Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Drifting Pieces ❯ Civil ( Chapter 17 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Author's Note: This chapter has been rewritten since its original posting in 2010. It was then put through a hard edit. If you have not visited since October of 2010, I recommend that you start over. It’s worth it (09/2012).

This chapter was hard to write, but I’m glad I pushed through it. Hope you enjoy it!  Please review.


Chapter 17: Civil


It was odd how problems could just seem to melt away when sitting down to dinner with friends.

The rest of the day had been without incident as they had all pitched in to repair and clean the base. Iori loved the idea of turning a place that had once been home to unspeakable evil into something that could give back and help those in need.

The prospect of hard work towards a good cause always left him with the feeling that he could do just about anything.

Watching Ken work to repair the base with such focus and passion was utterly awe-inspiring for the younger boy. His own determination to help only strengthened in the face of such strong resolve.

In the past, he had struggled to accept and understand Ken, and he would be the first to admit that he still didn’t understand him, but Iori had come to accept that he didn’t need to really understand him. He accepted Ken for who he was now and not what he had once been.

Unfortunately, the current situation was putting a damper on his limited understanding.

He now sat across from Ken and Daisuke, trying not to stare as he mentally went over their earlier conversation and what he could accept of the whole situation.

As he saw it, it all came down to one question: Who really is Ken Ichijouji?

Across from him, the boy they knew as Ken looked completely exhausted. He was slowly starting to nod off and increasingly leaning into Daisuke for support. Daisuke looked flushed yet pleased at the situation. In fact, each time Ken jerked awake and righted himself, Daisuke looked quite disappointed.

On the other side of the room, the boy known to them as Kaiser was sipping tea and carrying on a conversation with Koushiro as if they were old friends.

Gennai had excused himself from dinner altogether, saying that he had things that required his attention. Iori suspected that maybe the guardian had simply not wanted to cause anymore problems. He couldn’t blame him after the blowout that had taken place earlier. Yet he also couldn’t help but pity Gennai.

Beside him, Takeru and Hikari were talking quietly in hushed tones. It sounded to Iori like they were arguing again. They had been arguing off and on since their earlier conversation with Ken and it was starting to worry him.

It was one more mystery to add to the pile.

Next to Daisuke, Miyako was talking with Yamato and Taichi loudly. Though the conversation was unremarkable, touching on music and the latest in sound recording programs, Iori got the feeling that they were purposefully distracting themselves from something else.

Not for the first time, Iori reflected on how their lives had changed since they had first gone to the digital world. How much they had grown and changed because of it. The digital world certainly had a lasting effect on them. Perhaps that was why the digital world only recruited children.

Children were still developing and easy to mold into what was needed. Children could be shown the truth early on and they would grow and adapt to it. But was this always a good thing? The lessons it had to offer them were not always easy and often felt cruel or unfair.

Was it right to have a child called to the battle field of good and evil? How many children in the past had there been? Had they all come out of it unscathed?

What about Ken? What about Ryo?

He looked down at his plate and frowned. Ryo’s fate had been determined before he had arrived and Ken had been lost to the darkness.

While he wanted to believe that they were the only casualties, he couldn’t help but wonder how many more were out there that had been hurt? How many had been killed? Was Ken their first mistake?

He shuddered and shook his head to clear it. This was something that had the potential to keep him up at night if he wasn’t careful.

The sound of an overly loud yawn drew his attention back to Daisuke, who was making a show of overly elaborate stretching.

“It’s been a really long day and it’s getting late. Ken needs some decent shuteye for once and I’m going to make sure that he gets it.” Daisuke grinned while Ken gave him a scandalous look.

“Yeah, I bet you are.” Taichi smirked and got an elbow in the ribs from Yamato for his trouble.

“What about him?” Iori looked over at Kaiser curiously. “Does he even sleep?”

Kaiser returned the look for a moment then sighed. “I can take care of myself. I still have a lot of work to do here in the base if you all want power by morning. I doubt very much that I will be sleeping tonight. I tend to suffer from chronic insomnia when there’s work to be done.”

Miyako furrowed her brows and adjusted her glasses. “Can we trust him out here alone while we’re all sleeping?”

To their surprise, it was Koushiro who answered. “We can trust him. The electrical systems need an extensive amount of work and they will keep him busy until the early hours of the morning if he plans to stay up all night. I myself plan on getting up early to work on further reformatting of the systems. If it bothers you that much, you’re welcome to stay up with him.”

An odd look crossed Kaiser’s face as he considered Koushiro for a moment before he shrugged. “I promise to behave myself.” He stood and refilled his tea. “Pleasant dreams.” Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked out.

Ken sighed and lightly mumbled his apologies. Iori decided that it must be tiring to constantly have to apologize for yourself. Daisuke made an exasperated sound as he interrupted Ken. “Okay. It’s bed time!” He grabbed Ken’s wrist and hauled him out of the room before his partner could so much as open his mouth to protest.

“Good lord, he’s like a mini you.” Yamato chuckled at Taichi as he stood up with a stretch. “And he’s about as subtle as you are too.”

“I was plenty subtle!” Taichi smirked and got to his feet.

“Oh please. You two wouldn’t know subtle if it hit you in the face. Well, you had better behave yourselves tonight because I’m sharing a room with you.” Koushiro finished his tea then moved to gather his computer equipment.

“Oh great. Chaperone Koushiro to the rescue. Well you had better not keep us up all night clacking away at your computer!” Taichi nudged Yamato in the side with a grin.

“Actually, I had planned on getting a good night sleep on the bed.” Koushiro hauled his computer under his arm and gave them a very matter of fact look.

“You’re sleeping on the floor. There’s only one bed and it’s not big enough for all of us!” Yamato protested loudly as the group slowly moved towards the door. “And you kick in your sleep!”

“At least I’m not a cover hog!” Koushiro gave Taichi a look.

“I wouldn’t have to hog all of the covers if someone didn’t take up the whole bed!” It was Taichi’s turn to give Yamato a look.

There was a pause, and then all three bolted out the door in a flash. “I’m not sleeping on the floor!”

Iori blinked slowly and looked around at the others, stunned. “What…just happened?”

Takeru sighed in irritation. “They just got out of doing the dishes is what just happened. Taichi and Yamato do it all the time. They start an argument to cause a distraction and then they run out before I even realize what they’re doing.”

“You too, huh?” Hikari laughed. “It looks like Koushiro’s getting in on the act now too. I think we’re doomed.”

Iori shook his head as he got up and moved to take his own dishes to the sink. “They could have just asked…” He started the water and searched for the soap. “Do you think anyone will really be able to sleep tonight?”

Miyako snorted and snagged a wash cloth. “Koushiro will be up half the night. I honestly don’t know how he functions with as little sleep as he gets. I’m starting to suspect that he’s actually a robot and he just recharges with his computer.”

Hikari held out the soap with a smile. “I doubt it will bother the others, either. Taichi snores loudly enough for the neighbors to complain and Yamato’s half deaf from all of his concerts. Frankly, they’re all used to it by now.”

Iori frowned to himself. Being the youngest of the group, he found himself always feeling left out on certain matters. Of course he had quickly learned the dynamics of the others fairly easily and had wisely chosen just not to ask questions on certain matters.

He never questioned Taichi and Yamato’s connection or Takeru and Hikari’s closeness. He tried not to question Daisuke and Ken’s dependence on one another and he certainly tried not to think about Koushiro and Miyako’s little quirks.

Yet, he wondered what it was like to have someone that you could be so completely and utterly connected to. At first, he had wondered if it was like when you first jogressed, but he had never felt as connected to Takeru as Daisuke had felt to Ken. Even from the start, those two had always had a deeper connection than any of the others.

Slowly washing a dish, he followed his train of thought out loud. “Do you think Daisuke will be alright?”

Everyone paused and looked at him in surprise.

“Daisuke?” Takeru frowned and carefully dried a plate. “Why wouldn’t he be? Sure, he’s probably going to be exhausted once this is all over with, but it takes a lot to rattle his cage.”

“It’s just that Ken depends on him so completely… And Kaiser seems to be so focused on him. Being torn between them both like that, it can’t be healthy.” Iori wasn’t really sure what he thought would happen, but he felt he needed reassurance anyway. Daisuke was a pillar of strength, life, and energy to their group. It was hard to imagine their group functioning at all without him.

Next to him, Hikari set down the glass she had been scrubbing and looked down into the soapy water. “I know what you mean, actually.”

Iori turned to look at her in surprise. “You do?”

“Yeah… He’s a lot like my brother, but he’s also very different. Taichi was always strong and sure of himself. He was a natural leader and we all trusted him blindly. Sometimes it didn’t always work out, but we could always count on him to be there for us. He trusted us just as easily, but he also knew our strengths and weaknesses. Daisuke initially lacked the self confidence that Taichi had. He was just so desperate to prove himself and make friends… He wasn’t afraid of failure because he never saw it as failure. It was always just another opportunity to him. He saw the good in everyone and he wanted nothing more than to bring it out. I think if anything, that characteristic has only grown over the years. He’s always just so…” She hesitated, seeming to look for the right word.

“Pure.” Takeru finished quietly. “It’s why he could unlock the golden radiance. Why he wasn’t affected by the dark whirlpool or that dream reality in the final battle. It’s why…”

“Why he could reach Ken when we couldn’t.” Miyako rinsed off a plate and moved to dry it quickly. There was a note of sadness in her voice and Iori wondered just what it meant. Daisuke had been the first to reach out to Ken and little by little the others had all tried too, but it was only Daisuke that had gotten through to him. Even now, Daisuke was still the only one who had really seen Ken for who he was.

Iori frowned and looked up at the others. “That being said… Do you think he’ll be okay? I mean… We really don’t know what’s going on here, what that other thing is, or if it really is a part of Ken or something more sinister. What if it…” He looked down, afraid to finish that thought.

“What if it pulls Daisuke down right along with Ken?” Takeru whispered. “I don’t think it would even have to try. If Ken goes down, Daisuke’s going to jump right in after him.”

They were all silent for a moment, washing, rinsing and drying the dishes methodically. Finally, Iori spoke up. “I think we just have to trust him. Trust both of them. I can’t imagine one without the other. They’ll either both come out or both go down. But… At least they won’t be alone.”

--

Daisuke stood at the bathroom sink, slowly brushing his teeth as he looked around. Someone had cleaned the place up since this morning, though it could still use a little polish work here and there. There was a well stocked first aid kit, a stack of neatly folded bath towels, extra toilet paper rolls, and plenty of soap stored away under the sink. The medicine cabinet had vitamins and the most basic of pain killers, most likely for those wicked headaches that evil geniuses tended to get when the hero road in and foiled all of their carefully laid out evil plans.

Daisuke grinned to himself and couldn’t help but wonder how often the Kaiser had needed those back in the darker days.

He was about to start poking through the drawers when a tired voice called out from the bedroom.

“Daisuke… You’ve been brushing your teeth for five minutes. There is no way that you are that obsessive about dental hygiene.”

“Mmph! Fmmorreh!” He blushed as he mumbled around the toothbrush and quickly moved to rinse and spit. “Sorry!”

The truth was, he’d been trying to work out just how exactly he was supposed to approach the next hurtle. At long last, he had Ken all alone with no distractions, emergencies, or evil Ken shaped people around to cause problems.

Daisuke walked out of the bathroom and gave Ken a wide grin. “Gotta take care of a smile this dashing, you know.”

“Uh-huh.” Ken was flopped back on the bed with Wormmon curled at his side. Veemon was already stretched out and taking up as much of the bed as he possibly could.

Daisuke stood in the doorway awkwardly for a moment longer, then slowly moved to the bed and took a seat. “So… Ken! Uh… How are you doing?”

That earned him a more than exasperated look.

“Well it’s not as bad as it was, right? I mean… He’s behaving himself for the most part and he’s actually working to do good!”

Ken slowly sat up and looked at Daisuke fully. “Daisuke?”

“…Yeah?”

“ You do know I can tell when you’re skirting around a subject or procrastinating something, right?”

“…I do now.”

“You’ve been doing it all day. I’m tired. Could we just talk about this and get it over with?”

Daisuke sighed and propped the pillows up before slumping back into them heavily. “Sorry. It’s just been so hectic and utterly chaotic. I feel like I’ve spent all day running around after him and I haven’t spent any time at all with you.”

“Same thing, isn’t it?”

“What? No! Ken!” Daisuke looked over at Ken fully and was startled to see just how exhausted the other boy looked. “I mean, you’re both part of the same whole, yes… But you’re not him, either.”

“But isn’t that the problem?” Ken sank back into his pillow and slowly started to pet Wormmon. “I’m not him and he’s not me. I… I don’t know what he is. What I am.”

Kaiser’s earlier words drifted back to him. Potential.

“Ken… Earlier today he told me something back in the real world.” He winced as he brought that subject back up. Even if Ken had no hard feelings about it, Daisuke still felt an immense amount of guilt about those stolen moments.

“He certainly talks a lot, doesn’t he? It really is an eye opener to my inner megalomania. I’m surprised I didn’t drive you crazy with all of that gloating back when I was Kaiser.” Ken shifted the sheets and fluffed his pillow.

“I enjoyed our banter. Even if I didn’t understand half of what you were saying a lot of the time.” Daisuke grinned and slowly edged closer until he could feel the heat radiating off of the other boy.

Ken gave him a slight look then smiled and looked away. “That’s alright. I didn’t understand a word of what you said either. Not for lack of trying, either. So what lovely thing did he have to tell you?”

Daisuke was silent for a moment as he tried to find the right words. There was just no easy way to bring up the subject.

“It was about Osamu.” He didn’t miss the way Ken winced and looked down, trying to hide any emotions that were connected to that name. “He said he remembered what happened that day… He said he remembered more than you do.”

“He was hit by a truck, Daisuke. I remember it rather well, actually. I was there.” Ken’s voice was cold and flat.

“It was more than that. It was about why he got hit.” Daisuke’s voice was suddenly very small and he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Did Ken need to know?

“Daisuke.” Ken’s eyes fell on him fully. “What are you talking about?”

“Kaiser said…” This knowledge had brought the Kaiser down to his knees. What would it do to Ken? It wasn’t too late. He could make something up. Leave Ken with the image of a careless brother stepping off of a curb too soon…

“Daisuke. What did he say?” Ken’s voice was stern, barely masking the quickly fading patience that it normally held.

“Osamu killed himself.” Their eyes met and held as everything around them seemed to freeze.

Seconds seemed to stretch out into years as those three little words sank in.

At last, Ken looked away and slowly breathed in then out. “I know.”

Daisuke blinked. “You… You know? But he said…”

“I’ve always know, Daisuke. Osamu killed himself. No one else knows. No one else can know. I thought that I was better than he was. I thought that I could do better.” Ken’s hands slowly clenched on the sheets. “He was weak. I told myself that. He was weak and couldn’t handle the pressure of being perfect. Of being what he had created for himself. I thought that I could. I thought that I could do better. If I could take it all and not crack like he had, then it would prove that he was weak and selfish.”

Daisuke watched as that hand slowly clenched and unclenched, starting to tremble with each motion.

“And I did. I was more than he ever was. I achieved so much more where he had failed. I was better at everything and I didn’t kill myself. There was nothing to kill. Nothing left of me… That was his fear. That he was nothing. He’s so much more now. He achieved in death what he couldn’t in life.”

Daisuke blinked as Ken looked back up at him, his eyes flat and distant. “I can’t let go. They don’t understand. They’ve already let him go. Moved on with their lives. They don’t understand why I can’t.”

“Why can’t you, Ken? Why can’t you just let go of the past and heal? You’ve done so much to change and be your own self…”

“How am I supposed to let go when he won’t let go of me?” Ken sighed and shook his head. “Daisuke… I killed Ryo. Maybe he was already dying and he would have gone no matter what happened… But they had control. His proximity to me and that stupid spore weakened him. It cut him off from whatever was holding him here and giving him life. It caused him to grow weaker and weaker till he just…” Ken’s voice cut off and he shook his head.

“It wasn’t your fault, Ken. None of it was. Osamu and Ryo were not your fault. You need to accept this or it’s going to tear you apart!” Daisuke took Ken’s hand in his and squeezed as if he could force Ken to take the truth and hold onto it.

“Don’t you think I know that?” Ken’s voice breathed out in a hiss. “I didn’t push him off that curb. I didn’t make him decide to give up. I didn’t make Ryo sick. I didn’t drag him out into that desert and give him false hope. It’s not my fault they died. I know this. I’ve already accepted this.”

“Then why are you still beating yourself up over it, Ken? You had nothing to do with it!” Daisuke was trying his hardest to understand He could feel the pain radiating off of his partner and it hurt him just as much as it hurt Ken.

Ken closed his eyes and just breathed. Each slow breath was deliberate and steady. Daisuke was just about to press it further when at last, Ken licked his lips and whispered.

“If I don’t feel their pain, who will?” Tired dark eyes slowly looked up and met Daisuke’s.

Daisuke was quiet as Ken slowly settled back in the bed fully. He didn’t understand. How could he understand when he had never lost anyone?

But I’m losing someone I care about right now.

He looked down at Ken, whose hair was spread out on the pillow so carelessly. He always looked so fragile when he slept. It felt like Ken could just sink into the darkness and disappear if he wanted to.

Fear clenched around Daisuke’s heart as he imagined waking in the morning to find Ken had faded away with the shadows. Smooth out the pillow and straighten the sheets and who was to say that Ken had ever been there at all?

Settling back, Daisuke slowly wrapped his arms around Ken and pulled him in tightly. A hand rested firmly on Ken’s chest so he could feel his heart beating. “I feel your pain now, Ken. Even if you disappeared tomorrow, I would always feel you.”

Ken shifted and his deceptively strong arms slowly wrapped around Daisuke, fingers clenching into his clothes tightly and refusing to let go. “Daisuke… I don’t want you to feel any pain. You deserve so much more.”

Daisuke smiled as he gently rubbed Ken’s back. “I would rather feel the pain of living with you than the pain of having to live without you.”

There was silence in the room as Daisuke listened to Ken breathe. Assuming Ken had fallen asleep, he was about to close his eyes and join him when a soft whisper broke the silence timidly.

“Daisuke?”

“Hmmm?”
< br> “Thank you.”

“Goodnight, Ken.”

Tension slipped from the room as both boys slowly relaxed and drifted off.

--

Deep in the base, Kaiser worked alone in the dark. His fingers numbly tapped at keyboards and data pads while his eyes strained in the dim glowing lights of the base’s core.

Kindness was gone; the marker where it had once rested now sat empty and cold.

Gennai’s meddling most likely. It didn’t matter. There was nothing left for it to do here but slowly wilt away like the precious rose pattern engraved on it.

As he worked, he did his best to ignore the soft whispers that seemed to brush against his ears.

I feel your pain.

Always feel you… Always you… Daisuke.

His fingers started to tremble, causing a data pad to slip and slowly fall away into the darkness as it plunged past the platforms, silently turning in the darkness until it met its end with a distant thud.

Standing on the edge, Kaiser stared down into that blackness. If he should fall, would he slip away into that darkness too? Would there be a thud? Bang. Crunch.

The darkness was so solid down there. So heavy.

I feel your pain. I feel you.

His eyes stung and he slowly backed away from the edge. “I am not you, Osamu. There is no escape for me.”

His words echoed around him, twisting in the contours of the room and mocking him. Not Osamu. Escape. No escape…”

Somewhere, he was warm. Somewhere, he was nestled in a nice warm bed listening to a heart beat that was stronger than his own. There, he was wanted.

A hand moved up and angrily brushed across his suddenly wet cheek. “I exist. I’m more real than you ever were. I’m better than you. I’m wanted. He feels me like you never could.”

His eyes were starting to burn as he rubbed sweat into them. No matter how much he rubbed at his cheeks, his hand just kept coming away wet.

“Why does it still hurt?” His voice trembled in the darkness.

Pressing his back to a large column, he slowly sank down to the cold metal floor.

“How can he feel you when you were never real to begin with?”

Fingers dug into chaotic hair and eyes screwed tightly shut. “He can’t feel your pain. You have no pain to feel.”

A scream bubbled up and spilled out into the darkness, drifting around him accusingly. “WHO ARE YOU?”

Trembling and alone in the dark, the Kaiser waited for a fate that was slowly closing in on him.

He was cold.

Somewhere, he was warm.

He was alone.

Somewhere, he was wanted.

And in the darkness, it finally came.