Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Blind ❯ Part II: Ponderings ( Epilogue )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Blind
Part II: Ponderings
by Akimi

Disclaimers/Author Notes: I do not own Digimon. I thought you people understood that! The book that Mimi is talking about is called The Carousel and it's by Richard Paul Evans. I do not own this book, either. It's really good and I strongly recommend it to all of you. Well anyway, I decided to write this since one of my reviews told me that it was quite incomplete and they wanted to know the other digidestined's feelings on the subject. So that's what this is here for, I'll go through each of the dd's and, from their POV, tell you how they feel. Kay? Kay! Here we go!
***
~Tai~
I can't believe she did this. I can't believe TK did that. And what I really can't believe, is how Yolei, who was supposed to be her BEST FRIEND, betrayed her like that. She KNEW Kari was supposed to go to that dance with TK that night, and she still went out with him! Stupid bitch. Some people just really piss me off, and TK and Yolei are some of them.

It's really lonely now. It's just not the same without Kari around. Mom isn't taking this too well either. She was already on her extra-strength Zolofts, now the doctor has upped her prescription to lithium. She's even seeing a psychiatrist to help her deal with it all. Dad insists that we all see a family counselor, so I guess Mom's getting her share of shrinks. They want me to talk to the school counselor, but I don't think it will really help any.

Our house is really quiet. Kari was most of the noise, and I'm really starting to miss that. Matt doesn't come over just to hang out anymore, we go to his place because neither of us can stand it so quiet when it used to be so... not. Kari's stuff is still just like it used to be, but Mom and Dad are thinking of remodling the entire house so that it won't hold so many painful memories for us all. Mom's moved all of her stuff out of her bathroom, and neither of them use it anymore.

I just hope that wherever Kari is, she's happier now than she ever could have been here. At least there's no one up there who's going to hurt her...

~Sora~
What a shock. None of us ever expected this to happen, but you can imagine how angry we all are at TK. Yolei, too. They feel really bad, at least, they act like it. Only time can tell whether or not they are truly sorry.

If only Kari had hung in there, if only she had realized how much Davis cared about her. Tai and I are so close, she's always been like a sister to me. I'm just as sad as I would be if I had lost my mom.

Her funeral was nice. My mom and I did all the flower arrangements. Tai and Kari's mom was really grateful to have them. Tai, their dad, Matt, Joe, Izzy, and Davis were the pallbearers. (Is that what they're called? The guys who carry the casket.) I sat with Mimi and we bawled the whole time.

That night, Tai called me. His voice was shaky, and he told me that he was at the hospital and that Kari was in intensive care in a coma and they didn't think she would make it. I rushed there as fast as I could to be with Tai and Kari. Matt and Davis were already there when I got there and Tai's parents were in shock. I ran up and hugged Tai and we stood there like that for a while until TK came. No one was too happy with him, and Tai wanted him to leave. The rest of us thought he'd done enough to Kari, though, and so we let him stay. They pumped her stomach and they had her on life support. About an hour later, they told us that she was gone and asked her parents if they wanted to turn off the machines. They did, and we all cried. Of course by this time everyone else had arrived, and we cried together. Tai was crying a little too, and he tried to hide it because he says that boys don't cry.

I miss her. I had expected her to become my sister-in-law, because Tai and I are planning to get married, but now she never will. At least I know I'll see her again someday. She didn't deserve to die like this.

~Matt~
There isn't much to say. Kari's gone, my little brother's a dick, Sora and Mimi can't stop crying long enough to say anything much anymore, Davis won't talk to anyone, Yolei won't either although right now no one really gives a damn if she talks to us or not, Izzy and Cody don't know how to react and so they're sort of... not reacting at all, and Joe won't let any of us swallow pills anymore. As for me... well, I'm trying to be a man about it all, but the truth is that I just don't know how it's gonna be without her. Kari was so important to all of us, especially to me. She's just like the sister that I never had. She acted like my sister and everything. I used to tease her nonstop about having a crush on TK (although we now know that he was undeserving of her) and she'd blush and giggle and say like only girls can do, "Stop it Matt!"

I haven't talked to TK in a while, and last time I did I cussed him out for being the asshole that he's being. I always thought he was better than that. He never had a reputation for being a player or a heartbreaker, but I guess that's all about to change when word gets out why Kari killed herself.

It's so different without her. I can't think about anything else, and Tai can't hardly even stand to be at home anymore. He comes over a lot, and we just sit and think about this whole deal. I can't help feeling that she was a little selfish to do this, that she should have realized how much we all love her and how much it would hurt all of us if she did it. Maybe she just didn't know. But I'm sure she had to of at least known about Davis. He's taking this just as hard, if not harder, than Tai. Tai and Kari were really close.

I feel like I've lost a sister. I guess you could say I have, in that she almost was. We grew up around each other, and now she's just... gone...

~Mimi~
How terrible. Who would've thought? I've gone through at least 20 boxes of tissues, and I think my eyes are going to be permanently red and puffy. God, now I feel superficial.

I'm not going to waste time with "if-onlys"; it won't change anything because what's done is done. I'm kind of hurt though, that she didn't think we cared about her enough to help her through it. She just quit. I hope she now understands that even though one way might be the easy way, that doesn't make it the right way. I read a book once, where one of the characters committed suicide. She left a note, and in it she said "When there is only one door left, you eventually have to walk through it." I guess that's how Kari felt, but she must have been blind not to see all the many doors that were still open to her.

~Izzy~
This was such a surprise to all of us. I don't know what to say or do. I'm terribly disappointed in TK and Yolei, however. I do think that Kari overreacted a bit, and that if she'd have just thought about it all things would have been different. I don't know how to react to something like this. I've never had anything even remotely similar to this happen to me before. Lately I've been working furiously at my computer in a futile attempt to distract myself from thinking about this terrible situation. While we are all saying that Kari should not have done this, and I have said that myself, I cannot help but feel that perhaps we are judging her too quickly. There may have been other circumstances that we are all unaware of that were all leading up to something like this and that this activity between TK and Yolei was just the straw that broke the camel's back, if you will pardon the cliche. If only she was still here and we could look into the circumstantial evidence of this...

~Joe~
In the wake of this horrible event, I have rid my house of all pills. I don't really think that's going to help, but I did it anyway.

It's amazing, and, at the same time, quite terrifying, to think that one of our own, a fellow Digidestined, was hurt enough and felt betrayed enough to do this. On the same token, it's even worse to think that two others of our own were the hurters, the betrayers. Maybe it's just a psychological residual of my being a doctor, but I just can't stand to see anyone hurting. Especially not Kari, who was such a light in my life.

I sincerely hope that wherever she is now, she is no longer hurting, and that she is keenly aware of how much we all love and miss her.

~Davis~
Kari. If there is one thing on my mind, she's it. If there is one person I would give my life to see again, she's the one. Kari deserved better than this. She deserved to die happy. She deserved to die knowing that someone loved her truly from the bottom of their heart. And I wish she'd have known that it was me.

I wrote this poem about her one day. You want to hear it? Here goes.

K is for kind, she was always so kind to me.
A is for always, she was there for me.
R is for remember, I'll remember her forever.
I is for I love you, and someday we'll be together.

~TK~
I feel so guilty. I really meant to take Kari out that night, but Yolei and I were kickin' it at the movies before and she just looked so hot I couldn't help myself. I still feel guilty, though. I'm not worthy of her anyway. Davis should have had her. But now he'll never get to hold her, he'll never get to kiss her, he'll never get to tell her that he loves her, and all because of me. I ruined their future, all in one simple act of hormones taking over the mind. If I had it all over to do again, I wouldn't have even gone to the movies with Yolei to start with. But I still wouldn't have taken Kari to that dance, either. I would have called her and told her that Davis would be better for her, far better than I ever could be. And that I didn't want to hurt her, and she should let Davis take her instead of me. Then I'd call Davis and ask him to take her instead of me taking her. Wouldn't that have been better? But no, I didn't think and now look what's happened. She's gone. She's never coming back, and it's all my fault. Damn, all my fault.

Maybe... maybe I should just go. Away. Forever. I'll never have to hurt anyone again, and I won't have to bear the terrible burden of having hurt Kari. Knowing that I caused it. It's all my fault. No... I won't cause anyone any more pain than they already have. I'll just let Davis beat the shit out of me. That might relieve some pain... at least, temporarily. If only I could tell her that I'm sorry, so so sorry...

~Yolei~
TK said that no one's pain could compare to his own, seeing as how this is all his fault and everything. I beg to differ. My own pain is quite comparable to his, I lost the one, truest friend I've ever had. And all because I had to have something that she had. Because I was jealous. As love is a most powerful emotion for good, jealousy is a most powerful emotion for evil. My jealousy, my enviousness, my covetousness, it all destroyed my life. But I'm not saying that it wasn't my fault, because I was the one that allowed these foul emotions and feelings to enter my heart, allowed them to take over. And eventually ruin everything. While I stood by and watched, glorifying myself in the fact that TK was there making out with *me* instead of being at the dance with TK. While I must admit that it was quite a bit of fun, I still regret my actions - very much so.

I don't deserve to live. To see all the pain that I have caused others. To see all the sunsets, all the flowers, all the light, all the stars, everything that Kari enjoyed. But now, because of me, she'll never get to see any of it anymore. Because of me. Perhaps the reason that I am still here is because now I will live in pain, in misery, regretting all the foolish, whimsical actions of that day not so long ago. I suppose this is my just and deserving punishment, to live on, knowing all the happiness that she could have had, that Davis could have had, TK, me, everyone. I deserve this, this horrible punishment that I have only brought on myself.

~Cody~
Life can deal some of us harsher punishments than others. I feel I have received a more light sentence than have my friends, as they all seemed to be a great deal closer to Kari than was I. This was all such a shock to me, I don't know what to say or do. I looked up to her. She was always there to remind me - and the rest of us - to look on the bright side of things, to smile, and to have hope always. Because, she used to say, things can always get worse. Now, she is wrong. It doesn't get much worse than this, does it? If you don't agree, then maybe you should try your luck at having someone close to you, someone you looked up to, someone who was always there for you, try losing them and see what will happen to you. Personally, I think that Kari was blind - blind not to have noticed how much everyone cared for her. Blind - not to have noticed how much Davis was - is - in love with her. That's it... she was blind . . .


.....OWARI.....