Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Give It All Up ❯ Chapter 1

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

"Oh Davis, stop being such a moron and pay attention!"

I could hear Kari snapping at me again. She was helping me with my math homework (or trying to;

her beautiful eyes were far more captivating than any math equation). We'd been working on it for over an

hour, and we'd finally finished the first problem.

I knew I didn't really need the help. I'm a much better student than I let on, but I'd do ANYTHING

to get near her, even if it meant borderline failing grades. She's my cruel angel, the untouchable face

in my dreams. I would turn the world upside down if it meant I could be with her.

But she's got it bad for TK, and TK has it just as bad for her. If it weren't for this, TK and I

might actually be really good friends. I've heard stories of girls tearing friendships apart. I've heard

even more about girls preventing friendships from starting. I'm... almost trying to be friends with TK...

Jealousy is a powerful thing.

"So, if I do this..." I said, scribbling something down. Playing dumb like this was difficult; I

had to pretend I didn't get the problem, even if I could do faster than Kari. I showed her the paper.

She looked up and smiled at me.

"Yeah! Now you're getting it. Now, next problem."

Oh Gods, that smile... I don't know how, but I kept my eyes from glazing over and my mouth from

grinning stupidly.

Later that evening, after Kari had left, I was laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying

to fall asleep. It wasn't working. All I could think about was her, and that one smile she'd flashed at

me.

*She's such a tease,* something in me thought bitterly. I shut it up quickly. *At least she's saying

something to me. It's better than silent treatment.* I sighed in frustration, got up, and opened a window.

I leaned out, inhaled the slightly damp mid-spring air. Somewhere down below me, I could hear some older

kids- sweethearts- talking in low tones, and occaisionally a feminine giggle laced with seduction. I wished,

and not for the first time, that Kari would laugh like that for me.

I pulled myself back into my room, walked out to the kitchen, and got a glass of milk. *Milk helps

you sleep, doesn't it? I hope it's not a requirement for it to be warm...* The thought echoed through my

mind. It seemed totally irrelevant.

I brought the milk with me back into my room, and turned on the radio. Every song, somehow, reminded

me of her without fail. Just one line or a whole song, everything bore something that was Kari. I drained the

glass of milk and flopped down on my bed again. I closed my eyes, listening to the music, and imagined Kari and

I were together, inseperable forever. She would smile more of those treasured smiles at me, tell me secrets, maybe

we could even be like the older kids several floors below me and talk in low tones, speaking things we'd never

tell our parents about.

I decided love is another form of masochism. I rolled over, feeling that tightness in my chest again,

relishing in the pain and simultaneously wishing it would stop. In my head, I could see her, brushing her hair

out of her face, hugging Gatomon with a slightly pouty look on her face even though she had no reason to be pouting,

glaring at Tai for whatever reason.

"Davis..."

I sat upright in shock. I could've sworn I'd just heard her voice...

But I knew I was alone- the sleeping Veemon excluded- in my room. Kari wasn't there. Inside, I felt

that searing pain of being utterly alone, and my eyes clouded over in tears I refused to shed.

I turned off my radio, insulted by the painful reminders in the songs that I couldn't have her, and

lay down on my bed again. My mind brought up every situation in the past that she'd said something cruel to

me, every annoyed look, and then moved on to future unkindnesses that were the cruelest of them all. I imagined

shocking her with my admitting to loving her, and imagined her turning me down. I thought of how much I wanted

her and how much she hated me for it. I thought of how lucky TK was, and again had to struggle not to desperately

want to hit him the next time I saw him. The pain and anger inside of me strained to get out and show itself, but

knowing I couldn't win, I repressed it.

Kari could do anything to me. Lead me on. Kiss me then slap me as hard as she wanted for letting her. I

would fall to pieces inside, much like I was right then but worse, I would cry, I would scream for the pain and

the wounds she'd scratched in my heart and soul, and she would get away with it and I would let her. No matter

how much she can hurt me, I would always come back for more.

Love is masochism. We destroy ourselves inside for it, allow wounds to grow and fester from it, but we continue

going back for more. We thrive on it. Without it, we probably wouldn't exist.

As long as there is a Kari, I will throw myself at her, let her run me through with those icy glares and

those cold shoulders, those scathing words and sharp, annoyed expressions. There is nothing in this world that

will turn me from her. I will die for her, if need be, if it will prove to her how much I care.

I only hope that TK knows how truly special she is. I wish I could be him, for just one day, just long

enough to feel her hand in mine once....

All these thoughts filled my mind, as I fell into a dream where Kari was my beautiful princess, and

I her knight, protecting her from all things evil.