Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ *~Digital Insanity: RELOADED~* ❯ Ballistic, Cannibalistic, Grey Things! Lonewolf Kouji saves the Day! ( Chapter 2 )

*~DIGITAL: INSANITY~*

R E L O A D E D

Episode Two: - Ballistic, cannibalistic, grey things! Lonewolf Kouji saves the day!

NARRATOR: - In the last episode a bunch of kids got taken to a weird world after their phones started talking and then were told to find Spirits in order to go home….but to the kids disappointment the spirits were not made of alcohol…then Takuya turned into some fire man and…stuff…
…yeah it was boring… would have been more fun if they did get drunk… blah! (*Drinks alcohol*) Pwetty little birdies… (*Collapses*)

TAKUYA: - (*blinks*) Huh? (*Blinks again and looks at his D-Scanner*) What in the name of Evil Togepi's just happened here?

IZUMI: - You turned into a big fireman thing

TAKUYA: - Well peh I KNOW that but how? HOW DAMN IT! I NEED TO KNOW!

BOKOMON: - You evolved

TAKUYA: - Evolved? Like how people evolved from Monkeys?

JUNPEI: - And like how my pet turtle evolved into a deadly ninja turtle then ran about town killing people in horrific ways so terrifying that even the army nor the secret service nor Superman could stop it and then….

Everyone looks at him

JUNPEI: - Well OKAY that didn't REALLY happen but…GEEZ I needed to say SOMETHING!!!…I crave attention… -_-;;

TAKUYA: - Well kay I wanna evolve again, just cos I want to (*Presses buttons on his D-Scanner*) Come on D-scanny thingy make me do that cool evolution thing again!

OPHANIMON: - Oooooh! Takuya, it makes me all shivery when you press my buttons like that…

TAKUYA: - O_o;; (*Suddenly gets an electric shock from his D-Scanner*) OW!

OPHANIMON: - Don't EVER press them like that AGAIN! PERVERT!

TAKUYA: - Ooookay, I won't…. (*Looks around quietly then after a few minutes gets a mischievous look on his face and presses the button again then gets one hell of a huge shock so he drops the device*) OW! Hey lady QUIT DOING THAT! (*Suddenly bright bluey/purpley stuff comes out of the end of the Digivice*) Er….I didn't do it… (*Watches as the parts of the village return*) Okay then…maybe I did…

A little later everyone is running through the digimon town all happy like.

BOKOMON: - I'm Bokomon, a little annoying know it all digimon that will be following you around like a stalker for the rest of the series…

NEEMON: - I am Neemon….. cheese….

TAKUYA: - I'm Takuya, I tend to have Psychotic episodes so what's with this hero welcome we didn't do anything…much…except almost be BLASTED by some weird green fire breathing dog, we should get food for that…

BOKOMON: - BEHOLD MY GREEN BOOK OF USELESS AND NOT SO USELESS INFORMATION!

(*Everyone bows but the kids*)

BOKOMON: - Now I am going to tell you a story so you'd BETTER pay attention

JUNPEI: - Do we have to -_-;;

BOKOMON: - YES (*Whacks Takuya over the head who had already fallen asleep*)

TAKUYA: - Zzz…Wha? Wha? Noooo I don't wanna go swimming mummy, the other kids make fun of the growth I have on my back, which looks like Justin Timberlake…Zzzz…

The others giggle as Bokomon whacks him again waking him up fully.

TAKUYA: - Wha? What's going on? I remember somebody mentioning a story then…nothing…

IZUMI: - Justin Timberlake huh?

TAKUYA: - Huh? O_O How'd you know about that!?!

IZUMI: - Sleep tells ALL!

TAKUYA: - WHA? Even about the OTHER Growth that looks like J-lo…

IZUMI: - Er… no… -_-;;

TAKUYA: - Ah…Oooops…

BOKOMON: - PAY ATTENTION NOW OR FACE THE WRATH OF MY CATTLE PROD!!! (*Brings out a big cattle prod from behind his back which buzzes with electricity - the other kids cringe and shut up*) Good now… (*Opens his book*) …Once upon a time there was this big meanie named Cherubimon…

NEEMON: - (*Interrupting*) He liked my pants…

BOKOMON: - Shut up this is MY Story!

NEEMON: - Do you like my pants?

BOKOMON: - (*Ignoring him*) …Cherubimon wanted to rule the digital world so corrupted a lot of digimon into being really mean too and stole our lands data…

NEEMON: - They also liked my pants…and my ears!

BOKOMON: - Ooooh -_-;; Anyway so now it's up to you to return our land cos we can't be bothered to do it…

JUNPEI: - (*Yawns*) Do we get fed for it?

BOKOMON: - No guarantee

JUNPEI: - Well then it bites, I'm just gonna go kidnap Tomoki and bugger off back to the real world cya! (*Realizes no one is listening*) Well Pah to you to! (*Picks up Tomoki and runs off*) So Tomoki wanna go back to the real world with me?

TOMOKI: - Well hummm…not really…

JUNPEI: - Well tough you're gonna anyway hehehehe!

Meanwhile back at the Trailmon station….

OPHANIMON: - (*Speaking through Kouji's Digivice*) Get your fine ass searching for those spirits now Bitch…

KOUJI: - You know that's the 117th time you've called me that, could you quit it?

OPHANIMON: - …. No… now go idiot and if you get killed or something don't turn into a Poyomon and haunt me for the rest of your life…okay?

KOUJI: - Wha? Hurt? What kind of sick game is this? Huh? Answer me you stupid thing! (*A map like thing pops up on the screen*) Wha? That's not an answer!!

Meanwhile back with Junpei and Tomoki.

JUNPEI: - (*Reading a book entitled "The art of bribery"*) Okay Tomoki, watch as I bribe that cannibal grey thing with into telling us how to get home, with chocolate.

TOMOKI: - Okay but if it decides to eat you instead I'm going back to Takuya Onii-Chan cos he's cooler than you!

JUNPEI: -_-;; You didn't have to say that… okay here it goes… (*To the Pagumon*) Hey you, cannibalistic grey thing, I come baring chocolate in exchange for information about how we can get back to our world…

PAGUMON: - (*Drools*) I'd rather eat your flesh, hehehehe! You'd last me a while too…

TOMOKI: - Okay he's scaring me now…

JUNPEI: - Erm well…THIS Chocolate is erm…flesh flavoured…

The Pagumon jumps down and snatches the chocolate from junpei.

PAGUMON: - Yummy! Tastes like Human child…

JUNPEI: - Good now you will get more if you tell us where to go…

PAGUMON: - Just go to the station and bother Angler the Trailmon, if you bug him enough he might take you back…if your lucky he doesn't kill you on the way…Now GIMMIE! GIMMIE!

Junpei gives him the rest of the chocolate and he and Tomoki run off.

PAGUMON: - Whahahaha! Foolish little humans, now it's time for the main Course Whahahaha!

At the Trailmon Station:

JUNPEI: - Hey hey will you takes us back to the human word in exchange for this flesh flavoured Chocolate? Hummm…

ANGLER: - Nope can't do it, I've had my orders that you are not to leave…

JUNPEI: - Awwwww, orders from who?

ANGLER: - I dunno…a strange voice that kept calling me a bitch…

JUNPEI: - Pleeeeease, take us back, yummy chocolate in it for you…I have loads…

ANGLER: - (*Eats the Chocolate*) Hummm, it's tasty but it has nothing on the taste of human flesh…I'm going now (*Leaves*)

TOMOKI: - This world is creepy….

Suddenly a whole bunch of Pagumon appear in front of them.

PAGUMON: - EAT THE HUMANS!!!

JUNPEI AND TOMOKI: - ARGH! (*Run off*)

Meanwhile back with Izumi and Takuya:

TAKUYA: - Doesn't it feel like we're missing something?

IZUMI: - No not really, I'm just wondering how to get in this tiny house for something to eat…

BOKOMON: - (*Who is in the house*) Well you'd be able to fit in if you went on a height diet…

IZUMI: - A what now?

TAKUYA: - Hummm, wasn't there two other people in our group…what were their names now…Jenny and Toto?

IZUMI: - Junpei and Tomoki

TAKUYA: - Yeah that's them….wonder where they are…

POYOMON: - I saw them being chased by some of the cannibalistic Pagumon, they will surely die (*Smiles*)

TAKUYA: - Oh well better them than us

IZUMI: - We should go find them

TAKUYA: - Awww do we have to…?

IZUMI: - ….Yes….

Meanwhile back with Kouji:

KOUJI: - (*As his map disappears*) Well this is friggin' useless now…(*Looks around and sees a dark entrence thingy*) Ah well, guess I'll go in there…

MYSTERY VOICE: - Not before you fight me!!!

Suddenly behind him lands an exact copy of himself, except nastier in attitude.

KOUJI: - (*Blinks then brings out his copy of the script*) It says nothing in here about me getting attacked by another version of myself…

AUTHOR: - Yeah well I did some last minute re-writes, Kouji…I want you to kill the dub version of yourself now (*Points*) he's evil!

KOUJI: - (*Blinks and looks clueless*) Huh? Oh come on this is stupid…

DUB KOJI: - (*Gabs a tree branch*) Afraid you'll lose to me! Cos you know, I can't help it if you're not up to MY level…

KOUJI: -_-;; I hate this world (*Also grabs a tree branch*)

AUTHOR: - Get ready, set, GO!

(*Pokemon Battle Music Starts up*)

KOUJI: - Pokemon Battle?

AUTHOR: - Yeah, except it's a Kouji Battle! Now Kouji, USE STICK ATTACK!

KOUJI: - You will die after this -_-;; ARRRGGGHHH! (*Runs at Dub Koji with the branch*)

TREE: - Dub Koji also use Stick Attack!!!

KOUJI: - Huh? Why is the tree giving him orders?

AUTHOR: - Weeeell, Dub Koji needs a trainer and since I couldn't think of anyone who actually likes the dub to train him I just…chose this tree…

KOUJI: - You're screwed up

AUTHOR: - (*Smiles*) Why thankyou!

Dub Koji hits Kouji with his Stick attack! Kouji Flinched! What Should Kouji do?

AUTHOR: - Kouji! Use angst!

KOUJI: -_-;; How in the hell am I supposed to do that?

AUTHOR: - Just make it up!

Kouji used Angst attack! Dub Koji can't stop crying! Speed is severely decreased!

TREE: - This isn't fair I'm losing (*Throws a Pokeball*) Go Dub Ta-koo-ya!

DUB TA-KOO-YA: - (*Comes out of pokeball*) Hey Buuuuddy!

AUTHOR: - Oh come on that's not fair! I don't have another character to use for a Double battle!

TREE: - Who said it would be fair!

AUTHOR: - Stupid tree -_-;;

TREE: - Dub Koji and Dub Ta-Koo-Ya USE DEVISTATING DUB ATTACK NOW!

KOUJI: - O_o; Devastating…dub…attack?

Dub Koji and Dub Ta-koo-ya use Devastating dub Attack. Kouji uses RUN.

KOUJI AND AUTHOR: - (*As they run into the cave like entrance thing*) ARGGGHHH!

Both get in just as the attack hits the entrance.

TREE: - Nuts! We missed…oh well…

Just then Dub Koji and Dub Ta-koo-ya are eaten by rabid Flymon.

AUTHOR: - (*Inside the cave thingy*) Well that certainly was close (*Smiles*)

KOUJI: - (*Sighs*) I hate my life….

Back with Junpei and Tomoki who are hiding:

JUNPEI: - I think we lost them…

PAGUMON: - No you haven't!

TOMOKI AND JUNPEI: - ARRRGGGHH! (*They fall down a hole*)

With Takuya and Izumi:

TAKUYA: - Can we stop looking now? They've probably been eaten….

IZUMI: - Man your evil…

TAKUYA: - Nah, just can't be bothered… huh what's that…(*Picks up Tomoki's digivice*)…isn't this Tomo's?

IZUMI: - Tomoki's…

TAKUYA: - Whatever…

They too fall in the cave.

BOKOMON: - We gotta get that cave filled in….

Takuya and Izumi land on a pile of hay arm in arm then Izumi freaks out and slaps Takuya.

IZUMI: - ARRRGGHHH! I touched a boy! I feel so violated now!!!

TAKUYA: - Ya…wha?

IZUMI: - (*Smiles*) Oh well time to look for the others… (*Walks off*)

TAKUYA: - (*Blinks*) ….huh?

Back with Kouji and…the author…

AUTHOR: - …so then I said, I said… "No way are you the biggest Kouji fangirl cos you don't even have a bandana like his" then I realized I didn't have one either so…that was pretty pointless…but…

Suddenly screams are heard, Kouji looks down as Junpei and Tomoki are chased into the cave by the cannibal Pagumon.

JUNPEI: - ARGH! HELP US PLEASE!!!! I'M TOO GOOD LOOKING TO BE EATEN!!!

TOMOKI: - WHAAAAAAA!!! THIS ONE IS CHEWING ON MY LEG! WHAAAAAA!

KOUJI: - (*sighs*) Does this world EVER have a sane moment?

AUTHOR: - Not while I'm here now…KOUJI USE STICK ATTACK!

KOUJI: - (*Grumbles as he grabs a stick*)

(*Pokemon Battle Music Starts again as Kouji jumps down into the cave and starts to whack the hell out of the cannibal Pagumon*)

TOMOKI: - He's prettyful *_*

JUNPEI: - Heh! Looks like he's been watching WAY too many action animes to me…

Takuya and the others arrive.

TAKUYA: - Pah, he thinks he's so cool with his good moves and huge stick…

Everyone goes silent.

TAKUYA: - What? What? What did I say?

BOKOMON: - Could you PLEASE for once take your mind off the boys…erm… anatomy…

TAKUYA: - Huh? But I meant the thing….he's got in his hand… (*Looks clueless*)

IZUMI: - Surrrrre you did (*Winks*)

TAKUYA: - Seriously I'm not THAT Perverted…

BOKOMON: - Says you who just moments before we came in here doodled a very graphic picture of the both of you in my green book…hummmmm… (*Shows Takuya the page*)

TAKUYA: - (*Blushes*) Yeah…well…I was bored…and…er… stuff…

IZUMI: - (*Taking a look over Takuya's shoulder at the page in the book*) I think you over did your own anatomy there…let alone his…

TAKUYA: - (*Snatches the book, still blushing, and slams it shut*) Okay case closed now…stop talking…

AUTHOR: - (*Shouting*) Okay Kouji now use "Spinning Stick Attack!"

TAKUYA: - Who the hell is she?

AUTHOR: - I, my perverted friend, am the person who will be sealing your insane dooooooooom for the next er…many episodes…

TAKUYA: - Oh…okay *Shrugs*

Kouji uses Spinning Stick Attack. All pagumon are blown away!

PAGUMON: - (*Lands on it's head*) GRRRR! DAMN YOU HUMAN! I WILL EAT YOUUUUU!

Pagumon uses Evolve! Pagumon Evolves to Raremon! What should Kouji do? Kouji uses "Oh crap, I'm in trouble!"

RAREMON: - (*Dances…somehow*) I'm gonna eat the little human! I'm gonna eat the little human!

KOUJI: - Hummm…not if me or my stick have anything to say about it!

TAKUYA: - (*Goes all starry eyed*)

IZUMI: - Y'know, he meant the stick in his hand…

TAKUYA: - Yeah I know but who cares…let me have my dirty fantasies damn you!

RAREMON: - Hummm…I think I'll save the yummy one with the stick for later…first I will eat…THE SMALL CHILD!!!!

TOMOKI: - WHAAAAA! And to think, I was the one voted most likely to be eaten by a deranged bad smelling digital monster at schooooool! WHAAAAA!

RAREMON: - GET…IN…MY…BELLY!!!

Raremon flies towards him but Kouji picks up Tomoki and runs then finds himself edging closer and closer to the hole.

KOUJI: - Get any close freak and I'll…er…JUMP, both me and the child will perish and you will have no food!

TOMOKI: - Nice way to psyche him out!

KOUJI: - Huh? Who said I was psyching anyone out…I'm really gonna jump if he gets any closer…

TOMOKI: - O_O WHAAAAAAAAAAA!

TAKUYA: - ARGH! My beloved is in danger and…er…the little kid too…whatever his name is…I must EVOLVE! (*Blinks*) EVOLVE! (*Nothing happens so he starts pressing buttons*) EVOLE DAMN YOU!!!

OPHANIMON: - You evolve when I tell you too bitch! Besides watching those two either be eaten or jump to their deaths sounds kinda fun…

TAKUYA: - DAMN YOU WOMAN! LET ME EVOLVE NOW!

OPHANIMON: - Okay! Okay!…freak…

TAKUYA: - Spirit evolution… AGNIMON!

Agnimon uses random fire attacks. Raremon screams in pain. Raremon flinched! What should Agnimon do? Agnimon de-evolves to takuya.

TAKUYA: - WHA! Why'd I change back (*Cries*)

OPHANIMON: - Did you REALLY think I was gonna let YOU have all the fun? Jerk…

RAREMON: - I WILL EAT YOU UP!!!!

TAKUYA: - ARGH! KOUJI!

Jumps to save Kouji but grabs Tomoki instead and accidentally pushes Kouji down the hole.

TAKUYA: - Er…oooops…

KOUJI: - I'LL GIVE YOU OOOOooooooppppsssssssssss!

Kouji falls down hole! Kouji is now paralysed! What should Kouji do?
Kouji uses "Find Spirit". Kouji evolves to Wolfmon.

BOKOMON: - That is Wolfmon the er…legendary er… warrior of…er…(*Squints his eyes*) Damn Takuya why's you have to draw over this information…

WOLFMON: - (*Gets out his light saber*) Prepare to leave the dark side, young Jedi of the rotting flesh, for I am the saviour of the pathetic children! (*Sticks his light saber in the raremon's head making his digicode appear*) Ha! You are a bad smelling cannibal like thing and now I will scan your code and it'll go into my D-Scanner! DIGI-CODE SCAN!!!!

Raremon de-evolves to Pagumon. Wolfmon De-evolves to Kouji.

AUTHOR: - Pagumon is unable to battle! KOUJI WINS!!!

TAKUYA: - (*Walks over to the exhausted Kouji*) Hey that was pretty cool, let me help you up…(*Goes to touch Kouji but he looks back at him*)

KOUJI: - DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!!!!! I HATE PEOPLE WHO TOUCH ME!!!

TAKUYA: - (*Backs off*) Okay! Okay! Sheesh, somebody's got issues….

KOUJI: - (*Stands up*) I've been seeing a therapist for those "issues" for five years… now what's your name?

TAKUYA: - I'm Takuya Kanbara! Sexy Goggle guy extraordinaire! (*Makes "V" sign*) Will you go on a date with me? (*Grins*)

KOUJI: - I'm Kouji Minamoto…and no thankyou…I'd rather date a ferret with rotting fleas on it…bye… (*Walks off*)

JUNPEI: - He defiantly has issues… Maybe his mother married a Monkey or something… (*The others just look at him*) …what?

IZUMI: - Well lets leave before this place cave in and kills us all…

Back with Kouji who is leaning against a tree.

KOUJI: - I evolved into a Digimon…. (*Pauses*) …this place is screwed up!

******************************************************* ************

NEXT EPISODE: -

TOMOKI: - WHAAAA! This place is too weird for me!!!

TAKUYA: - We meet Candlemon who put us to the test!

IZUMI: - GAH! Why is EVERYTHING in this stupid world after us…Stupid Candlemon (*Kicks the candlemon, her foot is set on fire*) Ow! Ow! OW!

JUNPEI: - Awww man we have to take an exam!!! That just sucks!! -_-;; I didn't study or anything (*Panics*)

TOMOKI: - (*Sigh*) …wow lookie I get my spirit and turn into…a…cute…bear… WTF kinda evolution is THAT!?!

TAKUYA: - Tomoki! Language please… Next Episode its "Chakmon is useless! It's the Candlemon's exam!"

TOMOKI: - HEY!

TAKUYA: - Just deal with it okay little bear. Hey…where's Kouji anyway?

KOUJI: - I ain't really in this episode so…I'm just going…over there… (*Walks off and sits down as far as he can from the others*)

TAKUYA: - Well…fine!

KOUJI: - Fine!

IZUMI: - Sooo cuuute! They're not even dating yet and they're getting all pouty with each other!

TAKUYA AND KOUJI: - Shut up!

******************************************************* *******

Hummmm… me thinks I got a little perverted near the end there hehehe ^_^;; The next one might be short cos…well…not much Kouji XD