Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ A Forgotten Letter ❯ A Forgotten Letter ( One-Shot )

A/N: This takes place a few weeks after the end of 02. Ken was my favorite of the 02 Digidestined and just had to write about him. I hope that I portrayed Osamu properly, based upon his (unfairly) limited time in the series. I'm not sure if the apartment complex where the Ichijouji's live has an attic, but for creative purposes it does. I hope you enjoy the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. It's the property of Toei Animation and Bandai.

A Forgotten Letter

By Frozen Phoenix

It was a pleasant day. The weather was warm and the sun was shining brightly over the city of Tamachi. The carefree cries of children playing in schoolyards and parks were heard all around.

The sensible apartment complex overlooking areas of Tamachi had been the subject of gossip and wonder for quite some time. But it wasn't the building itself people spoke about, but its most popular residents.

The Ichijouji family had been residents in the complex for numerous years, but it wasn't their choice of home that drew attention, but the fact that in their time there they had managed to produce not just one, but two children with the intellectual levels of a genius.

One of those children Ken Ichijouji was currently sitting hunched over a textbook alone in his bedroom that day. The room itself was almost bare. The shelves were stocked with books, and a computer sat on a desk facing the door in front of it. A bed was the only other piece of furniture in the room.

But what made the sight so disconcerting was the fact that the room lacked essence. While most other children his age had rooms decorated with favorite musicians or movie or television stars, Ken's room was empty. Had the furniture not have been there as a reminder, one may never have guessed the room was lived in.

But there was also something slightly odd about the room as well, aside from the nonexistent dust particles. Close to the concentrating child's head, an object resembling a pinecone with small green arms and a green head hung on an almost translucent string. Its bowed head and stationary position gave the impression that it was sleeping.

A loud squeal emaciated from outside an open window, causing Ken to start slightly. He hadn't realized just how hard he had been concentrating. He stood up slowly and cringed slightly when his back gave a very audible crack. The blue haired former genius looked around his room and smiled slightly when his eyes came to rest upon the sleeping form of his digimon Minomon.

It made him happy to see his friend resting easily. These last few weeks had been both stressful and draining and he deserved the rest.

Ken allowed his mind to wander briefly over the events that had taken place in such a short amount of time. Images of his kidnapping by Yukio Oikawa under the possession of the digimon Myotismon, Daemon, the death of BlackWarGreymon, and the fantastic final battle filled his mind. But the most heartrending of images, those of his dead brother Osamu Ichijouji brought back the most pain.

I had him back, he thought sadly. For that brief time Sam had come back to him. But Ken then clenched his fist remembering the truth behind the resurrection.

It had been nothing but a trick. Myotismon, then digivolved to his Mega stage of MaloMyotismon due to the energy he had absorbed from the children infected with the Dark Spores, had plucked his innermost desire to see Sam from his mind, and then used it to against him. He had done similar things to the other Digidestined save Davis, but Ken couldn't help feeling cheated. His desire to see Sam again, especially since he felt so guilty about his death, had been so personal. And to have it used against him in such a way filled him with anger.

Had the time been a few months ago, Ken may have responded to his feelings by taking them out on a defenseless digimon, maybe even his own partner digimon Minomon, in his rookie form of Wormmon.

But times had changed. More importantly he had changed. He was no longer the same cruel monster that had terrorized the Digital World with a sadistic glee, enslaving any digimon he came across.

He had renounced that darkness, though it had taken nearly being destroyed by his nightmarish creation Chimeramon and Wormmon sacrificing his life to cause him to realize the depth of his evil. He had constantly hurt the digimon in the Digital World not only out of malice, but because he never realized the truth about them.

The digimon were real beings. They breathed and lived and even had their own unique personalities. But he was so wrapped up in being the Digimon Emperor and making plans to annihilate the Digidestined, whom he considered insects and taking over as much of the Digital World as he could, that he didn't understand that the digimon weren't merely data until it was too late.

Ken remember the pain he had felt as he held Wormmon in his arms moments before he deleted. He hadn't realized how much the small digimon meant to him until that time. And he couldn't believe the way he had treated Wormmon, who, despite Ken's abuse, had always remained loyal to him. And when Wormmon died, he had felt the same anguish he felt when Osamu had died.

The words he had said when he was younger still haunted him. "I wish Sam would just disappear." And then he had. Death came swiftly for Osamu Ichijouji days later, in the form of a speeding car.

As the Digimon Emperor, Ken had constantly told Wormmon that he was useless, and when he had warned him about Chimeramon, had whipped Wormmon so terribly, that he began to cry. But they were not tears of pain. The tears that Wormmon had shed had been for Ken. For the little boy he had protected when he first entered the Digital World all alone and with whom he had forged a friendship and a promise. But now Ken needed him more than ever. Then Wormmon had knocked him off the Airdramon he had been riding and went to help the Digidestined digimon Magnamon defeat Chimeramon, by giving him his energy.

Ken may have stayed wrapped up in his dark thoughts all day if a light, slightly timid voice hadn't interrupted him.

"Ken honey?" The voice of Mrs. Ichijouji called from his behind closed door.

Still reflecting on days gone by, Ken remembered when he would either ignore her or tell her that he was studying and couldn't be disturbed. After Wormmon's death he finally had retuned to the real world, after being missing for over two months. But when he returned home, the previous trauma had caused him to develop a strange amnesia. He had lain in bed for days not really sleeping, not awake either. He only remembered the time he had spent with Sam, the times that his parents had ignored him, paying attention to Sam, and even images of some strange monster and someone else he just couldn't place.

When he finally did awaken, he had no idea who his parents were or where he was. He still remembered the look of shock and pain on their faces when he had asked him who they were.

Shortly after his awakening, he had returned to the Digital World, arriving at the Primary Village, the location where all digimon began their lives. He had come searching for Wormmon, but his presence there was less than welcome.

The baby digimon had especially made sure to remind him of the legacy of evil he had left and had made him wonder if Wormmon would even want to come back to him.

That thought had filled him with terrible worry. He moved past several cradles containing angry Baby digimon, but was still unable to find Wormmon's egg. It was then he began to lose hope. He had no idea what Wormmon's egg looked like, let alone if he had even wanted to be with him again.

He felt tears begin to come to his eyes and observed the utter hopelessness of the situation. It was then that he saw, from a short distance a digi-egg start glowing…

~*~

"Ken?" a touch of worry entered Mrs. Ichijouji's voice.

Ken immediately snapped out his thoughts completely and walked to the door and opened it.

His mother stood in front of him, a worried look upon her face. Upon seeing him, the expression changed to one of relief.

"Ken dear, I'm so sorry to bother you. Were you in the middle of studying?" she asked.

Ken could tell she felt badly for interrupting him. He smiled and answered, "No of course not Mama you weren't bothering me." He gestured to his textbook across the room. "Actually I was in the midst of taking a break." Only then did he notice a large box next to her.

"Do you need help?" He asked her.

His mother smiled. "Well, I was just going through some things around the house, trying to make things a bit neater," Ken suppressed a smile. If his mother wasn't worrying about him, then she was cleaning.

"And," She continued, "Since your father hates to throw anything away, I gathered up a few…" Ken could tell she didn't want to say useless. But judging by some of the items he saw, (When would his father end up using "A money back guaranteed Solo Flex Ab Burner" anyway?) "…Less than useful things. Would you mind brining this up to the attic, if you aren't busy of course." She added.

Ken didn't need to ask her why she didn't bring the box up to the attic herself. Most of Osamu's things had been stored up there, and when even the very mention of his name brought tears to his mother's eyes, he knew going to the place where the pieces of her dead son's life had been placed, as though in suspended animation, would do more than just bring her to tears. Anyone else may have thought his mother's request was selfish, but it was actually intelligent.

Ken was better able to control his emotions, and seeing Sam's things didn't affect him the same way it did her. Until his family could afford a new computer, he had actually used Sam's old one. It was also the same computer on which he had received the e-mail that had changed his life.

Ken bent down next to his mother and picked the box up, his hands secure on the bottom of the box.

"Are you sure you're not too busy Ken? I wouldn't want to be pulling you away from your studying or something important …"

She was giving him a choice. But he wasn't going to run away from his brother's memory. And after what had happened recently, he felt as though he needed to see everything the way it had been for some many years. Even though inside he knew the truth, he had to make sure had been dreaming when he saw Sam alive again.

"Really, I don't mind at all." He started towards the end of the hallway, where a door opened to the attic.

"Ken." His mother called behind him. "If you want to talk when you're done…I'll be downstairs."

Ken nodded. He walked to the door, and balancing the box in one hand turned the doorknob. As the door creaked open he exhaled a breath that he hadn't known he was holding. And with that he started up a flight of stairs.

Behind him, his mother watched with tears in her eyes. Oh dear, she thought. Here I am crying again. She watched as Ken ascended the stairs and until he was completely gone. She stood a moment and then slowly made her way back to the kitchen.

~*~

The moment Ken took a step into the attic, he remembered immediately why he had avoided it whenever possible. Aside from the fact that it was filled with an assortment items from the other residents of the apartment complex, it was also a breeding ground for dust.

For a second he felt overwhelmed the masses of belongings all around him. But moments later the cool Ken Ichijouji was back in control. He looked on his left for the remains of an old computer and was rewarded moments later when he finally sighted it. He walked through mounds of things for which he had no names for and even used some of the soccer skills that had gotten him the nickname "The Rocket," to maneuver past an abnormally large hat racks. His pride was fleeting however when he tripped over a thin pole that had fallen across the floor.

He cursed himself for his clumsiness and began to gather the things that had fallen from the box when he had fallen. He shoved leather gloves, old records, strange shoes and several other items into the box and stood dusting himself off. He bent down and moved to take the box again, when he noticed something odd. Sticking out slightly from the side of Osamu's old desk was a piece of paper.

Ken's curiosity was aroused. He stood up and placed the box on top of the desk, next to the computer and bent down once more to retrieve the paper. Gently reaching close to the edge of the desk, he slowly pulled out pieces of thin yellow paper.

Wait a minute, he thought. I shouldn't be doing this. His mother was waiting for him downstairs; this wasn't the time to be nosy. But something caught his eye. The paper itself was almost see through and he would have sworn that he saw his name.

Guiltily Ken unfolded the paper. His name and familiar typing greeted his eye.


Dear Ken,

I'm writing this to you out of guilt. I figured that if there ever came a time that I would do something as terrible as strike my own brother, than it was time for me to reevaluate whom I was and what I was doing. I don't plan upon giving this you right away. You're too young right now and I'm afraid you wouldn't truly grasp the gravity of what I want to say.

Where do I begin? There are so many things I want to tell you, things that I want to make you understand. But the odd thing is I'm afraid. You might be wondering exactly how I could be scared to tell you these things, well its because I've never told them to anyone else. Oh, I have plenty of people who call themselves my friends, but at times I wonder if that's what they really are. We do talk to one another and sometimes-even study together, but I often get the feeling they're only nice to me because I'm the "great genius Sam Ichijouji." I hate to think about people this way, but now I'm beginning to wonder.

And it's not just my friends. It's Mom and Dad as well. I'm not even in high school yet and they're already talking about colleges. Of course I want to receive the best education possible, and I know that they only want the best for me, but it's starting to feel like I'm being slowly suffocated. I'm not the type of person that gives up, but the pressure they put on me can be really be intense at times. And then I see how they treat you. You may not say how you feel out loud, but I can see how sad and angry it makes you when Mom and Dad ignore you in favor of me. And I can understand how unfair that is as well.

I know it may seem this way now Ken, but you're lucky. Not because Mom and Dad have their unfortunate habit of ignoring you, but because I think that you'll get to grow up a normal kid, with normal worries and normal problems. But of course, nothing in life is definite. You may end being a genius yourself. Or maybe the star player on your soccer team. You have so many possibilities open to you. I only worry that growing up may change you. You've always been so innocent and it pains me to think of you any other way. Here's something else I have wanted to tell you Kenny boy. I have to admit that I've always been jealous of your gentleness and your kind heart. And I know that when we're both old and gray that I'll still think of you as the naïve younger brother who blew large bubbles so easily due to his inherent gentleness. Even before you were born I remember feeling jealous of you. Of course there probably is some clinical psychological name for what I felt, but I know it was just plain jealousy. I know it sounds cliché, but I was always worried that Mom and Dad would love you more than they did me. And when you were born and they were constantly taking care of you, I thought my suspicions were right. But as we grew and I became more focused on my schoolwork, I realized what I'd been missing. Here you were a remarkable person and Mom and Dad were never there for you. I realized that I had been so selfish, worrying about only my feelings, and that you deserved better. Soon I was teaching you how to blow bubbles soon after that, and you were teaching me how important kindness really was.

Which brings me to yesterday. Ken, you have to know that I would never have intentionally hurt you. When I realized that you had disappeared I was so afraid that you'd be gone forever, and that I'd be left without my amazing younger brother. Mom and Dad being angry was really a small part of what I was feeling. I've been extremely lucky that I never had to feel the pain of losing someone I really cared about. I just couldn't stand the thought that I might never see you again. And I'm also disgusted to say some of that old jealousy returned that day. Here I was a recognized genius, and yet I wasn't able to figure out how to work some strange device that had come out of my computer. But you were. You were just my normal younger brother and yet you unlocked the device's power. And when you returned it was like a slap in the face. I never was the type of person to fly of the handle like that and I'm ashamed of the way I treated you. I should never have slapped you like I did. But you can't imagine the amount of relief I felt that you had come back.

I know this letter can't possibly make up for the terrible way that I treated you, but I hope it gives you better knowledge of who I really am. I may be a genius, but I have flaws like everyone else. People may think that I'm some model of perfection, but we both know the truth. And I trust you Kenny boy to keep my "secret." And when we're older we can talk about how foolish we were when we were young and have a good laugh. Of course most of those laughs will be about you, but I would never tell anyone. I'd like to add more to this letter, but I'm trying to apologize to you not put you sleep. I just want you to know you mean a lot to me little brother. So don't go growing up and changing on me. I love you the way you are.

Osamu
~*~

Ken had always wondered what had went through Osamu's mind that day. He absently wiped away the tears that had began to fall down his face. Looks and intelligence aside, he never had any idea how alike he and Sam really were. He always that Sam couldn't get enough of being in the limelight. He also never would have guessed that he had problems with his friends or their parents. He had always seemed so perfect, so in control.

I thought all I did was annoy him, always following him or touching his things. Ken thought miserably. But he really cared about me. He stood up suddenly dropping the letter. He loved me and all I wanted to do was make him disappear.

Suddenly the room started to become blurry. How could I have been so selfish? I only thought of how alone and ignored I felt, that I never stopped to consider how he felt. He was just Sam, my perfect older brother. He was the genius that received all my parents' love and affection and I was just no one. At least that's how it seemed. Ken had to get out. He felt as though his chest would explode from the cry of anguish that was begging to be released. He moved awkwardly, stumbling over assorted things and tripping more than once.

How could I? He thought almost continuously.

He finally bumped into something that was hard enough to knock both him and it to the ground. He raised his head and saw mother's frightened face staring back at him. The second she saw his face her eyes began to water.

Mrs. Ichijouji had been waiting for Ken for over twenty minutes. She couldn't help but feel guilty for asking Ken to take the box up for her. After all he had been through recently, going up there had probably been the worst thing for him. She sighed lightly. I should have waited until his father got home, she thought. She had forgotten that the reason she had gathered all that old junk together when he wasn't home in the first place, was to make sure he didn't know what she was doing. I should go up there. The thought filled her with apprehension but she pushed it aside. Ken had suffered so much because she hadn't been the proper parent she should have been. This time she wouldn't let him suffer alone.

With feelings of resolution, she had walked from the kitchen and into the hallway. For a moment she had hesitated, but then opened the door and began to climb the stairs. Upon entering the attic, she found her worst fear realized.

"Oh Ken," she cried and opened her arms as if to pull him to her. "How could I have been so selfish? I should have never sent you up here" Her voice was pained.

Ken looked at her and shook his head. "No it was me I did it. He loved me and all I could think of was making him go away. I wanted him to go. I wished that he would disappear forever, and he did." Ken's voice rose louder than his mother had ever heard it.

She shook her head. "Ken, how could you think something like that? What happened to Osamu," She paused, "Was an accident. You didn't cause it and you can't blame yourself for it."

"It was my fault, don't you see?" Ken yelled almost hysterically. "I WANTED it to happen! He loved me and I wanted him to die!"

"That isn't true. You loved Osamu so much. You would never have meant something like that."

Ken shook his head. "You don't understand, I did. I was jealous of all the time and attention that you gave him. All I wanted was for him to go away so that you could love me like you did him. I wanted him gone because I'm such an atrocious person that causes nothing but suffering and pain to everyone around me." He broke down.

His mother's voice became unusually firm despite her tears. "No. I know you Ken. You're my brave and kind little boy that you've always been. I just was just too foolish not to notice that. You didn't cause Osamu's death, and you had every right to feel the way that you felt. And I know that if he were here right now he would tell you the same thing."

Mrs. Ichijouji pulled her sobbing son closer. At first he tried to resist her, but a moment later he sagged against her, his face buried in her shoulder. How could Ken have carried something like this? She wondered. And how could I have failed to notice something so important?" And she felt even more ashamed. She held him closer to her.

And together they sobbed, a mother and son united by unimaginable pain and unspeakable grief.

~The End~