Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Bed of Lies (v. 2.1) ❯ Its Not Enough Just to be Sorry ( Chapter 3 )

A/N: Ah, finally another chapter done. This took me forever for two reasons. The first was how to deal with Yamato getting to Odaiba, which believe me was hard. I had to figure out where the heck he lived! That was fun. >.> He lives in Yokohama, by the way. Why? Because that's where he works. =P I don't feel like explaining his job right now, but it is in keeping with the whole astronaut thing. Anyway, I had to figure out where he lives because I had to figure out how to get him to Odaiba by train, which was also a pain. So the train route is accurate, very accurate. I now know how to get from Yokohama to Tokyo. o_O And please don't ask how Taichi got there. I'm just going to have him living somewhere nearby, okay? I'll figure out where he lives later.

The other reason this took so long was because after I got the whole transportation thing figured out, and got them to the beach, I kept getting stuck during the beach scene. It had be a certain way, and it was hard to get the thoughts and dialogue just right for that to happen. I think it turned out well, at least.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[It's not enough just to be sorry

Don't think that I could take another talk about it]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

//Now approaching Machida station. Repeat, approaching Machida.//

Machida? How did I get here?

Yamato looked around the compartment he was sitting in, deserted save for the couple at the other end, who were much too busy with each other to notice him.

Man, I remember when Sora and I used to do that kind of thing. We'd run around all night, even if we had school the next day.

He chanced another look around the train, before standing up. I suppose I have no choice but to get off and change trains now. The train came to a halt as Yamato moved to the nearest door. He dashed out as soon as it slid open, pondering which train to switch to. I don't have anywhere I really need to go. He sighed and eyed the ticket machines. Hmm, I don't have a lot of time to decide, so I may as well take a train I'm familiar with.

"Odakyu line..where the heck is the machine for-" he cut himself of when he found it. "Ah, okay..this will take me...where?"

He looked at the list of stations. "Shinjuku, I guess. I can at least get to downtown Tokyo from there.."

He sighed, resigning himself to find the track for the Odakyu line. The train was already loading when he found the track. When he got on, he saw that it was a little more crowded than the Yokohama line train he had just left, and wondered why he had decided it was necessary to switch trains here.

How many people are in here, anyways? He looked down the aisle. There were three couple in the compartment, along with several drunk salarymen who were probably going somewhere to get even more drunk. Great, everyone is either drunk or in ecstasy. I feel so out of place. He looked at his watch, then at his ticket. I'm stuck on this ting for half an hour..Great...

Taichi was still running, to where, and for what reason, he didn't know or care. He just wanted to run away, from his life and, the more he thought about it, himself.

I hate it, I can't stand it. I can't stand myself, still feeling this way. Its like its become part of me, slowly eating away, at its own will, controlling me. As much as I'd like to believe it, I was never rid of this, not even for a minute.

He found himself slowing down, and in a familiar place. A place that made every emotion he felt contradict itself.

Of all the places to end up, why did I have to let my feet take me here? Its bad enough that I'm even here at all, but what's worse is that I don't want to leave; even if I wanted to, I don't think I physically could.

He walked a little further, hating himself and smiling to himself at the same time. He was glad to be somewhere familiar, so warm and welcoming, but found himself troubled by the feelings it stirred up in him.

So many unfinished feelings and relationships, broken promises and a passion I forgot I had. It makes me want to do something, to change something, then it screams at me that its too damn late.

He stopped, not caring to go on. It seemed pointless to him now, to keep walking deeper and deeper into a past he'd sooner forget than revisit. When he stopped he was able to actually see where he was, and immediately wondered why he had stopped where he had.

He turned his head to gaze through the fence at his side, wondering why he had been possessed to stop in front the most unchanging thing he knew.

The ocean never changes, never worries. Just sits there, and lets people enjoy it. I wish I could be that way. If I had been, I know Yamato wouldn't have left.

He moved his gaze from the calm waters, back to the beach entrance a few feet ahead of him. He wondered if it was legal for him to enter so late at night, then realized he didn't care.

Its not as if caring has ever gotten me very far, not when it really mattered.

Yamato sighed, annoyed with himself, but at the same time not terribly upset at where he had ended up. He wasn't sure why had chosen to end his 'walk' here, at the beach. He decided it felt appropriate to him, even though he wasn't sure why.

I'm almost glad that I missed my stop on the Oedo line. The more I think about it, the less I really want to wander the city tonight. I went out to think, not fool around.

He tilted his head upwards, becoming vaguely aware of the clear night sky above him, but too lost in himself to really care. He had already decided he had been looking for his answers outside himself for way too long.

I can't even remember now when the last time was that I didn't feel this way. Its like falling into a hole, an unseen trap, then hitting your head. I can't remember what it was like to not feel like a part of me was missing. And what I hate even more is that I'm sure I didn't know what made me so whole then, either.

He let his head fall back down, to stare at the ground in front of him. He was beginning to think he was never going to find his answers; he hadn't found them in the people around himself, and they didn't seem to be inside himself, either.

He looked around, feeling like he wasn't alone, even though the beach was deserted. Or, rather, it had been. Yamato could see the faint outline of someone walking through the sand; he was fairly certain they hadn't noticed him yet. He decided not to worry about the stranger, and turned his attention back to the sand beneath him.

An unexpected gust of wind hit Taichi from behind, causing him to stumble over the sand he had been dragging his feet through. As he caught himself, he noticed another person sitting near the waters edge. He wasn't looking at the water, though; Taichi could clearly see his vision was directed him. It unnerved him a little, but at the same time he felt the urge to go join the stranger. What the hell. He doesn't look dangerous, and it might not be such a bad thing to meet someone new.

He didn't get too much closer before he realized who it actually was. He stopped, unsure of what to do. Part of him wanted to turn around and leave, while the other part of him wanted nothing less than to run over to Yamato as fast as his feet would permit. Why does it have to be him, always him? No matter how far away from him I think I've gotten, something always happens to remind me of him. I know it would be a lie to say I don't want to see him again, but I don't think I can do this, not now.

He turned, and started walking back, away from Yamato, before something else hit him.

This isn't right. There must be some reason that this is happening. Some reason that he's here, so far from where he lives. Especially at this hour of the night. Taichi tried to think of some kind of logical reason for him to be there, but could only come up with one reason, which to him made little sense. The only reason most people go to places like this in the middle of the night is because they're trying to get away from something, the way I'm trying to get away from him and all the things he makes me feel. But I have no idea of what he might be wanting to get away from.

He paused, knowing the only way to find out was to turn around and ask Yamato. I can't, I just can't do that. He started walking again, then stopped. No, I have to. I can't run away from him again. This isn't just about why he's here. How can I be sure I'll ever get another chance like this again? He took a deep breath, then turned around, really looking at Yamato's face this time. Even though he was farther away than he had been before, Taichi could see that the expression of Yamato's face was not that of a happy man. Something really is wrong. I remember seeing that look on his face a lot when we were kids. I really hated that expression, which was part of the reason I was so intent on becoming his friend. And thinking back on why he had looked that way then, it makes me worry about why he's wearing that expression now.

He started walking, so quickly he was nearly running. Yamato heard the sound of his feet beating into the sand at his fast pace and looked up from the ground to see him running straight at him. He stood up, looking at the other man, wondering why he was moving so quickly to reach him. He didn't have much time to wonder, however. The other man reached him within seconds of Yamato's standing.

"Yamato, I-" Taichi paused, suddenly aware he hadn't thought of what to say when he got there. "I-"

Yamato just stared for a moment, then realized who was standing in front of him. "Taichi-"

"Yamato, I-uhm," Taichi still didn't know what to say, and was even more nervous after he saw Yamato's expression brighten when he realized who he was.

"Taichi, just stop." Yamato stepped as close to Taichi as was possible with out being on top of him and put his arms around him. "You can't say everything at once."

"I-Hey!" Taichi pushed Yamato away, angry at himself for almost giving into him so easily. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Embracing an old friend," Yamato replied, matter-of-factly.

"In case you forgot," Taichi glowered at him. "We haven't been friends since we were twenty."

"Then why did you come running when you realized who I was?"

"If you'd been watching me," he continued to glare at Yamato. "You would have noticed I nearly left twice."

"It was important enough that you had to actually think about it then," Yamato looked impressed. "That's really not much different."

"I'm beginning to think it was mistake not to leave," Taichi turned away from Yamato and began to walk away, to impress upon him how seriously he meant his words. He had only taken a few steps, however, when he felt a hand grab one of his wrists, causing him to stop.

"Please don't," Yamato's voice sounded honest and almost anxious. "I really don't want you to leave, Taichi."

"Tell me why I shouldn't," Taichi said softly, though he didn't move or turn around to face Yamato.

"Because I'm sorry, Taichi," Yamato whispered. ", and I don't think I can stand having you mad at me any longer. I can't do this anymore."

"Its..a little late to simply say 'sorry', Yamato." Taichi turned around to face him. "Its not enough. It never can be."

Yamato let go of Taichi's wrist, feeling a little stunned. "But..why?"

"That's-" Taichi paused, choking down tears that wanted to fall. "You can't understand. You can't."

"Why not?" Yamato grabbed Taichi by the shoulder, and forced him to turn around. "Why can't I understand, Taichi?"

"Because you don't know," Taichi couldn't look at him; if he did he knew he would start crying. "You can't know what you took from me."

"What I-" Yamato looked at Taichi, feeling somewhat at a loss. "What do mean-?"

"If you had known," Taichi looked at him, finally. "I don't think we'd be standing here, like this now. Things shouldn't have happened this way Yamato."