Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Excuses ❯ No Excuses ( Chapter 7 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Don't own Digimon. I'm not entirely sure who
does but it's sure not me.

Here it is. For better or for worse.

As for a sequel...this is the last part. It's not impossible that I would some
day write a sequel, but it would be a long time from now (at least till after
Christmas). Consider this the end. I'm glad everyone liked it. I turned out
better than I ever expected. I didn't think everyone would like it so much.
It's nice to be surprised sometimes. ^_^

And down with Davis bashers! May their hard-drives format themselves! May evil
Seadramon live in their pool! May Nimoy move in the house next to them and make
corny jokes every time they go to get their mail!

etc etc, Down with Davis bashing. ^_~


*****************
No Excuses
*****************

We won.

We beat Venom-Myotismon. The main bad guy. The ultimate evil.

We...won.

Remission is a funny thing. You may think you've won and then find out you've
lost a short time later. But you could also have won forever and be looking
over your shoulder for the rest of your life.

Why aren't I laughing?

The sky is beautiful tonight, like millions of bonfires burning lifetimes
away...Heh, not bad eh? Funny how you can do something after you don't need to
anymore.

So anyways, we won. Everyone has a digimon now. You'd think millions of
digimon to feed would mess up the economy and stuff, but I guess they're doing
this thing with computers and growing stuff in the Digital World...whatever.
Ask Izzy about it. I don't really care.

I'm just Davis now. Not leader of the Digi-destined, not the bearer of the
Digi-eggs of Friendship and Courage, not that guy who torments TK...I'm just
Davis again.

It doesn't really matter does it?

I almost wish there was something else to fight. I don't like this quiet,
nothing to do thing. Nothing to do but think, and I don't wanna think.
Thinking brings about bad things. Look what it got Ken, HE thought too much.
Sure he got that cool Digimon Emperor outfit, but I doubt it was really worth
being evil over.

I wonder if Ken knows where I am...if anyone even noticed I was gone.

Nothing...matters. Right? I got no worries. That's what I told Mr. Big Bad and
Ugly. I didn't bother to mention I change my mind everyday, did I?

And then that remission thing comes into play again...It's such a pretty word
isn't? "Remission" like it means something, anything. Not that I care, 'cause I
don't. I don't want to think about it.

Why don't I want to think? See, that would require thinking, and like defeat the
whole purpose. I'm not gonna lie, I have no excuses. I don't want to think.
That's good enough.

When did it get so cold? Maybe being near the river makes it cold...or it's this
stone bridge.

I folded my arms and leaned against the side. I guess stone things do make it
colder. The wind isn't helping things either. A smart person wouldn't be
hanging around in the park at night in the cold...good thing I'm not a smart
person.

Stone things...like mountains, gravestones...STOP THINKING!

It's pretty far down. Dark water is always more interesting than the clear
kind. You can't tell what's down there, anything could be under the water.
Knowing the world now, there's probably a Seadramon down there. Heh.

Still, I've always liked darkness, just another thing that makes me weird. A
lot of people don't like it because they're afraid of something bad lurking in
the dark. But why does it have to be something bad? Why couldn't it be
something good? Just because you don't know what's there, doesn't mean it's
something bad...

Just because we don't know what's out there...doesn't mean it's something to be
afraid of.

My mom told me this.

I'm not afraid of the dark.

"Davis! Hey Davis!"

Huh? Someone found me? I must have done something wrong again...Maybe if I ran
I could...wait...It's Ken?

Ken jogged up to me. He looked kinda tired, like he had been walking around for
awhile. It takes a lot to do that to him, he's a better athlete than I'll ever
be. Oh well, I'm gonna be a ramen chef instead. I promised.

He stopped next to me. I didn't bother to look up from my staring at the water.
I watched him out of the corner of my eye.

He was bundled up in a parka and scarf. Well, I suppose it really IS cold
outside. Funny, I don't really feel it. He looked back and forth embarrassed
like he didn't know how to start a conversation. Man, he's a nice guy. I still
have a hard time connecting him with the Digimon Emperor.

"Um, Davis." He's so used to me taking like a caffeinated Jun before he has a
chance to speak. He's not sure what to do. After awhile, he cleared his throat
and tried again.

"I uh, got a call from your sister. She asked if I would go look for you..." He
stopped as he noticed my fixation with the swirly dark, far away, water. Such a
drop...

He scooted beside me and looked down at what I was looking it, curious to see if
I was looking at something interesting.

"That's rather far down." He looked at my face, concerned. He's concerned
about me? Leave it to Ken to do the impossible..."Are you going to be sick?"

I smiled. "Ya never know, I heard once it was hereditary..."

Ken blinked confused. "What?"

"She asked you to look for me? It only took two days for her to notice I wasn't
there..." I was hoping it wouldn't take her that long...

Ken blinked again, REALLY confused. His body was probably going crazy with this
new strange "confusion" emotion. "Two days? What are you talking about? What
are you doing out here?"

I felt a pressure on my arm. What's he holding me back from?...Oh he thinks I'm
going to fall. I'm not sure it'll make any difference, I might already be down
there. At least, the important parts of me.

Ken squeezed my arm again.

"What's wrong?"

My face smiled again without me wanting it to. "Try to guess."

"...what?"

I stared at the river, refusing to look anywhere else. "Your smart. Try to
guess."

Ken's probably frowning. He's always too serious. Who needs to be serious? Not
me. Nope. Not ever.

"Um...all right." Ken started talking again. "Did you and your sister have a
fight?"

"Nope." Not for awhile anyways. What would it accomplish? I bet she hates me
anyways.

But why would she ask Ken to look for me if she hated me?

...didn't I tell you to stop thinking brain?

"....Lose some kind of bet? Did you get grounded and say you were going to live
in the park for the rest of your life?"

Heh, no that already happened when I was five. I wish I was still five. I knew
what was going on then. Go outside, jump in the mud, scuff your knees, have m-
...someone put a band-aid on ya, and then go outside and throw a bug on your
sister. Simple, painless.

"No."

"...Davis please, just tell me."

I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be playing games like this with him.
He's my friend.

I looked up from the water. I don't think I had an expression on my face.
"Give up? No prize for you today, Ken."

But I can't stop...

Ken's frown deepened. The wind picked up and blew against my face. I could
barely feel it. I must be numb from the cold. Who am I kidding? The cold has
nothing to do with it...

"All right." Ken sighed. "Did Demiveemon get lost and you've been out looking
for him?"

"He's at home asleep. I wouldn't leave him out here in the cold." He still
wanted to come though...I hope he understands me leaving without him. He's
innocent though, I don't know if he will.

"But it's ok for you to stay out here by yourself? It's freezing. You're going
to catch a cold.
You're not invincible."

"Y-yes I am. All the Motomiya's are invincible. Didn't you know that?" I
started to laugh. I don't want to laugh. Why am I laughing?

No control...I need control!

Ken shook my arm again. "Davis? What's wrong? I can't help you if you don't
tell me."

...how do I do that! I don't know what's wrong! No, I do know what's wrong.
But...I...don't want to think about it! I don't have any control. I'm afraid.
But, I want to tell! Ken understands me. I felt his heartbeat...he understands
me! But what if he doesn't? I'm afraid he won't.

I hate being afraid! I want someone to understand. My shoulders aren't as big as
I thought they were. If Ken doesn't understand, then no one else in the world
will.

And then it won't matter anymore.

"Please, just tell me what--

"My mom's dead."

Time stopped.

"W-what?"

"You heard me."

"But..but how?"

"She had cancer. Only the family knew, it was kept hush hush. Didn't want to
know she didn't have any hair...silly eh? Oh well."

I don't care. She didn't love me. She left me.

"But I never...When did it happen?"

I looked over at Ken. He looked pale like it had been his mom that died. Well
I guess he had been fond of her. But hey! She's gone! OH well! Gone forever like
Sam and--

maybe I shouldn't have told Ken.

"Two days ago. I couldn't take it...so I ran away. Took me awhile to realize I
didn't have anywhere to go."

I shouldn't have told Ken...I shouldn't have told Ken...I wonder if my mom is
talking to Sam...

"You could have came to me. I'm your best friend." Ken put a gloved hand on my
arm again.

"Don't touch me!" I jerked away.

Oops. I didn't mean to do that. Ken looked hurt. I-I didn't mean to do that.

"...Uh, sorry. It's ok. These things happen and you just have to deal with it.
Circle of life, it happens to everyone eventually."

I can't do this. Ken doesn't deserve this. He's my friend. He's my best
friend. He doesn't deserve to be treated this way. I'm acting selfish...again.

"Hey man, it's no big deal really and--and..." I don't want to put this on his
shoulders too! I tried to smile...The expression on my face almost went there.
"It'll be ok r-really and...and...I..." I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!

I collapsed on my knees. "I'm sorry. I...I can't be happy anymore. I can't do
it anymore. I don't even need to anymore, do I?" I laughed...maybe. I'm not
sure. It didn't feel like laughter.

I feel dizzy.

"...h-how long have you been doing this?" Ken put his hand on my arm again and
held it there in a tight grip. He wasn't going to let me fall.

When did it get so cold out here? Even the stone is cold. And starting to turn
white...huh? No...it's snowing.

"Does it matter? Since before the whole digimon thing? She's been sick for a
long time, I shoulda seen it coming. But, Davis wouldn't see an avalanche coming
until it smacked him in the face eh?"

"It's not something you want to wish for," Ken replied softly.

I turned toward him and looked into his eyes. They were, like haunted. I
bet...I bet mine are like that now. Identical...like two hearts beating...

But not in a gay way or anything.

"She coulda got better Ken." I started to cry. No that was snow, I wasn't
crying...right? "We thought she was getting better. The doctors called it
"remission", crazy word huh? She stopped going to chemo for a little while. She
started to look better..." I bit my lip. All that wet...snow on my face was
starting to sting.

"I thought she was going to live. I REALLY did. I had never been more sure of
anything. The good guys aren't supposed to die. There's a law somewhere, I
know it. And when I told Venom-Myotismon that I had no worries...I MEANT IT.
My mom was going to be ok. What did I have to worry about?" I laughed again.
Why am I laughing?! Stop laughing! "Funny isn't it?"

"No, it's not." Ken...handed me his scarf? No that didn't happen. I wasn't
going to put it on and make him less warm. He must have put it on me while I
wasn't paying attention. Yeah that's ok.

"I keep thinking of the stupidest things." I wiped the...snow from my face.
When did it get so cold? I'm dizzy...I better sit down or I'll fall.

I sat down against the stone. I need something to lean on.

"Like what?" Ken sat down next to me and leaned against the stone wall of the
bridge, too.

"Waffles..."

Ken blinked. "What?"

"It's stupid right? But I keep thinking...she'll never have waffles again. Or
cake, or ramen, or see me open my ramen restaurant, or see me grow up, or live
in the big house I was gonna build her, or see flowers again...she's just dead.
Forever."

"Like Sam...I think of that sometimes. Are you angry too?"

I rested my head on my knees and then looked up again.

"All those strangers I saved, WE saved, are all sitting in their nice
comfortable houses ALIVE! But I couldn't save the one person in the world that
cared! ONE person! Now th-there's no one who cares--"

"--I care."

"--And I'm letting her down by not being strong! I just...don't know how to be!
How do I be strong?"

"You've always been strong."

"I...HATE everything! I hate myself for hating everything! I...don't want to
hate anything.

And yeah, I'm angry. Everyone thinks...Davis can't be angry, he's just silly
Davis! Let's leave Davis behind! Davis is stupid! Well I may not be the
brightest crayon in the box, but I'm not stupid! Really! I try! I can't do
everything! I just LET her die! After saving the whole stupid world I LET ONE
PERSON DIE!"

I put my head on my knees again. My crying was burning my face... maybe it
wasn't snow.

"I let her die Ken...I was the only one in the room with her. She held my hand,
smiled...and then she was gone. She was there one minute and then she was gone.
I don't understand it...how can you just...be gone?"

"I don't know."

I looked up. "Your supposed to know these things Ken. You're a genius."

"I really don't know anything, Davis." He looked down at the ground, sadly.

"Lie to me. Make something up."

"Your mom and Sam are making waffles in heaven right now."

I smiled weakly at him and wiped away a few more stingy tears. "Can't you be
more creative than that?"

"Sam used too much syrup."

"And elvis is there."

Ken gave me a polite, 'you are insane' look. "She didn't make enough for
Elvis."

"Well there going to have to make more. You don't refuse waffles to Elvis." Mom
had always liked Elvis. Never knew what she saw in that crazy American music
stuff. I bet she stalked him in heaven. Jun had to had to have got it from
someone.

Ken smiled a small smile too. "She's making more. She felt sorry for Elvis,
and she wants you to put a coat on."

Wasn't it just the other day she told me to put my coat on before going outside?
Or had it been months? It seems like yesterday.

"She did always complain about that." I sniffled.

She'll never tell me to take my coat again. There's a million things she won't
do. But what would she think of me now? Sitting here in the cold, crying? If
she really can see me, and watch over me...I don't want to disappoint her. I
want her to be proud of me.

"Your mom loved you Davis."

"I know...It's just not fair....why can Digimon come back but people can't?" It
makes no sense...why hasn't anyone ever thought about it? There has to be a
reason.

"I don't know. The Digital World is different than the real world. Digimon can
die though, if they're in the real world."

Maybe I could...change things...If the real world was like the Digital World
then no one would ever have to die...ever again.

"Come on." Ken stood up, then grabbed my hand and yanked me up too. "We have
to get somewhere warm or we're both going to get sick. We can stop by your
house, get V-mon and some clothes, and you can stay at my house for awhile, ok?"

People would be against, me, but I would be in the right.

"Ok."

"Don't think you can't tell me things ok?"

"I'll try."

Ken dragged me off the bridge, away from the drop and the cold stone to his warm
house.

I looked back one more time at the Davis I left behind, sitting at that bridge.
It was time I left him behind. I'll be me and I won't worry about other people.
I'm not stupid. My mom said I wasn't. I won't lie anymore. I won't make
excuses. I'll make my mom proud of me.

I saw my other self disappear around the bend.

I won't lose my fire.

I bet I could change things...

But should I?