Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ confessional ❯ One-Shot

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Disclaimer: i dont own digimon

This fic is inspired by one of those confessionals on mtw for all their real world/road rules/tough enough shows where they have the person just speaking their mind about events that happend...its kinda like that .. only sora's talking





Confessional




I knew from the start that he was gay. Honestly, I did. And I still don't know why I still did it.



See I know that Ishida Yamato, lead singer of the teenage wolves, keeper of the crest of friendship, heart throb of the world, was gay.



I don't know why I did it.



I mean, I admit, call me a guy if you want, but I really do have a commitment problem. Whenever someone comes along that I like, I like them. But, if they start to like me back. I stop liking them, and avoid the person like whoa. It's like this whole game .. with a sick twist. The only reason that I was able to say "yes" to my dear Yamma-chan was because deep down, I knew he really had no interest in me.



Sick isn't it?



Use myself for an image for him. Sure, he claims that he cares for me, but that I don't doubt. We're family, all of us digidestined are. After saving the world a few times, its hard not to rely on those people for the rest of your life. You faced death with them! Death. Surviving by your own instincts, leadership, and decisions.



All before you hit puberty.



Scary, but hey. That's life for us. Can't say that I had a boring childhood, or even a normal one. But who's complaining? I'm glad it happened, and would do it all over again if I had the chance. I got a second body in the shape of a naive and blunt bird, and lifetime friends.



Well, anyway dating between our group is the only thing that we can do now that our adventures are over with. Everyone else doesn't understand how it was, or how it changed our whole lives, and no amount of storytelling will help either. It's one of those had to be there moments. Like when someone tells a story about something really random happening in the bathroom or something. Like say a person was farting while they were peeing. I mean, sure its funny as hell at the time, but try telling someone that wasn't there. While you're laughing your ass off, your audience is completely unmoved and uncaring. Why the hell would you be laughing at something like that? I mean, that would at least be my expression if someone told me a story in how the person in the next stall cut the cheese while goin'.



Anyway, my dear boyfriend Matty is gay. And to tell you the truth, I'm not really bothered by it. Well, not really bothered except for the one thing keeping me guilty.



Taichi.



He's the brother I never had. Taking me under his wing when all the other boys wouldn't let me play soccer, saving me from datamon, and always being there when I need him...Taichi...my partner in crime. I think I've loved him since forever. Changing from sibling love, to almost an infatuation and back. Its wavered, but I never complained, because I know he'll always be there for me.



Through it all, me and Tai. A pair. One of a kind.



But that Christmas thing changed everything.



Cookies. Can you believe it? I baked cookies for a guy I was trying to 'steal'. A guy I know I'll never do anything with. I just need that comfort of being near someone. To hold, cuddle, and be all mushy with. And its terrible that I know that Yamato is gay...and don't care much. He'll come to his senses one day. Because I know who he loves. Anyway those cookies changed me and Tai. I think his feelings waver just as mine do.




The lights and snow were just right that day. Out on the street, it was easy for someone to forget everything and want a lover. The crisp air was perfect for hand-holding, cuddling on park benches, and taking long walks in. When you breathed it in, it refreshed you, making you want to scream and let all the air from your lungs leave, just so you could refill and replenish it with the cool crisp outer air.



Tai was feeling lonely. That's why he said those things. I know him. In and out. I know he was feeling lost, longing for the feeling of love, not for me. That's the only reasons why he said those things. That's why I turned him down.



I know who he loves.



I can feel it around those two. The sexual tension is so thick in the air, sometimes I think that it'll slow down everything. The way they sneak glances at each other, breathe in each other's scent so deep that they're out of breath by the time the other is too far to smell. Its hard to miss it because its always happening. Call me a bitch, I know that's what a lot of people call me behind my back, because honestly I am. I'm keeping my boyfriend and my best friend away from each other, their true loves.



If I'm with Matt when Tai passes, I can feel his chest move just so. It's then that I know he's breathing in Tai's boyish scent. It's like a mix of cologne, sweat, and something that's just Tai. It oozes from his pores. Anyway, Matt's heart flutters, and he breathes differently. I can tell because I'm usually right in front of Matt. It's his favorite position. My back against his chest with his arms around me. I don't know why he likes it like that, maybe so he doesn't have to feel my breasts.



If I'm with Tai and Matt comes, the whole world know's Tai's feelings. Tai couldn't hide his feelings if it were painted black and headed towards a black hole. They radiate off the boy, just as his scent does. His smile glows, and his mood changes instantly. It's so obvious.




Matt and Tai were made for each other.




Matt's beauty, creativity and whole being are balanced out by Tai's childness, bluntness and strength. They're perfect together. None of them belong with me, the keeper of love with a commitment problem. I mean, all those fights weren't for nothing. Its just their way of dealing with feelings. Anyone near either of them can see it.



I just can't let go of him. I need to stop myself from running away from relationships. Hah, funny. I'm in one now and I'm attempting to run away from them.



God, I'm so selfish.



Who in the world does this type of thing? Two people who've been by my side since before I even grew boobs, are unspeakably in love with each other, and I'm keeping them apart. Think of the time that I could have saved them from being apart. I can see the stares that they give each other when they don't think anyone's looking. I'm not some naive conniving bitch.



I know I should break up with matt. But would that really help?



I mean think about it, gays still aren't really seen as good people. I know and love these people, their choice in sex isn't going to stop me from loving them as friends.



But the rest of the world?




I honestly don't think that they'll have the same tolerant outlook as I do. Especially not all of matt's fans. They could desert the band, and then where would Matt's dream be? Down the drain, probably. And what about his band mates? Sure they could realize that Matt is still the same Matt, regardless if he likes boys, but they could blame him for their failure. Honest to God, I have no criticisms of the Teenage Wolves' music, but c'mon, most of those girls aren't there for the music. They're there to see Matt shake his sweaty ass.



Sigh.



But you know, you can never have it all. Now Tai's dream could make him the laughing stock of the world if it ever got out that he was gay. Sure he hasn't even admitted it to me, well neither has Matt but that's not the point, but being gay and in a sport isn't too good with the teammates. You shower with them, eat with them, sleep with them, breathe the same air as them, have the same god damn annoying coach as them. Hell you pretty much are a cult when you're on a sports team. What would happen if they had a problem with gays? There would go the showering together, alienation would result, and it could get pretty ugly.



But who am I to judge?



Tai's team mates could be fine with the whole idea. I mean, anyone, guy or girl, has to admit that they've been attracted to the great and sexy Ishida Yamato. If they weren't, well then they have massive issues and should consult a doctor about being asexual or a eunuch or something.



It's just not right to have not, at one point in your life, to not be attracted to the kid. He's a goddamn god, never without a single soft silky blond hair out of place.



And also my boyfriend.



Who is gay.




And in love with my self proclaimed brother.




Sigh.




I'm such a screw up.



So here you must think that I'm going to tell you that it's about time. That I'm going to break up with Yamato, and force him and Tai to realize their feelings. But, you see, I can't tell you that. I can't tell you I'm going to break up with Yamato. I can't live being alone. I need someone to tell me I'm cute and beautiful and sexy.



Even if they don't mean it.



I need someone to tell me that they need me. To rely on me to talk to, for my advice.



Even if they don't mean it.



And I need someone to kiss me. I need it. I need it so bad. I need it to reassure that I'm still feeling, and capable of it. Call it an inferiority complex. We'll split when I'm goddamn ready to.



But till then, please do call me a bitch.



Because...I, Sora Takenouchi, totally deserve it.








like?? no?? hmm .. its been awhile since ive written .. hopefully this is better than the others .. do tell me if it is though okie~? meaning please review .. telling me i suck is nice .. i dont wanna keep writing if i suck and people just sugar coat it to make me feel better .. that would be very embarrassing .. so be bruetally honest