Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Hidden Knowledge ❯ Self Mutilation ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, obviously, so THERE.

 

Hidden Knowledge

 

Chapter 1 - Self Mutilation

 

The bug-like Digimon slowly stirred to life. His eyes slid open lightly and he was concerned when he was presented by an empty room.

 

Izzy?

 

Izzy would surely have been clicking mindlessly away at his computer right now in the early afternoon light, with his Digimon partner being lulled to sleep by the continuous pattern of the humming computer and the soft clicks of the keyboard. Izzy had always been fascinated with computers, so the idea of him not being at one during his free time was foreign to Tentomon.

 

After a few minutes of waiting for Izzy's return, Tentomon jumped off of the boy's bed and began to wander around the small apartment in search for him.

 

A few steps down the hall revealed the door to the bathroom cracked open slightly with the light on. Tentomon didn't want to intrude and started to turn away when he heard soft sobbing sounds emitting from within the tiny room.

 

Tentomon blinked curiously and poked his head inside.

 

His features writhed in worry and concern when he saw Izzy leaning his back against the sink, weeping quietly to himself. Tentomon was just about to walk in and ask what was wrong with his human partner when Izzy raised his right hand, hovering it over the inside of his left forearm.

 

Tentomon saw something metallic glint in the artificial light for a split second in Izzy's right hand. Izzy then waited, holding the metal object close to his left wrist. Tentomon blinked again and saw the metallic object was a razor.

 

Izzy usually wore long sleeved shirts and today was no exception. But his left wrist was exposed, the loose cloth bunched up around his elbow. Tentomon blinked a few times to adjust his sight. He was sure that Izzy had strange red scratches on his wrist.

 

Izzy's sobbing slowed down to almost non-existent, his eyes still rimmed with tears as he looked discontentedly at his left wrist. He exhaled slightly and dug the razor deep into his flesh in one quick downward sweep.

 

Tentomon was definitely scared then, but even more so when Izzy moved the razor away and blood trickled out in slow motion. It was thick and crimson, the blood leisurely oozing down in rivulets, breaking away from his arm and dripping to the floor. The red bullets made very faint pit pat sounds on the linoleum.

 

Immediately Izzy's sobbing started again in full force, but somehow he managed to stifle the crying so it wasn't too loud. But he was definitely shaking with his mangled crying, much harder than he had been before.

 

Tentomon was frightened by then, and panicked when he saw Izzy raise his right hand again to meet his left wrist.

 

“IZZY!” he cried out in a panic. Izzy jumped, startled, and was greeted with Tentomon running at him full force. Izzy freaked out and hid his forearms behind his back.

 

Tentomon started shouting in distress, practically hopping from foot to foot. “IZZY! What are you doing?! Why are you crying?! What's going on?! Why did you hurt yourself?! Where did you get that razor?! Does anyone else know about this?! Why didn't you TELL ME?!” He threw the words at the grief-stricken boy.

 

Izzy looked ashamed, his gaze meeting the floor. “I … I …” he failed at telling his Digimon partner anything even remotely useful.

 

Tentomon wore the most uneasy face he could muster. “I'm calling Joe, he'll know what to do with your cuts!”

 

Izzy's eyes grew wide and snapped his head up to Tentomon, just about to plead, to BEG that Tentomon not tell anyone, when his Digimon disappeared from the room.

 

Izzy was going to run after him, taking two steps toward the door, then leaned his back against the bathroom wall, sliding down in defeat and bawling like mad. He hugged his legs close to his body, his face buried in his knees.

 

He shook ferociously, trying desperately to breathe through the wailing, almost giving himself a headache from crying too hard.

 

What am I going to DO?! Izzy thought through the haze of his mind.

 

He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there, nor did he really care, when suddenly a human hand squeezed his left shoulder softly.

 

Izzy jerked a little and moved his head up to meet a worried Joe. Joe looked calm and not nearly as panic-stricken as Tentomon. He was sitting on the floor with Izzy.

 

“Joe…” Izzy barely breathed out through his weeping.

 

“Let me see your arms,” Joe said in a plain tone, moving his hands over Izzy's forearms. Izzy hesitated, looking ashamed again as he outlined the sink on his left with his gaze.

 

“I'm not mad Izzy, I just want to see. I'm not going to hurt you,” Joe said soothingly.

 

Izzy squinted his eyes shut and gave up his arms for examination, tears still streaming down his hot cheeks. Joe looked at the left one first, very delicately running his palm over the cuts. He could see the cut Izzy had just made, although it was mostly dried up by now. It was heavily outlined in reddish-brown, the streaks of blood apparent where they had dripped away. Joe gave the other arm a look, pushing the fabric of his sleeve up to meet his elbow in the same fashion as the other.

 

After a quick look, Joe very gently placed one hand on Izzy's chin and tugged his head over to look at his face. Izzy looked very guilty and sad, tears starting to slow.

 

“Izzy, why have you been doing this?” Joe asked in a low voice. He was calm, but clearly concerned, and yet he was sympathetic.

 

Izzy looked down again, fresh tears starting to appear in his eyes.

 

He looked up again at Joe for a moment. “You promise not to tell anyone why?”

 

Joe rubbed Izzy's shoulder and nodded solemnly.

 

Izzy looked down again and started to tremble lightly.

 

“I … I'm afraid.” he whispered. “I'm … so afraid… my parents… they'll hate me…” he trailed off, almost choking on the words.

 

Joe gripped Izzy's shoulder lightly. “Why would they hate you?”

 

Izzy forced himself not to crumple into a blubbering uncontrollable mess. “My parents… my parents… they… I can't…” he trailed off again, gathering up all the courage he could muster. He exhaled with a whimper of sadness and continued. “I … I'm… uh… ah-I'm …” he squinted his eyes forcefully shut. “...gay.”

 

Joe leaned back slightly in shock for a moment, then continued. “You're gay?”

 

Izzy's face flushed a deep crimson color. “I … yeah. I … I like… guys.” He averted his gaze back to the sink. It was then he noticed Tentomon looking worried and standing quietly in the background.

 

Joe patted his shoulder comfortingly. “Why would your parents hate you for that?”

 

As if Joe had pressed a button, Izzy immediately buried his face in his knees again and yelped out sobs of emotional pain.

 

“Shhhh...” Joe hushed him, embracing Izzy gently against his chest. Izzy bawled uncontrollably, his forehead resting against Joe's chest. Izzy's tears leaked out and hit against Joe's shirt.

 

Joe patted and rubbed Izzy's back carefully, hushing the boy in despair. Izzy calmed down after a few minutes and leaned back against the wall, breaking Joe's hug.

 

Izzy swallowed a thick lump in his throat and looked away. “My parents… they hate homosexuals… they think they are disgusting… and I… I'm so afraid… I'm so scared… I... ah-I… I'm so afraid, I… I can't tell them! I can't!” Izzy shook his head forcefully from side to side, starting to cry again.

 

Joe hushed him again, waiting patiently for the boy to calm down. When Izzy was back to semi-normal, Joe looked at him seriously. “Izzy, if this is hurting you this much, you need to tell them.”

 

Izzy's face went stark white, his body freezing in place. He couldn't even breathe.

 

Izzy snapped his head from side to side again in clear disagreement. “I can't! They'll hate me!”

 

“Izzy…” Joe whispered softly. “You need to do this. They need to know. If you are cutting yourself…” he trailed off.

 

Izzy was looking at the right now, gazing at the wall.

 

Joe sighed and continued. “Izzy, I have a few questions to ask you, and I need you to be completely honest with me.” He paused and sighed again. “Have you cut yourself anywhere else? Like your thighs, or…?”

 

Izzy looked up at Joe and right into his eyes. “No.” he said plainly.

 

Joe nodded and continued. “Do you have a crush on anyone?”

 

Izzy's face flashed from pure ghost white to dark blood red. He looked so small and ashamed, breaking away from Joe's gaze and looking down at his feet. He could hardly muster a nod.

 

Joe barely caught the tiny confirmation. “Who is it?”

 

Izzy felt his heart wrench in his chest and suddenly he felt ill.

 

“…Tai.”

 

Joe blinked in astonishment, then recovered and nodded. “Okay … last question. I need you to be completely honest with me,” he reminded Izzy. “…do you want to die?”

 

Izzy gasped, surprised, and his breath hitched itself in his throat. He didn't answer, but Joe took that reaction to be a yes.

 

“Oh Izzy…” Joe hugged him close to his chest again. Izzy cried softly against Joe's shirt. “Izzy, I think we should call Tai over. You need to tell him how you feel.”

 

Izzy yanked his body away forcefully, almost scaring Joe. He looked frightened beyond description.

 

Joe looked at him sternly. “You know I'm right.”

 

Izzy wanted to collapse and just die, die forever and ever. He absolutely HATED that Joe was right.

 

Joe patted Izzy's back. “We'll call him over later. First let's clean up your cuts. I don't want them getting infected.”

 

Izzy nodded reluctantly as they both stood up from the cold floor and proceeded to clean Izzy's self-inflicted wounds.