Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Battle Days ❯ Loneliness ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: Digimon and the mentioned characters don't belong to me, oh, boy that would be great, no more studying, working… It would be heaven, kids!! Anyway, to get down to earth again, their not mine and never will. Face it like it is ;(

Warning: Ok, again some little warnings. This is a yaoi/shounen ai (is that right?) story, means boys get romantically involved. To make it clear: They fall in love, they kiss, they do other things I'm not sure if I will write about it ;), I'm only 18 by myself and a little bit timid ^_^ If you don't like that stuff, if it turns around your guts and makes you want to destroy the whole world, or at least my living country, here is a good hint for you: DO NOT READ IT! Ok? Ok. There will be little offences in it and some violence and even they unspeakable: sex. But I mentioned before, I'm not sure on how tough it is going to be. But to avoid any troubles, I rate this one Lemon, even if it rather deserves, say Lime. Enough, the Warnings are going to become longer than the Story. Let's go on with the narrative…

This is a Taishiro story, I don't know if there will be other couples in it, we'll see. Till now there are 5 chapters planned, maybe more to come… here is no#2 (congratulations to anybody who got that far ^_^)

Battle days
By Kimaro

Chapter II

Loneliness…

"Izzy?" Taichi whispered while peering through the only a little bit opened door. When he woke up Koushiro had been gone, and he wasn't sure how to confront Mr. And Mrs. Izumi with the fact that he was still here. "He's in the bath. Want some breakfast, Tai?" The boy drew back surprised when Koushiros mother turned the corner and smiled at him warmly.

"No need to be shy, if you're dressed then come out. Or the eggs will turn cold" Mrs. Izumi giggled and disappeared in the kitchen again. Taichi felt a huge blush on his face, it was like he was caught in the act. But then he opened the door and walked over into the kitchen as well. Koushiros mother was standing at the table, reorganising the setting a little bit too nervous. Taichi had to smile about that and as she noticed it she grinned. "Sit down. Want tea or coffee?"

"Tea, please."

"Koushiro always drinks coffee" the purple-haired woman babbled while she poured him some tea into a cup. Taichi sat down at the next chair and watched Mrs. Izumi suspiciously. How much did she knew about what had happened between him and her son last night?

"To delete any obscurities..." Mrs. Izumi cleared her throat and sat next to Taichi after she put down the cup, starring at the table.

"...I know about the feelings Koushiro has about you. Actually I knew it before he realised it himself..." She smirked shortly and stole a glance at the boy sitting beside her. He looked very uncomfortable too.

"He hadn't told me what happened last night, but you now, I'm not a complete idiot. That's actually all I wanted to say, because I think you should know how much I know about you two." She folded her fingers and gazed up again.

"Thank you, Mrs. Izumi. You know, I thought about that as well. Just another question."

"Yes?"

"You got any problems with it? I mean that Izzy, I mean Koushiro and I..."

"For heaven's sake, no! All I want is to see my son happy and now he is for the fist time since... oh, eternity." The woman reached out and squeezed Taichis hand. The boy sighed.

"That's all I wanted to know."

The water ran over his tensed face and diluted the tears that dropped out of his half-closed eyes. He was standing like this for over ten minutes yet and still he hadn't the power to move one inch.

*The will treat him just as bad as the treated me. They will hit him like they hit me, will offend him and call him names. No, I can't let this happen to him, I don't want to see him suffering. And if I can avoid it, I will.*

He had made his decision. Slowly he turned off the water and forced himself out of the shower. He looked up to see his wet face and hair in the steamed up mirror. His features were contorted and he was glad about it, he wouldn't be able to look himself in the eye right now. He started to dry himself with one of the light-blue towels, his mind empty for the very fist time in his life.

After getting dressed he unlocked the door with trembling fingers. He heard voices from over the kitchen and recognised them as his mothers and Taichis. He frowned, it would have been better finding him alone in his room. Hesitantly he went over and entered the kitchen.

His mother and Taichi sat at the table and looked up when Koushiro came in, both of them smiling amusingly. But their smiles disappeared as they realised the strange look on the red-haired boys face. A few moments nobody dared to say a word, but then Mrs. Izumi asked puzzled: "Is anything wrong, darling?"

His eyes looked into her direction and she felt that anything was torturing his soul. She jumped up to ran over and hug him, to take away his pain with mother-love. But he raised one hand to stop her.

"Please, Mom, can I have a talk with Tai. Alone..."

"Of course you can." She glanced at the older boy, who was still sitting at the table and then left the room silently.

"Izzy..."

"No, please. I have something to say to you, and it would be kind if you're just listening, ok?" Koushiro waited 'till Taichi had nodded and sighed deeply.

"I think we made a terrible mistake yesterday. You now, some mistakes have to be made to realise that they are ... uhm, mistakes. I know, I gave you the feeling I was in love with you. But I'm not. I've never been, I fooled myself, and worse, I fooled you. I'm sorry, but I think it's better we'll never see each other again." After his last word he sighed again. His heart felt like torn into little pieces. He lied to his love!

Taichi was speechless. He starred at the younger one with confusion, not able to think straight. Finally he gasped, then raising from his chair. He stepped forward to touch Koushiros shoulder, but the smaller boy drew back and refused to look at him.

"Why...why are you saying such things? I can't believe you could be serious with that." Taichis voice trembled and he tried again to reach for his lover. But Koushiro pushed his arm away roughly and turned around, leaving the other boy confused and hurt behind.

"Izzy..." The dark-haired boy whispered when he heard the door of the room where he spent the last night was shut. What made him saying that?

Taichi leaned against the wall and starred to the ground vacantly. Suddenly he felt a hand on his upper arm and when he looked up he saw Mrs. Izumi. She seemed to be startled finding him like this, interrogatively she twitched her eyebrows. She looked so much like Koushiro, in spite of only being his adoptive mother.

"I think it's better I leave" the boy murmured. When he passed Koushiros room he found his schoolbag in front of the door. Slowly he picked it up and continued his way.

When he reached the street he looked up to see the window of Koushiros room. He had hoped to see that - little bit too pale - face behind the glass. But his expectation was disappointed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There he is!" Mimi jumped to her feet and grabbed the present that had laid on the table. It was kind of an apology for Koushiro because she had told their friends of his feelings for Taichi, though she was sure nobody of them told him.

Her friends Serika and Yuki, who sat around the table as well, looked at each other confused. Neither understood why Mimi was so close to that nerd, it didn't suited her style very well.

Mimi ran towards the redhead and handed the present to him after she hugged him.

"What's that?" The boy looked at the gift suspiciously.

"Take a look", the girl grinned.

Slowly Koushiro opened the present to find a framed photo. All the DigiDestined were on it, posing near a waterfall in the Digiworld. Gabumon had taken it, so he was the only destined Digimon which was not on it. Since he was a little bit shy he volunteered for that job.

Koushiro himself was sitting on the ground in the middle of the picture and Taichi was kneeling behind him, his arms wrapped around the smaller boy.

"I found it at home and thought you might want to have it." Mimi was really surprised when Koushiro handed her the photo back.

"Thank you, but I think it's better you keep it." He refused looking at her and went on without another word. Mimi gazed after him confused. Then she decided to not let him get away with that. She ran after the boy and forced him to stop.

"What's the matter with you? You don't want it?" She pushed the frame into Koushiros hands and then folded her arms so he wasn't able to give it back to her.

"My matter, ok?" He hadn't raised his voice a bit. He stuck the photo between her arm and her chest and went on. Mimi grabbed his upper arm and nearly dropped the picture.

"You're crazy? You're unhappy, and as your friend I only want to help you! I..." Suddenly she was interrupted by a well known voice.

"IZZY!" Taichi has appeared on the other end of the hall and now started running towards the two of them. Koushiros eyes went wide and he pushed Mimi away. He tried to get away discreetly, but Taichi jumped into his way.

"We...we need to talk..." he gasped. His dark-brown eyes hurt Koushiro, they looked so sad and lost that he just wanted to take Taichi in his arms and to protect him from this cruel world.

*No, I'm not strong enough to protect him. He got it better if he is without me!*

"Leave me alone, Tai" the smaller boy hissed and tried to come past Taichi, who grabbed his shoulder and searched for his eyes despairingly.

"Izzy, come on. Have you forgotten what we had that..."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" His hand hit Taichis face harder than he wanted to. Both starred at each other stunned for a few moments, then Koushiro turned his face and fled. But Taichi had already noticed the tears in his friends eyes, though he didn't tried to stop him a second time.

"Tai...?" Mimi looked at him puzzled. She held a photo in her hand, and Taichi noticed that it was the one that they took last summer when all of them went to the Digiworld. He remembered how he had taken Koushiros into his arms, then a gesture of friendship. It seemed that he had lost a friend as well, not only a lover.

"What the hell is the matter with him?" Tai ignored Mimis question and pointed at the picture in her hand.

"Can I have that, please?" Mimi raised her eyebrows surprised, shrugged and handed the former gift to him.

"Sure, Izzy doesn't seem to want it."

"It was a present for him?" Taichi studied the photo and touched Koushiros portrayal tenderly. His heart was hurting more than anyone could imagine who never was rejected by his love for no visible reason. What was going on in his friends mind, why was he so cruel? He had promised his love several times that special night, more often than Taichi could count. Why this sudden change of mind? And why those tears?

"Tai, what happened?" Mimi started to get angry, nobody seemed to tell her anything. And she hated being ignored like this.

"If I only knew..." Taichi sighed, still starring at the picture in his hands. He really didn't knew, after he left Koushiros home two days ago he tried to phone him nearly every hour. But most of the time Mrs. and Mr. Izumi answered the phone, and both had to tell him that Koushiro didn't wanted to talk to him. Mrs. Izumi also tried to encourage Taichi, but it didn't worked that well. A few times Koushiro took the receiver by himself, but every time Taichi began to talk he had put it down immediately.

"Tai, why..."

"Please, Mimi. I'm not in the mood to talk about it, ok? See, you don't have to know everything, right? Just stay to your own business and leave me... leave us alone, would you be so kind?" Taichi didn't meant to be mean but his words hurt Mimi though. She stepped back and muttered: "Sure, I'm not going to bother you anymore." She turned around and crawled back to her friends, who waited for her impatient.

"Sorry..." Taichi murmured but he didn't cared if she heard it or not. Still his whole attention was drawn to the smiling sign of friendship in his hands.

He never cried a lot, only a few times in front of somebody else, not more often alone. To Taichi there was no use for crying, it wouldn't bring Koushiro back. He had to try harder to find out what was the matter with him.

*Why am I doing this, three days ago I haven't even thought about being in love with him. Why now?*

Taichi put the photo into his schoolbag and sighed. Then he took a look into the direction Koushiro went, but he couldn't see him anymore. He would try to catch him after school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Not a word, hm?" Jyou starred down at his feet and curled Mimis hair with his right hand while he scratched his own head with the other one. Taichi shook his head and sipped his ice-tea.

"It's been two month now, right?" Takeru leaned back and watched the clouds. Nobody seemed to be able to look Taichi into the eyes.

"Two and a half" the brown-haired guy muttered.

"That is a long time." Mimi knew that it was a rather vitriolic remark, but she felt the longing to say something and nothing better came to her mind. She tried to imagine what it would be like if Jyou would refuse to talk to her and she came to the conclusion that Taichi must feel terrible. She snuggled a little bit closer to her boyfriends shoulder and enjoyed his palming hand on her neck.

"May I talk to him?" Jyou offered. He was a calm person and Koushiro somehow listened to him most of the time. But Taichi shook his head again.

"I don't want to involve everyone in this, it is bad enough how many people interfered already." He took a glance at Mimi who turned a little more pink than usual. Though she promised to leave Taichi and Koushiro alone she tried several times to find out why her classmate was acting so strange. Taichi heard about that and still was quite fretted.

"Then we leave it like it is?" Takeru asked wryly without removing his eyes from the sky. Taichi lowered at the younger boy and replied: "YOU leave it, ok?"

"Sure" Takeru now peered at him. Then he leaned forward and put his hand on his older friends shoulder. "Hey, it's ok. We don't need to argue about that." Taichi relaxed and smirked shortly with embarrassment. He thought he would get used to be ignored by Koushiro, but it still hurt. He have seen him in school nearly every day and nearly as often he tried to talk to him. But since that day Koushiro hit him no single word had left the redheads lips toward him.

"Maybe it's better I go, I don't want to make the coach mad" Taichi sighed and stood up.

"Cheer up, I'm sure everything's going to be alright!" Mimi lifted her head from Jyous shoulder and smiled at the boy friendly. He constrained himself to return it, he knew that Mimi only wanted to help him, though she got a pesky way to do so.

"Sure" he twittered and left, lost in deep thoughts.

Two months… Mimi was right, it was a long time, even longer if you're suffering. In the beginning Koushiro was really aggressive, pushed him away hard and punished him with destructive glares. But in the last weeks he became more and more vacant. Mimi - again Mimi! - told Taichi that he was speaking less than he used to, even with her. On the other hand his classmates quit to torture and offend him. It seemed that there was no reason anymore, because they also realized that there was no more contact between Taichi and Koushiro. Probably they just became tired of bothering him. But Koushiro didn't even seemed to notice their changing, he kept on living in his own thoughts, which must be very dull, gathered from his pained physiognomy.

"Tai!" Taichi stopped and turned around to see Takeru following him. He let the young blonde come nearer and started walking again. The boys face appeared next to him and a few moments they walked in silence.

"Uhm, I know that it's not my problem, but do you have any idea why Izzy is acting like this?" Takerus baby-blue eyes gazed at his older friend, who turned toward him.

"No, do you?"

"Well, if you're asking… I think he is afraid."

Taichi stopped and starred at the boy interrogatively.

"Of me?" His voice overturned a little bit hysteric.

"No, for you! You know him much better than I do, but I think I can say that he is kind of person who cares more for the people he likes than for himself. And maybe he fears somebody hurts you because of him."

"Instead he is hurting me?" Taichi stomped raging.

"I haven't said he is doing right, have I? I just think it's important that you understand his motives. Of course I don't know if this is really his reason, but I could imagine." His much too mature eyes blinked a little bit insecurely. Taichi thought about his previous words, and they made sense to him.

"I would rather stand their offences than to live like this one more day." Takeru nodded with understanding.

"I was quite sure you would say that. I think it is important that somebody tells him what you just said. I know you don't want somebody to interfere, but..." Takeru scratched his head and then crossed his arms in front of his chest nervously.

"You think it would change something?" Taichis dark eyes suddenly started to shine, a hint of hope became visible in it.

"Of course!" Takeru answered.

"Would you be so kind?" Taichi placed his hand on the younger - but taller - boys shoulder and looked at him expectantly.

"Would be mean if I'm saying no, wouldn't it?" Takeru grinned. As a matter of fact, Hikari was already on her way to meet Koushiro and to tell him about Taichis feelings, but diplomatically Takeru kept that to himself.

"Thank you."

"Ok, but don't forget your training, you mentioned before that you don't want to see your coach angry." Taichi tapped on Takerus upper-arm and continued his way in a much more enthusiastically mood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Koushiro sat at his desk and typed his English homework without looking at the keyboard or at the monitor. Instead his watched his Digivice, which he always kept in his reaching area. Right now it was lying next to him. It had been activated a few minutes ago, that means another Destined, or at least another Digivice has to be around. For no certain reason he expected it to be Taichi, and he wasn't sure what to think about that. He stopped typing and leaned back, drawing his knees to his face, but still looking at his Digivice. He caught himself by thinking about Taichis copper-coloured skin, his frank smile and his sparkling eyes. He hit his face in rage and got up from his chair fast. He crossed the room swiftly and trudged back to his desk. He repeated this occurrence several times, but his mind still was covered with memories about his love. But he didn't wanted to think about him, it was just hurting and useless!

Madly Koushiro kicked his bag, which was standing next to his bed, so hard that it was smashed against his wardrobe. Then he looked at his Digivice again and realised that whoever Destined was around he or she must be near his front door already. If it was Taichi, Koushiro was sure his parents would tell him that he didn't wanted to talk to him.

*But I want to talk to him, good lord, that's actually everything I really want!*

The doorbell... Koushiro held his breath a few moments to listen to his father opening and talking to the unexpected visitor. Then steps approached and a knock made the boy breathing again.

"Koushiro, here is Kari, she wants to see you." Koushiro raised his eyebrows surprised. Hikari? What was she doing here? Slowly the boy went over and opened the door. There Taichis little sister was standing and though she was already fifteen, she was tiny compared to Mr. Izumi, who was rather tall.

"Do you want to eat with us, Kari? Dinner is ready in about half an hour" Mr. Izumi offered with a friendly smile.

"No, thank you, I don't got very much time. I just need to talk to Koushiro for some minutes. But maybe another time." She smiled at Koushiros father and he nodded and left. Hikari now turned towards the boy and didn't stopped smiling a bit.

"Got a few minutes?" she asked. He stepped back and signed her to come in. She walked into the middle of the room and looked around as if she never had been there before. Koushiro was sure that her visit had something to do with Taichi, why else should she came here and act so nervously?

"What do you want?" He circled her and leaned against his desk, analysing her friendly face.

"I want to tell you something about Tai." He sighed and opened his mouth but she raised her hand and continued: "...and I don't want you to say anything until I'm finished. See, I think I know why you're acting like you do, for a very simple reason..."

"What do you know?" the boy hissed.

"Ah, what have I just said about interrupting? I know that you're afraid that somebody would hurt Tai."

Koushiro startled and looked at the girl with surprise.

"But one thing has to be said. You might avoid other people hurting him..." she stepped forward,"... but instead you're doing it."

"Suffering is suffering", the redhead muttered lowly.

"That's actually not right. Maybe nobody teases you or him, but both of your hearts are tortured only by seeing each other, am I right? And what would be if you're just don't care about what they are saying? Maybe they will offend you, but at least you can suffer from it together. It is a huge difference between suffering alone or with the one you love!" Hikari folded her arms and waited for a reaction patiently. Koushiros black eyes were half closed and he didn't moved for a time that was like eternity to the young girl.

"I don't want someone to hurt him, because I know I couldn't protect him" he suddenly murmured and dried his silent tears with the sleeve of his sweater.

"You can, Izzy. Just by being there for him." Hikari took a handkerchief out of her purse and handed it to the boy. He accepted it and gazed up at her. She smiled still (or again), but much more released.

"I just fear that it wouldn't be enough, Kari! Who am I to protect someone like Tai? He's always been protecting me, I'm defenceless..." Koushiro starred at Hikaris yellow sandals to avoid eye-contact. After all, she was Taichis younger sister, and somehow it was embarrassing for him that she was here, talking about what was going on between him and her brother.

"Maybe I should tell you something of my 'oh so' strong brother. There is only one reason why he is like he is. And that is because he's got friends like you to count on and to motivate him, giving him the feeling to be something special." Koushiro felt her small hand on his shoulder and looked up to meet her dark-reddish eyes.

"Even if you don't want to be his love, Izzy, then at least be his friend. That is the most important thing to Tai, to keep you as close as you've always been. Don't leave him completely, it wouldn't help him at all."

She drew her arm around the boys neck and held him close for a few seconds, until he lifted his arms to hug her back hesitantly.

"I just want you two to be happy, Izzy" Hikari whispered, then she stepped back and smiled again. The boy nodded and led her to the front door.

"Oh, I nearly forgot" the girl turned around and continued "Tais training ends at half past seven." Then she left without looking back again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The way home after soccer training was the best time to think. At least to Taichi Yagami. He always took the long way at the promenade, which was nearly deserted. Not for the first time he remembered that evening two months ago, when he met Koushiro here and this whole thing started. He reached the place where he nearly bumped into his friend then and stopped. He leaned against the railing and looked over the water streaming by.

*They're not, I'm sorry, I didn't meant to cause you any worry......Many things I do are ridiculous....What is your conclusion....You don't want to hurt me, but you will.....*

"As a matter of fact you have been hurting me, dear Izzy" Taichi muttered.

*Oh, great. Now I start talking to myself!*

The boy clinched the railing and kicked little stones into the water with his left foot. Suddenly he had the feeling that he wasn't alone anymore. He froze and felt his heart beating faster, but he didn't dare to turn around.

"Izzy?" he aspirated breathless. No answer, but Taichi heard hesitating steps coming down the stairs behind him. The person stopped only a few moments later and still was rather far away from the brown-haired guy.

"If you've been expecting someone else, I can leave."

Taichi felt tears of joy flooding his eyes and he smirked foolishly. His heart started to warm up, same his whole body. It was like he's been cold the past few months and now thawed only by hearing his voice again. That small, somehow squawking voice, that he missed like hell.

Slowly he turned around and looked up to the boy, who stood about two meters above him. Nearly ten seconds nobody said a single word, they didn't even seemed to breathe.

"I'm so sorry." Koushiro was torn between the longing to run over to Taichi and force him into a never-ending embrace and to run away and hide his face from the boy he caused so much pain. Actually he felt guilty like never before in his life.

"I'm too." Taichi wanted to hold him near for now and forever, but he wasn't sure how Koushiro would react if he would try to do so.

"You don't have to be sorry, it's all my fault."

"I'm not sorry for what I've done. I'm sorry for our lost time together."

Koushiro folded his trembling hands and murmured: "I don't want somebody to hurt you, Tai."

"I don't want you to hurt me, Izzy. Everybody else doesn't matter."

Slowly Taichi approached the redhead until their faces were on the same level and only inches away from each other.

"Want to try again?" Izzy nodded nearly unnoticeable.

"If you dare to try again with me."

"Any time." Taichi leaned his forehead against Koushiros and lovingly wrapped his arms around the smaller boys waist, while Koushiro placed his hands on Taichis chest.

"No more nasty awakenings, ok?" Taichi grinned and he noticed also a small smirk on Koushiros face.

"I can't promise you that, but I will try to wait 'till after breakfast the next time, is that alright?"

Smilingly Taichi pulled the frail body nearer and waited until Koushiro tilted his head a little bit and softly made their lips meeting again after that long time they've been parted.

Again a warm feeling filled both of the boys, but this time it was a little bit different. It was not passion that captured them. No, this time it was just love...

To be continued...

Author's note: Would be a very nice ending, wouldn't it? But, ah ah, no way. There is actually a lot more to come, maybe to look forward? Well, maybe....^_^

Chapter III: Judgement