Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ I Wish I knew ❯ How to stop ( Chapter 7 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Taiorami 
Things just keep getting worse...
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Horror / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.22.2001 | Updated On: 11.22.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.2K | Visits: 395 | Status: Completed
Things just keep getting worse...
Anime/Manga: Digimon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Horror / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.22.2001 | Updated On: 11.22.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.2K | Visits: 395 | Status: Completed
I wish I knew: How to stop
Lyrics: With you by Linkin Park. (Probably spelled that wrong but oh well) I don't usually include songs in stories that aren't song fics, but this seemed to really work for me. It sounded so much like what T.K might be feeling that I just couldn't resist.
T.K. just sat and watched. He honestly hadn't moved for at least four hours and didn't show any intention of moving for at least another four. He was worried about Daisuke; not that this was a new feeling or anything. But he was worried, more so then he usually was. The stimulants Daisuke had been given weren't waking him up.
The doctor said it was because Daisuke didn't want to wake up. Daisuke had put himself in a coma and if he didn't want to wake up no one could make him do it.
And part of T.K. understood this and could process everything he had been told about why his boyfriend was just laying there as opposed to awake. But then again something inside of screamed that none of this was real. That Daisuke wasn't in a coma, his parents weren't abusive and, if would help at all, that T.K. hadn't completely fallen for his friend.
/I woke up in a dream to day
To the cold of the static, and put my feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore/
The constant beeping of the machines told T.K. that yes, Daisuke was alive and that yes, there was still hope that everything would be okay.
Hope.
Oh, that wasn't ironic. He had experienced times when he was completely hopeless and this wasn't one of them. He was so past hopeless, but he knew he shouldn't be. That's where all of his 'strength' came from. The thing that made it possible for him to stay up late up night and try to comfort Daisuke, he got that from drawing on hope that everything would be okay.
But now there was no hope.
Fear; he had an overabundance of that feeling. Worthlessness; he was becoming very familiar with that one. Pain; he had felt that a lot in his lifetime, but this was a new kind of pain. That didn't change the fact it was there, but it was a different kind of pain.
T.K. was holding Daisuke's hand. It gave him a chance to notice the contrast between them. Tan skin against pale as death skin. Long thin fingers intertwined with smaller, but stronger ones. Golden, silky strands and thick reddish-brown spikes.
Daisuke needed a haircut.
Daisuke needed a lot of things but here he was, noticing that he needed a haircut.
And for the first time he could see the scars. Thin ones that were from Daisuke cutting himself. Another thing he had never taken the time to see. Up until a while ago he had thought Daisuke was fine, a little flaky very cute and completely oblivious, but fine.
Maybe if he had see what was wrong sooner...?
/A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake if the mistake, slow to react.
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant and I can't bring you back/
Worthlessness. He couldn't help. Why had he even bothered? Yes, he liked, he may have even fallen in love with, Daisuke, but he couldn't help.
And it was eating away at him.
Why couldn't he do anything? Why was everything so messed up? Hell, why couldn't he have a normal relationship with anybody every? And he had a lot of practice in areas like this and he just couldn't win.
And that fact had never bothered him a lot, he had just assumed he wasn't the type to be with anyone for long periods of time. That would explain his track record anyway.
But Daisuke was different. Everyone else T.K. had dated...or slept with just for the hell of it, they hadn't needed him for anything. Wanted maybe, but never needed for anything other then someone to sleep with. But Daisuke needed him.
And maybe, T.K. needed Daisuke to need him.
As weird as that sounded.
/It's true
The way I feel
Was promised by your face
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you/
Tears, that had previously gone unshed, started to fall. Tears he had been holding back since he was eleven broke past the wall he had managed to put up to keep out all the pain he had felt. A dam inside of him was starting to crumble and he didn't know if he could stop it.
He let go of Daisuke's hand and shook his head, commanding himself to stop it. Tears never, had never, solved anything in his life. And he doubted they would start fixing things now.
But god, he wished they would.
He took a few steadying breaths. He couldn't do this right now. Had to strong, had to keep it all hidden, couldn't cry right now. When Daisuke was awake and he was alone...then he could cry.
But he hated crying.
Hate...hate crying, hate pain, hate depression, hate the Motomiya's, hate hate hate...Blind hatred?
Maybe.
/You
Now I see
Keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes/
((And now it gets confusing. Kind of. Just bare with me here. It'll make sense in a minute))
Quiet steady breathing. Beeping of the machines let him know Daisuke is still alive. But something seems wrong. Machines are still beeping but there's no more steady breathing. Now it's shallow and labored, like Daisuke was fighting.
T.K. looked up and blinked stupidly. What was going on? Was something wrong?
Nurses, doctors, people rushing in. Someone was telling him to move. Familiar blue eyes, Matt, pulling him out of the room. Joe and Jun?...looking on in shock and fear.
A daze, shock, life.
Shattered.
"What?"
Matt held on to his brother's arm, a trace of fear of what his brother might do. "We don't know."
Delusions, ideals, dreams, hopes...hope.
Crushed.
Tears, blinding vision. Denial...fighting.
"Let go!"
/I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor, the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real/
Falling, hitting the smooth floor. Then up and running. Not sure where to exactly just away from here. Can't stay here. Out of the doors into the warm and wet night.
Damn.
This wasn't right. Running and heavy breathing. Chest hurts from trying to breathe, can't breathe, suffocating. Another panic attack? Probably.
This was wrong.
T.K. wasn't going to be believe this. No...Not dead.
/Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
Even though you're close to me
You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back/
Bright lights...car lights. Horns, loud warning. To tired to keep running.
Pain.
/It's true
The way I feel was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you/
Taiorami: Scared yet? No...okay how's this?
TBC... *Author can be heard cackling far away*
Lyrics: With you by Linkin Park. (Probably spelled that wrong but oh well) I don't usually include songs in stories that aren't song fics, but this seemed to really work for me. It sounded so much like what T.K might be feeling that I just couldn't resist.
T.K. just sat and watched. He honestly hadn't moved for at least four hours and didn't show any intention of moving for at least another four. He was worried about Daisuke; not that this was a new feeling or anything. But he was worried, more so then he usually was. The stimulants Daisuke had been given weren't waking him up.
The doctor said it was because Daisuke didn't want to wake up. Daisuke had put himself in a coma and if he didn't want to wake up no one could make him do it.
And part of T.K. understood this and could process everything he had been told about why his boyfriend was just laying there as opposed to awake. But then again something inside of screamed that none of this was real. That Daisuke wasn't in a coma, his parents weren't abusive and, if would help at all, that T.K. hadn't completely fallen for his friend.
/I woke up in a dream to day
To the cold of the static, and put my feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I'm pretending to be where I'm not anymore/
The constant beeping of the machines told T.K. that yes, Daisuke was alive and that yes, there was still hope that everything would be okay.
Hope.
Oh, that wasn't ironic. He had experienced times when he was completely hopeless and this wasn't one of them. He was so past hopeless, but he knew he shouldn't be. That's where all of his 'strength' came from. The thing that made it possible for him to stay up late up night and try to comfort Daisuke, he got that from drawing on hope that everything would be okay.
But now there was no hope.
Fear; he had an overabundance of that feeling. Worthlessness; he was becoming very familiar with that one. Pain; he had felt that a lot in his lifetime, but this was a new kind of pain. That didn't change the fact it was there, but it was a different kind of pain.
T.K. was holding Daisuke's hand. It gave him a chance to notice the contrast between them. Tan skin against pale as death skin. Long thin fingers intertwined with smaller, but stronger ones. Golden, silky strands and thick reddish-brown spikes.
Daisuke needed a haircut.
Daisuke needed a lot of things but here he was, noticing that he needed a haircut.
And for the first time he could see the scars. Thin ones that were from Daisuke cutting himself. Another thing he had never taken the time to see. Up until a while ago he had thought Daisuke was fine, a little flaky very cute and completely oblivious, but fine.
Maybe if he had see what was wrong sooner...?
/A little taste of hypocrisy
And I'm left in the wake if the mistake, slow to react.
Even though you're so close to me
You're still so distant and I can't bring you back/
Worthlessness. He couldn't help. Why had he even bothered? Yes, he liked, he may have even fallen in love with, Daisuke, but he couldn't help.
And it was eating away at him.
Why couldn't he do anything? Why was everything so messed up? Hell, why couldn't he have a normal relationship with anybody every? And he had a lot of practice in areas like this and he just couldn't win.
And that fact had never bothered him a lot, he had just assumed he wasn't the type to be with anyone for long periods of time. That would explain his track record anyway.
But Daisuke was different. Everyone else T.K. had dated...or slept with just for the hell of it, they hadn't needed him for anything. Wanted maybe, but never needed for anything other then someone to sleep with. But Daisuke needed him.
And maybe, T.K. needed Daisuke to need him.
As weird as that sounded.
/It's true
The way I feel
Was promised by your face
Painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you/
Tears, that had previously gone unshed, started to fall. Tears he had been holding back since he was eleven broke past the wall he had managed to put up to keep out all the pain he had felt. A dam inside of him was starting to crumble and he didn't know if he could stop it.
He let go of Daisuke's hand and shook his head, commanding himself to stop it. Tears never, had never, solved anything in his life. And he doubted they would start fixing things now.
But god, he wished they would.
He took a few steadying breaths. He couldn't do this right now. Had to strong, had to keep it all hidden, couldn't cry right now. When Daisuke was awake and he was alone...then he could cry.
But he hated crying.
Hate...hate crying, hate pain, hate depression, hate the Motomiya's, hate hate hate...Blind hatred?
Maybe.
/You
Now I see
Keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes/
((And now it gets confusing. Kind of. Just bare with me here. It'll make sense in a minute))
Quiet steady breathing. Beeping of the machines let him know Daisuke is still alive. But something seems wrong. Machines are still beeping but there's no more steady breathing. Now it's shallow and labored, like Daisuke was fighting.
T.K. looked up and blinked stupidly. What was going on? Was something wrong?
Nurses, doctors, people rushing in. Someone was telling him to move. Familiar blue eyes, Matt, pulling him out of the room. Joe and Jun?...looking on in shock and fear.
A daze, shock, life.
Shattered.
"What?"
Matt held on to his brother's arm, a trace of fear of what his brother might do. "We don't know."
Delusions, ideals, dreams, hopes...hope.
Crushed.
Tears, blinding vision. Denial...fighting.
"Let go!"
/I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor, the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn't real/
Falling, hitting the smooth floor. Then up and running. Not sure where to exactly just away from here. Can't stay here. Out of the doors into the warm and wet night.
Damn.
This wasn't right. Running and heavy breathing. Chest hurts from trying to breathe, can't breathe, suffocating. Another panic attack? Probably.
This was wrong.
T.K. wasn't going to be believe this. No...Not dead.
/Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I'm left in the wake of the mistake, slow to react
Even though you're close to me
You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back/
Bright lights...car lights. Horns, loud warning. To tired to keep running.
Pain.
/It's true
The way I feel was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you/
Taiorami: Scared yet? No...okay how's this?
TBC... *Author can be heard cackling far away*