Chasing God

By: Vain 3.22.2002 ~ 4.20.2002

This story is for Nemesi-san's KaiSuke / KenSuke contest and is a replacement fic for "Metanoia."

I do not own Daisuke, Ken, Stingmon, Flamedramon, or Digimon. The Walt Disney Corporation-the Dark God of Animation-now holds claim to them. Moreover, I am not making a profit on this.

The poem, Eros Turannos (Tyrannical Love), was written by the great Edwin Arlington Robinson. In reference to the poem, Daisuke would be the "she" while Ken is the "he."

The plot, per usual, is wholly mine.

This story is a DaiKaiser (no, that isn't a typo *steals the term "DaiSer" from Jekka*) and contains naughty language, violence, SHOUNEN-AI, SEX, and a tiny bit of extremely mild BD. There're also some light Sting/Flame overtones. This is a love story, peeps-nothing more and nothing less. Get over it or leave now.

While I like this fic a great deal (*smirks* It's my first Kaiser ficcie. ^___^V), this is a one-shot. THERE WILL NOT BE A SEQUEL TO THIS.

Flamers are morons, but if you really think that it's validating for your self-concept, then flame away, jackasses. Let it never be said that I don't have my humanitarian moments.

As for the real readers, I'm terribly sorry if I disappointed you in discontinuing "Metanoia" (*hides from the Raptor and Meimi* thank those two for making me feel bad enough to crank this out ridiculously fast ^^;;), but this should more than make up for it. ^_^

Special thanks go to the transcendently impressive Jekka-chan for being kind enough to beta for me. *turns into puppy-Tsuzuki-like-Vain and glomps Jekka* Sankyuuu!!!!

Special Kudos go to Demon with a Braid-san. Arigato gozaimasu! ^_^V

~ Please review and enjoy the fic. ~

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[A/N2: Jyou is slightly OOC. 1) This is 02 Jyou-he's grown up a bit since 01. 2) I like my Jyou. If you don't like him, that's just too damn bad. ^_~ ]

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"A sense of ocean and old trees

Envelopes and allures him;

Tradition, touching all he sees,

Beguiles and reassures him;

And all her doubts of what his says

Are dimmed with what she knows of days-

Till even prejudice delays

And fades, and she secures him."

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Movement Three

~ Le Dieu, la Bête Noir ~

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"Well, have you seen him lately?"

Hikari frowned at Takeru and shook her head. "He hasn't even been coming to watch me at cheerleading practice."

The blond scowled slightly at the mention of his friend's apparent obsession with the Child of Light. She and TK weren't an item in the exact definition of the term, but they had an understanding-an understanding that everyone except Daisuke seemed to get.

Jyou sighed and pushed his glasses up on his nose. "That's weird."

The three of them were sitting in the computer lab waiting for Iori and Miyako to arrive. Gatomon and Patamon were with Poromon and Upamon "keeping an eye on the young 'uns." Daisuke, as had become strangely more common over the few past weeks, was nowhere to be found.

Hikari flicked an unseen lock of hair from her eyes. "I know." For some reason Daisuke's sudden lack of attention regarding her was irritating. What else could have caught his eye? And why on earth did the possibility gall her? "He's never done this before. Ever since the term before last he's always come to see me practice. And he's never not returned my phone calls . . ."

Takeru frowned at her. "And you actually want him to?"

The girl blushed bright red and looked down, apparently suddenly finding her shoes to be extremely fascinating. "I didn't mean that. All I meant was that he's been acting odd lately-distracted."

"I don't see how you can tell the difference," Takeru muttered moodily. He crossed his arms and turned around to stare out the window. "He's always distracted."

"But it's different now," Hikari protested. "It's like he's distracted by-"

She stopped and blushed brilliant crimson again and Takeru scowled thunder.

Jyou watched them both over the thin silver rims of his glasses and smiled a small knowing smile. "Well, there's no reason to get upset over it. Daisuke is quite capable of taking care of himself. And he always has his D-Terminal if he needs us."

Takeru made a noncommittal noise in back of his throat and Hikari fidgeted. After a moment of tension, Jyou stood up and picked up his bag. "Hikari, I want to see the others, but Shin is going to pick me up soon and I promised I'd bring Gomamon some chocolates. Can you take me to the Digital World a bit ahead of the others? I'll never hear the end of it if I keep oniisan waiting."

The girl nodded and turned to Takeru. "You mind waiting here by yourself, TK?"

The blond shook his head.

Still blushing, Hikari turned back to the computer and raised her digivice as Jyou grabbed his bags and came to stand behind her. "Digiport open!"

There was an intense flash of light and the strange feeling of wind blowing underneath their skin and the two suddenly found themselves rather unceremoniously dumped onto the lush grass of the Digital World.

They were in one of the thousands of generic cookie-cutter meadows in the Digital World with thick forests on all sides and a small prerequisite river babbling to itself somewhere in the trees. The television sitting on the grass was a familiar and comforting sight, no longer jarring in its incongruity.

Hikari stood up and dusted herself off with practiced ease, not the least bit disturbed concerned with her rough treatment.

Jyou on the other hand, groaned as he stood up and pulled a leaf out of his hair. "I'll never get used to that," he muttered.

His companion was adjusting her hair clips. "Where's Gomamon supposed to meet you at?"

"Actually, I just wanted to talk to you."

The girl blinked in confusion as Jyou took off his glasses and began cleaning them. "You do know what you were doing back there, didn't you?"

Hikari blushed again. "I don't under-"

Jyou looked up at her and smiled. "You don't have to make him jealous, Hikari. You're all that TK's been able to look at since he was eight."

She blushed and stammered some more and Jyou waved her away before she could deny his words. "Go talk to him," the blue haired teen said, still smiling. "It's not nice to do things like that. Especially since he and Daisuke are friends."

"But . . ."

He looked at her curiously and she dropped her head. "I . . . guess you're right. Sorry."

The blue-haired teen shrugged and held his glasses up to the sunlight, peering through the crystal clear lenses critically. "I'm not the one you need to be saying that to."

"But is it really okay to leave you here alone? I mean, the Kaiser's been so quiet lately and he hasn't been recovering territory as fast as he used to . . . Koushiro thinks that he's up to something big. I can just talk to TK in private after Iori and Miyako arrive with the digimon."

"Miyako and private are not exactly synonymous." Jyou chuckled softly and put his glasses back on.

"But-"

"I'll be fine Hikari. There's not a Control Spire around for kilometers. Besides, Gomamon's on his way."

The girls smile and hugged him. "Thanks Jyou. I owe you." She turned back to the 'Port and vanished a few seconds later.

Jyou sighed and took off his glasses to clean of an imaginary speck of dust. Maybe he should study . . . he had a test next Tuesday and Gomamon wouldn't be here for a while yet and-

"Jyou!!!!"

The Child of Faith frowned and put his glasses back on again. His eyes narrowed with worry. "Gomamon?"

A small whitish figure was running towards him through the low even grass, his clawed flipper-like feet making him awkward and ungainly on the land. Jyou allowed his bags to slide off his shoulder before running to lift the small creature up in his arms. Gomamon closed his large blue eyes in exhaustion and leaned his head against his human's shoulder.

"Jyou . . ."

"What happened?" the teen murmured as he stroked the digimon's stripe of wild orange hair.

Gomamon pulled back up and frowned. "Daisuke's here. And I think he's in trouble."

"Here?" The human blinked owlishly behind his glasses. "But he didn't show up on the D-Terminal and-"

"There've been rumors about the Digimon Kaiser meeting with a human lately, so I wanted to see if it was true." The rookie shivered a bit at the mention of the Kaiser's name. "I saw them last night in the woods together with Flamedramon and another digimon. And now Daisuke and Flamedramon are back."

Jyou felt himself go cold. "Where?"

A flipper waved back the way Gomamon had come. "There's another valley just like this one through the trees back there."

"Can you take me to them?"

"Shouldn't we tell the others?"

The teen shook his head. "No . . . no. I need to see this for myself first."

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Flamedramon frowned at the sky. "Do you think he'll come?"

Dai shrugged and swung his arms jauntily as he walked through the field. "He'll come. He always comes when I'm alone."

"They're twenty minutes late . . ." Flamedramon rolled his shoulders uncomfortably. "They're never late. Something's not right about all this."

Daisuke stopped abruptly and turned. His smile faded and a slight frown appeared on his lips as his eyes flickered over the digimon's shoulder.

Flamedramon stopped and stiffened slightly. "What is it?"

"He's coming."

The Armor type turned and his dark eyes narrowed in his mask at what he saw. A long serpentine shape was coming towards them in the sky at a high rate of speed. It was an Airdramon. An Airdramon with the small figure of a human boy carefully balanced on its head. Ken had never brought an Airdramon with him after that first night. A large dark shape was flying just above it-Stingmon.

The two stood still in the middle of the field as the two digimon and their human came closer. When they were close enough, Daisuke could Ken's cape snapped around him dramatically from his perch on the ringed digimon's head. This . . . wasn't right.

Stingmon was the first to land, his large frame hitting the ground harder than usual. He stood and stared down at Daisuke intently without greeting them. Daisuke swallowed hard. Ken leapt off the Airdramon head and landed on the ground a bit in front of his digimon with all his usual grace and aplomb. But somehow it looked so terribly, terribly wrong. Hard violet eyes bore into Daisuke from behind a new pair of purple lenses and the Kaiser smiled a small cold smile that made the other boy's skin crawl.

"Good afternoon. Daisuke."

Daisuke took a step towards him and then stopped. He had never ever been afraid of Ken until that moment. No matter what happened, there had never been fear. Until now.

Something was wrong. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he could feel it under his skin. The Airdramon that Ken had rode in on settled down nearby and stared blankly at nothing. Ken had never brought a slave out before. Daisuke hated to see them ringed and would argue until Ken released it. The air was still and dry and the sunlight looked like something solid. Stingmon was standing a bit too tall, a bit too stiffly. And Ken-his Ken-didn't look like Ken. He looked like a Kaiser.

Flamedramon shifted uneasily and eyed the digimon standing across from them warily and moved closer to his boy. Stingmon's face was incapable of betraying his emotions, but the Champion's smell was all wrong and even though he looked as stern and impassive as usual there was something in his posture that simply wasn't natural.

Daisuke moved his head from side to side warily and shuffled his feet. "Ken-chan . . .?"

The Kaiser's expression hardened as he stared at the Child of Courage and Friendship. "Go," he ordered in a cold voice.

Daisuke started as the Airdramon suddenly lifted up and flew off to the east. The brunet pulled slightly back from the other boy advanced on him and Flamedramon settled back, ready to leap between Daisuke and the Kaiser should the need arise. He couldn't just out and out attack Ken, but the sheer wrongness of this situation was enough to make his scales stand on end. Stingmon didn't move.

Ken stopped about a foot from Daisuke and leaned forward at the waist so that their noses were almost touching. Daisuke shivered. He could taste Ken's breath as it brushed his lips.

"You," the child Emperor murmured, "are so fucking stupid."

Daisuke's mouth dropped open and suddenly he heard a loud "crack!" and the left side of his face hurt. He fell down to the ground and lay stunned for a moment. He blinked at the green grass and some part of him wondered how the grass could look so green on a day like this.

He hit me. It was a sluggish thought, surreal and horribly new as though it were someone else's.

Flamedramon cried out when the Kaiser struck Daisuke and lunged forward, only to be knocked to the side by Stingmon. The Armor digimon slammed into a tree with a groan and slumped down. When his gaze cleared he saw Stingmon standing over him. One of the long rose-colored blades he usually kept concealed in his arm shield was now pressed lightly against Flamedramon's throat.

Flamedramon growled, rage and betrayal making the sound stick in the back of his throat. "You spineless coward," he hissed. His voice was thick with pain and disappointment. It was the disappointment that would cut Stingmon deepest.

The forest green digimon didn't waver. "I'm so sorry, Flamedramon."

Flamedramon snarled and leaned forward, straining against the blade at his throat. A small line of blood appeared as the blade punctured his skin. His eyes darted towards Daisuke almost frantically and Stingmon pulled his arm slightly back.

The Kaiser looked up to the two digimon. "Kill him!"

Stingmon's blade trembled slightly at Flamedramon's throat.

"Ken, no!!!" Daisuke jerked up, but was knocked back to the ground by a second blow.

"You're next," the pale boy spat. His voice cracked a bit at the end and Daisuke suddenly noticed that Ken's hands were shaking. In fact his entire body was shaking, tiny tremors moving through his limbs and making him look unsteady and ready to fly apart at the seams.

Ken . . . Daisuke swallowed hard. What's happening to you?

The Kaiser's face hardened as he stared down at Daisuke. This was not supposed to be hard. He had killed hundreds of digimon indiscriminately. He had seen people . . . too many people . . . die in front of his eyes. Because he had caused their deaths. Why should Daisuke be different? Why did this hurt so much?

He raised his whip, preparing to strike Daisuke a third time, and stopped when the boy didn't move. His eyes flickered to the digimon and he noticed that Flamedramon hadn't moved either. Why wouldn't they fight? His gaze returned to Daisuke and his upraised hand began to shake violently, spreading until he thought he was going to fall over. He couldn't make himself stop and Daisuke's beautiful brown eyes tore at him painfully.

The boy's expression was not what the Kaiser was expecting. There was no fear, no hate, not even any anger . . . Merely this deep, deep well of hurt that took the wild-haired despot by surprise. That look . . . the intensity of that pain . . . was not something that Daisuke should ever have to bear.

His upraised hand fell to his side heavily. Weak. He was so damn weak.

Daisuke's eyes seemed to be tearing right through his skin and he felt exposed. He looked so tiny down there like that. "Why are you doing this, Ken?"

The Kaiser grit his teeth and clenched his fists until they hurt. "Shut up. I told you, Daisuke. I warned you," he snapped, sounding almost hysterical. "You're nothing to me but a toy to use and destroy as I please."

Tears slid down the other boy's cheeks and he shook his head vehemently. If anything, the hurt in those eyes had only intensified and Ken felt like something inside him was cracking. This shouldn't feel this wrong. Frantic to do something other than stare into Daisuke's bleeding eyes, Ken leveled a glare at his partner who was standing over the fallen Flamedramon. "Damnit, Stingmon, are you just going to stand there?! Finish it!"

The digimon turned to look at him and for an instant before looking back down at Flamedramon. The blue-skinned armor type stared up at him, rage and sorrow making his eyes appear to glow. "Well?" he snapped. "You heard your master-get on with it."

Daisuke reached out for him. "Ken-chan-"

"Shut up!" The Kaiser whirled around, his pale face a mask of fury, and his whip impacted with a sharp crack on the ground next to the smaller boy. "Just shut up! Why can't you let me be?!"

The dark-skinned boy recoiled, his large eyes going round with shock. The Kaiser tore the glasses off his face and threw them at him, hitting him in the chest. Ken's eyes were wild and had a confused and panicky look around them. Daisuke reached out for him again, but Ken jerked back as though he were a snake.

"You're all I think about!" the pale boy screamed suddenly, his tenuous control evaporating. Daisuke flinched. "I can't sleep, I can't work, I can't even breath without thinking of you! You torture me constantly and I can't take you because you'd be miserable here with me and I can't just leave you alone because I can barely breath when you're not near me and it hurts so much!!! You are killing me, Daisuke!"

"I . . . Ken-"

Ken stared at him for a moment, his face somehow exposed and naked without his glasses. "And I hate you!" he whispered.

Daisuke's breath caught in his throat and he felt like he was choking on it for a moment. He trembled as those words hung in the air and saw Stingmon stand up suddenly and turn to his human. Those three sharply whispered words: "I hate you!" It felt like something inside him burst.

Tears welled up in Daisuke's eyes and he suddenly threw himself at Ken, his strong arms wrapping themselves around the Kaiser's narrow waist as he knelt on the ground and began to sob into the other boy's side.

Ken tried to push him away. "Get off me! Get off me, you filth!"

"I'm sorry!" Daisuke held on tight and winced as frantic blows rained down on his shoulders and arms. Tears streamed down his face and lost themselves in the smooth fabric of Ken's uniform. "I'm sorry, Ken. Don't hate me. Please don't hate me! I love you so much!"

"No! Get off me!" The Kaiser shoved Daisuke back so hard that they both fell to the ground and Ken let out a shriek of pain as his arm twisted underneath him.

"Master!"

Ken's head snapped up. "For the love of God, Stingmon finish him!"

The digimon hesitated for an instant, torn between the look on his boy's face and the order. He had to obey the Kaiser. He had to protect Ken. But obeying the Kaiser would be hurting Ken . . . Which one was more important: his boy or his master? He couldn't decide.

"Fire Rocket!!"

Stingmon knew that the attack was coming before he heard Flamedramon's cry, but somehow all he could feel was a sense of immense relief as a wall of heat slammed into him. Ken cried out as the Champion slammed into a tree hard, knocking leaves and acorns to the ground. Stingmon looked up at Flamedramon and smiled behind his mask as the blue Armor type loomed over him. Tears were sliding down the front of Flamedramon's helmet as he stared at him and Ken's increasingly desperate orders sounded fuzzy and distant.

Stingmon sighed and relaxed, leaving his chest wide open. "Do it," he muttered.

Flamedramon stiffened. "What? Fight me!"

"No."

The Armor type raised his gauntlets menacingly. "You'll dedigivolve if I hit you like that again! Fight me! Or are you really a coward?!"

Stingmon could see Ken getting up and Daisuke was also scrambling to his feet. "I'll beat you, Flamedramon," he said too softly to be heard. "Do it now. If I dedigivolve, Ken-chan won't be able to make me digivolve again. He won't be able to make me fight you or hurt Daisuke. Or make me help him hurt himself."

The smaller digimon lowered his hand slightly. "Then just tell him no, Stingmon." It was a plea.

Stingmon smiled again, a hidden expression, and shook his head slowly. He wished that he could cry. "I can't."

Flamedramon growled in fury and raised his hands. Stingmon relaxed. It would be best that he stay in his rookie form. Neither he nor Ken-chan were ready for the Champion level. This had all been a mistake. He heard Ken scream his name and wondered why the boy sounded so frightened.

"Fi-"

"That's enough."

The new voice made everyone freeze and Flamedramon whirled around, startled. He heard Daisuke let out a low groan that sounded close to pain. They both knew that voice.

Jyou stepped out of the forest and began to stalk towards the two boys, his pale face strained and unnatural. He had obviously been running because his cheeks were flushed and his normally smooth hair was sweaty and looked almost as though it had been spiked. Gomamon hopped out behind him.

"Stop it now," the teen ordered in a strangely strong voice.

Ken's pushed himself to his feet and whirled around to face the newcomer, his hand grasping his whip tightly. "You stay out-"

He choked off and his eyes widened at the sight in front of him. The light hit Jyou's glasses and turned the lenses a painful white color, hiding his eyes. That hair . . . that harsh unforgiving expression . . . It couldn't be. It just couldn't possibly . . .

The whip slid from the Kaiser's hand and he took a slow unsteady step forward, his eyes looking almost unnaturally large and his thin lips parted slightly in amazement. He extended a shaking hand toward the teenager as though it could cross the distance between them. His voice was an inaudible whisper. "Oniisan . . .?"

Jyou took three steps forward and backhanded the Kaiser with a startling amount of strength. The blow lifted Ken's fragile frame off the ground for a split second before he was sent tumbling to the ground. He laid there for a moment, stunned, an anguished look twisting his features painfully.

Daisuke stared in horrified amazement as the normally placid Digidestined towered over the fallen boy, casting a long dark shadow over Ken. "Do not ever," Jyou said in a quiet voice, "ever hurt my friends."

The Kaiser flinched and he turned away from Jyou to look at Daisuke. The look in his eyes tore at Daisuke's heart. Jyou followed the stricken Kaiser's gaze and stared at Dai for an instant. The look in his eyes softened to confusion and something that was close to pity.

It was too much.

Daisuke lurched to his feet and ran. He could hear Flamedramon and Jyou calling after him, but he didn't stop. He didn't even stop when Flamedramon appeared at his side, both of them running towards the Digiport. All he knew was that his head ached and he felt sick and dirty inside. He felt like a fool.

The Digiport swallowed the two of them in a flash of light.

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Ken tried to call out to Daisuke as the boy fled, but the words got lost somewhere in the back of his throat. He closed his eyes and looked back up at the boy who stood over him. Kido Jyou. Kido Jyou, not Osamu. Never Osamu.

The digimon at the teen's feet glared at the Kaiser from behind his human's legs.

Ken stared at Jyou in an attempt at defiance. In an attempt to salvage some of what he had lost. "Aren't you going to hit me again?" he hissed, his grief sounding like rage.

Jyou stared down into his eyes for a long moment and his expression softened to one of pity. "Don't you get hurt sometimes if we don't hit you?"

The Kaiser swallowed hard and looked away. He closed his eyes so that he didn't have to see when the two of them walked away.

When he could no longer hear their footfalls in the forest, he pushed himself up and staggered over to where his glasses and whip lay. His face throbbed furiously.

Stingmon approached him cautiously, watching his master in concern as the boy picked up his glasses with trembling hands. "Master?" The boy didn't look up and the insect stared down at him. "Master? Is this not what you wanted . . . Ken-chan?"

The child Emperor looked up and his eyes looked vague and unfocused. "Stingmon . . ."

The Kaiser swayed dangerously and his digimon quickly dropped down and put a supportive hand on the boy's back, holding him. Ken immediately wilted in against his hand. "Ken-chan, you should rest. You're-"

"Stingmon . . ." The boy looked up at him and looked so small at that instant, so much like the lonely little boy that he had been all those years ago, that the Champion's chest tightened uncomfortably and he froze. A single drop of clear saline fluid slipped out of the corner of Ken's unhidden eyes. "I think . . . I think . . . I've done something wrong."

The digimon sighed and scooped the frail-looking human up in his arms and cradled him close to his armored chest like an infant. Ken offered him no resistance and leaned into his chest plate and cried silently. "Why . . ." he murmured faintly, "why does this hurt so much . . .? Why did it hurt so much to see that look in his eyes? Why was it different? Why is he different?"

Stingmon allowed his wings to slide out of their thick casing and he stretched them a minute before lifting himself up off the ground. He turned towards where they had left the base. The child in his arms shivered as they picked up speed and the wind bit at his delicate skin through the torn material of his uniform. "Why?" he whispered again in a slurred and unsteady voice.

The digimon held him a bit closer and smiled beneath his facial armor. "Because you're in love with him, little Kaiser."

When there was no response the virus type looked down at the boy in his arms. He was asleep.

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