Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Here's To Life ❯ Here's To Life ( Chapter 1 )

AN: a little introversive analyses of Yamatto's last night on Earth, not too good, but, I like it, a little existentialist. Tell me what you think, cause I'm curious, and I don't care if you're a total ass to me, let me have it , I can take it. Hints at a little Sorato and Takari, but barely, just in the last "stanza" I guess, it's KINDA like a poem, free verse, of course.Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon for Chrissake

I was never one to be sucked into fate and all that bullshit-not for lack of trying on the rest of the "digidestined's" part-I guess that's why I didn't stay with it, or them, I always felt outta place anywaysThat's why I got new friends... DIFFERENT friends;So there I was, Saturday night, with a red-plastic cup in my left hand, and a small, smoke emitting, white stick in my right.*COUGH**COUGH**COUGH* "Oh, the cancer's really actin up tonight."And then came another drag.I didn't have cancer, not yet anyways, I hadn't been smoking NEARLY long enoughAnd I new I could get it, I didn't think I was invincible, mind you, not like all these other dumbass teens, I was very aware of my mortalityI was also very aware that this inebriating liquid could have just as dire effects.So why did I do this, weekend after weekend? was it depression? Maybe, I could see that. In fact, I know that's what it was"Kill myself slowly, because that'll keep people around, goodbye loneliness."That's what the philosophy was, they never judged me like my parents, or the rest of the DD did, no, they judged me differently. So I'll let these "good times" kill me.It's not that these people judged me any less, it's that they judged me in a way I could at least FEIGN ignorance, not the way Sora and the others didNo, they kept me around cause I was funny while intoxicatedDid we ever hang out on other terms? At first yes, but then it got to the point where they wouldn't call me otherwise.I guess I let the loneliness of it get to me, so here I continue to return to...Aww, the "cancer stick" (as I lovingly refer to it) ran out, and, oh my, the rum was gone? How can this be?No, the rum was just taking a short leave, I realized that about halfway up the stairs."Oh Christ... it's on it's way back!" Luckily I had made it to a toilet before it returned. Hmm, black? I guess that's when my liver was gone.Not that I worried too much, if this was the price to keep myself from that which we all fear, I'll gladly pay it, no questions askedThat's when I heard my name called from downstairs, something about another smoke, and maybe some rumI always have been fond of rum, my drink of choice, vodka's just a little too strong for meWell, I tried my damnedest to walk down those mother fucking stairs, but, alas, the ethanol had too great a hold on me, and the room decided to swayAt this I fell, and when I awoke, well, that's when I realized something- my "kill yourself slowly" philosophy decided to speed up exponentiallyTo my surprise, and dismay, the entire Digidestined "crew" was there, at my bedside, even TK, he was even crying for me, even though it was my faultAnd he knew it was my fault, but, more surprising than my little brother was Sora, the girl I abandoned, all because I was too afraid of having it done to myselfSo, that's all I've got left, I killed myself, I let the... the cowardice in me rule me, and I died for itI gave up a group of friends that actually cared about me, for a group of assholes who thought I was funny to have aroundSo here I am, at my grave site, watching as TK, and his little woman Kari, along with Sora leave some flowers next to a rock with my name on it that means nothingHave those dicks I died around ever paid me a visit?Why the answer's a profound "no," or courseIt's funny, really, I was afraid to lose people and be alone, and now, I'm more alone then I've ever been, and there's nothing I can do to change itAnd I never did have enough time to get that Goddamn cancer