Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Avalanche - White Danger ❯ Alone ( Chapter 13 )

Avalanche - White Danger

by Kaeera

Chapter 13: Alone

Daisuke wiped his eyes and sniffed. He felt so frightened, so alone...like a small child. Helpless. But there was no mother to hug him. No father to stroke over his head. He was all alone.

I should be used to that., the boy thought gloomily. After all, I was always alone when I was little.

But this loneliness was different. Although he had felt alone in the real world, he had never been alone. There was always somebody around him. People on the streets, people in the school. But here was nobody. Not a single soul. Not the smallest form of life...

It was the perfect prison. After some hours, you just wanted it to end - even when it meant to kill yourself. Davis was no exception. The boy, who had never wasted one thought in suicide before, found himself thinking about it as if it would be a valuable option. Now he could understand why some people killed themselves. Did they feel like that? So helpless? So sad? So frightened?
The pain was immense. No physical torture could be compared to this mental one.

Yet Daisuke hadn't given up. He still wasn't ready for suicide. There were too many things he would miss. He wanted to live....he just wanted to live and be lucky. Was that too much?
Why couldn't he open his eyes?

Or am I already dead?, he wondered. Maybe I died. And this is....hell, I don't know, whatever. And I have to stay here forever..., Davis shuddered.

If he was dead....would the others be sad? Well, of course. Daisuke didn't think that they wouldn't care about it. But they would probably cry for one day, maybe two, and then routine would come back. 'Oh, Daisuke Motomiya? He used to be a friend of me, but unfortunately he died.' Yeah, they would say something like that. ....a friend. mind you, not a good friend. No. Never.

What's wrong with me?

I never thought like that. So...dark. Pessimistic. I've always been the optimist, haven't I? There's nothing worth to live for when you only see the negative sides.
But now I feel so down...depressed. And it doesn't mind what I think, it always ends in something bad. As if my mind wants to tell me that I am unwanted, that nobody cares for me.

You. My family. My friends. Do you care for me??? Tell me, because I'm not sure. Does anyone care for me? Mum, Dad, Jun....Kari, Ken, Miyako, Cody, Ken?

Does anyone hear me?

He wanted to cry again, but his eyes were dry. Too many tears. He normally couldn't stand crying. It was weak. And he - he wasn't weak. No. He had to be strong, because everybody expected him to be.

"I want to be at home!", he suddenly yelled. "HOME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??"

Digging his hands deep in the grey sand, he continued. "I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go out! Why am I kept here? I want to be safe....safe and warm...and loved...."
Daisuke threw the sand in the air, and it fell down on his head. No wind was blowing. He clenched his fists, the sand falling softly down his face. "I want to be at home.", he repeated.

Darkness, eating your soul.

What was home, after all? He remember the flat in which he was living with his family. His small, normally dirty room. The small bathroom. Every morning he had to fight with his sister to get in there. She could spend hours in the small room, using make-up and whatever other stuff. The cupboard was full of cremes and girl things. Daisuke, who only needed to brush his teeth, could never understand his sister and pounded on his right to use the bathroom in the morning, too. Usually, it ended with someone going wet.

Loneliness, breaking your spirit.

Oh yeah, that was home. And the living-room with the TV, too. Often they gathered around the small monitor. But they couldn't remain silent - the one who had the control of the remote was zipping around, while the other sibling complained that he or she wanted to watch a particular show. In the end, they were making a pillow-fight, while their father grabbed the remote and watched the News...something the two children didn't like. Living at the Motomiya household involved a lot of fighting.

Of course, when he thought of his home, he automatically thought of his family.
His father and his mother quarreled a lot, too. Sometimes there were times in which he did wonder if they even loved each other. But they always made up.

And his sister...oh, Jun. She was annoying. But she was his sister. He could insult her, but nobody else! She had her good sides, too - sometimes. Rarely. But they were there. They hadn't such a great relationship like Tai and Kari or TK and Matt. But Daisuke knew that this was impossible for them both. They had to rearrange their characters when they wanted to live like the others. And with the time, the boy had realized that fighting with his sister was a great stress relief. Certainly for Jun, too. Plus, it made fun...

Depression, darkening your heart.

Daisuke smiled. Suddenly he realized that he wanted to come back. Go home. It didn't mind to him whether they cared for him or not. He loved them. He loved his life. And his flat...and his city. With his whole heart he loved all the daily things, all the little accidents he had day by day, all these fights with his sister. It was his home. HIS home.
And he wanted to go back.

Maybe they didn't care.

Maybe they didn't love him.

Maybe his friends thought that he was annoying.

But he did care. Did love them. Enjoyed being with them.

* * *

"You will never go skiing again!", his mother said firmly.

"Mum....", Ken sweatdropped. "You are repeating yourself. Against all odds, I DID understand it when I heard it for the first ten times."

"Oh, sorry.", she blushed. "I was just so worried...are you sure that you are okay?"

"Yes.", Ken sighed defeated. He glanced over at Miyako, but couldn't see her. All her siblings plus her parents were standing around her bed, babbling wildly, using hands and arms. A pang of jealousy hit the boy; jealousy because she still had her siblings, while he...was all alone.
At least he was alive. Today he nearly had joined his brother. Ken didn't want to think what his parents would have done then...loosing two sons would have been probably too much.

"Can I get up?", he asked suddenly, surprising both his parents.

"Wha...of course not.", his mother answered shocked. "Why do you want it anyway?"

"I want to visit Daisuke. He's my friend, and I haven't seen him since we were buried under the snow. I want to know how he is."

"But...", his father said slowly. "You are injured. You shouldn't stand up."

"He's my best friend.", Ken pleaded. "Please - just five minutes. I have to know how he is..."
His parents glanced at each other. Then his father nodded. "I will ask the doctor if you can leave the bed in a wheelchair, okay?"
Ken smiled. "Thanks."

Five minutes later, his father returned with a wheelchair. "The doctor said it would be okay - for ten minutes. Not longer! And after that, you'll have to sleep a bit."
Ken agreed, glad that he got the permission. His father lifted the blue-haired boy into the chair and the moved off. Ken noticed that Miyako was looking at him, curious where he might go, and he turned around, mouthing the words 'Visiting Davis'. She nodded in understanding, her eyes becoming sad. She was worried about their friend as well.

Ken waited impatiently in the chair. He almost feared the meeting with his begoggled friend. One side of him didn't want to see Daisuke, for he knew that he was weak and in a vulnerable state. He was used to a strong friend, and he felt that seeing a injured Davis would take a deep place in his mind. But on the other hand, he just couldn't lie in his bed and feeling well while his friend was fighting for his life. Although he knew that he couldn't do anything, he hoped that he could maybe help his friend. Support him. Daisuke had always supported Ken, now it was his turn.

They reached a small door. It swung open, revealing a white room. Ken recognized Jun on the other side of it - tired looking, eyes red of crying. And in the middle, the bed.

Huge and white was it, making the boy small and fragile. At first he didn't recognize his cheerful friend. Maybe it was because of the tube in his mouth. Maybe because the bandage hid half of his face. Or maybe because he looked so pale. It didn't mind. It just looked wrong.
Daisuke....shouldn't need this. Not a tube. Perhaps...if he had been just lying there, without a tube, Ken could have pretended that he was just sleeping.

How funny. Daisuke had always seemed so...invincible. He never got ill; maybe a cold, but nothing serious. Hell, the boy could run around in the coldest rain and playing soccer, and he didn't get ill!
He always kept his cheerful attitude, never mind what happened.

But this...so pale. Silent. It didn't look good for him, did it? When Daisuke didn't wake up, it wasn't good.

Suddenly Ken felt a hand of his shoulder. He looked up, straight into the face of Jun. "I'm glad that you came.", she said simply, smiling a little bit. Ken looked into her eyes, these eyes which reminded him so much of the eyes of his friend. "He's my friend.", he stated, turning his attention back to the lifeless form of Daisuke.

"I know.", Jun told him. "Maybe you can talk to him. Maybe then he wakes up..."

She rubbed her eyes. "The doctors are saying that he's lying in a coma. They don't know why. And they don't know what they can do against it.

They say...", she laughed, a short, hard laugh, "They say that it depends on him. That we can't do anything - just talking to him. He has to fight his way back."

Ken remained silent, while Jun continued. "Ya know...I always thought that Daisuke was strong. If he had to fight his way back...I'm sure that he would manage it. He could do it."

"But you don't know if he wants it.", Ken added.

"How...", Jun asked. Then she smiled. "I've forgotten that you are a genius, Ken. Yes. I fear that he doesn't want to come back. You see, I didn't tell my parents about it, but this must be the reason."

Her voice became distant. "But I don't know why....I know that we do often fight. And that our family situation isn't the best. But it has never bothered him. Although....I'm not the one to tell it. I actually never cared much for my brother. I love him, but we were never close."
Ken could only stare at the girl. This wasn't the Jun Motomiya he knew. She was different. More serious. Worried. Caring.
He looked down at the pale face of his friend. Daisuke, he thought, Why won't you wake up? Is something preventing it?

Or did you just stop fighting?

What's wrong? I'm your friend, Davis. I want to know it. I want to help you. Let me help you. Like you helped me. Don't give up.

He realized that he had spoken the last words loudly. His hand was shaking, and he covered his eyes. Suddenly he felt tired, so tired....but he didn't want to leave. Daisuke needed him!

His father was already wheeling him out of the room before Ken could object. One last time he glanced at the lifeless form of his friend. Then they left the room.

* * *

Running....I'm running....

Why? I want to get out, want to run away, but I can't. I'm running. Alone. There's the desert around me, and it doesn't mind how fast I run - the scenery never changes. Where's the way out? Where?
I close my eyes, but my legs continue to run. What else can I do?

Mum....help me...

With every step I become more exhausted. My legs feel heave, and my heart is pounding. But I can't stop running. I must run away, flee, flee this nightmare! The grey sand is dusty. My chest is hurting and my face is wet of sweet. I can't stop.

Dad....rescue me....

I know that I can't run forever. Soon I will collapse. My legs won't carry me anymore. Maybe I'll pass out. That would be a relief. I run, but I can't run away. I'm alone.

Jun....show me a way out of here....

I'm hot. This is a nightmare. Only in nightmares you can't flee. It must be an imagination. But why am I dreaming such things? Are they my fears? Buried deep in my mind? Maybe my heart wants to tell me something....something I didn't want to see.

Veemon....fight for me....

The truth is that I'm not normal. I've never been. Daisuke Motomiya, the weirdo. There were days when I enjoyed my image. Other days...I hated it. Hated it because other kids looked at me differently. Treated me differently. But I got used to it. Like I got used to my family.

Ken...take me away....

I always envied the other kids. Their families were so....caring. Warm. It was always a warm feeling. They hugged their kids. Or kissed them. I was never hugged. Never. I don't think that my parents don't like me...but I wish that they had shown it - sometimes. Then I wouldn't have cried at night. Then I would know how to show my true feelings. Without making an idiot out of me.

Kari....give me your hand....

I was always hiding. And I was frightened. I don't know why I have the crest of courage. I am afraid of myself. Afraid what the others might say when they realize that the real Daisuke is different. That I have feelings. And that they do hurt me. Sometimes.
Even I am scared.
Even I do cry.

......please.....

* * *

Two hours later

When Kari entered, the room was deadly silent. Slowly she approached the bed. Jun was sleeping on a chair in a corner. She had refused to leave her brother, although her parents had begged her. They couldn't do anything without waiting....but she hadn't wanted to go, and Kari could understand the girl. If her brother was injured, she wouldn't leave his side either.

"Davis...", she whispered, when she recognized the small figure in the bed. Hikari had insisted to go alone; and since her injuries were only minor bruises, she had been allowed to walk. For a short moment, she wished that she hadn't gone. Her friend....her cheerful friend was lying there, so small, so helpless....so dead.

She felt something hot on her cheek, but she didn't wipe the tears away. "What's wrong, Daisuke?", she said softly, taking his limp hand. "Why won't you come back? Back to us? To...me?"
But the boy didn't respond.

Broken Eyes.

"Daisuke.", Kari continued. "You have to come back! Really....because you are special. You can't leave us like that! After all, you managed it to rescue us...Veemon could digivolve, just because of you!"
The girl searched for the right words. "I know that I'm not always treating you well. I tend to ignore you....and I used to make fun of you. But you are still my friend! One of the best, I might say..."

Broken Spirit.

"You are scaring me, Daisuke.", she sobbed, finally wiping the tears away. "When I was rescued, I thought everything would be fine. I was safe; I was warm. I believed that it was over. But then....then they told me about you. It's so unfair! Why are we all awake and full of life while you're fighting with death?"

Shattered Mirror.

"You must wake up. Because...", she smiled. "Because I want to go skiing again. I like skiing. It wasn't your fault that we got in this avalanche. It was nobody's fault...well, maybe fate's. I don't know what to say...maybe you can hear me. Maybe you are there, somewhere deep in your body. A prisoner. Do you want to come back? Then fight!"

Shattered Dreams.

"Ken told me...", Kari squeezed his hand, "He told me that Jun believes that you doesn't want to wake up. It's not true, is it? Daisuke....I can't believe that you are giving up! You aren't giving up! Remember, Davis, there are so many things you wanted to do...so many things you like! You wanted to become a cook!"

.....want to become a cook....

"And what's about soccer? Don't you want to play it anymore? It was always your favorite sport. I remember that you could spend hours with my brother, discussing soccer games and strategies, talking about famous soccer player and teams. Every free minute you went either to the park or you were together with us."

....want to be together with my friends....

"No.", Kari shook her head. "You won't give up, Daisuke." She smiled through the tears. "I know you, my friend. You will win. You will fight and you will win. I trust you. Do you hear it? I trust you to come back. I trust you.", she wiped her eyes.

....want to come back.....

.....help me....

"Nice to hear that.", a voice said. Kari jerked up and looked around, seeing Jun smiling at her sleepily. "I'm sorry, but I've listened to the last part of your monologue - I didn't want to disturb you."

"Uhm...", Kari blushed.

"I'm glad that you are a friend of Daisuke.", she stated simply, rubbing her eyes. "I think he needs you. More than you think."

"Needs me?", Kari repeated, "No, I don't think so. Davis is strong; a lot of stronger than the rest of us."

"Really?", Jun said sadly, "Then why is he crying at night?"

"What?"

"You did hear right. Sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I hear him crying. Alone in his rooms. Softly, so that nobody of us will hear it. But nonetheless crying."

"But...why?", Kari asked confused.

"I don't know. You are his friend, can't you tell me?"

"I...I have no idea...."

"Maybe that's the reason..."

"What do you mean by that?", the girl wanted to know, staring at Jun.

"What do you know about him, Hikari? You are his friend, why can't you tell me when he's crying? Did it ever cross your mind that he's crying? At night? Alone? I bet it didn't. But I bet that he was always there for you when you were crying."

"I...yes.", she stuttered. Jun smiled sadly. "That's my brother."

She stayed silent for a short moment. "You know, he never cries in front of others. He thinks that you will turn away then. He's afraid of loosing his friends, so he puts an act. Always. He feels depressed, but he's still there for you. He will never let you down, but he isn't surprised when you let him down. In fact, he expects that. He might seem strong...and funny...and thick-headed, whatever, but there's this other part in him. Lonely. Sad. Afraid. Have you ever seen this part?"

Kari didn't know what to say. What Jun said was...was terrible. It was true, she had never expected that Daisuke did cry...but now, when she recalled memories, she remembered that more than once there had been tears in his chocolate brown eyes. He never let them fall, though, but they had been there. All the time. And she hadn't seen it...

"What a selfish person am I...",she whispered shocked, but Jun shook her head.

"I don't think so. Daisuke makes it pretty hard for us. I myself, as his sister, can't see through him. He hides all the time. But I can understand him. Because I am doing the same. It's a form of protection...like a shield."

"I feel so guilty.", Kari said with tears in her eyes. "He must think that we don't care for him! He must think that he's worthless! But he isn't! He's precious to us - to me. We just did never realize it...because he was always there."

"Don't tell me.", Jun pointed to the bed. "Tell him."

Kari opened her mouth, but didn't know what to say. "Tell him as soon as he wakes up.", Jun continued, looking her into the eyes. "He won't believe you. But tell him. Stop his crying. Because I know you can. You and your friends."

Kari sniffed. "And what if he doesn't wake up?", she asked softly.

"He WILL wake up!", Jun shouted suddenly. "Didn't you say that you trusted him? So do!! Believe in him, Kari. Believe with all your heart! Show him the light in the darkness."
Hikari glanced at the older girl, then on the boy. Indeed, they were siblings. "I will,", she said softly, but determined.

* * *

Daisuke collapsed on the ground. He was too exhausted to run, so he crawled instead. He didn't know in which direction he was going, but he was too confused to notice. He just wanted to get out...and fleeing seemed to be the best solution.

Home. Veemon. Ice-cream. Mum. School. Soccer Practice. Dad. Food. Forest. Jun. Digimon. Marshmallows. Math. Kari. Friends. Tears. Joy. Sorrow.

"I want to go home!", he cried, standing up again. He felt so weak, but he was determined to flee. And he walked. Alone.

Suddenly the area changed. A light was shining. Warm. Friendly. Daisuke covered his eyes and blinked. What was happening? The light became stronger and stronger, and he felt the sudden urge to laugh.

Laugh?

Millions of little sparks were flying through the air, beautiful. Davis tried to grab one, but it flew away. He smiled. This was....wonderful.
He whirled around, eyes big of surprise. He didn't know what was happening, but it was definitely an improvement. Hell, he could laugh!

Then she stood there. In the light. Smiling at him. Davis gaped, jaw hanging open, finally stuttering: "H-Hikari?"
The girl continued to smile. More lights whirled through the air, and more figures appeared. He turned around.

"Ken!", Davis gasped, when he saw the blue-haired boy. He was standing beside to Kari, smiling at him. A warm, open smile. How he had missed this...

"Mum!", his mother was standing there, too, arm in arm with his father. They both smiled at him with tears in their eyes. "Dad!"
The boy stared at all the persons. More and more were appearing, and the grayness of the desert faded. "Miyako! TK! Cody!"

Crying alone at night.

Behind his parents a tall figure was waving her hands. "Jun!", the girl grinned and nodded.
Daisuke felt something on his feet and looked down. "Veemon?", he said with tears in his eyes. "What are you guys doing here?" His only response was the smile. But it was warming his heart, and he could only smile back.

"Am I still dreaming?", he wondered. They all nodded, suddenly looking sad.

Quarreling with my sister.

"Come back, Davis.", his sister pleaded. "I miss you."

"Jun?", he didn't know what to say. "I would like to, but...how?"

"Daisuke, we need you. Come back.", his parents added.

"How?", Davis repeated, "I don't know the way..."

"Davis....", Kari nearly cried, "It's so strange without you. Please come back!"

Eating ice-cream with my friends.

"We need you.", Ken stated.

"We are your friends.", TK told him.

"You can rely on us.", Cody assured him.

"We want you back!", Veemon sobbed. "Come Back, Davis."

Playing soccer in the park.

"I want to come back! I want it more than anything!", Davis sobbed. "But I've tried....and I can't. There's no way out of this dream. No way...."

Laughing because school's out.

"But we need you.", his sister begged.

"I trust you, Davis. You can find a way.", Kari encouraged.

"Exactly. We all are trusting you!", Veemon smiled. "You are strong. You can make it. Come back to us, Davis."

"Wake up."

Saving the Digital World.

"I WANT TO GO BACK!", he screamed, tears in his eyes. The light hesitated for a moment, and then it exploded in a flash. The grayness dissolved and Daisuke knew no more.

In the darkest moment

Your darkest hour, minute, second

You will see the light

It will come to you

Warming you

Telling you that everything will be alright

And when you take a closer look

At the light

This shiny, holy light

You notice that it is a smile

The smile of your friends

Of your family

Smiling at you

Warming your heart

And showing you the way

Out of the darkness

* * *

Slowly, very slowly he came back. Hesitant at first, but the more his senses awakened, the more he hurried. He didn't know what was happening. It hurt. And it felt good.
His body was hurting.
But his soul was happy.

Where's the light?

It was like swimming. He was swimming in a giant dark pool, searching for something. Searching for his body.

And he found it. The light had shown the way. Suddenly Davis could feel something. He could feel that he had closed his eyes.

He could feel that he was lying on something soft.

He could smell the air.

He could hear his surroundings.

For a moment, he felt content. He wasn't dreaming anymore. The darkness in front of his eyes was just a normal darkness because-my-eyes-are-closed. Nothing scaring.

He could open his eyes, couldn't he?

But what would he see?

I am probably in a hospital. Figures. After all, I was in an avalanche....urgh, I hate hospitals.

He was fully awake now and decided that he should open his eyes. What sense did it make, to struggle to wake up, to come back, and then fearing to open his eyes? No-o. Not with him. He would open his eyes right away. He would look at his surroundings. Maybe someone would be there. Maybe someone was waiting for him....worrying...concerned....

There's only one way to find it out....

Daisuke opened his eyes. Come back to Life. Come back to us. Don't leave this world. Stay. So many things to do. So many experiences to make. So many pleasures you don't want to miss. Come home.

Everything was blurry at first. He could only see shadows. Davis blinked. The light was hurting in his eyes, so he closed them again and waited some seconds. And opened them.
This time, he could recognize some things. He was staring at the ceiling. Not a nice view, but he was too tired to move his head.

Why am I tired, anyway? After all, I did only dream that I was running. Funny.

* * *

Jun was staring at the ceiling. She was bored. Hikari had left hours ago, and her parents would return in the morning. The girl was alone with her thoughts. And that was the only thing she could do, thinking. In the last two days, she had recalled every memory she had of her annoying little brother. Had looked at the mental pictures, with both sadness and joy in her heart. But she never stopped worrying. And although she had told the others that Davis would wake up, she wasn't so sure herself. She knew that he wasn't that strong. He was like here. Strong on the outside, but deep inside an easy-to-hurt heart. 'Can you win against yourself', she wondered. Because this probably was what Davis had to face. He had to fight against his buried emotions and fears. Fear of Loneliness. Of Rejection.

Jun sighed. Something was definitely wrong in their personalities. But then again, she knew a lot of people who were worse, so she shouldn't complain.

Her dark thoughts were interrupted by a sudden noise. She jerked up, gazing around. What the....her eyes fell on the bed, watching the small figure lying there with open eyes...WHAT?

Jun rubbed her eyes, speechless for the first time in her life. She had seen right; Daisuke had opened his eyes. Had.opened.his.eyes.
This meant that he was awake
And this meant that he wasn't lying in a coma anymore...

Jun stared into the chocolate brown eyes of her brother, these cheerful brown eyes she had missed so badly over the last days, and a tear was rolling down her cheek.

"Hi Davis.", she whispered, and the boy turned his head around. Blinking a few times, Daisuke stared back at his sister. And slowly, a smile crossed his face. Even the tube in his mouth couldn't prevent him from doing so.

To be continued....

Yes, people, there will be another part. An epilogue, to wrap things up. And maybe I'll finally manage to write some Daikari in it...damn. I', just not a romance writer*sighs* So, what did you think? I hope the whole 'awakening' scene wasn't too stupid...