Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Dealing ❯ Dealing ( One-Shot )

Dealing

By Chyna Rose

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. Written shortly after September 11th and then left to collect dust till nearly January.

I saw on the news something about a disaster. The death toll was in the thousands. But instead of it bringing a nation to its knees, it made the nation stronger. It seemed like everyone tried to help. I guess that's one way of dealing with a tragedy of that magnitude.

It really didn't hit me until halfway through lunch. One minute I'm sitting there chewing on a sandwich and listening to Miyako describing the new guy in the class, the next I'm totally frozen. There I was enjoying being alive and with friends when there were people hurt and dying -or those who lost someone close to them- half a world away. The guilt was staggering.

Lately, I've been watching my friends closely. I think that's my way of dealing with the fact that Daisuke's been leaving me pretty much alone.

Daisuke. I think he's trying to deal with something big. He's been quiet; distracted. Thoughtful even. This isn't like him. Usually he deals with something by tackling it, ignoring it, or laughing at it. But he's never stopped moving. I didn't think he physically could.

And it's not just his coping behavior that's changed. He pierced his right ear. He doesn't smile as much anymore, and he's been pulling away from all of us -even Ken. I hope he doesn't do anything drastic.

I think what Daisuke's got is catching. First him, then Takeru. With Takeru, it's hard to tell. I can see… a weariness in his eyes, and he's been favoring darker clothing. Nothing anyone who really didn't know him would pick up on, but still a change.

And then me. I think I'm starting not to care. About anything. It scares me that I may be dealing with life by not caring. I want to care. But most of the time, I can't bring myself to do so.

I've been to the dark ocean. It's an endless black place. Evil rolls off the air there like a tide. It's practically a photo negative of this world. Even the light feels wrong. It's a lonely, empty place. But I can feel the pull of it in my bones; like an infection.

I'm the emblem of light. I'm attracted to the dark. I've begun to slip into it as a way of dealing with things. It's eclipsing my life. And it scares me. Because I know that it will one day engulf me. Then nothing will be important. I'll lose my will to fight for anything. And I will have forgotten why I was afraid.