Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Desperately Wishing for Home ❯ Desperately Wishing for Home ( Chapter 1 )

 

Malomytismon had died. Peace had been attained. It takes time for the fact to sink into my head. Everything is back to normal. Things are just fine...for everyone else excluding me. Why? Why doesn't it apply to me? They enjoy their life to the fullest. How I envy their smile and joy. They comment that this had been the best week of their life. Sadly, that doesn't apply to me.

 

It had been a horrible week...

 

This week, my exam grade falls a bit,

My teachers say I've let them down when I've tried my best.

This week, my team lost our basketball match,

My coach says that I'm not serious when I've already given my all

This week, our group's project fails,

They didn't say it but I know it's my fault somehow

This week I have a misunderstanding with Hikari, Daisuke, Ken and Iori,

I feel horrible when I hurt my own closest friends

This week, my teacher makes a discussion group about family,

I know nothing about it and I feel left out

This week, mother vents her frustration and cries,

I feel so worthless, I can't help her

This week, I still could keep my smile intact; I don't want to worry anyone,

The hurt I feel is fine, as long as everyone else are happy

This week, I faint when the class discuss about `home'

The doctor says it's because of emotional pressure...how pathetic

 

 

This could get so outrageous. When I think back of the incident, it's funny how all of my carefully bottled up feelings burst just because of the word `home', such a simple harmless word. But the same word becomes a double edged sword and it tears me apart.

 

When I was a little boy, I would confidently say that `home' is my favourite word. The teacher would ask why. I would have 101 answers for that.

 

Home means you have a mother, father and brother,

Home means someone would greet and welcome you when you're back,

Home means you'll get a nice steamy dinner when you're down,

Home means a heaven full of warmth,

Home is love....

 

But that was before I open my eyes and see this world from another prospect. Now...

 

When I come home, no mom, dad or brother,

Just me, myself and I

When I come home, no voice would greet my ears,

Funny, silence is the loudest sound I ever hear

When I come home, there is no nice steamy dinner,

Just a cup of noodle from me to myself,

When I come home, I don't see any heaven or feel any warmth,

It's just a dark, cold building where I live,

Home is nothing but an apartment

 

The doctor says he couldn't release me; my emotional state is very unstable. I keep on pleading but he just smiles sadly and shakes his head. He encourages me to voice out and release my feeling. I want to but I can't. There's something that held me back...I don't even know what it is. These emotions are suffocating me...as if I'm dying. I don't want to stay here. I have too much time at the hospital and too much time makes me think too much. There is nothing to distract me here. No space to run and hide at all.

 

“Takeru, are you asleep?” you, my brother, come to me. My body is facing the other way but I don't have to look to know that you're here. I just know. You know that I'm not asleep too. I'm not sure how do you do that. You say that you just know too. You put your hand on my cheek and make me turns my gaze to you.

 

“It's okay. Everything is alright now.” Those words break through my barriers, my mask... everything. I can't hold back anymore. A single tear falls from my eyes and another follows suit. You pull my head into your chest. I grasp at your shirt and cries hard.

 

“It's not alright....it's not alright...” I sob. You silently encourage me to tell you how I feel. You fingers play with my hair. Do you know...I wish for home right now...Footsteps approaches my room and I see mother and father come in. Mother holds a bowl of steamy soup in her hands. She has tears in her eyes. Father looks weary. Is he disappointed with me?

 

“Sorry, we were not there when you needs us the most...forgive us please, Takeru-chan,” father says with sincerity shines in his eyes. I smile through my tears. I'm not quite home yet but this is enough. Home finally comes to me after I wait for so long.

 

Owari

 

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