Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Drifting Pieces ❯ Smoke ( Chapter 22 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Author's Note: This is the last chapter. I want to thank everyone that read, reviewed and stuck with me for so long. I want to especially thank Moirane for sending me such a wonderfully encouraging and kind email that pushed me to finish.

I hope that the end was as satisfactory as the journey. For at the end, we do not lay down and die or turn back to retrace our steps, but look for the next journey.


Chapter 22: Smoke

After everything that he had just experienced and witnessed, Takeru would be lying if he said that he wasn’t ready to go home. Yet when he suddenly found himself back in the base in the digital world surrounded by the other destined, he couldn’t help but feel a little cheated.

“Takeru!” Hikari’s arms wrapped around him and pulled him close. “I was so worried.”

“Are you alright?” Yamato came forward, his brows furrowed in worry. “Koushiro said that all of the gates were closed. We thought you were trapped.”

“It’s amazing!” Koushiro cried out from his spot on the floor where he was sitting with his laptop and rapidly tapping away at the keys. “The gates are opening up. All of them! I’m even seeing signs of new ones popping up all over the place. I think some of them might even be to different worlds. This is phenomenal! What did you guys do over on the other side?”

“I…” He felt so disoriented. Why was he back? Where was Daisuke? He looked down at the hand that had been clutching at the other boy just moments ago.

“Takeru?” Wormmon padded over to him and looked up with those large blue eyes. “Is Ken okay?”

“Yeah, where’s Daisuke?” Veemon stepped forward cautiously.

“I don’t know…” He had failed to protect the small boy. Kaiser had slit his own throat. Ken was a fake and had fallen just like the others. There were colors and flowers and then there was nothing.

He had heard the voice in his ear just as Daisuke had. Promising him everything and anything. It had asked him for his true heart’s desire and he had answered…

His eyes found Hikari’s and he felt something inside him swelling like the ocean as it threatened to overflow. “I’m sorry.” He took her hands tightly in his own and sank to his knees. “I’m so sorry, Hikari… I should have listened to you.”

She knelt down with him and leaned in. “Takeru, it’s alright.” She smiled gently at him. “It’s easy to get caught up in wanting to help someone. I understand…”

“No.” His hands trembled as he held hers. “Hikari…” How could he make her understand? “I was lost. It would have been so easy to get lost and disappear in there forever. It felt like I was living in a dream.”

“What are you talking about?” She brushed his hair back and gave him a worried look.

“Between worlds. We were floating between worlds…” It was the only way he could describe it. A place where nothing mattered and every door was open. “I was lost and then… There was you. I heard you calling to me and you guided me back.”

“Takeru…” She didn’t understand, but Takeru knew that she didn’t need to. They would talk later and he would tell her everything, and she would guide him through it. She would be there for him if he broke down. She would take away the nightmares and she would always be there.

He looked up at Wormmon and Veemon. “Daisuke is with Ken. The real Ken. I know he is.”

The worry and fear disappeared from Wormmon’s eyes and he smiled. “Then Ken is safe.”

--

“Osamu.” Daisuke stared at the boy that had once been the center of Ken’s life… And the boy that had nearly destroyed it. “Where are we? Where’s Ken?”

Osamu smiled, the look of amusement was so similar to Ken’s that it was eerie. “You aren’t going to ask how I’m here? If I’m even real?”

Daisuke shrugged slightly. “After everything else that I’ve seen lately, talking to a spirit doesn’t seem that farfetched I guess.”

This made Osamu laugh, the sound was deep and loud and nothing at all like Ken’s. “I can see why he loves you so much.”

Osamu turned and a small light came on in the dark, illuminating a simple desk that Daisuke recognized from Ken’s bedroom. There were books neatly lining the shelves and papers stacked in the upper corner with pens lined up perfectly across the top.

“You came here looking for Ken. This place has been so interesting lately.” Osamu gestured towards the desk offhandedly.

The light flickered and the books fell over, scattering across the shelves. The stack of papers became complete disarray across the desk and the pens appeared to be leaking deep pools of black ink on the marred up wood.

“Hard to find anything so small and delicate like this, wouldn’t you say?” Osamu shook his head. “You did a real number on him.”

“You’re saying I did this?” Daisuke frowned.

“No.” Osamu sighed. “He did.” There was pain and guilt there. More than Daisuke could have expected from a boy like Osamu.

“Osamu,” Daisuke took a tentative step forward. “Where is Ken?”

Osamu looked up at Daisuke, his eyes tired and his face full of weary lines that made him seem so much older than he should have been. “Where do I fit in, Daisuke? I caused so much pain and suffering. He hated me… I had so much time to teach him… To save him. I could have said something to Mom and Dad. I could have spent more time with him. I tried to be his big brother. I tried to protect him and I was jealous. I earned his hate and I-”

“Stop it!” Daisuke grabbed the other boy by the collar and pulled him close. “Don’t you dare say that you deserve what you got. Ken loved you. Do you hear me? He loved you. You were his whole world. He idolized you. The pain that you caused can never be taken away. You took away his chance to have a big brother. To have his own life. You took from him the one person that he loved most.”

His hands trembled on the collar, tears in his eyes as he looked at the boy angrily. Slowly, he eased his grip and dropped his hands. “He still loves you, Osamu. Don’t you get it? He doesn’t want to feel pain when he thinks of you anymore. He wants to feel the love that was there. He wants to see the good memories you shared. He wants to cherish you. He wants to think of you and remember how much you meant to him and how much you still mean to him...”

“How can he still love me after what I did? He was so young… There are so few memories.” Osamu’s glasses glinted in the light, hiding his eyes and hiding the pain.

“That’s not for you to decide. It’s up to Ken. He was always there, wasn’t he?” Daisuke looked back at the desk as the light flickered and a memory floated up, ghostly and shy.

A much younger Osamu sat at the desk, working hard as a very young Ken sat beside him on the floor, drawing with crayons and pausing to gaze up at his big brother lovingly every few moments.

“Maybe the memories are faded and sometimes not completely clear…” Daisuke wiped his eyes. “But you’re still there and he can still take comfort from those moments in the dead of night when he wakes up and feels lost and alone.”

“I’m sorry…” Osamu bowed his head and the tears were falling freely. “I’m so sorry… I never wanted to hurt him. All I wanted was to give him a chance…”

“No.” Daisuke looked down. “You weren’t thinking of him when you took your life. You were thinking of yourself…. But he can’t be angry at you anymore for that. I don’t think he’s ever blamed you for it and I don’t think he ever will…” He would never understand why Osamu did it. Maybe Ken could on some level deep down, but he honestly hoped that Ken would never agree with Osamu.

“Do you think he’ll ever be able to move past it?” Osamu clenched his hands tightly at his sides. “Do you think the nightmares will ever stop?”

“Yes.” Daisuke didn’t even have to think about that one. “It will take some time, but one day he’ll look back on that moment, shake his head, and he won’t allow it to have power over him anymore. It’s like a scar and it needs time to heal. The mark will always be there, but it will fade over time.”

Osamu was shuddering now, the tears flowing heavily. He moved a hand to wipe the tears away from under his glasses. “Daisuke…” It was soft and muffled by a barely contained sob.

Daisuke’s eyes widened as he recognized that voice. His hand moved up quickly and ripped the glasses from the boy’s face, tossing them out into the dark. “Ken!”

Ken was suddenly before him, trembling and crying. “I’m sorry, Daisuke…”

Daisuke pulled him into his arms in one smooth motion and slid a hand up into his hair. “Oh god, Ken… It’s you. It’s really you.”

Just holding him, he could feel that this was indeed the real Ken, whole and complete.

“Daisuke… I’m so sorry… Everything I did… Everything I said…” Ken simply leaned into him; his hands limp at his sides and his body trembling.

“Stop it.” Daisuke clung tighter. “Being with them… The other parts of you… I loved every part. I love the innocence. I love the vulnerability. I love the arrogance. I love the intelligence and I love the cold calculations. I love the cocky bastard that enjoys pain and laughing at fools as much as I love the shy and gentle soul that loves whole heartedly and cries when others are hurt. I love all of you and don’t you ever be afraid to let me see them.”

“What about the others? I put you all through so much… How can I face them again?” Ken slowly lifted a hand and lightly clung to the back of Daisuke’s shirt.

“They’re your friends, Ken. We all have our demons; some just more visible than others. They’ll understand and forgive you. It’s what friends do. You just have to trust them.” Daisuke smiled and pulled Ken away just enough to look him in the eyes.

“Daisuke?” Ken looked tired and utterly worn down, but he looked healthy and whole. There was light back in his eyes and a fire there that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Yeah?” Daisuke grinned, feeling giddy and light headed.

“Can we go home now?”

The desk was gone now, but the light was still there, growing brighter as a doorway appeared.

“Hey Ken?” Daisuke took Ken’s hand and squeezed tightly.

“Yeah?” Ken squeezed his hand back.

“When we get back, you do realize that I’m staying at your place, right? And I’m not going to let you out of my sight for at least three days.” Daisuke looked over at his partner, friend, and lover.

Ken looked back at him, a familiar glint in his eyes that was playful and challenging. “Is that so? Well, I suppose you can sleep on the floor for a few days.”

“The floor?” Daisuke gave him puppy dog eyes. “Why can’t I sleep on the bed next to you?”

Ken grinned and Daisuke swore that he could see a bit of the Kaiser hidden behind it. “Because Wormmon is going to want to sleep there. My bed really isn’t that large, Motomiya.”

“I accept that challenge and vow to prove you wrong.” Daisuke grinned, his heart fluttering as he squeezed the strong yet soft hand with his own.

Together they moved to the door and together they stepped through.

--
--
~~Epilogue~

Ken stared down at the black and white squares, deep in concentration.

Across from him sat Koushiro, sipping a cup of tea and watching him intently.

On the other side of the room sat Wormmon curled up on the bed and watching sleepily.

Ken smiled and selected a piece, moving it smoothly to another square. “Check.”

Koushiro frowned and set his tea aside. “Well that’s bothersome. It would seem I’ve wandered right into a trap.” He sighed and moved a piece. “Make it quick and painless.”

Ken moved another piece. “Checkmate.”

Koushiro laughed and knocked his king over. “I’m glad to see that you haven’t lost anything in the transition. How are you feeling?”

It had been two weeks since Ken had shattered himself and two weeks since Daisuke had put him back together.

“Better than I did.” Ken admitted. “Sure, some things are still hard… School will never be as easy as it used to be, but I’m talking to my parents about it now. Dad even offered to find me a tutor if I needed it.”

Koushiro whistled. “Do you need it?”

“Are you available?” Ken picked up his cup and took a sip, eyeing Koushiro over the top of the cup.

Koushiro nearly choked on his tea in surprise. “Seriously? You don’t want me to sit with you weekly and tell you how to study, do you?”

Ken smiled shyly. “I wouldn’t mind it. I think you’re the only one that I could stand tutoring me, honestly. It’s not that I need the help understanding it, but I really could use someone to talk to on that level.”

Koushiro seemed to think it over then nodded. “You know, that’s not such a bad idea. As much as Yamato and Taichi are fun to do home work with, I wouldn’t mind someone to talk to either.”

Ken started to pick up the pieces, moving to reset the board. “Have you figured out how many new gates have opened?”

Koushiro shook his head. “No. No one has passed through them yet, either. Not even the digimon. As far as I can tell, the doors are locked. I’d love to know where they go, though. Can you imagine all those worlds just waiting for exploration?”

“Who’s to say that we were meant to go through them at all?” Ken looked up at him. “New worlds and old ones… Are we so arrogant as to believe that they are there for us to explore?”

“Hmmm.” Koushiro seemed to think it over. “Perhaps we aren’t meant to visit these worlds. Perhaps the doors are waiting for someone else. What do you think those worlds are like?”

Ken sat back in his chair, looking down at the board. “Perhaps my brother is in one, happy and playing chess right now with his little brother.”

Koushiro looked up at him then nodded. “And perhaps I am on my way with my parents to visit their closest friends’ house. There’s infinite possibilities out there. Maybe in one, you had died instead of Osamu. Maybe in another, Daisuke was in your shoes and you were the one to save him.”

Ken thought that over for a moment then started to laugh. “Daisuke would have had terrible taste as the Kaiser…”

Koushiro raised an eyebrow for a moment then slowly started to laugh. “You’re right. I’d hate to go to that world.”

Ken chuckled, making a mental note to tell Daisuke the joke when they met up later that night for a game of soccer in the park.

“Koushiro?” Ken fell serious again and Koushiro quieted down instantly. “Sometimes I…” He hesitated and focused on setting up the board for a moment then sighed and looked down. “Do you ever find it hard to pick who you want to be?”

It was an odd sort of question and not one that he felt he could ask just anyone. Daisuke might understand, but Daisuke couldn’t speak from experience.

Koushiro was silent for a long moment as he focused on the board, deep in thought as he plotted out the first move.

At last Koushiro picked up a pawn and moved it forward, starting a new battle tactic and a fresh strategy. “I think everyone has that problem, Ken. Everyone has voices inside of them, some louder than others. We pick and choose which ones to listen to and which ones to act on. I think part of life is learning to do more than simply telling them to be quiet and ignoring them. You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t let yourself make mistakes or take risks.”

Ken picked up a piece and moved it quickly and confidently. “Do you ever listen to those voices?”

Koushiro smiled up at Ken and moved another piece. “Well, I’m considering trying to teach Daisuke how to play chess. Does that tell you anything?”

Ken nearly dropped his next piece. “Are you serious?”

“I think he’ll be amazing at it. He’s confident, bold, and compliments your style wonderfully. You’re far too reserved when you play against me. I think Daisuke might make you take more risks.” Koushiro grinned.

Ken smiled and held up the pawn, looking the smooth white piece over carefully before setting it down. “You might regret it. I’m not sure you can go toe to toe with my more aggressive side.”

Koushiro moved a piece quickly. “My dear Ken, there is a time and place for everything and you forget, I’m rather fond of your other side. He had some rather interesting ideas that I wouldn’t mind hearing more of later on.” He paused. “Not everything is made up of good and evil.”

Ken paused then moved another piece slowly. “I think… I’d like that. He was quite fond of you. He had a lot of respect for you and I must admit my admiration stems from that. Just like my respect for Takeru stems from his fondness…”

“You see?” Koushiro made a bold move that made Ken have to sit back and rethink his plan of attack. “Listen to every part of yourself and you will find new outlooks on life.”  

“Sometimes…” Ken touched first one piece then hesitated and moved another. “I think I still hear them. When I’m alone and not in a good place, sometimes I still feel them.” He frowned. “I know I shouldn’t think of it as ‘them’ verses ‘me’. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place.”

Koushiro sat back and crossed his arms as the stared down at the board. “It might take a while for things to come back together fully. As divided as you were… as powerful as the split was… Who’s to say that you’ll ever be fully whole again.”

Ken winced and looked down.

“Maybe that’s just the way you were meant to be. Maybe you just function better that way.” Koushiro smiled and moved a piece, taking a bigger risk than he probably should be taking this early in the game.

“You think so?”

“I met with Gennai the other day. I was just checking on the progress of a few of the programs I was creating to help convert the base and I found him working in the core room. He’s still rattled over what happened. I think he has his own demons to deal with in time…” Koushiro paused while Ken moved a piece and captured another. “He asked me if we were sure that it was really Ken that had returned.”

It had been an odd question and at the time Koushiro had not answered. Gennai had accepted that Koushiro needed time to consider his answer. He knew that Koushiro would tell him truthfully what he thought someday and Gennai would accept it as nothing less than the truth.

Ken didn’t press for the answer either, knowing that Koushiro would not lie to him or change the subject.

At last, Koushiro nodded. “I wasn’t sure at first. You could have been another projection or even something completely different. Daisuke was convinced and that was good enough at the time. If Daisuke has any doubts, he isn’t the type to hesitate in finding the answer.”

“I believe it’s Ken.” Wormmon spoke up softly but confidently from the bed. “I believe that it’s the full real Ken. He’s different than before sometimes… But that seems more real than anything.”

Koushiro looked over at the small digimon and smiled. “I think that resolves it. If something else had come out of the fray, things would simply go back to ‘normal’. You can’t have growth and expect things to return to like they were before.”

Ken looked up at Koushiro in amazement.

Koushiro smiled. “You seem startled, but I know this is already something you’ve considered at some level. You wouldn’t be you if you had not already rationed this all out and been sure that you were in fact you.”

Ken laughed softly and looked down. “I think I’m still getting used to things. Still trying to find the balance that completes me… But I have hope. For one thing… I’m not alone.”

Koushiro nodded in agreement. “It’s a process we all go through. Some of us more than others.”

They fell silent for a while, focusing on the game of chess and deep in their own thoughts.

Koushiro relished in the moment, watching the game unfold and watching the ever changing strategies blooming before him. Since returning, Ken’s game was certainly more adaptable than it had been in the past. He could switch from defensive to offensive without a single misstep. It was safe to say that there was both Ken and Kaiser visible on the board at the same time, working together with a fluidity that he found inspirational, and Koushiro hoped that it would always be this way.

“Koushiro?” Ken looked up at him. He was currently on the defense but Koushiro knew that could change at any moment.

“Mmn?” He looked up at the boy, surprised to see a look of the utmost respect and calm flowing over him.

“Thank you.” Ken blushed softly and looked down. “From every part of me. For inspiring me… For understanding… And for being there for all of me.”

Koushiro smiled warmly. “I enjoyed getting to know your other sides. I’m honored that you shared them with me and I look forward to getting to know this part of you too.” He paused as he noticed that he was two moves away from losing. Somewhere along the line, he had taken a misstep and while he was chasing Ken, Kaiser had flanked him and laid the trap. He laughed to himself softly and shook his head slowly. “I think that you are starting to inspire me.”

The boy across from him grinned and sipped his tea slowly, more at peace with himself than he had ever been in his life.

Koushiro could only hope that someday he and the others would be able to find that peace with themselves too. Until then, he knew that Ken would be there for them with Daisuke standing strong beside him.

--

End.