Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Flash ❯ 7 ( Chapter 7 )

Notes: what's up? Okay, bear with me here. It's Saturday night… er, really early Sunday morning and I've had some "special" coffee and about three margaritas. And let me tell you… they were all bangin. So, here's this chapter- there's an epilogue to follow shortly after. And….. update: the next chapter to Shinwa will be posted 1-3 (possibly 4) days after the epilogue to this fic. I've been placed under something similar to a blood oath to get the chapter up and I don't want to disappoint. Enjoy!

Warnings: sexual encounters of the YAOI kind- excellent. There's a lot of cursing too. But hey, I think it adds to the story. But that's just me- what do I know?

Disclaimer: if I owned these characters or the show they come from season 2 would have ended very differently and it never could have aired as part of the Fox Kids lineup.

Flash- 7

Ken just holds me and lets me cry everything out. All of the excess tension that was building. Every pent up feeling from my entire life, basically. Forget just the seven long and highly fucked up years I've been gone. This is from then and all the years before it when I felt neglected.

Eventually, when I can't even tell if I've cried myself out or not, Ken kisses me. That feeling that hit me in his office is back. Everything fades away and I feel so safe. His tongue is in my mouth, tasting me and exploring me. My tongue is tracing the line of his as we move together in a way I doubted could ever happen with my best friend. Hands smooth gentle circles on my back, pulling me closer. The line of his body is so comforting and warm, firm against me. God, I've waited so long for this night to come…

We break for a moment and he looks into my eyes with such seriousness. "Daisuke," he breathes, "are you sure this is okay?"

Giving him a soft smile I kiss him quickly. "I should be the one asking you that. You've got the wife and kids here, not me. There's so much more on the line for you."

And then, there's something like relief mixed with awe in his eyes. Ken is smiling at me, pulling me closer. "No," his voice is quiet. "There isn't anything on the line. Not anymore."

Before we get lost in one another again I hear Chibimon shuffle out of my bag. He tugs on the leg of my pants. "Um, Daisuke?" Those eyes are like rubies- glittering at me with unchecked amounts of hope.

"Don't worry," my grin spreads. "I didn't forget about you." Looking back up at Ken, I clear my throat. "So… is Wormmon here at all? By any chance…?"

Indigo eyes blink once, twice, and then comprehension hits him. Letting go of me he kneels down in front of my digimon. "I think he would be overjoyed to see you right now, Chibimon." The smile on Ken's face is so endearing. Scooping up Chibi, he walks through his apartment making sure I follow. We wander through the spacious living room. Aside from pictures of his soon to be ex-wife and darling children it's very nicely decorated. I see Miyako never really got a say in the layout of most of the apartment. Nice.

Moving through room by room, we reach the master bedroom. On the bed there's a small, sleeping bundle of green. "Wormmon," Ken shakes him awake ever so gently. "There's someone here who would like to talk with you." See? My Ken- he's so damn intelligent. Because he's right. Chibi wants to talk with Wormmon, not to him or at him. "Why don't you two go out to the kitchen? You know where everything is…"

Words dangle in the air that's already filled with so many delicious kinds of tension. The insect type digimon looks up seeing his Jogress partner and leaps through the air. Shit, I never the little guy had it in him! In a blur of blue and green they hug and gasp and cry their way out the door, rolling together towards the rest of the apartment.

That's when Ken turns to me with a look I've waited so long to see. Hunger. Desire. Need. Love. "Daisuke?"

"I'm coming Ken, don't worry." Closing the door behind me, I move towards him as I smile.

"Not yet, you aren't," he shoots back at me raising an eyebrow. Oh damn… That's the kind of stuff I like to hear!

Minutes either speed up or melt away completely- I can't even tell. All I can do is feel. We're in each other's arms kissing so fiercely it nearly hurts. Clothing is being torn away with impatience that I had forgotten after my teenage years. Yeah, it's been a while since I got laid. At least, like this anyway. Tongues pushing our hips are grinding together and it's making me so hot I feel like I'm going to combust. But, that would be such a waste. After that there's only the sensation of Ken. His hands, his tongue, his body… I lose count of all the times everything happens. The feeling of him inside me and me inside him. It's all so intense and burning with the satisfaction of an old ache finally quenched. All the lust, love, and passion that's built up over the years boils over leaving us sweating, naked, and panting together amidst a mess of sheets and tangled limbs. It's absolutely amazing. Nothing has ever felt like this before.

So much time later we're lying together. Just lying there- fingers brushing over skin and eyes darting across angles and planes we never thought we'd get to see. So many things we never thought would happen. Finally, it's all come together. Too bad I know it can't last. However, it's moments like this that make me grateful I came home. These precious minutes remind me of all the things I loved about my home, all the reasons I stayed. Between lingering hope and fierce longing, I thought I had lost Ken forever and now he's here. With me, in bed after deliriously amazing sex that I don't even know how to classify. Because there's sex, there's making love, and then there's just fucking. But I think in the last few hours, Ken and I have covered all three- multiple times.

The night is quiet around us. As we study one another in the hush and afterglow, Ken looks at me with intense concentration. Breaking the silence he whispers, "Why did you stay away for so long, Daisuke?"

With something like shame, I cup his cheek and smile as he nuzzles against my hand. "I'm not sure really," I finally answer. "Maybe I was just scared of seeing you and dealing with all of this crazy shit again. I mean, honestly? The rest of the Destined seemed to look down on me if not out right despise me. Some weird things have happened since I've been gone too, like 'Kari and Iori getting married." He laughs at that one. "Seriously though," I continue. "What the fuck is going on with that? It's just not right in my book." Ken stops chuckling when I admit, "But it was still a far cry better than you and Miyako."

The look on his face kills me. "That's over now. No more being scared of her, all right? It's just you and me… and Wormmon and Chibimon." His smile is contagious. Damn afterglow…

"Too true," I agree pulling him close for a kiss. When we break I can't help but run my fingers through his hair. It's so silky it's like liquid flowing across my hand. "When she came in at graduation I thought the earth had dropped out from under me. It was too much, so I just took off. There was no way I would have been able to go to your wedding. I think I would have cried or maybe just slit my wrists or something." A bitter laugh accompanies my words and I know he understands why I'm laughing about it now.

"I know," Ken says quietly. The post coital hush is still hanging in the air. "But I still don't understand why you went to the yakuza. They aren't exactly known for their sparkling reputation, Dai." A line appears between his eyebrows. He's just being cynical now. Not that I know what that's like or anything.

"I didn't think you would ever look at me the way you looked at her. They gave me a way out. It was an escape. And the fact that I could have been killed at any time only added to that security." A puzzled look greets this statement. "Because I didn't care about my life at that time. Now I do, but then… nothing mattered then. Because I didn't have you. I couldn't have you."

Ken's quiet for a few minutes before he kisses me rekindling all the passion from earlier. Soon we're lost in each other again. Reveling in the silken wetness of flesh and sex…

Sometime later he's sleeping soundly as I watch him. There's a smile on his face. It's faint, but I can see it. And it's good to know he's happy. But it sucks knowing it's not going to last, and that's my fault. Somehow it doesn't seem fair that I can both create and destroy this kind of ecstasy within the man I love. Something about that doesn't seem right. Sighing, I kiss his forehead gently and rise from the bed.

Against one wall there's a desk. Pulling out the chair I stop before sitting and glance back at the beautiful man resting on the bed. His hair like twilight against the whiteness of the sheets, his skin almost as pale as the fabric. Eyes closed in slumber, his lashes curve like a dark whisper against his cheek. My heart feels so heavy with what I'm about to do. This is just so fucking hard. No one ever told me love was such an impossible thing. It's with every fiber of my being that I wish things could have turned out differently. Because I know that come daylight I'll have to leave- or worse yet, stay and let Ken watch as I die. Swallowing away the regret in my throat I sit at the desk. No, no… I can't start crying again now, there's too much that needs to get done. Face contorting, I rub at my temples and squeeze my eyes shut. They burn with the need to shed more tears. But I can't. For Ken's sake, for Chibimon's sake, for Wormmon's sake, for Jun's sake, for the twins… I have to remain strong and get this last thing done. My hand is shaking as I grasp the pen and paper and begin to write…

A few hours later I've finished everything and wandered into the kitchen just as I heard the first murmurs of Ken returning to the waking world. I pull out some pans and rummage through the fridge and cabinets. Damn Americans got me all addicted to fatty foods. Fucking pancakes are the most amazing things in the morning ever. Well, aside from sex. Morning sex is always a plus too. Sad to say, but Ken hasn't got the goods to make the meal I wanted to surprise him with. Dammit. Frustrated now, I put all the pans back as he ambles out of his bedroom.

"Dai," his voice is still thick with sleep as he half yawns. "What're you doing? And why the fuck are you up so early? I was hoping you would still be in bed when I woke up." Arms wrap around me from behind and a soft tongue quickly licks my neck. "Come back to bed with me," Ken murmurs, voice seductive. How could I ever be expected to leave this?

Turning, I face him. As he pulls his hands away I catch them and look into his eyes. "Ken, there's some things I should tell you."

He shakes his head. "No," he's protesting. "Not now. Right now there's only us. Forget the outside world, forget the fucking yakuza, forget all that other shit- right now it's only you and me." Kissing me swiftly he cups my face. "Forever," he whispers.

"I wish it could be," my voice is breaking again. Shit, I swore I would stay strong for this part too. "Just hear me out." I place my hand over his mouth. "Ken, if I stay they're going to kill me. It's only a matter of time. I did some stuff that can't be let go. Do you understand? If I don't run now you're going to have to deal with putting me in the ground or scattering my ashes or whatever. I will get caught and I will die." Stopping, I swallow and continue. "Unless I run, right now, and never look back. But you can't come with me if I run. You can't even know where I'm going." It feels like I'm dying inside as I watch his eyes fill with tears. Removing my hand I let him speak.

"What do you want from me, Daisuke? What? My wife has left me because of you and taken my children and now you're telling me you're going to die or disappear because of it!" Angry, he's definitely angry now. And I can't say I blame him. "What do you want from me? I've sacrificed everything for you!"

Hushing him again I grab his hands and pull him to me in an embrace. "I need you to make a decision. You need to decide which you would rather have, Ken. I can stay and you can watch me die or this all ends right now. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to come back or have you meet me later on after all. Only time will tell, Ken." I can't do this, I just can't do this. Don't make me do this, Ken. It's going to kill me either way. Please find another solution.

"Why are those your only choices?" Ken is crying against my shoulder, his arms are around me. Pulling back a little he looks into my eyes. "Why can't I go with you, Dai?"

"Because you could get killed. And people would notice if you were gone, Ken. After all, you're still a famous figure here. Someone would start looking for you if you vanished. But, me?" I shake my head. "No one looks for me, Ken. After seven years I know that if nothing else. I know you wanted to and I know two other people tried, but ultimately, no one hunts me down. Even the yakuza is willing to let me go. In a few months maybe a year I could contact you again through a newspaper ad or something and we could be together again. But you'd have to give up everything and start another life, Ken."

"But my kids-"

"I know, Ken." Looking down, I take a deep breath. "That's why I'm asking you to decide right now. Not in an hour, not in five minutes or five days, right now." When he pulls away completely I feel my eyes close as a few tears fall down my face. Not even a trace of warmth lingers from where he was pressed against me. And in that moment I know what my vote is. I would rather die now than spend any more time without him.

"I can't do this, Daisuke!" He's crying freely now too, arms flailing as he paces the length of the kitchen. "You can't ask me to do this. It's not up to me to decide whether you live or die. All I know is that I want you here, with me forever. And for fuck's sake I'm willing to fight with everything I have to keep you here and alive. Nothing can come between us again, Dai. I can't let it!" Ken is almost screaming now and his face so full of grief that it must be painful. "Don't ask me to make this decision. I can't do it," he starts to sink to the ground but I move toward him and pull him close again.

"Then I'll stay, Ken," I'm whispering in his ear. A whisper is all I can manage. My throat is too full of emotional things to properly speak. "I'll stay right here with you. I can't imagine facing another day without you, Ken. I love you so much that it fucking hurts, okay? Even now when you stepped away from me I thought I was going to break down because I thought you didn't want me again." Ken is crying against me, I'm holding him impossibly close and we're both shaking like brittle leaves. "I'll stay," I whisper. "But it means I won't be here for much longer. You have to know that, Ken. It's only fair if I tell you."

"I know," he sniffles. "I know you'll be dead soon- most likely anyway. But I can't let you go again, Dai. I just can't. It killed me when you left last time. I told you earlier that I'm not doing that again. I can't. I won't. And I can't keep waiting for you. That would ruin me, Daisuke. I need you." His cheek is pressed against mine and I can feel his tears falling, the warm liquid sliding between our skin. Then he's kissing me again- it's something wild and desperate. A need to make these last few hours count for everything they're worth.

This time we're barely coherent of anything. If there is a world outside of Ken's body I can't remember it. There is nothing but him. We move together in staggering lust to the bathroom. When he pulls away to turn on the shower I move behind him and kiss my way across his shoulders. My hands trace patterns on his stomach and move lower. Ken moans, leaning back against me arms moving behind him to pull me closer. Once more, clothing falls away as we move in the steam and mist of the shower. Everything after that is tightly wound and blistering. Ken is screaming, I'm screaming, we're both crying and trying so desperately to prove to the universe that we belong together. Nothing should have to come between us. Not even death.

Sometime later after we're dry and dressed we find our digimon watching TV. Scooping Chibimon up I give him a tight hug. He's been my best friend aside from Ken and I know he understands what's going to happen now, but that doesn't make it any easier. "I love you, Chibi," I whisper to him quietly.

"Love you too, Daisuke. You're the best destined I could have been paired with. You earned every digimental you got and then some. I love you, Dai." The small blue dragon is cuddling into me. It's obvious that we're both trying not to cry and equally obvious that it's still happening. Eventually we pull Ken and Wormmon into our hug and the four of us all hold each other in a last stinging remnant of Jogress energy. Everything in my life has lead up to this- to being with Ken, to Chibi being with Wormmon, to all of us together wishing that everything will be okay. Maybe the universe will hear us after all.

After that, Ken and I depart for the market deciding to buy the ingredients necessary for me to make the pancakes I wanted earlier. Despite the growing black cloud over me, our outing is whimsical. Ken and I whirl through the streets not caring if people see us together. Hands clasped together, fingers interwoven we smile at one another as we move along. There must be a sparkle in my eyes that matches the one in Ken's. He's just so beautiful. How could I have even thought of leaving him? Why didn't I come back sooner? Strike all of that. I know why. If anything happens to Ken, I don't know what will become of me. But I know he can handle it if I die. After all, this could very well be my last day on earth. Might as well live it up while I can.

The market is fairly crowded and we move closer together, almost in unison. Our fear has started to seep into the day, tainting it. Finally, turning to him I cup his cheek. "Ken, we can't let this get to us. It'll ruin everything we've shared. Just try and live your life. If something happens, then it happens. We can't stop it and we can't stop loving each other. Just promise me." Kissing him I give him a sweet smile that he returns with tender awe as he nods. In a completely childish gesture I rub my nose against his and then quickly lick the end. "Mine."

Ken wrinkles his nose and rubs at it. "Did you have to do that? Now all I can smell is you and that's highly distracting." Winking at me he grabs a basket and strolls ahead putting an extra sway in his walk. His hips move in a beat only the two of us hear. And I must be drooling because I'm getting a lot of weird looks from other people. But screw them. My man is HOT!

Catching up with him I laugh. Just simple shit like grocery shopping with Ken is enough to send me in paroxysms of delight. I'm watching this refined, beautiful man mulling through the market doing such trivial things. And I think he looks too princely to be real. He can't really be standing in front of me.

Ken turns to me and offers a smile- the kind that makes me forget I have a body. As he shakes his head he laughs as I openly stare at him. "Dai," his voice goes straight to my hormonal drives- down boy! "I love you. Don't ever change." Then he kisses me and continues shopping. And I think I must be the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

I tell him I love him too and that I'm going to head a couple aisles over to grab something we forgot. Really, I'm just making an excuse to buy him flowers. While I'm certain he knows this he does an impeccable job hiding it. Marvelous that Ichijouji Ken is, simply mah-velous.

Colored petals spread out before me but I know exactly what I want. Iris, Ken likes iris- color doesn't really matter. But, of course black are his favorite but fuck that. Those things are expensive! Besides, I would have to special order them anyway. A simple sextet of purple iris, those will make him happy. Going to pay the man behind the counter I feel it. The looming shadow behind me. I try to distract myself and bullshit about the weather and news and sports or something. Plans don't work though. When I turn around again I know exactly what's going to happen. Even that last flashing moment though, I'm thinking of Ken. My eyes dart around to find escape, but there's no getting out of this.

"Stop," my voice is calm. "Please don't do this." Such a wasted effort. It's simply words falling on deaf ears.

Time suddenly explodes, or maybe that's just the regular sound. As soon as my voice sounds the last syllable of the sentence he pulls the trigger. Eyes going wide, I stagger backwards as I'm hit in the chest. After the sudden noise of the gunshot there's this odd peace. Certain sounds echo: my feet slipping on the tile floor as I fall, the startled gurgles coming from my throat, the cold whisper of "Your debt has been paid", the man behind the counter yelling for help, the iris I bought Ken hitting the floor and scattering…

The world is getting dim and it's getting hard to breathe. But then he's there- my beloved Ken. He's talking to me and I have to focus. The world snaps into aching clarity again, the echoing sounds abruptly vanish. I notice right away that he's crying.

"Daisuke," his hands are everywhere, clutching mine to his chest, touching my face. "Daisuke," he says again. "What happened? Was it one of them? No, Daisuke! Don't leave me." The last is in a whisper.

For some reason my voice feels thick. "Ken," I manage to get out. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."

The world is starting to fade again and I hear one last thing. Ken, he's screaming.

"DAISUKE!!!"

My world becomes dark.

*************

Yes, there's an epilogue. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone, but this is how I had planned on ending this fic right from the get-go. As I'm sure you can tell, I decided to wait a little while to post this after typing out that note up top… yeah… oops! No more alcohol for me! So, I hope you enjoyed. And the epilogue will be up in a couple days. I should warn you though, it's going to be LONG. But oh well… hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing!!! You guys all rock.