Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Fools ❯ Fools ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

We're all fools aren't we?You knew that best Osamu Nisan.You always knew, one way or the other you were born gifted... everything came to you naturally while I had to chase you till my lungs gave out...
It reminds me of my conversation with that snidey reporter... Were you watching Osamu?1 brains and 99 per cent hard work... and I said that mine was 2.Maybe while I was the Kaiser that was true, I was focused towards my goal and nothing could deter me... Nothing... Not even you Osamu...
I suppose, I made myself in the digital world resemble you because while I was in that state of mind I thought I had over come you, defeated you, dominated and twisted your form into a perverted disguise to prove my domination of your existence.
Yes, Osamu, your little brother was being foolish again. Constantly comparing myself to a ghost, something that truly hadn't lived. Your achievements to mine, even though your gone now nothing more than a shadow of a memory remains of you...
Im older than you now you know, you never got to grow up ... but maybe that's a good thing...because if you did, what would've became of me?
Im being selfish again aren't I? I cant help that... I try to act nice infront of other people, but it began to wear thin then the Kaiser was born... Sometimes I think I should tell people what I really think, but you always looked down on people like that, and said they had no intellect or class, was that why you went mad behind closed doors too?
You only showed your dark side to me didn't you? I remember feeling terrified but also a sick sense of excitement as your expression contorted into something dark, and not the perfection everyone thought you were... I took a perverse pleasure in seeing your fault. I really wanted to expose it, but I knew better, you taught me well Osamu.
Why expose something when you can bargain or toy with it, remember I kept making you mad so you'd hit me? I couldn't help but feel I got one up on you, like I'd out smarted you somehow...
Maybe that's why you only hit me harder, my not so perfect Nisan?
I stood and swaggered across the room, maybe its because I'd like to think that your here watching me nisan, I brushed my finger tips over the slightly coarse plastic of the cd player fiddled with the tracks and pressed play and walked back to the bed.
Do you like Marylin manson Osamu? he's certainly a strange man amusing, he seems as twisted on the outside as we are on the inside. Rarely do we get to see our inner madness although I got a clear picture of mine while I was the Kaiser...
I felt so free then... Nothing but pain blood and agony, but I'll never have that again will I? That wild animalistic lust, I'll never be allowed to release it again.
So now I suppose this makes me half a person, not whole not really a person at all. Just like you nisan, never more will I be able to show my true nature to anyone. I still dream at night though, I think I even made Daisuke suspicious, when I had such a fevered dream it effected my living body.
I almost hurt him. I flipped him onto his back and eased one hand round his throat, When I started to hear his pleas. But like you Osamu, im a very good liar.I said I had nightmare, and was trying to make it stop, and the naive fool believed me.
But then maybe in truth, what I said was true. I was trying to make it stop, make all of this restraint stop, to finally unleash myself upon the world or maybe just him, like you did to me...
There's always a percentage of truth in lies isn't there Osamu? You said you loved me, but in your next breath you hated me too. Love and hate are so close together they blur don't they?
There will be no retribution for me, but then again if truly offered I don't think id take it. It seems so much more interesting, to go against everything that's expected. To become something nobody wanted, to let them know they can no longer shape you, that I have shaped myself in such a distorted, crinkled image, nothing can clear the canvas nothing can make me clean.
Its the most beautiful thing in the world. You tried to protect me didn't you? I like to think you did. In your own twisted way, you didn't want me to become you did you? not out of jealousy, but out of concern. You saw this coming just as you saw your own fate, one way or another.
When we were blowing bubbles out on the balcony, you realised I was still a child, and could stay that way for the appropriate time. Still appreciate life for what it was, not what it was made of, but that was never to be nisan, just as you were meant live my innocence died. Despite everything I still love you nisan, we're the same aren't we? Id like to think so. Our parents see me as you, they've even called me by your name they say it was a slip of the tongue but I know better.
Ive always wanted to dress in your clothes, and spike my hair and stand before them just to see they're expressions pain, anguish, love perhaps? Being able to delude themselves, if only for a moment of the rebirth of they're lost son?I miss you Osamu, but I don't regret the loss of your life I know I should, but as we both know what we should think and what we really think are to different things. I praise you for enlightening me though...
The beautiful people hummed in the background another make shift lie, lies upon lies right nisan?Owari...
Im not sure wat to make of this one... 0o everytime I try to write about insanity, they always seem sane. Well aleast to me they do... Hope you've enjoyed and please review