Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ My Glass Doll ❯ Break Like Glass ( Chapter 1 )

NOTES: Yeah ,yeah have to do one of these. I don't own Digimon nor the characters used (sucks huh?) DON'T SUE PLEASE!!
Don't contact me saying I spelt "colour" or "favourite" or something like that wrong, I'm British I use British spellings not American so I'm afraid to the one who commented you will have to live with it "color" being spelt with a u in =)

Hehehe What another Jyouto/Yamajyou ficcie from me? Can't you tell I love them ;) I wonder if there are any other fans *looks* Oh well enjoy J+Y fans and review ^^
*WARNING* Some language is used is about attempted suicide, contains blood and more blood! Broken families, depression, the use of drugs plus have Yaoi flavour throughout.
Deicated to: Waaaa!! This has taken me a year but I finally written the first chapter!! This is for the three/two people who help me with this idea and all those who helped me last year LOVE YOU -^_^-

By WerewolfGirl

Late evening and I finally get home, unlocking the door apartment's door and stepping inside not closing the door fully behind me. I kicked off my shoes in a disorderly fashion against the step and threw my green blazer and school bag in a heap. I didn't care if I was being messy even if my dad and me where on an agreement to keep the place tidy, we both will just mess it up again in a month's time. I'd just come home from another concert normally I would be on a high for hours but recently I've lost all love and passion for what I do. I don't get the pleasure I usually get off it, I'm normally on a buzz for hours afterwards and go off for a drink later with my band members even if we where underage to have alcohol but that's what performing does it makes us not care for the rules. But now I get out on stage and I perform as I usual but deep in my heart I don't feel like it all I'm doing is wearing a mask for my adoring fans I'm lying to them all.
I'm not their sexy blond rock god they see when they see me on stage singing my soul out to them and playing up just to get the crowd worked up, blow kisses to the screaming fan girls all yelling my name in a roar of noise. In tears as I start off one of the heart moving love songs I had written or jump as high as they can when we really set of some rocky beat to grab and embrace me in their arms. I loved that but not anymore now when I go one stage I feel nothing for that crowd of people all paid money to see me and my band and call my name, I feel nothing for the words I'm singing I feel nothing at all about anything. I'm numb the over welling passion I had to be loved and to show off my talent has died in me like the flame of creativity has been blown out.

I walk over to my bedroom door and just put in my guitar just inside as I turn on my socked feet to the kitchen area to grab a drink as I did not go off drinking with the boys today. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and took the Fruit Juice out of the fridge and poured myself a drink, watching the orange liquid starting to chill the glass on impact as I poured. I did not bother myself to put the juice carton back in the fridge and walked over the seating area and slumped on the sofa taking a long draft from my glass.
My eyes turned and looked at the side table next to me, the fading sunlight from the window gently poured into the room going everything a rich warm glow and highlighted the glass on the frames. Dad had become quite proud of his new rock star son that there were photos of me of all different ages starting back at me with my same sapphire blue eyes and golden locks. I smiled softly to myself as I looked at the photo only taken two months ago of Dad and me. Father and son arms around each other, Father laughing eyes full of pride embracing his innocently smiling son.
Another photographs beside that one in a silver frame, a picture telling another story of the past. A woman sitting down smiling up with a sweet seductive smile for the person behind the camera holding two young blonde haired and blue eyes boys each with big grins on their angelic faces. The only photograph in this house that I know of with my mother in it, the picture taken by my father 2 or 3 years before the divorce that torn our happy little family in too.

If it was not for that I would always be with my little brother instead of having to visit or get permission to stay the night we could be a normal family and me and Takeru could go to the same school. Not that that was a place I was happy with being in either. School pressure was mounting up upon me major exams where coming up and teachers where coming back to us with huge amounts of homework and nagging for us to cram as much of their subjects mindless crap into our heads. So the workloads and the hour upon hour-long lettuces was making us into mindless zombies and taking away any of our free time. Plus this did not help me at all my band members didn't seem to bothered with band practice, performances and getting homework in on time. I seemed to be the only one cracking under the pressure. That photograph those carefree and happy days where had they gone from my life?
Couldn't I just rewind time just for a moment back to when I was five again and live my happy ways as I did play with Takeru in the park and enjoy both my parents love being showered onto me.
But it is impossible to go back in time but also there was no way of stopping time either just to stop all these things in my life and chill out for a moment without my mind accidentally wondering into those thoughts.

Sighing I places my half empty glass on the small table only to have been misjudged the space on it and knocking one of the picture frames onto the floor. I jumped slightly in surprise the twinkling noise of braking glass waking me to my senses and what I just had done. I huffed alittle angrily at myself for being so clumsy and got down on to the pale floor on my hands and knees to clean up the mess.
Turning over the picture frame I see spider webs of cracks in the glass and shards of it over the floor and there I saw yet again the smiling faces of Takeru, mum and me. I sighed a little dreamily if only I could do that for a second just break into pieces and lie on the ground where no one will be able to put me back together. There I will be broken in tiny bits happy to be free of the burden of life, if only it was so easy to break like glass.
What was there now to stop me doing so right now? I could break all humans are fragile too I can break and be at easy for a moment and no one will bother me. Dad's at work and will not be home for hours and not like I get many visitors. Just for an hour to be free to be unchained for the world around me and be free, to set myself free like a white dove trapped in a dull iron cage.

I placed the picture frame back on the floor without a second glance to it and picked up the largest shard of glass that lay in front of me, I slid backwards so my back rested against the chair and held the glass up the fading light from the window. It glimmered and sparkled so beautifully that it brought a small smile to my face. Unbuttoning the cuff of my white school shirt pushed the material up my arm to my elbow revealing my creamy white skin and the wrist of my right hand. So slowly I lowered the sharpest edge to my skin and pushed pressure onto it and cut along my wrist.
As soon as the edge pieced my skin a burning pain shot up my arm causing me to cry out once it had been dragged along my wrist, in anger of my pain I threw the shard across the room causing it to shatter. Breathing heavily from the pain I held up my right wrist in front of my eyes, the thick red liquid of life flowed down my arm from my wound, dripping onto the floor around me and running down my arm in a trickle so it was staining my white shirt. All I could do was blankly stare at this and smile and laugh to myself, I had done it I was free my blood was going away from me it was escaping I was free at last. No more worries all I had to do was lie here for a while and feel the burdens that where on my shoulder lift off.

~*~

I was coming home from the library again I was working late but I had got out of school late again, medical school was indeed annoying sometimes but it was what my father wanted me to be a doctor. I didn't want to be a doctor I still no sure if I want to or not but I was studying anyway. I walked past the apartment block Yamato Ishida lived in and thought that it would not hurt to stop and see if my old friend was in, surly the blonde teenager would not mind me see how he was it had been a while since I had seen him. He was always so busy with his band that the last time our group was meant to meet up Ishida didn't even turn up but sent all his apologies and love to us all. I'd walked past this building three times this week this was the fourth but I just had the feeling deep inside myself nagging me to go and visit him at once. Well I walked up the concrete steps to his floor wondering why I had this feeling that I must go and see him, he might not be even at home either.

I turned the corner and walked past five doorways until I reach the door of apartment 202, Yamato's apartment, the door was open ajar. Odd I curiously held the door handle and knocked politely on the door before opening it and calling out. "Hello?" No reply back I looked down and noticed Yamato school things in an untidy pile well that answered my question if Yamato was home or not. "Yamato?"

I felt uneasy for a moment should I go further in and check his room to see if he was in there and he hadn't heard me call but he was adored by girls everywhere I didn't want to go in there in case he had company. Oh well I was willing to be embarrassed alittle if that where to happen, I walked further into the apartment minding to take my shoes off at the door I ended up stopping dead in my tracks and at once feel my jaw drop.

There in front of my eyes I could see my dear young friend head back resting on the seat of the chair eyes closed lying in a pool of crimson red blood. Oh lord what had happened here? I rushed forwards my hands grabbing each of his broad shoulder and looking at him shaking his shoulders just alittle to grab his attention, I held my hand up against his cheek to hold his face up so I could see it more clearly. "Yamato"! Yamato! What's happened here? Oh god your freezing Yamato! Can you hear me?"

~*~

I murmured alittle as I heard someone call and then starting to shake me awake and talk to me in some fast panic tone. Slowly I willed myself to open my eyes waking myself up from alittle dream world of pure relaxation I was in to look at the face in front of me, to took me a moment for my eyes to focus the face. Long navy blue hair, liquid black eyes so deep to look into and glasses and the to wearing height over me, no one else could be this person my dear Kido Jyou. I smiled softly though the muscles in my face felt so tired they didn't feel like they where working to me, I don't know how long I had been lying in my mini dream world but his panicked voice and questions I could not answer. "Have you ever wanted to break?"
I asked him I didn't know why I said it that was just the first thing in my mouth from my brain, I didn't care much for the answer I could feel myself being free and this feeling was great nothing more to worry about anymore.

~*~

I looked at Yamato relieved that he was indeed awake but the expression he wore was that of someone who had just woken up or was just about to fall asleep. This was no a good sign we had been taught to make sure an injured person does not go to sleep. By the feel of his skin he was already cold I don't know how long he must have been here but it looked like he had lost a lot of blood. I didn't answer his question he asked of me all I could do was look at me and they see his poor slashed wrist; I could feel my heart break. This was a suicide attempt, but why I knew Yamato had issues in the past but I thought he had sorted them all out. Last time I saw him he was happy what had happened what had made him try and take his own life. This realisation was starting to eat up at me inside I never thought I would be in a situation where I would me et an Suicidal patient or even see my friends in this state but where I was kneeling next to Yamato spilling his blood all over the carpet.

I was about to ask him why when I heard footsteps behind me only to turn and see Mr Ishida right behind me the look of poor shock and terror on his face and also a mixture of anger in there as well. He must have worked out by sight what had happened or something to that sort. "What the hell! Yamato what have you done you stupid boy, what are you doing killing yourself!" He roared.
I had never seen Yamato's father yell at him like that before he was angry I could tell he walked over to stand over his son. I looked from Mr Ishida's face to his son who was looking upwards at him his youthful face changing from a dull expression into a scowl. Mr Ishida walked up very close to the side of Yamato glaring back at the blond youth.

~*~

I stood looking at Jyou's face all I could do was stare into those ink black eyes of his and his long blue hair until I got distracted by my father shouting at me. Killing myself what the hell did he mean I was freeing myself that's all only for an hour or so, not ending my own life? I glance down at my wrist and all I could see was blood all over my hand fall out of a long medium deep wound of my torn up flesh I could feel the numbing pausing pain coming from it. It was true I was killing myself, the blood my precious life fluid was slowly pumping out of my body, I could see myself dying in front of it. How could death feel like this so pleasurable to be free, I wanted to feel like this and so death was to keep this carefree feeling I choose death!
I looked at my father the sun light before me was highlighting his few grey hairs in his short brown hair, he didn't understand me at all. "I'm not stupid! It's my life I can choose what I do in it so I should also be able to choose when I leave it… I want this leave me alone let me be free!"
I yelled at him though my voice cracked slightly on pain and a cough, as I seemed to have no energy in my voice to go that loud. Shaking got to my feet and went to walk away from me but he grabbed my right arm just above the elbow making me growl back at him as me spoke in a nasty tone. "Well at the moment your living in my house and under my rules and I'm not going to let you do this we're going to the hospital right now!"
"Get off me you Bustard!" Never had I ever once turned around to my dad and swear at him like I did then anger I forced my injured arm free of his grip the strength I used I didn't realise the power of it. I freed myself but stumbled backwards falling into the chair behind me bashing my already injured arm in the process. Like fire a pain ran up my arm causing me to yell so loudly in pain like I had never had before, I cradled my bleeding arm against my chest screwing my eyes up tightly to stop the tears coming to my eyes.

~*~

I was shocked at my friend's behaviour sure he was a rebel in his youth but I would never figure that he would actually swear at his father like that. I looked at him in an admiring way for a moment; I had always wanted to turn around to my father and swear so blindly at him like that but I would not dare not against my father, he would think I was turning into my brother or something. Little Jyou the last son to be a doctor from the Kido family as my older brother Shin had already rebelled, I wish I could but I don't have the power in me to do so. My Dad was the boss of the family everyone did as he said apart from my elder brother the tare away but my father was quick to make sure I was nailed down in his idea of what he wanted to me to be. I had always admired Yamato for his ability to stand up to others but now watching him I could tell this was not the time to be admiring.

I looked worried at Yamato as he fell back onto the chair screaming out in pain, it was beating me up I had no clue what was going on in the older Ishida's head but it must have been like mine but ten times worst with worry. I stared at Yamato sadly I could see he was fighting back tears one thing I knew about him was that he would never let anyone see him cry even when he most wanted to. That was his pride I was so crazy enough to admire since we first went to the digital world together all those years ago.

"Yamato… Son I'm sorry, please let me take you to hospital and get you cleaned up and we'll talk about it later" Mr Ishida spoke in a calm and collected voice, his son didn't reply he had stopped screwing his eyes up but had them closed still. Hiroaki looked back at me suddenly. "Kido, look for a clean cloth or something to slow the bleeding down he needs to go to a hospital at once!"
"Yes Sir." I replied at once and was up on my feet into the small kitchen of the apartment looking for anything that would help; now I was pleased that I was being trained as a doctor. I searched though the drawers and cabinets pulling out a clean dishcloth and going through the fridge freezer finding some ice, well it might not be high-quality medical gear but it would do. Rushing back over to where the two Ishida's where, I looked at Yamato as he cradled his arm. His blond hair had fallen onto his paling face his sapphire blue eyes where half closed looking drunkenly at his father in front of him who took all the things from my hands, my eyes lingered on his face before down to his torn arm. Being wrapped up so neatly with ice Yamato did not seem to even react the to the cold placed on his cut. He could have more or less been a statue if it had not been for the red liquid pouring out of his wound staining his white shirt and beige trousers.
"Okay this will do for now, Kido help me take him to the hospital before it's…" Hiroaki broke off his words I noted his expression change, he had fear in his eyes though he was trying to hide it, I knew what he was thinking. Before it's too late.
I was numbed at the thought I didn't do anything but watch the elder gentleman bend down and pick his son up in both of his arms and carry him to the door, Yamato looking half limp in trying to hold himself up in the arms of his father. I followed closing the door behind us as I followed like a lost puppy behind them.

~*~

I didn't reply to my father my head was being to hurt, I felt the ice chilling my skin numbing it though I felt cold already. I gave not protest or fight when I was picked up from the ground into Hiroaki holding me so protectively close to his chest and he carried me out of the apartment. Over his broad shoulder I could just make out the elder teen following us looking so lost and confused. My poor Jyou what have I done but scare my friend I wish he didn't see me like this how this all must be torturing his mind. I watched him as best I could in my situation as he followed us like he was attracted by an invisible rope to where my dad's van lay parked outside. The cold night air nipped at my toes or so I thought it did or was it this cold I felt before taking over me more.
Jyou pulled opening the slide door at the side and watched as I was just propped up in the back sit, I looked at him his face was so hurt. I could not look at him anymore I closed my eyes wishing to myself that he would just leave I don't want him to see me like this, I don't want to hurt him anymore what ever happened to me I don't want him to be here. I wished but it did not work I felt a body sit next to me the door slamming shut followed by the sound of another door shutting and the engine starting up. I was afraid to open my eyes to see who was sitting next to me, why was he coming please just get out I don't want you to get hurt leave now.

:I opened by eyes and looked at the person next to him, my eyes locking onto the big dark pools two strands of his blue hair had fallen in the way of his left eye, his expression so forlorn and caring. He was indeed a good friend for staying but stupid I don't want him to get hurt I don't want him to see my end, I could here death in my ears already. I don't want him to remember me in my last minutes of life like this; no he was far to precious? Yes to precious to me this horrible and slow death.
"Yamato?"
His voice it sounded more like an echo, no don't tell me I'm slipping away again I can feel myself going. I reached and clutched onto him taking up as much of the material of his blue blazer and white shirt as I could, my brow resting on his shoulder.
"Don't leave me, please don't let me go."
I could feel myself crying, the tears I so longed the shed all my life the tears I sworn that no one may ever to see me cry, I just let go my death was coming I knew it. I clung to him with all the strength I could; no he can't leave me I don't want to go anymore that I want to stay. I felt an arm around me a strong hand holding me on my ribs a faint whisper in my ear. "I'll never leave you a promise"
Was I crying more at the sound of these words? I don't know I was feeling more tired now my head was spinning I could barely see anymore with blurs from my tears welling up. I was slipping I can't feel myself holding him as tightly as I was in my one handed grip, I felt like I was falling there's more darkness around me can I hear death breathing on the back of my neck. I'm not ready I refused I don't want to go to death's open arms, he's calling my name I can here it. Please no just take away my pain but let me stay here with the ones I love, Jyou please help me…

~*~

I held onto Yamato as he lay on me, my heart was breaking even more as I could heard his sobs and felt his tears falling onto my shoulder, his grip on me was loosing it's strength with each passing second. I was numb I could hear the cars outside and the horn beeping as Hiroaki tried to push his way through all the traffic about us.
Though inside this moving automobile was only the silence being every so often cut by the wreaked teen's quiet sobs.

He was like a dead weight against me but I did not care and clung to his lithe body, I could feel him breathing with a more desperate effort quietly murmuring things I could not make out. My poor Yamato I promise not to leave you if you don't leave me. Where did my rebel go? Where was his fighting spirit that I have admired for so long? I beg to all the powers that be don't take him away from this world. He has his whole life in front of him, he's loved by everyone he has so many fans who adore his musical talent his friends and family, Gabumon he waited forever to find Yamato. He can't go not when there are so many people out there who love him, so many people his death will hurt along with them all I will be crushed. I care and love him too much to allow him to die; I'm not going to let him go not with out me trying to help him. Am I right? Did I say I loved him well maybe I do after all these years I've watched admired and looked up to him I guess I do love him after the events of the Digi-world he'd said he owed me for looking after his younger brother. Well you can repay that debt for staying alive.
I pulled his alittle closer to me as I felt his grip loosen from my shirt and blazer. He coughed only slightly but it was enough to make his whole form shake he was just becoming so weak even the tea towel on his arm was showing signs of the blood loss.
"Hold on Yamato, we're almost there just five more streets" I said rubbing his shoulder reassuringly not like it would help that much to him.

~*~

My head spinning like it was stuck on those swing chairs going around and around, I felt tired my eyelids felt as if the mere lashes weighed a ton, that I couldn't open them. I feel like I'm falling now my senses going with me wherever I was going, was I drowning in this darkness? I can hear a voice whose voice? Jyou? My head is swimming I opened my eyes all I can see his the dark colour of his blazer the faint smell of his after-shave. It must have been him he was talking he said something then there was a long pause then more talking, another voice my fathers. I can't heard what their saying there's a wailing of wind in my ears how is that? Oh god I feel so tired let me sleep maybe the pain will leave me once more. I closed my eyes once more I'll just sleep for alittle while I'll dream up something better than this hell I created.
"Yamato, Yamato"
A voice echoing in my head, what do you want I'm tired let me sleep and dream for a while I'll come back, I felt two hands drag me from where I was a breeze hit my face, there was some sound of noise and high-pitched wailing. Where was I the hospital? I forced my eyes open yet again the world was blurry there where figures running here and there sliding doors, my feet where on t he floor now. My legs shook under the weigh of my own being my knees buckled I about to crumble to the floor how a rug doll would when left to stand on it's own legs unaided. Someone caught me a strong arm latched it's around my under my arms across my chest, faintly I could smell that cologne again that Jyou wore. I turned my head to see him around him was a blur but his face looked focused and perfect his expression I could see it but I didn't register it in my brain. I've become stupid in this slow death and the numbing pain of my arm once forgotten for a bliss moment but back as the ice was all gone. I moved my eyes off the face and looked at my wrapped up wrist, the tea-bowl was stained with the crimson red liquid that flowed from the torn flesh beneath it the white cloth was made to look dark compared to my paling skin.
The bloods on this makeshift bandage my own, how much entire do I bleed, how much of this liquid do I have inside me or did have? Oh looking at it my stomach knotted up and jumped, I feel sick more now my head it was making the sights around me dance and swim in colours, red was over my vision I felt sick. Once more my stomach jumped so hard my shoulder and head moved forward and then and then I vomited up what ever contains my stomach contained.

Here I am, Ishida Yamato the front man for Teenage Wolves being held up on his own feet his wrist bleeding out his life force, hair fallen out of it's style and sweat and dark rings around those bright blue eyes. Forcing himself backwards after vomiting up what ever dignity was left in this young rock star, looking at the blurry world I can't make out in detail no longer the sounds, smells fading away a darkness falling over now so I may sleep. I close my eyes once more to this world I'm going I've slipped I will dream now as my body wills it, to my friends and family I say good night to you all and that I loved you. Remember me…

~*~

We where at the hospital I held fast on to Yamato while his father dashed after the paramedics, stewards and which ever doctor yelling for help. I talked to Yamato as his father told me too, try and keep him with us try and get him to focus on a voice he said. His face turned to mine he looked confused he was staring at me like I was some strange I could see my face reflected in those clear blue pools, I only wish I knew what he was thinking. I watched him in a sadden way as he stared at his own arm in horror, oh I wish I could read minds and read what this blond urchin was thinking what was crawling around his brain.
I felt him lurch beside me as the stomach contents splattered across the paved floor outside of the hospital just missing my shoes, oh it made me want to be sick now. Though I felt him stand up with a greater strength in him his eyes looked wide before closing slowly his whole entire body seemed to have shut off as he fell backwards.
It was a good thing I was here to hold him and catch him before his head cracked on the hard concrete.

My Yamato, I held onto him trying to shake him again I could not hardly feel his chest moving to take in the oxygen he need to fill his lungs, my dark eyes where crying now as I tired to rouse my friend, my best friend even. He lay in my arms pale and while his fair hair away hanging off the angelic face, like those of statues in a peaceful slumber. Others came taking him out of my arms lifting him onto a trolley bed saying medical things quickly out each other, I knew what they where I'd studied them for so long and the equipment they where requesting at once. Fluids, Drugs, crash cart, oxygen mask, pints of blood all the things now becoming mixed in my ears as I watched them race off with the bed. Yamato lying so still as if he was made out of marble from his complexion so silent around the babble of noise about him. I went to run after them but was grabbed by a nurse holding me back. "I sorry you can't follow him, please will you follow me to the relatives room." I stood but allowed myself to be steered into the cosy little room along with Hiroaki who was shocked and looked like he was fighting back the tears in his dark brown eyes, he felt the same as me or worst even as that was his son. I felt wrong to be here I wasn't related, I was a friend and I knew that I did not want to stay in here. My father was a doctor I knew what this room was about they shoved desperate family members or people who care for a victim in here away from a waiting room to give them bad news. Oh please don't let this be bad news, Yamato don't you dare leave us here don't leave.

Will Yamato be alright? Well you'll just have to find out in the next chapter ;)
Feedback would be lovely to let me know what you guys think ^^ After you took the time to read this!