Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Another Fate ❯ epilogue ( Epilogue )

Epilogue

~~ walk down that lonesome road, all by yourself

don't turn your head, back over your shoulder

and only stop to rest when the silver moon

is shining high above the trees ~~

In the years that passed since their decision to remain the best of friends, Ken had rarely seen Daisuke. Inevitably, they had gone their separate ways. Regardless of whatever pull they had felt toward each other. Ken found this amazing given how close they had once been. However, he had to recognize the fact that he had pulled away eventually too. He felt a tightness in his chest whenever he thought of his former lover. As time had gone by the echo of Daisuke's heartbeat had grown faint, diminishing over the years until it completely disappeared from Ken's range of hearing.

Ken had finished law school but despised the idea of becoming a lawyer. He became a private investigator instead. He never married. Spending most nights working late he returned to an empty apartment. The silence left by the absence of Daisuke ghosted through him everywhere he went. His golden laughter rang in Ken's memory, but it had been years since he heard it in person.

The other Chosen avoided him, with the exceptions of a few of the elders: Sora, Mimi, Koushiro, and Jyou. Taichi and Yamato still talked to him, but their banter was only superficial. Their siblings still held some undetermined grudge against the holder of Kindness. After so many years he still had no idea why they disliked him so much. Perhaps he never had redeemed himself after his stint as the Kaiser. And that brush with insanity had left him a murderer, something unforgivable to the Angels, apparently. Miyako and Iori were basically the same as Tai and Yama, talking to him only on a surface level not actually caring about his well being. At least Daisuke had forgiven him though he still didn't know why.

Initially, he had blamed the Dark Spore, the Kaiser, for his sadistic tendencies. It was a convenient scapegoat when he had not wanted to acknowledge that he- in true Chosen fashion- held the keys to both Kindness and Cruelty. The very idea made him weep even when so much time had gone by. All too often he sought the sympathy of friends, feeling empty when he remembered that his angel of Friendship was gone. So many nights he still woke up thinking there was another person in bed with him forgetting, for that moment, that he had chased his love away.

Sora had informed him that Daisuke had left Japan altogether a few years ago. She never did say where he went, only that he was gone. Of course, Ken had known before she called him. Across time and space he could feel his angel bidding him a final good-bye. His remaining friends had offered him comfort, hesitant to explain why Daisuke had left. They broke down one by one confessing that his former lover had departed to be with the "love of his life". And while substance abuse had never really appealed to Ken, when he uncovered that bit of information he seriously contemplated getting himself a nice, big, fat drug habit. When he came to his senses he admitted that it was probably good for Daisuke to move on. Of course, trying to be the bigger person in the situation didn't make him feel any better.

At least Ken had plenty of work to keep him busy. Cases kept coming and so did the money, which was good. He could live comfortably. Clients were very impressed with his work, finding his complete devotion to their cause to be a commendable habit. Ken never cared. As long as he kept moving, as long as he had something to occupy his mind, as long as there was something to make him forget he could avoid thinking about Daisuke. However, when the day was done and his body demanded rest he had no choice but to think about his past. Muscles exhausted from a seemingly never ending string of twenty hour days, he would collapse in his bed too tired to fight off the memories. How they had fallen in love, become such a wonderful couple, how they had pushed each other to the brink, how they had wandered away from everything- from their love.

"Do you think I'm weak, Daisuke?"

How could he have ever thought otherwise? Ken refused to look at his own reflection on some days, so disgusted by his appearance he would slam a fist into the glass watching as it rained glittering shards on his feet. Occasionally he dreamt of blood and pain and shining violet eyes. He would wake up sobbing, feeling as though he had swallowed sharp pieces of glass wondering if he would ever be able to forgive himself. Someday. Maybe someday. He could always hope. Even if it wasn't his specialty.

~~ if I had stopped to listen once or twice

if I had closed my mouth and opened my eyes…~~

Ah, Kindness… Ken laughed whenever Sora or the others reminded him that was his special insignia. Kindness hadn't really done much for him. He'd been so compassionate, so patient, so fucking kind, and where did it get him? Alone. Crying in his empty bed, his empty house, his empty life. Well, not completely empty. Sora and Mimi always welcomed him when he went to visit one of them. They were always sweet and caring, providing a shoulder to cry on. The same could be said of Jyou and Koushiro who offered sympathy as best they could. Ever faithful and wise the two older men always had a couch to crash on. Ken had no idea if any of them actually knew how much he still cried about Daisuke.

Daisuke, his angel. The perfect love of his life. Ken wondered how he was doing, if he had children yet with the woman he had supposedly married. Or had they split up unable to work around their problems? Maybe Dai would come back to him someday after all. But he wasn't about to hold his breath because he knew he would die before he ever got his answer. If he could have erased his past mistakes he would have in a heartbeat. He wanted to say that he would have erased ever having been the Kaiser or, hell, even being born. But then he never would have met him. Life was too complex for him sometimes.

Sighing as he wandered through the market, Ken tried to decide if he really felt like buying anything at all, or if he should just pack it up and move to another country like he'd been dreaming of. It was a beautiful recurring fantasy that he liked to indulge in more and more as of late. Reaching out to grab a tin of tea he stopped, the edges of a familiar laugh touching his ears. No, it couldn't be. But he knew that sound, knew it better than practically anything else. Hearing the laugh again made him close his eyes against the feelings it aroused. Arm still in the air, reaching for his tea, Ken fell to his knees knowing he was crying but not finding the dignity to care all that much. No, they said he left Tokyo, said he left Japan…

Daisuke. It had to be him. No one else in any world sounded like that. The sound was full of confidence, maturity, friendship, courage, fire. Time might have changed the sound slightly but the tone of fire was never something to be denied. At that moment Ken felt something stir in his chest. Another sound he had not heard in ages began to pound in him. A second heartbeat. One that matched his own.

He stood quickly. He had to leave before Daisuke found him. Ken didn't know if he could face his old love even with all the years between them. Deciding that he could always come back another day for food he dropped his basket and bolted. Or tried to. There were suddenly people everywhere, crowding him. He wanted to cry he was so terrified and it occurred to him that he probably was, had never stopped. No, he couldn't let Daisuke see him like this, he couldn't… Pushing against the mass of customers he was almost out, almost free when he heard the laugh again- much closer. Suddenly it stopped, and everything stopped with it. Everything but the matching beat he felt in his chest.

"Ken?"

Shit. Ken supposed he couldn't run anymore and slumped in defeat. This was not something he had prepared for.

"Oh my god," the voice was deeper but still held a note of wonder. "Ken, is that you?"

Turning around he plastered his best business smile on his face and greeted the source of all his torment. Daisuke was still incredibly beautiful. Still a polished, bronze angel. Yeah, he still looked like sex on two legs. Ken met his eyes and almost blacked out. Those cinnamon eyes were filled with such joy. But were those tears Ken saw? What would make his angel cry like that?

Daisuke stepped forward wanting to take Ken in his arms and sweep him away. "I can't believe it," he said softly. Leaning farther forward he whispered low enough that he knew only Ken would hear, not his wife. "You're as beautiful as ever." When he pulled back he smiled warmly speaking at normal level, "I missed you so much."

Swallowing around the confusion Ken felt his own smile weaken. "Hey, Dai. How've you been?" Damn. Daisuke was still a flirt. And as much as Ken wanted to grab him and kiss him, make him cry with need he saw the pretty blond at Daisuke's side and knew he couldn't. Gracefully stepping forward he introduced himself. "Ichijouji Ken," he held out a hand. "You must be the wife I've heard so much about." He noticed her blush when he bent to kiss her hand. Ha! Take that Dai.

For his part, Daisuke stood there and frowned. "I never told you I was married, Ken." God it was hard to not call him Ken-chan or Ken-koi.

Looking back at his former lover, Ken gave him a sultry smile. "Oh, I know. However, some of the others were kind enough to call me from time to time. They at least give a damn about how I'm doing." Ha! Ha! And ha again, Motomiya!

Hurt flickered through the cinnamon depths of Daisuke's eyes for a moment. He couldn't find any excuses so he did the best he could given the circumstances. "I'm sorry, Ken. You have no idea how sorry I am."

Still not releasing the blond wife's hand he smiled again knowing there was probably a distinctly violet shine in his eyes. "I know you are, Daisuke." He didn't need to keep speaking. And you should be sorry, hung in the air like the snap of a whip chasing its victim.

The blond raised an eyebrow and gave her husband a look that all wives learn. The look that said he had better explain this shit later or he wouldn't be getting any for months. "It's a pleasure to meet you. How do you know my husband?"

She was good, insinuating so much with that tone. It was obvious Daisuke had never explained his relationship with Ken to this woman and Ken paused long enough to make him sweat, wondering if Ken would tell. "We were best friends in middle school and partly through college," was all he offered. "If there's anything you want to know about him, I'm the person to ask." He ended with a wink and laughed at her possessive look. Let her wonder. "I hate to run, but the work doesn't do itself, you know? How long are you in town?" Daisuke was so, so pretty… what had Ken done to deserve this?

"Another week or so," Daisuke answered quickly, desperately thinking of a way to stall Ken's departure. "Where are you living now?" Putting an arm around his wife he smiled. "We're thinking of moving here."

Great. Just fucking great. His one true love and Little Miss Blond Town and Country were moving to Tokyo. Could life get any better? "Odaiba, but I'm thinking of moving soon."

"Where?" Deaf children in Antarctica could have heard the sadness in Daisuke's voice.

Ken shrugged. "Not sure yet. But I really do have to go." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out one of his business cards. "Call me if you want to do dinner or anything. It would be great to catch up." At least that was genuine. "I'm sorry to rush off like this, Dai," his voice grew soft, bloomed with a tenderness that was familiar to both of them. "Call me, okay? We should talk," he wanted to add "about us" but with Daisuke's wife standing there he didn't. Blinking tears out of his vision he turned to the petite blond woman who had a death grip on her husband's arm. "It was wonderful meeting you. I sincerely hope you'll join your husband and I for dinner one night." Before she could reply Ken placed a quick kiss on Daisuke's cheek and left without looking back.

Husband and wife stood in the market dumbfounded. Daisuke brushed shaky fingers across the cheek where Ken's kiss was still burning against his skin. He knew his wife was jealous, but Ken was a hard act to follow. Meeting her cool blue eyes he knew he was smiling but just couldn't stop.

"Honey?"

"Let it go, Mae. Forget it and let it go." He knew she wouldn't. Turning his back to her walked through the market knowing she was following him like some kind of Nordic shadow. Smiling still he touched his chest feeling the two heartbeats there.

~~ if I had cooled my head and warmed my heart

I'd not be on this road tonight ~~

Blocks away Ken was fighting to remember how to breathe. Time had only made Daisuke even more exquisite. For the thousandth time he wished he could have been there with Dai as he went through all the emotional battles. Even if he couldn't have kissed away the pain he would have liked to hold him. Something in his angel made it impossible for Ken to want anyone else.

But, it seemed Daisuke had moved on. Maybe it was time Ken do the same. Walking for a while he reminisced a bit. He still loved Daisuke every bit as much as he had all those years ago when they were still children and saving the world from disaster. He had watched everyone's favorite goggle-head grow into a gangly adolescent- puberty ahoy! In high school he had kept growing the flowing streamline of his body filling out with muscles from soccer. In college they were men, sharing worries of term papers and life decisions. Ken had honestly believed that they would keep making those decisions together. But, Daisuke had moved on.

Ken realized he had never gotten the name of Daisuke's blond and blue-eyed wife. Everything Ken wasn't- tan, built, happy… female. Still, no sense being bitter. He could always be friends with Daisuke. Walking by all the old haunts from their years of growth Ken smiled, lost in memory. He was somewhere in the park when he noticed that the second heartbeat in his chest was still there, keeping perfect rhythm. Placing his hand over the gentle beat he looked upwards through the trees at the moon shining over Tokyo. His worries began to ease somewhat as he stood there remembering every moment he had spent with Daisuke. He smiled knowing his wish had been granted. Dai was in his life again, and as long as he had Daisuke in his life, he could be happy. He could learn to move on.

Walking down the path in the moonlight he felt the last fluttering bit of pain leaving and wings of Kindness, Friendship, Courage, and Love folding over his heart.

~~ carry on…

and never run feeling sorry for yourself

it doesn't save you from your troubled mind

walk down that lonesome road all by yourself

don't turn your head back over your shoulder

and only stop to rest when the silver moon

is shining high above the trees ~~

*************

That's it! No more from me for a while. And as much as this was supposed to be a sad story I felt the need to give it a somewhat happy ending. The song "Lonesome Road" is by James Taylor and probably some other people who's names I can't remember. Hope you liked it!