Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ MST3K: The Digidestined star in "Isn't Love Wonderful?" (by Jesanae Tekani) ❯ Default Chapter Title ( Prologue )

(In Team 69's underground hideout…)

Jesanae: (Stares)

Christochi: (Stares)

Robster80: (Stares)

Jesanae: Chris, this is the wierdest group you've put together yet!

(camera pans out to reveal: Vela from Jet Force Gemini, Eric Cartman from South Park, Daria Morgandorfer from Daria, and-)

R80: Ash?

"Ash": I'm Satoshi, not that friggin' idiot dub of mine!

R80: Close enough.

Christochi: Well now, you're all here to MST a little fic by Jesanae here- (turns to see Jesse running out the door) Hey! Where are you going?

Jesanae: I wrote the fic; I'm exempt. I'll be waiting in the master bedroom! ^_-!

(everyone snickers while Chris blushes)

Christochi: (noticing Rob's gone) Hey! Where the hell…?

Cartman: Aye, butt-licker! (points to the monitor screen which shows Rob riding away on Raidramon)

R80: (through speaker) You couldn't catch me, I escaped! See ya!

(Ishida turns to see everyone else making for the door) Wait! I'm not letting you leave yet too! It's kinda dangerous out there!

Vela: Why? It's YOUR hideout, how bad could it be?

(Daria opens the door. Duo runs past with Wufei hot on his tail, katana in hand.)

Duo: AAH! RABID CHINESE MAN! HEEEELP!!!

Wufei: Get back here, you dishonorable fool! WEAKLING!!!!!

(Ishida sticks his head out. Sakura, Rei Ayanommi, and Shampoo run up.)

Christochi: Mind if I ask what the hell was that?

Rei: Duo was reading a Jade Diamond MST and made a comment about Wufei and a dildo.

Sakura: We're attempting to save Duo from certain death.

Shampoo: MOVE IT, AUTHOR-TYPE MAN!

(the Muses run after Duo and Wufei)

(Daria slams the door shut again)

Daria: Great. And here I was, thinking I left Beavis and Butthead back in Highland…

Cartman: Kick ass!

Satoshi: I think I'm ready for the fic now.

(rest agrees)

Christochi: Well then, please, follow me…

Isn't Love Wonderful?

A Digi-fic

(all enter and sit down)

Vela: Well it all depends on the kind of love…

Christochi: (mumbling) This coming from the girl who's sleeping with her brother?

(rest gasp. Vela fires at Ishida but the bullet literally curves into the theater wall)

Vela: What the…?

(Ishida holds up a small computerized device)

Christochi: I took the liberty of purchasing one of these from Revolver Ocelot. You can't shoot me now. (Boris) I AM INVINCIBLE!!!!!

(Vela throws the gun at Ishida, conking him right in the left eye)

Ishida: AAAHHH!!! GODDAMNIT!!!!

Cartman: Dude, this is fucking weird…

(We see a large wooden structure in the Digiworld. A large sign says "Welcome to the Digi-Tavern". Inside.....)

Daria: Ridolen-crazed rats have ripped everyone apart and shit in their remains.

Christochi: (laughing) I remember that one!

Davis: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Christochi: (Pikachu) Pika! Pika! Pika!

Satoshi: Stop that!

Tai: *glpglpglp*

Vela: (mumbles)

Cartman: (singing) …in the ghetto!…

Sora: Honestly.....

Vela: Yes, it's true. (starts sobbing)

Cartman: Sick bitch!

(Ishida smacks Cartman)

Christochi: LEAVE HER ALONE, ASS MASTER!

Cartman: SON OF A BITCH!

T.K.: *shnrzzz.....*

Daria: Moseltov.

Matt: (sips his lemonade) I think Tai's skirting the world record for dumb-ass bar-hopping. This is the fourth one today.

Satoshi: That's nothing. One time Kasumi got so wasted that I-

Daria: PG-13 or below, please.

Satoshi: Damn!

Vela: (to Ishida) Who's Kasumi?

Christochi: (to Vela) Misty.

Vela: Ah!

Mimi: Oh! (looks shocked)

Cartman: (Mimi) I finally learned how to use the goddamn Shift key to make exclamation points!

Sora: No swearing! Think of the children!

Cartman: Screw you guys!

(Matt looks off into the distance, blushing faintly. Tai passes out in his "root beer".)

Vela: (Hikari) I found a rabbit!

Christochi: (Mrs. Kamiya) That's nice dear.

Vela: (Hikari) Anyone wanna see a rabbit?

Christochi: (Mrs. Kamiya) Drink your apple juice, dear.

Davis: Haha! LOSER!

All: (burst into laughter) LOOK WHO'S TALKING!?!

Izzy: At least this bar has a phone jack. *typetype*

Daria: Tippacanoe and [Izzy] Typing too!

(Suddenly, the air over Mimi and Yolei shimmers and an interesting little figure appears. It bears an incredible resemblance to chibi Gennai in a tutu, with pink gossamer wings.)

Vela: CHIBI! (notices who it's of) Ew, old man Chibi!

Kari: Um.....hello. (jostles T.K. awake)

Vela: (Hikari) Damnit, T.K., I said look at my rabbit!

Pink Gennai Thing: I was passing through and I felt great amounts of unresolved romance! I am the Digi-Fate-Destiny-Couple Fairy!

Christochi: Not to be confused with the Digi-Destiny-Fate-Couple Fairy!

(Ken attempts to sneak out, but trips over the prostrate Tai.)

Vela: Prostrate Tai! I thought Jesanae didn't do yaois.

Rest: Eep!

Fairy: I'm going to establish once and for all who's meant to be with whom!

All: (KC and JoJo) (singing) I'm goin crazy crazy crazy just thinkin about you, baby!…

(Vast silence)

All: (silent)

Davis: Wanna drink?

Satoshi: (James Bond) Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.

Joe: (returning from the bathroom) Ack! What's that thing?

Cartman: Who the hell cast Tom Hanks in this??? Tom Hanks can't act his way out of a nutsack!!!

Fairy: I am the Digi-Love Fairy! I will set you and your destined love on the path to romance!

Cartman: RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!

(Joe passes out in Mimi's lowfat yogurt.)

Daria: (sarcastic) That's a turn-on.

Mimi: Eek!

Cartman: Go away, nobody likes you!

Fairy: I shall now reveal your one true love! (he frowns and drops glitter on Joe and Tai, who revive)

Satoshi: Krabby, Revive!

Christochi: Christ, here we go…

Tai: Wuh.....?

Vela: You're been kidnapped by the Love Fairy from Hell!

Fairy: Furthermore, when your love is revealed to you, you must kiss to cement the bond of love!

Vela: Behold! The Bond-O-Love!

Cartman: Shut up, rice-picker!

(everyone smacks Cartman)

Cartman: SON OF A BITCH!

Matt: .....

Daria: Dot…dot…dot…dot…dot…that's it.

Davis: Ick!

Cartman: I can't believe that son of a bitch!

Christochi: Here Cartman, have some snacky-cake.

Cartman: Ooo, snacky-cake, good man!

(The fairy puts all the girls in a line, Sora first, then Mimi, Kari, and Yolei.)

Daria: You shalt be executed in this order.

Fairy: Now then.....(turns to Sora) Your true love is.....*beedeebeedee* HE WITH THE RIDICULOUS HAIR!

All: Sora, run! It's Davis!!!

(All the old-gen Digidestined look at Tai. All the new-gen look at Davis. T.K. looks at Matt, who smacks him.)

Satoshi: First Vela and Juno, now T.K. and Matt-

Christochi: I'll eat you if you don't stop.

Satoshi: I bet you say that to Jesanae evey single-

(SLAM!)

Satoshi: …ow…mommy…

Ken: Some clarification is in order, I think.

Christochi: You think?

Fairy: (points) That one.

Vela: Oh that's helpful!

(Sora jumps up and kisses Tai hard. His eyes get wide, and he sits down hard and barfs on the floor.)

Vela and Daria: (sarcastic) Oh, how romantic!!!

Kari: Eeew! Brother!

Satoshi: (Kari) Jeez, Tai, Joe just vacated the bathroom, you could have ran in there!

Sora: (dragging Tai by the pant leg) Bath-time, Tai.

Christochi: I have the feeling Sora'll be helping Tai take that bath.

Cartman: Kick ass!

Tai: Wurg.....

Christochi: (Captain Kirk) Warp 6, Mr. Sulu!

Satoshi: (Sulu) Yes, Captain.

Fairy: Now then....(causes windows to close to keep the guys from escaping)

Christochi: That SO reminds me of Resident Evil II.

Vela: Yeah, I remember that part too.

Cody: My mom TOLD me kissing was bad for you!

Daria: You mom's kinda nutty, kid.

Fairy: Now you, young lady!

Satoshi: Next up…

Mimi: Oh! Teehee!

Satoshi: Queen Braindead!

Fairy: Your true love is.....HE WHO CAN DECODIFY A SQUARK!

All: JIBBERISH! JIBBERISH! WHOMP, WHOMP!

(Izzy suddenly becomes aware of people peering at him over the computer screen.)

Satoshi: (Izzy) Um…yes…can I help you?

Izzy: Huh?

Vela: (Izzy) Whatever a squark is, I'll bet I can decodify it!

Davis: What's a squark?

Christochi: (Mork) Nanu, nanu!

Mimi: Yayyyy!

Cartman: (Mimi) Now I know how to make myself more expression-ful!!!

(She picks Izzy a full foot off the floor and kisses him. Apparently very well, because his head makes a popping sound and he floats towards the ceiling.)

Cartman: What a bitchin' airhead!

Christochi: A foot off the floor??? Izzy's not that short, I think…

Mimi: Oh, dear!

Vela: (Mimi) Now I've done it! I've made my beloved's head implode…again!

Cody: See? It's unhealthy, I tell ya!

Cartman: Seriously, Cody, if you don't stop being so annoying, I'm gonna have to start hucking rocks at you!

(Izzy opens his eyes, notices his current elevation, and plummets into Mimi's arms)

Satoshi: Does this mean Mimi's the male of the relationship?

Rest: (shudder)

Izzy: SQUARK!

Daria: It speaks!

All: (Jim Ross) OH MY!

Mimi: You're so cu-u-ute! (carries Izzy off)

Christochi: (Jay and Silent Bob) BONG!!!!

Fairy: Ah, love is so beautiful. You with the blue hair, stop blubbering. Now, your turn, Miss. (Kari steps up timorously) Your love is.....

Vela: Joe, Joe, Joe…stop being a baby!

Davis: ME! ME! (the fairy frowns and hits him with its tutu)

Daria: A tutu is a frilly piece of cloth that goes around the waist. How can he get hit by it?

Christochi: Perhaps Jesse meant "wand".

Satoshi: Does it have a wand?

Rest: (shrugs)

Fairy: Now, as I was saying....your true love is.....HE WHO SUCKS AT BOATING BUT STILL WEARS A BOATING HAT!

All: WE WONDER WHO THIS COULD BE?!?!

Kari: WHEEE!

Christochi: (Jay) Smokin' weed, smokin' weed, doin' coke, drinkin' beers!

(She leaps into T.K.'s arms and they kiss passionately. Davis combusts.)

All: (Michael Jackson) (singing) You've been hit by, you've been hit by - a smooth criminal!

Davis: NOOOOO! (he attempts to kill them with a barstool, but Matt breaks his glass of lemonade over his head)

Christochi: NO!!!!!!!! THE LEMONADE!!!!!!!!!!!

Matt: Rats. Waste of good lemonade.

Christochi: I concur.

Davis: Wurg.....

Daria: Christ, he IS a Tai-copycat, isn't he?

(Kari and T.K. skip, shedding flowers. Matt collects them, dumps them on Davis, and orders another lemonade.)

Vela: Hopefully the flowers will cover up the terrible stench.

All: (Crow T. Robot) UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN!

Fairy: All right, down to the last few pairs.....young man! Put that noose away this instant! Now, madam, your true love is.....HE WHO FRATERNIZES WITH WORMS!

Satoshi: This is SO Ken!

(Yolei looks at Davis, then back at the fairy with a pleading expression.)

Satoshi: Or not.

Fairy: Not that one, dummy!

Daria: Is Fairy talking about Yolei or Davis?

Davis: Hey!

Cartman: Aye!

(Yolei skips over, drags Ken out from under the table where he is hiding with Cody, kisses him, and drags him off under her arm.)

Cartman: (to Yolei) Screw you, hippie!

Cody: (coming out) It's safe now. He's done.

All: (WWF Fans) OH HELL YEAH!!!

Fairy: Foolish young one. Who says I'm done?

Christochi: Say I, says I.

Cody: But all the girls are gone! It's just us four guys!

Vela: Think you for stating the obvious, Cody.

Christochi: (Cody) IORI! MY NAME IS IORI!!!

Fairy: So?

All: Uh-oh!

(moment of silence)

All: (happily return the silence)

Cody, Joe, Davis & Matt: YAAA! NOOOOO!

Cartman: Hey, you know what? My grandma's Dutch-Irish, and my grandpa's Lesbian, that makes me quarter Lesbian!

Rest: What the hell…?

Fairy: Calm down. This isn't a yaoi fic. (Joe comes out from under the bar) I just wanted to let you know that just because your love isn't here, doesn't mean you don't have one.

Vela: (Fairy) Cody, I order you to bunghole Davis!

Rest: EEEEEK!!!!!!!!!

(Joe and Davis get drunk and weep in their root beer.)

Cartman: How the friggin' hell is it possible to get drunk on root beer???

Fairy: In fact, you-(points to Matt)-definitely have one.....she's just not in the Digiworld.....but her aura is so, ahm, vivid that I can't help but sense her. Hm.....I'd say she's got pretty dark hair.....likes the color red.....does things whether you want her to or not.....

Daria: How very descriptive and insightful.

Christochi: TOO descriptive and insightful.

Davis: Haw! Wait'll I tell *hic* my sister!

All: HAW HAW! DAVIS' A HORSE!!!

(Matt looks horrified and locks himself in the bathroom.)

Christochi: RUN MATT, DON'T BE A HERO!!!

Vela: …he DID run…

Christochi: …oh yeah…

Fairy: Now what's the matter with him? Besides, Jun's MY meant-to-be! (poses seductively)

All: (projectile vomit)

Davis: Sick.....*hic*

Cartman: I've got this damn song stuck in my head!

Christochi: Is it Barry Manalo?

Cartman: Yeah!

THE END

(all leave theater. Everyone but Vela and Chris remain)

Ishida: I believe I owe you an apology.

Vela: (sighs) Yeah, you do. Now everyone knows. I think the Misery Chick might keep quiet, but Satoshi and the fat one-

Cartman: (V.O.) Aye!

Vela: (sighs)

Ishida: (gives Vela a quick hug) You and Juno are always welcome here. Bring Lupus too; Keramon's been getting lonely since Lyeernmon and Mocimon're on vacation.

Vela: Thanks. See you in time. (leaves)

Ishida: Well, now that that's done, there's only one more thing left to do. (removes shirt and heads for the master bedroom) I'm coming, Jesse! ^_-!

The End