Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Drifting Pieces ❯ My Brother's Eyes ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Author’s Note:
This fic was originally partially posted at the end of 2010. Since then, I have rewritten every single chapter and done a serious edit as well as finished the story. If you have not visited since October of 2010, I recommend that you start over. It’s worth it (05/2012).

A review is like a rose in January: A delightful burst of color in an otherwise dull day. Please review.


Chapter 02: My Brother’s Eyes

I can do this. Ken stared into the mirror as he gave himself a pep talk. It’s Wednesday. The week is half over and then Wormmon will be back and I can spend some time with my friends and spend time away from school. Just Wednesday and Thursday and Friday… I can do this.

He frowned as he ran a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly in his frustration. All too quickly, he smoothed it back down again.

What are you afraid of?

His reflection frowned back at him. He knew exactly what he was afraid of. You’re afraid you’ll look like him.

It didn’t matter though. He knew that when it all came down to it, there was no ‘him’. It was all just Ken. Ken that had tortured and killed all of those Digimon. Ken that had made his brother disappear. Ken that had let his Digimon partner die. Ken that had broken his parents hearts. Ken that had gone completely over the edge while everyone watched. Ken that had been more of a monster than the one that he had created.

It helped at times to try and distance himself from what he had been. To pretend that he had been controlled the whole time by the dark spore and those evil Digimon. It helped to pretend that he had been asleep with someone else walking around in his body.

He wasn’t weak. The reflection’s eyes hardened in anger for just a moment before they softened and he looked down. I wasn’t weak.

Things were so much easier back then. He had been smarter, able to keep up with everything and more than capable of dealing with his parents and teachers and the media… Back then, he had control of his life.

Ken’s head snapped back up. Oh god. Don’t you DARE think like that. It wasn’t better back then. Nothing was better. Maybe things had been easier, but he had also been a heartless bastard that took pleasure in pain and suffer. Nothing about that was ‘better’.

His hands were trembling, his knuckles turning white as they gripped the side of the bathroom counter desperately.

Wormmon…He took a slow deep breath. He could do this. He had to do this for Wormmon. As much as he needed his small partner, he just couldn’t let his gentle friend suffer anymore because of him.

Ken carefully composed himself and put on a determined look. “I can do this.” Taking a deep breath he stepped from the bathroom.

The determined look crashed and burned.

The box.

Out on the living room table sat a medium sized old box.

“Oh god, it’s Wednesday.”

How could he have been so foolish to forget? It had come up faster than he’d realized and now that it was here, he was completely unprepared.

If Wormmon had understood how to properly read a calendar he would have never of left without putting up a fight.

The box sat on the table, appearing ominous amongst all of the carefully organized and orderly furniture.

Ken found himself slowly being drawn towards it against his will, his feet shuffling forward inch by inch.

A traitorous hand reached out and slowly pulled the flaps apart and pushed them open.

“Osamu…” His gut wrenched painfully, threatening to reject anything that might have been in it.

Osamu’s things were neatly packed away inside the box with the utmost of care. All of his personal possessions fitting together inside of one small box waiting for a master that would never return. It was painful to realize just how little of his brother there was left.

In the back of his mind, Ken wondered just how big of a box would be needed for him should he ‘disappear’.

He closed his eyes tightly. He hated this. Every year. Every damn year! Why can’t they just let the dead stay dead!

His parents had set out the box every year on Osamu’s birthday. They would often take a personal day from their work and chores to sit around and go through the box a little at a time. They would talk about him, fawn over his pictures and remember him.

“He was such a nice boy. So smart… So gifted.” They would sigh and mourn the loss of such a perfect son.

He couldn’t handle this. Not now. The doubt and guilt that would bubble up from the darkest part of him as they dabbed at their tears and spoke so kindly of the dead, utterly oblivious of how Ken would quietly suffer through it all.

But that wasn’t the worst of it. The worst would come later when they were done laughing and keeping Osamu alive in memory and stories. The worst would come when all had gone quiet and Ken was left alone to relive that one moment.

They didn’t ask him about what had happened anymore. His constant insistence that he didn’t remember had eventually been accepted and they had moved on. Moved on and left him alone to suffer.

Ken had been the only one to be there on that day. The only one to truly see it happen. To see that one moment of impact…

As much as he struggled to forget and move on with them, he could still remember seeing Osamu standing beside him just before he stepped off the curb. The look on his face and in his eyes… The soft smile he’d given Ken as if he had been apologizing.

He could see the van coming, looming in his memory like a titan lurching from the darkness. Osamu had seen it too, his head turning towards it as heels left the safety of the curb.

Ken could remember how Osamu had frozen in place then, taking the last moment of serenity to look back at him. One last look at his brother before the world ended. His smile never left his face.  

He could remember how Osamu had stood his ground with such determination. He could remember feeling his heart start to race as the van slid into the picture. Above all, he could remember the sound. The horrible crunch of bone that still woke him up in the dead of the night with a silent scream trembling on his lips.

He could still remember the way that his big strong perfect brother had flown through the air before he hit the ground like a rag doll. The sounds of the screams around him as the world exploded.

He could hear the tires screeching and smell the smoke of rubber burning on the pavement. Feel the hands of the bystanders pushing him aside as they rushed forward.

And then there was the siren, piercing the haze with a shrill cry as it colored everything in flashes of red.

His smile broke.

Ken flinched hard as he desperately tried to pull back from the memories before they could take over. No. Not now.

He couldn’t and wouldn’t do this now. The memory always pulled at him and left him feeling like the world was about to crash down on him. They always left him with the feeling that maybe it should have been him crumpled and broken in the road and not the perfect Osamu.

Ken looked back down at the box, already knowing what he would find inside it. He’d gone through it enough times in the past. A few books meant for school, his favorite jacket that was neatly ironed and folded, several pictures and newspaper clippings, a few small trinkets from his desk, a small stuffed animal that Ken couldn’t even remember his brother ever owning or loving, and a pair of glasses.

The glasses must have been a spare or older pair, as Ken knew the real set was currently sitting on a rotting corpse deep underground.

His lips twisted into a morbid smile as the thought of a pair of perfect glasses on a skeleton sprang to mind. The metal frames would sit in the dark on a steadily decaying piece of flesh and bone in a box until they were all that was left.

The smile twitched at the corners as it occurred to him that this year he would be older than his brother had been when that van had bashed his skull in. Glass sitting on a pile of broken bones.

Moving as if in a dream, he reached inside and pulled out the glasses, marveling at how cool they felt in his hand. A strange sense of déjà vu passed over him as he slipped the glasses on and stepped over to the hallway mirror.

The world blurred slightly as his eyes struggled to adjust to the prescription. He wasn’t perfect after all…

A hand moved up to his hair, his dark locks slowly sliding between his fingers as they moved in a familiar pattern.

They were right. His cheeks ached as the smile tugged at all the wrong muscles. At the right angle, he did look like a slightly softer version of his brother. His spine creaked slightly as he stood up straighter and his head tilted just right… A hand paused as his fingers toyed with a few soft spikes.

“Ken?” His mother’s gentle voice broke the silence.

Ken’s hands shot up to his face and the glasses were violently tossed away, landing on the floor with a heavy thump.

He stared down at them accusingly, fighting back the feeling of horror that threatened to creep up and over take him.

“Honey? Are you alright?” She sounded afraid. Like she’d seen a ghost. Maybe she had.

It took most of his lingering energy to slowly compose himself and answer. “Yes, Momma.”

He looked up at her slightly, catching the look in her eyes as she quickly stooped to retrieve the fallen glasses. Her fingers fumbled as she folded them back up before she moved to carefully set them back into the box safe and sound.

Safe and sound…Ken fought back the smile he could feel twitching at his lips distantly.

“Are you going to school today, Ken?” His father walked into the room behind his mother, a slight look of concern on his face. “Maybe you should take today off…”

Ken slowly reached up and smoothed his hair back down. “I have a test.” There was a heavy silence as he moved to pick up his school bag. In the past he had never taken the day to stay and grieve with them and that wasn’t about to change now.

“Alright… Don’t push yourself too hard today.” As opposed to all the other days, Mother?

His mother was only trying to help but he could hear the truth behind those words.

“I’ll be late today. Soccer team needs me to run a few plays with them.” The soccer team didn’t meet on Wednesdays and they all knew that.

“Don’t stay out too late. You know that we worry…” Yes, Father. You worry. You worry I’ll disappear too. Who will be perfect then?

“I’ll try to be home for dinner.” Not if I can help it. They all knew that he wouldn’t make it in time but he at least sounded like he was going to try.

“We’ll leave something out for you, dear.” She knew the truth but her eyes had hope.

When he’d been the Kaiser, he’d always avoided today at all costs. I guess that’s one thing that still hasn’t changed.

“Have a nice day.” They both chimed up as Ken opened the door. He paused just long enough to slip on his shoes before he quickly slipped out the door and shut it behind him heavily.  

He didn’t want to see their worried faces following after him. He didn’t want to see his Mother’s tired and sad eyes or his Father’s confusion at not being able to connect. He didn’t want to see anything.

He took a few steps away from the apartment door then stopped. His reflection from the hall mirror came back to him and a hand went up to his mouth as he fought back the nausea.

He could feel the lingering remains of a fading smile under his fingers.

What the hell was that back there?

Slowly, he forced himself to move forward with sheer willpower.

I looked just like him… Osamu’s face had briefly gazed back out at him from the glass before another more familiar smirk had appeared.

In truth, it was no coincidence that the Kaiser had looked the way that he had. The Kaiser had been born out of a twisted memory but not even Osamu could smile like that.

A smile that would not break.

“The dead stay dead…” Ken whispered. He didn’t know if he was talking about Osamu anymore, but he really didn’t care. “They stay dead…”


----


It had been a long tiring day at school, yet when the bell rang Ken was reluctant to move.

He wasn’t ready to go back there yet. By now, his parents would be past the initial tears and laughing at memories that Ken wasn’t sure were even real anymore.

 They had moved on.

Ken had slipped into a blissful fog once he had gotten to school and he had clung to it desperately. He didn’t want to face the questions that were lingering in the back of his mind.

What was that this morning? Just thinking about it left him feeling weak and afraid.

Once he left the campus, he walked without purpose or direction. It was a good thing that Wormmon hadn’t been there to see the little stunt with the glasses. The poor Digimon didn’t need anymore nightmares or bad memories to pop up.

After what must have been an hour or two of just walking, Ken looked up to find himself in a park. The sun was still too high for him to consider heading back home so he made his way over to a bench and sat down heavily.

Leaning back, he stared up at the perfect blue sky. He felt sick to his core. Like he was about to fly apart at the seams. Is this what Osamu felt? Is this what happened to him? Why he didn’t move? Why he…

“Osamu… I’m sorry…” At last, the memories flooded over him. The van. The sound. The screams. His smile. He was smiling when it hit…

Ken’s thoughts swarmed around in his head, pounding him down with memories, doubt and pain.

A soft whimper escaped his throat as the world spun out of control.

A warm hand gently touched his shoulder and everything stopped as warm golden brown eyes came into focus.

“Daisuke…”


---


“I can fit in one practice round… There’s still time!” Daisuke muttered under his breath as he hurried to the park. Sure, he had a tone of homework sitting at home waiting for him, but all work and no play, right?

Daisuke juggled his soccer ball and glanced around. The park was pretty empty today.

That’s ‘cause everyone’s at home doing what you should be doing! If Ken knew I was out here he’d give me one of those lectures again!

He grinned and suddenly had the strange urge to email Ken and tell him exactly where he was and what he was doing. He loved those lectures. He loved that Ken cared so much about how well he was doing in school when no one else had ever really taken an interest before. It made him feel special.

He’s probably studying. He sighed and kicked the ball around a little. When Friday got here, he was going to kidnap Ken and tickle him till all of the worry lines in his face disappeared and then he’d challenge him to a round of soccer.

Daisuke couldn’t help but grin at that. “Round one goes to Daisuke Motomiya the unstoppable!” He kicked the ball into a tree and quickly caught it again.

“But look out! Here comes the Rocket!” Daisuke rounded on the tree and weaved around the protruding roots. Another kick and the ball smacked into the tree sharply before bouncing away from him.

“Oh! And he makes a fatal mistake! Can he recover?” Daisuke shouted in an over dramatic voice as he raced off after the ball.

He was on the verge of recapturing it for another goal winning kick when a familiar inky indigo color off to the side of the park caught his attention.

Daisuke skidded to a stop and stared as his ball continued to roll off.

“Ken?” What was Ken doing here? Could it be possible that he had taken Daisuke’s advice and decided to relax after all? Daisuke was about to call out for Ken to join him when he noticed the look on his face.

Ken was sitting stiffly on the bench with his face tilted up towards the sky, his hair blowing into his face messily. It looked like Ken had been sitting there for a long time.

Daisuke stood still for a moment, wondering if Ken had even noticed him. Approaching cautiously, not wanting to startle him, Daisuke took note of the slightly vacant look in his eyes.

He’s in pain. I can feel it. His heart ached at the sudden realization. With a frown, he headed towards his Jogress partner at a more determined pace.

As he got closer, he could hear a soft keening sound coming from his friend. “Ken?” He didn’t respond. The sound turned into a whimper and Daisuke practically sprinted the last few feet, moving to kneel down in front of the boy.

Gently, he placed a hand on Ken’s shoulder and gave a small shake. “Ken?”

Tired eyes slowly blinked and came into focus.

“Daisuke…” Ken breathed out slowly, making Daisuke pause before he continued.

“Hey… What are you doing out here? Is something wrong?” He sat down next to his friend, patiently waiting for Ken to come back from wherever he just was.

Ken looked down and sighed shakily. Daisuke knew that sigh and that look well, but what alarmed him more than anything was the slight glimmer he caught in Ken’s eyes just before he looked down.

He’s crying. Daisuke realized with alarm. If someone made him cry I’ll clobber them!

Gently Daisuke wrapped an arm around Ken and pulled him closer in an effort to comfort him.

“Daisuke… I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me…” Ken wiped away the tears before they could fall. “It’s been a bad day.”

“Hey, just relax, okay? If someone’s been hassling you…”

“No. It’s not that. Today…” Ken hesitated and Daisuke could tell that Ken wanted to say something. Maybe everything. Tell me. Please tell me. I want to make it better. Please!

For once, Daisuke was quiet as he waited for Ken to form his thoughts. He’d been around Ken long enough to know that the boy needed time to just organize. Ken had called it ‘organizing his thoughts’ so that his words didn’t come out sounding like Daisuke’s normally did.

Why his thoughts needed to be organized was beyond him as Ken was always so organized to start with. He just couldn’t imagine Ken not being organized.

As he waited, he watched as Ken slowly pulled himself together. It was almost painful to watch as he forced everything down. A slow breath and Ken was once more the calm collected boy that everyone always saw.

“Today was just bad.” He finished and looked up at Daisuke. There was something off about the way his eyes looked. They were distant yet scarily focused all at once.

“Ken. If something’s bothering you or if something’s wrong you can tell me.” He was suddenly angry. Daisuke wanted to protect Ken. To snap him out of whatever this was and make him stop hurting himself like this.

“I know. I just need a moment. I must be more exhausted than I realized. Thank you…” Ken slowly leaned back against the bench, Daisuke’s hand still on his shoulder in an effort to ward off the demons that were following the boy around.

They sat together in silence for a while as the sun started to drift towards the horizon. Daisuke, who was normally a bubbly and loud boy, understood these moments better than most people expected him to.

He had long ago translated them from the book of Ken a long time ago. Sometimes all Ken needed were these silent, still moments and for Daisuke to just be there.

He liked to think that maybe Ken was soaking in some of Daisuke’s spare energy like a lizard soaks in the sun. Maybe they were sharing something deeper than he could ever imagine and something only Ken could see or know.

He looked over at Ken after a few minutes, taking in how his partner’s eyes were slightly unfocused and his head was starting to droop slightly to the side. It was clear that he was fighting sleep.

Daisuke was about to try to coax Ken into maybe leaning into him a little more so that he could maybe trick the overly tired boy into falling asleep when Ken’s quiet voice reached out to him.

“Have you ever dreamed with your eyes open?”

He blinked at the question. “Sure. Lots of times! How do you think I sleep through class without getting caught?”

“No… This is different. Where you’re awake but not here. Where your eyes are open and you’re seeing the real world, but there are dream images pasted on top.” Ken’s voice faded and he looked away.

“Oh. No… I don’t think I’ve ever done that. It sounds kinda creepy.” Daisuke tried to follow Ken’s gaze, wishing he could see what Ken could.

There has to be some way to keep that boy tied down. Just when I think he’s here with me, he drifts off into his own thoughts again. Daisuke sighed and looked off at some kids that were racing around and laughing nearby. He wished more than anything that he could just jump up with Ken and laugh and Ken would laugh with him and they could run and be just like those kids.

Ken sighed and closed his eyes, tilting his head back again. The suddenly movement drew Daisuke’s attention again.

“Are you awake?” Daisuke wasn’t quite sure what it was that he was asking, but he suddenly felt like it was important.

Ken opened his eyes, looking up at the sky fully. “I’m dreaming.”

A sudden pressing need to pull his friend back to earth rose up inside him.

“Is it a good dream? Am I in it? I bet I’m the hero!”

“Sometimes.” Ken smiled and for a moment everything felt normal again.

However, the smile didn’t last and Ken was drifting once more.

“I’m spending the night, Friday. I won’t take no for an answer.” It came out more demanding than he’d intended.

An odd look spread across Ken’s face and for a brief moment he thought that Ken would object. Then his eyes traveled across Daisuke’s face slowly before he looked away again.

“I think that would be a good idea…”

Daisuke was about to ask what that was supposed to mean when Ken suddenly stood up. “I should go. It’s a long walk back and it’s already getting late. My parents worry.”

Daisuke scowled at this. He knew Ken’s parents would freak out if he was out too late, but the way Ken had said that… Something was clearly wrong.

“I can walk back with you.”

“No. You need to go home and do your homework.” Ken gave him a look that clearly stated that he was not to be argued with.

Daisuke returned the look before it softened. “Ken, if there’s anything wrong or if you just need to talk or listen to me talk… You’ll call, right? I don’t care if it’s three in the morning! I’ll pick up! Or email me! I’ll sleep with the D3 under my pillow!”

At the rate Ken was already backing away and the far off expression on the boy’s face, Daisuke knew that he would be clutching the D3 and the phone in his hands all night. Yet he knew that Ken wouldn’t call…

“I know. Thanks, Daisuke. I’ll be fine now. I guess I just needed a good cry.”

That was NOT a good cry. A good cry would have been you in my arms telling me what the hell is wrong! Not fighting it back and making it worse! Daisuke scowled to himself in displeasure.

Before he could respond, Ken had turned and was walking away briskly.

Daisuke sighed and settled for what was expected. “Bye! Take care and get some sleep!”

A single hand moved up and waved back at him as Ken left the park and disappeared into the rush of people heading home for the day.

Just watching Ken walk away, Daisuke had a bad feeling about tonight.

Something’s going to happen... I think I might lose him.



--
Disclaimer: According to Wikipedia: Akiyoshi Hongo was the creator of the Digimon concept. Bandai, Saban Entertainment and various other entities that are not me own Digimon. I am in no way making money off of this and am strictly using the characters and world for my own fan based fiction.
Converting /tmp/phpzimqKO to /dev/stdout