zelgadis then at her Bonded, who's glaring at the Mazoku in undisguised rage. Once Blackwargreymon drops the freak, she and Zelgadis Ra-tilt Xel and leave him at the stairs*

Blackwargreymon: *is now in full over-protective mode and ushers Lashana back into the Kitchen, glaring back at the Mazoku warily*

Lashana: *shudders at the memory of the look in Xellos' eyes and goes to sit at the counter again* We really have to do something about him

Zelgadis: *looks at her as her pours himself a cup of coffee* You invited him here.

Lashana: *defensively* I did no such thing!

Blackwargreymon: She's right. Xellos just showed up here. He was never invited.

Duncan: *who saw everything that just happened* Well, we're stuck with him unitl we can figure out a way to get rid of him

Lashana: *sighs and finishes off her coffee. She's reaching for a chocolate muffin when a trans-dimensional portal opens above her and unceremoniously dumps someone on top of her* ACK!!!! *crashes to the floor with the stranger landing on top of her* GET OFFA ME!!! *kicks herself free* FIRE-

Stranger: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!!

Lashana: *blinkies* Wha? *peers down at the stranger and pales* Oh dear Goddess....

Blackwargreymon: What? You know him?

Lashana: Kind of..... He's my alter-selfs friend....

Blackwargreymon: Kinda puny-looking isn't he?

Stranger: Hey! I work out!! *looks at Blackwargreymon.....stares at his chest for a moment.....then tilts his head back further to be able to meet the Mega Digimon's glare* Oh God.....

Lashana: *gleefully* But Blackwargreymon works out more! ^_^

Zelgadis: Lashana, care to explain?

Lashana: *looks at him* Do I have to? I'd really rather not.

Stranger: *still staring at Blackwargreymon* Ug....

Duncan: Um...is he okay?

Lashana: *sighs and grabs the human's arm, hauling him to his feet and half-carrying/half-dragging him over to a chair* Sit down. And for the sake of the Gods BREATHE!!! *fwaps him*

Blackwargreymon: Okay, if he's your alter-self's friend from the other realitiy....What's he doing here?!?

Lashana: I haven't the slightest clue *smacks the human on his back, forcing him to gasp for air* I SAID BREATHE!!!!

Duncan: -_- If you keep doing that you're going to break his ribs. You're half-elven remember? You're three times stronger than a normal human.

Lashana: Oops.....heh heh heh *rubs the back of her neck sheepishly*

Zelgadis: *sighs, walks over to the still-stunned human and Heals him* Does he have a name?

Lashana: David

David: *upon hearing his name, looks over at Lashana* You sound familiar. Do I know you?

Lashana: Um....No. No you don't. My name's Lashana.

David: *recognizes her voice* FRANCE?!?!?! Is that you?!?!!?

Lashana: *panics* WHAT?!?! NO!!!!

Duncan: *snickers* France?? You've got to be kidding. What a stupid name!

Zelgadis: *chuckles* We can nick-name her Eiffel. Or Paris.

Lashana: *goes ballistic* FIREBALLLLLL!!!! *fries both Duncan and Zel* It means 'free spirit' in German you idiots!!! Call me that name again and I'll Dragon Slave you and throw you to Xellos!!!

Blackwargreymon: *quizzicly* France?

Lashana: *hangs her head* It'll never end *glares at David* LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!!!

David: *wisely stays silent and avoids making eye-contact or fast movements*

Blackwargreymon: *to Lashana* It's not THAT bad.....

Lashana: Drop it *glares*

Blackwargreymon: Honestly Lashana..... I don't see what the problem is. It's just a name. Besides, this is a different dimension, so who cares about what you're called in reality?

Lashana: *sighs and goes to get herself another cup of coffee* They'll never leave me alone about this now.... ;_;

Blackwargreymon: *growls dangerously* They will if they want to live.

Lashana: *looks over at him and smiles* Thanks *takes a breath and turns to David* Okay. What are you doing here?

David: *shrugs* I have no idea. I was working at the school and a portal opened under me....

Lashana: Well, crap. That means the dimensional portals are fucked up. I'll get Telca to fix them later, it's her specialty after all.

Blackwargreymon: *warily* Doesn't that mean that he's stuck here until Telca gets back?

Lashana:...........crap

David: -_- Thanks *looks at Blackwargreymon* What are you anyway?

Lashana: *sends a pleading look at Blackwargreymon to keep him from killing David* He's a Digimon. Mega Level. Very Kawaii.

David: *deadpan voice* A Digimon? *laughs* You're obsessed with a Digimon?!?!?

Lashana: *deadly glare* Yes. *voice gains murderous edge* Do you have a problem with that???

David: .......no

Lashana: *growls* Good.

Xellos: *is recovered from the stun grip and the Ra-tilting. He walks into the Kitchen and smiles at the tasty turmoiled emotions emmenating from.....fresh meat....um, the new person* Well, hello! ^_^

David: *looks at Xellos for a moment, then raises a hand to his face* Oh God no.....

Lashana: That's what I was thinking. *turns to Xel* Go away.

Xel: Why? It's so yummy in here!

Blackwargreymon: Freak

Xel: No, MAZOKU. You really seem to have trouble understanding that. ^_^

Lashana: *chucks a stale muffin at Xel and grins when it knocks him to the floor* Don't mess with my Bonded ^_^

David: *looks from Blackwargreymon to Fran...er, Lashana* Bonded?! What have you been doing!?!?!

Lashana: *fwaps him* YOU PERVERT!!! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!!!

Blackwargreymon: *is blushing something fierce*

Lashana: IT'S A SOUL BOND YA BLOODY HENTAI!!!!!

Duncan & Zel: *are recovered from the fireballing, but wisely decide to pretend they're still unconcious*

Lashana: *still ranting* PERVERTS!! I'M SURROUNDED BY PERVERTS!!!! *stomps out of the kitchen*

Blackwargreymon: *looks from a retreating Lashana to David* Nice going. It's a miracle she didn't fireball you. *as if on cue a fireball flies through the doorway towards David, only it misses and fries Xellos instead*

Xel: Arigato! *wriggles in pleasure*

David: *does the stupid thing and looks* Oh god....

Blackwargreymon: Well don't LOOK *sighs and shakes his head* Humans....*goes to find Lashana*

David: Wait!!! Don't leave me here with him!!! *runs after the Digimon, only to be tripped when Xellos grabs his ankle* HELP ME!!!!!

Blackwargreymon: *looks back and sighs, raising a hand in Xellos' direction and gathering energy in his palm* Terra Destroyer!!! *he watches at the sphere of energy sails over David and slams into Xellos, forcing the Mazoku to release the human* You really have to learn how to dodge. Lashana and I aren't your caretakers.

David: *scrambles away from Xel, who's starting to wriggle again* .....um...yes....

Blackwargreymon: *sighs again and heads off in search of Lashana*

David: *looks at Xel, then at the Digimon, and figures he'll be better off if he goes with Blackwargreymon. Little does HE know that Lashana has done one of her famed mood whiplashes and that only her Bonded is safe around her*

Lashana: *is outside fireballing anything that moves. This includes birds, bugs, squirrels, various harem members......* FIREBALLLLLL!!!!! *.....David* Oh crap.....

Blackwargreymon: *sighs and steps over the Human* Didn't I tell you to learn how to dodge?

David: @_@ Ooooo, lookie the birdies.....

Lashana: *weaves a Healing spell on him then goes to sit on one of the lawn chairs on the deck* I need a vacation....

Blackwargreymon: Well, you could steal Telca's Mastercard again. I hear Cancun is nice this time of year. *sits next to her chair and reaches out to put his arm around her shoulders*

Lashana: *leans against him and closes her eyes, sighing* And risk having her turn you into Xellos again? I think not. *rests her head on his shoulder*

Blackwargreymon: Point *shudders at the memory* We could fly to the beach. It's not that far.

Lashana: That would require me having to move. *snuggles close*

Blackwargreymon: Good point *hugs her*

David: I think I may just be sick

Lashana: *to Blackwargreymon* Do me a favor and smack him for me?

Blackwargreymon: I can't reach *throws a low-level 'Terra Destroyer' at David instead* Well, will wonders ever cease? He dodged it.

David: *beams and looks smug*

Lashana: HEY XELLOS!!! DAVID HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!!!!

David: WHAT?!?!?!? NO!!!!!

Xellos: *teleports in front of David and leers* REEEAAALLLYY?!?! ^_^

David: NO!!! FRANCE!!! HELP!!!! *runs*

Lashana: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!!

Blackwargreymon: *winces* Please stop yelling in my ear

Lashana: Sorry.... *hugs him and sighs* Will you get mad at me if I fall asleep?

Blackwargreymon: No. *yawns and leans against her chair and hugs her back, sighing as he rests his chin on the top of her head. A scream gains his attention, and he looks out at the backyard, watching as David runs across it with Xellos in hot pursuit* Should we help him?

Lashana: *sleepily* In an hour or so..... *pause* maybe.

Blackwargreymon: *chuckles drowsily and hugs her. He's seconds from falling asleep when something....or rather someone
smacks him upside the head. Annoyed, he raises his head and glares at Duncan murderously* What?

Duncan: *points at David, who's screaming as Xellos chases him around the grounds* You can't just leave him.

Blackwargreymon: *grunts and rests his chin on the top of Lashana's head again* And exactly why not? As long as he keeps running he'll be alright.

Lashana: *sleepily* You want to save him Duncan? Fine. Go right ahead.

Duncan: Alright I will *runs off to save David....only to have Xellos glomp him* AHHHHHHH!!!!!

David: Yay! I'm free!!! ^_^

Xellos: Oh no you're not! ^_^ *teleports over to David, still holding on to Duncan, and somehow manages to glomp both of them at the same time*

Duncan & David: LASHANA!!! HEELLLPPP!!!!

Lashana: Mfpt....do I have to??

Blackwargreymon: It'll shut them up.

Lashana: *sighs and pulls away* Fine. C'mon. Lets go free the idiots....then maybe we can escape to one of the TV rooms and watch a movie.

Blackwargreymon: Sounds good *follows her down to the lawn and over to the two screaming Humans. He sighs, reaches down and stuns Xellos again, tossing the Mazoku over to the pool in hopes that he may drown*

Duncan: *shudders* That's it kid, you're on your own from now on. *makes a run for it before Xel recovers*

Lashana: *to David* Go hide in the library or the game room. I'll come find you when Telca shows up *turns to head back to the Palace and pauses when she see's Kenshin lean out of the Kitchen*

Kenshin: Lashana-dono! Do you want the last cup of coffee or shall I give it to Zelgadis-dono?

Zelgadis: *from somewhere in the Palace* IT'S MINE!!!!!

Lashana: The flamin' hell it is! RAYWING!!!

David: *watches on in fascination as Lashana flies up to the deck* Magic works here?

Blackwargreymon: Of course magic works here! Why wouldn't it? *he looks up at the deck and sees Lashana tackle Zelgadis before being envelloped in a dust cloud* All this over a measly cup of coffee....

Lashana & Zel: *from the dust cloud* IT'S NOT MEASLY!!!!!

Blackwargreymon: *sighs and grabs David by his shirt before leaping into the air and flying up to the deck, dumping the human on a lawn chair* You two are terrible.

Lashana: Thanks! *she has Zel in a headlock and is happily sipping her cup of coffee* So! Movie?

Blackwargreymon: *yawns and stretches* Yes.

David: *tries to get attention* What about me?

Lashana: *dumps Zelgadis on the deck* Wander around. Get Zelgadis to give you a tour *nudges Zel with her foot* Hey, you. Be nice and show David around, okay?

Zelgadis: Yeah, yeah. *gets up and dusts himself off* C'mon you *drags David into the Palace.*

Lashana: *sighs* I gotta find Telca before David suffers permanent brain damage from being here.

Blackwargreymon: *panics* We can get brain damage from being here?!?!

Lashana: Not litterally! It's just that...well...he's HUMAN. *shrugs* He's known reality all his life. And now he's stuck here with Xellos trying to.....XELLOS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?

Xel: Nothing Lashana-chan ^_^ *has David hogtied in a...um....compromising position*

Blackwargreymon: DON'T CALL HER 'CHAN'!!!!!

Lashana: *sighs and fireballs Xellos. Then goes over and frees David.* That's it. You're going home. I don't have the patience to keep saving you.

David: -_- Gee, thanks.

Lashana: *lowly* You're welcome. C'mon. *drags him into the Palace and heads for the library, where Telca is reading an X-men book* I need your help.

Telca: *still reading* For what? *looks up and blinkies at David* Oh Goddess.....

David: Do I know you?

Telca: NO!! SHUT UP!!! WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?!!

David: Loud, bossy, opinionated........Kim! *grins, proud that he's figured out who she is*

Telca: *gives him the look of death*

David: *tries to hide behind Lashana, except she steps aside*

Lashana: *exhasperated* Didn't you learn ANYTHING from the Christmas dinner!?!?! DON'T PISS HER OFF!!! SHE'LL
HURT YOU!!!!

Blackwargreymon: And you care because....?

Lashana: Blood will ruin the books.

Telca: True.....Damn. Alright. What's he doing here?

Lashana: Apparently a portal opened under him and brought him here. Can you send him back?

Blackwargreymon: We're getting tired of saving him from Xellos.

David: *defensively* Hey! I can take care of myself! *lowers his voice warningly* You don't want to see me when I'm mad!

Blackwargreymon: *deadpan voice that's thick with sarcasm* I'm trembling in my armor

Telca: Okay, David. Prove it. *evil grin* YO, XELLOS!!!!

David: NOOOOOO!!!!!! *dives behind a couch*

Xel: *teleports into the room* Yes?

Telca: *points behind couch* Fetch.

David: *whimpers* God no.....

Xel: *grins and divebombs David*

Lashana: *grimaces as David's screams are suddenly muffled and actively squashes her over-active imagination* Telca? Can you send him back? I mean.....He lends me anime! I can't let Xel....uh....harm him....or whatever he's doing.

Telca: *looks over the back of the couch and pales* You don't want to know. You really don't. *shudder* Yeah, I'll send him back. Help me get him outside.

Lashana: Okay. Hey, Xel! Duncan wanted to see you! Something about edible underwear!

Duncan: *from far corner of the Palace* NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Xel: ^_^ *vanishes*

David: *is catatonic* Ug.......

Lashana: *looks at him and frowns* I think his brain just overloaded....

Telca: S'okay. He works at a Catholic School. No one will notice.

Lashana: Point. *nudges David* Get up or we'll have Xel pose in the Rocky Horror Show transvestite outfit and dance for you.

David: *silence*

Blackwargreymon: I think that was the sound of his brain exploding

Telca: *laughs* Maybe we should keep him around for comic relief!

Lashana: Um...no. We have to send him back!! *looks at Telca and Blackwargreymon, who are staring at her like she was insane*

Blackwargreymon: *annoyed and a little jealous* Why do you care so much??

Lashana: He lends me anime!!! He's got Kenshin tapes!! I can't borrow them if he's vegetableized!!! *glances around and yells out* PAUSE!!!! *the scene freezes except for Lashana. She turns to the audience* Now I know I sound cold and heartless here. David is actually one of the few true friends I have. But do remember that I'm Bonded to someone that could easily rip Davids arms off if he were to become jealous. So I'm protecting David this way, that's all! *looks around* PLAY!! *the scene continues*

Telca: *gives in* Fine. Let's go. *grabs David's right ankle and starts to drag him downstairs*

Lashana: *winces as Telca drags David down the stairs, letting his head bounce on every step on the way down* Um.....are you sure that's healthy?

Blackwargreymon: *grins* Sounds like a bongo actually.

Lashana: *glares* Not funny.

Blackwargreymon: But it's true!

Lashana: *sighs and follows Telca outside* Is he still alive?

David: *is staring straight upwards, unblinking, barely breathing* ......Gzzt......

Lashana: Um.....Telca? I think you killed him.

Telca: *glances down at the Human* Nah...it's a Human male thing. He'll be alright. *nudges David with the toe of her sneaker* Hey...David. Get up. *silence. Telca gets pissed* GET UP NOW OR I'LL THROW YOU TO XELLOS!!

David: *leaps to his feet, glaring at her* You're all nuts. I hope you know that.

Blackwargreymon: *in the same tone of voice* You're going to die if you say that again. I hope you know that.

Telca: Listen to him, David. You'll live longer *turns and murmurs a few words, smiling as a portal opens before her* Okay! Let's dump him so I can get back to my book!

Lashana: Buh-bye David. *looks at Blackwargreymon, who meets her gaze hopefully* Go ahead.

Blackwargreymon: *grins, grabs David by his shirt collar and chucks him through the portal* DON'T COME BACK!!!!

Lashana: *calls after him* Roll when you land! You won't break anything that way!! *winces as the portal clears, showing that
David has slammed into a metal bookshelf* That's gotta hurt.

Blackwargreymon: *smothers a chuckle*

Telca: Okay. He's gone. I'm going back to reading my book! *closes the portal and leaves*

Lashana: Gods....I hate Mondays

Blackwargreymon: Horror movie?

Lashana: Hell yes.

Please Review so we know that SOMEONE is reading these ^_^