Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Deep As You Go ❯ A Lonely Voice ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. That is, until I assault Toei's headquarter's with a flaming blowtorch demanding the rights to Ken and Daisuke....but I've said too much already.

Author's Notes: Look, this time it was a quick eventually! Don't expoect this to be a habit. I figured since this part was done and I was posting anyway, I may as well post this chapter while I'm at it. BTW, I'm basing the college thing on American colleges because don't know how the Japanese school system works and, frankly, I don't have the spare time to do research on it. If you know bout the Japanese school system and see glaring inconsistancies in this fic, don't tell me. I'm too lazy to fix it and too busy to try and keep things culturally correct anyway.

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Wherever Ichijouji Ken walked, people scattered before him like leaves before a harsh wind. It wasn't because they were awed by his intellect or humbled by his presence. It was because something was just plain unpleasant about being near Ken and it made people want to avoid him as much as possible. Which was fine with Ken, who had the disconcerting habit of starting like a frightened rabbit if anyone did so much as brush up against him.

Ken's violet eyes, brimming with the same dark, roiling clouds associated with the worst of thunderstorms, were locked on his feet. They traced every pattern of the ground, ascertaining whether or not he was going in the right direction. He had little fear of running into anyone. He found that if you walked in a straight line with a manner that proclaimed you had no intention of deviating in your course, people would naturally swerve to avoid you. Somehow, the entire campus had inferred from the black clouds that perpetually surrounded Ken that here was a person who was not interested in stepping aside for anyone.

His backpack hung loosely from one shoulder, immaculate dark brown leather. There was no fraying of the fabric, no loose threads holding it together, no stray bits of paper sticking out. Ken thought with disgust that the Kaiser was right. He was neurotic.

"I told you," laughed the Kaiser drunkenly, wrapping an arm companionably around Ken's shoulders. Ken didn't look up and didn't answer. The Kaiser chuckled and took a long drink from the beer can he carried in his other hand. "You know it's sulky and girlish of you to ignore me, Ken."

"You don't exist," Ken said in a soft, flat tone, careful to only barely move his lips. If he was seen constantly talking to himself, he knew what that would mean. That damn woman would have a field day.

"Is that any way--hic! 'Scuse me--to talk to an old friend?" The Kaiser removed his glasses briefly to give Ken puppy dog eyes. "You said you'd respect me in the morning."

Perfect, Ken thought, groaning inwardly. Now not only are my delusions giving me bad advice, they're getting drunk too. Even the figments of my imagination are enjoying college more than I am.

He paused as he reached the building where his first class was located. The Kaiser giggled drunkenly and rested his head on Ken's shoulder. Ken's lip curled and he walked inside, passed by the crowded elevator, and went to take the stairs. He stood for a moment in the empty stairwell, then turned to the Kaiser.

"You can't come with me," he said severely. "I have class. I can't be acting like this in front of people, you know what'll happen. That damn woman will hear about it and then we'll both be psycho-analyzed to death."

"You don't love me anymore!" the Kaiser whimpered. "I knew it. It was all just a ploy to take advatalidge--I mean, vantadage--er, advantage of my virtue."

"That's another thing," Ken said, feeling supremely foolish to be scolding one of his own fevered illusions. "You can't be getting drunk and acting like this around me. What if someone saw me in here? Now get out of here!"

"You're no fun. I'm going to see if I can find that blasted worm and see what happens if I pour some of this stuff down his throat." The Kaiser shook the half empty can and smirked wickedly. "Sure you don't want to come?"

"No," Ken said stoically. He closed his eyes. "Go away."

"Well, if you're going to be like that..." Ken felt chill lips brush across his cheek, like the touch of a dead person. He took a deep breath, steeled himself, and opened his eyes.

He stood alone in the stairwell.

"Finally," Ken muttered. Shouldering his backpack, he morosely trudged up the stairs, reflecting on how insane he must have become and why nobody seemed to notice.

Why should they? Nobody gives a damn about Ichijouji Ken. I'm just....there. Floating loosely in the infinite space, the constant face in the crowd, the original wallflower. Seen but not really. The one nobody wants to acknowledge, because they all know how alone I am but they're all self-centered bitches so they don't care enough to even attempt to notice me.

He shook his head and made his way to class. He liked to arrive early in order to have his pick of seats. He felt uncomfortable sitting next to someone, so he took a seat where hopefully no one would sit next to him and all would be fine. He was just pulling a red-covered notebook and a mechanical pencil out of his backpack when a presence in the doorway attracted his attention. He glanced up out of the corner of his eye and froze.

Daisuke stood in the doorway, and he was staring directly at Ken.

~~~

Daisuke was surprised at how much of the campus he had forgotten. He had actually been forced to dig out his map to find his building. He passed Hikari and Miyako on the way to class and waved brightly to them, then sprinted for the elevator. It closed just before he could enter, so he had waited for it to come back down. The thought of using the stairs had never crossed his mind.

Then he had entered class and found, of all people, Ichijouji Ken sitting by himself in the corner.

Daisuke couldn't help but stare, his heart leaping into his throat. Iori had told him how Ken had refused to come see him, and he admitted that it had hurt. He had hoped to try and find Ken's room after class was over, to talk with him privately. He hadn't expected to find Ken in one of his classes, and he hadn't expected his friend to have changed so much in a single year.

Ken's hair had grown slightly longer, but it was still in the same old style that had always made him look a bit like a girl. His skin was even paler than normal, and Daisuke was concerned to see that Ken seemed to have gotten thinner as well. He reminded Daisuke of those thin, consumptive female heroines one of the girls in America had been constantly reading about in her romance novels. There were shadows lingering in his eyes, which had a strange, almost glassy look to them. He was wearing a black shirt and black jeans, both of which were partly obscured by the long black coat he wore that went down to his ankles. For some reason, Daisuke had expected the shirt to look ragged and the jeans to be full of holes, but Ken's outfit was immaculate. The shirt was even tucked in. Matching the theme of the rest of his outfit, Ken wore a pair of black sneakers without the slightest bit of dirt on them. It was as if he had cleaned them diligently before even considering wearing them. Ken's hair was combed so that no stray bits of hair dared show themselves out of their proper place. To outside observers, this may have been nothing special or especially interesting. But to Daisuke, who had known Ken since they were both eleven, that extreme neatness seemed to be a sign in itself that something wasn't quite right. Looking at Ken and comparing this teenager to the one he remembered, Daisuke could read all sorts of worrisome things in his looks. Even the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed in soft, light gasps told Daisuke that something was seriously wrong with Ken. The boy's entire body had a flat, unreal look, like a picture in a magazine.

Ken had apparently noticed him, as the other boy had frozen in mid-movement when Daisuke had walked in. Determination creased Daisuke's features and he took a step towards Ken. Ken was sitting on the end of the row of desks, with an empty seat on one side and the wall on the other. Daisuke stared fixedly at the empty seat. He would get to the bottom of this.

Ken saw him coming. Daisuke felt a sharp, unidentifiable pain in his chest as Ken pointedly placed his backpack on the chair beside him, effectively informing Daisuke that the seat was most certainly taken.

I don't get it, Daisuke thought, hurt radiating behind his eyes. What happened to make you act like this Ken? Did I do something, or....?

Mind reeling, he wandered over and grabbed a seat behind and to the right of Ken. He couldn't help but stare at his friend in open concern. The shadows around Ken were reminding Daisuke ominously of the Kaiser. Ken, apparently aware of Daisuke's scrutiny, ducked his head and suddenly seemed very interested in the blank pages of his notebook.

Daisuke was ripped out of his thoughts as the teacher walked in. She was tall and slim, with black hair tied up in bun. She smiled brightly at the class, who, by bits and pieces, began to quiet. Ken ignored her presence completely and began idly sketching something on the back cover of his notebook.

"Hello class, and welcome to Early Japanese history. If this isn't the class you signed up for, I suggest you leave now." There was a slight rustling as a boy in the back of the room attempted to exit without being seen. A titter of amusement ran through the room. Daisuke noticed that Ken's lip curled in something resembling disgust.

"Anyone else?" the teacher asked. No one moved. "Good. My name is Dr.Tsuwari. I believe I've had a few of you for other classes." Her eyes traveled briefly to Ken, who continued to doggedly ignore her. "Anyway, I thought we would start by introducing ourselves. We can go around the room. I want each of you to give your name and what year you're in, and maybe tell us something about yourself. I think we'll start on this end." She looked straight at Ken, who stared impassively back at her.

"Ichijouji Ken," he said curtly. "Junior. That's all you really need to know." Then he returned his attention to his notebook. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before the next person closest to Ken started with their introduction.

Daisuke's eyes softened as he watched Ken. This was wrong, he knew. He could see anguish and sharp loneliness pouring off Ken in waves, a muted cry for help. Daisuke wondered how nobody could have seen it. Ken was collapsing in upon himself again. It was so plain to Daisuke's eyes. He could almost see the invisible scar running across Ken's body, burned deep into the flesh like a brand.

"Hey, it's your turn." An elbow nudged him and Daisuke jumped. He hadn't been paying attention. Nervously rubbing the back of his head, he said,

"O-oh, right. I knew that. I'm Motomiya Daisuke, I'm a junior, and, uh, I just spent the last year studying in America so I'm still gettin' used to everything again." He blushed in embarrassment and squirmed in his seat, then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ken looking at him. He turned to meet that tortured gaze, but Ken immediately turned away again.

What is up with him? Daisuke wondered, his mind wandering again. He refuses to come see me and he doesn't want me to sit next to him, and then he's stealing glances when I'm not looking at him. Is he mad at me, or does he think I'm mad at him, or....what?

All through class it was a chore to pay attention. Daisuke's eyes kept traveling over to Ken, and whenever he looked away he could almost feel Ken's gaze upon him. It was hard to concentrate with the weight of that violet stare lingering over him.

This sucks, he thought bitterly. All I wanted was to come home and to have everything be the same. I want my Ken back, dammit! I couldn't wait to see him again the whole time I was in America. I kept wondering how he was doing, why he didn't write anymore. One hand slipped down to touch his backpack. Those ten letters were still tied with ribbon inside the pack. He carried them with him everywhere. At this rate, that's the only remnant of my Ken I'm gonna have left. I have to talk to Takeru after class. I need to know what happened to make Ken so distant.

Class finally ended. Daisuke gathered up his things slowly, his mind uncomfortably full. As he slowly trudged out the door, he heard the voice of the teacher behind him.

"Ichijouji-san. A moment of your time, please."

Daisuke couldn't help it. He darted around the other side of the door and leaned against the wall. Part of him complained that eavesdropping was probably not a good idea; Ken would be livid if he found out. But Daisuke didn't care. He needed to know what was wrong with Ken, and any clues were welcome. He leaned in a bit and listened.

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"Ichijouji-san. A moment of your time, please."

Ken stiffened. Why does she have to bother me? Is it too much to ask that I be left in peace? His worried eyes traveled to the door just in time to see Daisuke make his exit. At least this way I won't have to deal with him.

"Is something wrong?" Ken asked, taking only a second to fix his mask in place. Cold, efficient, crisply polite. The Kaiser's mask, he had found, was always the easiest to pull on in times of trouble.

"Are you feeling all right?" Dr. Tsuwari asked kindly. "Last semester I noticed you seemed very withdrawn, and it seems that nothing's changed over the summer. I wanted to make sure everything was okay. No trouble at home or anything like that?"

"No, Dr. Tsuwari," Ken said with false calmness. Just let me go, dammit! I don't want to talk. It's hard enough keeping this up in front of that damn woman. I don't need it here too.

"Ken...." Dr. Tsuwari shook her head. "This behavior can't be good for you."

"I fail to see the reason why you're bothering me," Ken said. "My behavior has in no way interfered with my schoolwork, unlike many of my peers. You said yourself that I got the highest grade anyone has ever received in your class. So why are you concerned?"

"It's your well-being, not your grades, that I'm worried about," Dr. Tsuwari said, tapping her foot. "I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, if you need someone to talk to."

"I have a therapist, Dr. Tsuwari," Ken reminded her, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"Yes. I've heard." She sighed. "Well, I won't keep you any longer. But you might want to try to make some friends in class, Ken. I'm sure they would be glad to get to know you. That one boy, what was his name, Daisuke? Yes, that's right. He seemed to be staring at you during class, and I noticed you looking at him quite a bit as well."

Ken froze, his eyes shrinking to fathomless purple dots. For a moment, the mask cracked and fell away, and Ken started to tremble slightly. He took a deep breath and composed himself.

"I don't know what you're talking about. And now, if you don't mind, I have places to be." With that, Ken turned and strode out of the room.

Daisuke leaped back and dived into the nearest empty room as Ken strode out of the room. Daisuke's eyes followed the other boy down the hall until he was out of sight. Then Daisuke breathed a sigh of relief and stepped back out into plain view. He leaned on the wall and sighed.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Daisuke jumped as Dr. Tsuwari peered around the door at him.

"Ah! Uh, um, no, nothing, I was just...." Daisuke's voice trailed off as he looked back down the hall where Ken had gone.

"Were you listening in on a private conversation?" Dr. Tsuwari raised an eyebrow and Daisuke shifted nervously. "Take my advice, that's not a very good way to get into Ichijouji-san's good graces."

"I know, I was just--" Daisuke shook his head. "We were friends, you know."

"Hmm?" Dr. Tsuwari looked at him in surprise.

"Ken and I. We've been best pals since we were eleven. Then I go off to America for a year, and look what I come back to. I don't understand. What happened to him? That's not the Ken I remember." Daisuke couldn't help but look miserable. "I missed him. I still do. If only I knew what happened..."

"You'll have to talk to Ichijouji-san about that," Dr. Tsuwari said seriously. She smiled slightly at Daisuke. "Don't give up on him. I have a feeling that what Ichijouji-san could use more than anything else right now is a friend."

"Yeah. That's what I was thinking." Daisuke sighed well. "Well, uh, I better go. Sorry about eavesdropping and all."

"It's all right," Dr. Tsuwari said. "Go on." As Daisuke hurried off down the hall, she smiled softly to herself. "And good luck, Motomiya-kun."

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And there's that chapter done. Don't expect me to be this quick on the third part of this, it's being difficult. I'll get it up sometime, though, I promise.