Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Goggles ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

I often lie awake at night, thinking over all of these things. Everything that had happened since then, everything that I have done. I was chosen to lead this group, chosen over all of those others who could have lead better, or could have lead worse. Reflecting, I'm not so sure I would have accepted, had I known what I was stepping up to do...

... and had the offer not been given by him.

"Googuru..."

Clasped tight to my chest, a white border on a clear, glass lens, all held together by a black band. I had a pair something like them before, but they broke. He gave me a new pair, from atop his own head. He passed this torch down to me. Me, the lowly, arrogant jerk. Motomiya Daisuke.

Even now I'm not sure what he saw in me, or what possessed him to present me with such a thing. The goggles... in a way, a symbolism of a leader. I had done nothing but admire Taichi-sempai from a distance, and he had recognized something in me, somewhere. He had noticed me...

...but I have still been watching him, even closer now than ever. These goggles... they are more than just an item to me. It's almost a symbol of recognition. He knows I exist! He knew, at least, that I had been watching him, idolizing him, almost, longing to be just as courageous, just as strong.

I do not know that, had I been the first leader, I would have done the job as well as he. I do not know that, without his encouragement, without the knowledge that he was watching, I would have been able to save the world. But the goggles were still tightly wrapped around my head, a sign of praise, of deserving.

A sign of a true leader.

"Googuru..."

They have always given me courage, whenever I could find none of my own. I appreciate Taichi for having done such a thing for me.

But will they give me courage enough for this one thing?

These words, always kept deep inside, closest to me... this secret, which I have never been willing to relinquish. The missions were all over for now, but I still find myself full of adrenaline with a single thought.

The feeling of confidence, of self-assuredness, is something I could never get without his goggles. I would never be as I am now if I did not know he cared for me as a member of the team. Now, though, I risk all of my borrowed courage. I risk all that he has given me, what has pushed me through these battles, all on a single hope. It's a fool's gamble, but these feelings have been within me for far too long to be dammed for any longer.

It is a gamble that I am willing to take.

I swallow, walking the many steps to Taichi-sempai's apartment. I don't know which I fear more: the likelihood of him being there, or the possibility of his absence? With trembling fingers, I reach out, slowly, hesitantly pressing on the doorbell.

A moment's silence. I hold my breath, expecting no answer. Finally, the door swings open.

"Daisuke-san? What are you here for?" His voice, not accusing, simply curious. It is a double-edged sword, filling me with both relief and regret at once.

I take an unsteady breath, and bring myself to say what I have brought myself to. I gather the last of his courage, his strong will and self-assuredness, and release it from me in a single sentence.

"I ... really care about you, Taichi-sempai..."

He sighs, an indefinite expression reflecting in his eyes. I cannot tell what he is feeling.

I drop the goggles from my shivering hand. They fall, a splitting crack of glass and plastic breaking the sickening quiet. I no longer have need for them. Glaring up into his eyes, all confidence faded, I can see nothing but myself reflected in their cold, brown gaze. It was obvious now that I had thrown away his goggles the moment I spoke.

"Daisuke-san... If you mean to say that you ... I mean..." He chooses his words carefully, though I am sure of their intention. He need not say a word, but if this is the last I will see of him, I will certainly not stop him.

However, silencing him was not up to me. An interruption brings his statement to an abrupt halt.

"Taichi-kun? Who was at the door?" Blonde, mussed hair and cool blue eyes are visible from the doorstep. Ishida Yamato, looking quite ruffled from prior activities, is the one who inquired. A glance, from his quickly perceiving frown to Taichi's worried, furrowed brow is all I needed to see. I can tell what the situation is now.

I was not loved by Taichi. He respected me, perhaps, even thought of me as a friend. But his love was reserved for another, which has been made painfully obvious. I swallow hard, trying to keep the inevitable tears from flowing in front of the couple.

"...I didn't think that you would feel the same way, Taichi-sempai. It's ... all right."

Finally, I can hold back no longer. A single tear falls to the ground, leaving a small dot of moisture, and I run, unsure of where I am headed, or why. I hear the both of them cry out for me to stop, offering apologies. I don't want to hear their false words. I've ruined whatever I might have had. The goggles were shattered, and I was once again alone in the world, without his sign of encouragement and trust.

All that remained was my shattered heart, and an emptiness where his courage had once belonged within me.