Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Digimon: One Bite at a Time ❯ Keeping the Pretense ( Chapter 9 )

Howl

 

His soul was dying.

 

Abarai Renji couldn't understand why the particularly melodramatic thought entered his mind, but once it had it refused to dissipate. The ominous sensation clung to the corners of his consciousness, as if daring him to refute its truth.

 

What the hell was happening? Words and logical thought seemed to elude him as he struggled to understand why his body was reacting as though he were in imminent danger. His earlier happiness at passing the latest exams and his well-meaning eagerness to share his success with his best friend was swiftly becoming a distant memory. Emotions roiled within him, but the feeling that something was terribly wrong threatened to tear the boy apart.

 

The quiet footsteps of his superiors echoed loudly in his ears as they moved slowly past him. His wide eyes remained hopelessly trained on the floor as the immense concentration of spirit force overwhelmed him. It fairly bowled the novice shinigami over, and he couldn't help but feel as though he was drowning in their sheer strength alone. What are they doing here?

 

Eyes flickering over the legendary warriors, Renji tried to make sense of the impossible scene.

 

The Kuchiki clan.

 

Here.

 

The logic he'd lost moments before struggled to return, if only to ensure that he didn't make a fool of himself in front of the most prestigious family in all of Seireitei. Feeling hopelessly inadequate Renji attempted to still his traitorous shaking frame. Stop it! he futilely ordered the body that seemed determined to betray him.

 

He had nothing to fear! He'd never put much stock in bloodlines. Though admitting that to a member of that family was probably as close to suicide as a soul could get.

 

Just breathe, he intoned.

 

Just.

 

Breathe.

 

The passing figures allowed their knowing gazes to land upon him briefly then dismiss him just as quickly. The tinge of resentment he always felt when confronted by the nobility attempted to overpower his lingering admiration, but he was forced to squash the feeling as the sixth squad's captain brushed by with a flurry of starched hakama and unbelievable reitsu.

 

Cold, impossibly emotionless eyes, that always flickered past his own amazingly paused and caught his gaze. Byakuya-sama had not broken his dignified stride, but Renji felt the air fairly crackle as the warrior finally acknowledged his presence.

 

Something was definitely wrong. The presence of the self absorbed captain caused Renji's eyes to widen. What could he possibly be doing at the academy?

 

Though he lacked the courage actually to hold the man's gaze he could not ignore the uncharacteristic emotion that the stoic captain conveyed. Pity? The impulsive student felt his blood boil at the implication. How dare he pity him!

 

Familiar as the emotion was he refused to accept it. He had constantly received those looks when he'd initially started the academy. A hot tempered shinigami with nothing but the sword at his side and aspirations much too large for a "poor soul from Rukongai". Renji didn't even possess a fraction of the power that the taicho had, but he had never allowed an individual to pity him and he refused to begin now.

 

Passionate eyes briefly met cold ones in a daring act of rebellion then flickered away in stark astonishment. What was going on here?

 

That look.

 

Renji was sure that he'd been the only one to witness it. But it still did not make sense. Slowing his rapid heartbeat seemed an impossible task as it thudded so violently within his chest that he was sure it was attempting to escape. For one disbelieving moment he'd seen inside the elusive captain.

 

Pity. Sorrow. Loss.

 

All veiled within one look.

 

But why pity him? Renji fought off a wave of confusion. The one and only benefit of never having anything was that you could only gain. A relieved sigh escaped his lungs as the enormous pressure relented, and the members of the Kuchiki clan disappeared into the darkness of the corridor.

 

Pity. He allowed a small smirk to cross his features. Renji's eyes lifted from the stone floor as he almost succeeded in pushing his initial unjustified feelings of fear back into the depths of his mind. Ridiculous.

 

What did he of all people have. . . .

 

His entire body ceased to function as the embodiment of all he held dear finally turned her agonized deep blue eyes towards him.

 

. . . to lose?

 

Rukia?

 

The name would not sputter from his lips no matter how much he ordered it to. She calmly walked towards him, but he was keenly aware of how with every clipped step her small hands shook. Renji fought the urge to back away.

 

To deny the truth she held in her eyes.

 

In the way she moved. In the way her shaking body literally called for his embrace, but was forcibly stilled by her iron will.

 

The iron will of the Kuchiki clan.

 

He knew what she would say even before she opened her mouth, but he refused to interrupt. The words that would forever divide them spilled breathlessly from her lips, as though she feared if she did not say them at once she would lose the courage to say them at all.

 

Rukia had been adopted by the Kuchiki clan.

 

An invisible wall seemed to slide effortlessly between them as he forced himself to lie to his best friend. To utter words of happiness and congratulations when all he felt was heartache and despair.

 

The words accomplished exactly what he wished to avoid. The distance between their worlds expanded impossibly further as his denial tore at what was left of him. A whisper of sound stirred within him building quickly until it almost roared in his ears.

 

Ignoring his body's violent reaction, Renji instinctively sought to close the gap. Arms reaching out in mock enthusiasm, he grabbed a hold of her kimono and literally held on for dear life. In contrast to his inner trembling Rukia's body felt insanely still. She remained completely calm, though he felt her agony as her eyes filled with tears.

 

He barely registered Rukia's soft hands dislodging his hold as she lost the silent battle between them. Her husky voice barely reached his ears as the impossible roaring grew louder still.

 

"Arigato"

 

Her words were that of thanks but held the distinctive tone of an apology.

 

Rukia.

 

She released him reluctantly and stepped slowly past him at a cadence that eerily resembled the warriors who had left moments before.

 

Rukia.

 

Eyes shutting tight to reign in his emotions, Renji attempted to call out for her.

 

Rukia. Her name still refused to pass his lips. As if even his treacherous body had acknowledged that the distance between them was just too great.

 

His soul was dying.

 

Odd since within the world of Soul Society the soul encompassed all that he was.

 

The sound that had begun from the moment he'd learned his best friend's fate seemed to amplify ten-fold. It drowned out the deafening silence and the sound of the heart he claimed not to have shattering. The roar permeated his entire being.

 

Renji's hand gripped the sword at his side purposefully. The familiar weight comforting him slightly. Logic insisted that Renji abandon his hopes of reclaiming what he had lost, but the image of Rukia's heartbroken face filled his vision. The roar in his ears quieted somewhat. The sound resembling that of a wounded animal. Or a furious one.

 

Rukia would not be allowed to lower herself to his level. They would never allow it.

 

But he could ascend to her's.

 

Never in nobility, but in power alone. The hilt of his sword literally pulsed beneath his throbbing fingers.

 

Fate had taken everything from him. A life that had ended far too soon. An afterlife in the slums of what was supposed to be considered heaven. And now an existence without the one soul who actually mattered to him.

 

"No!" he growled.

 

The denial a direct challenge to the order of both worlds. He would become stronger than all of them. Stronger than his peers. Stronger even than Kuchiki Byakuya. He would close the gap between the two of their worlds. All alone if he had to!

 

Not alone.

 

The voice that whispered within him was unknown, but somehow very familiar. The noise had escalated to a near scream. An untarnished reflection of the turmoil raging within him.

 

Alone, the voice scoffed. Never alone.

 

Eyes wide with understanding, Abarai Renji unsheathed his sword with a flourish.

 

Rukia.

 

The brief flash of light illuminated the pitch black room, and the emptiness that threatened to overwhelm him. In that moment the shinigami finally gave voice to the sound that would one day make him a legend.

 

"Howl," Renji whispered, "Zabimaru."