Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Never Gonna Fly ❯ I Want to know ( Chapter 2 )

Everyone wants me to make more of this, so here is the sequel! Enjoy, and please review!
This part is still the same scene as before, with Davis.

I Wanted to Know
By: Crysie

**~**

"There's Nothing to say. I'm never gonna fly."

It was at that moment Davis leapt up, clenching his fists with a complete look of determination set upon his face. "You can't give up! You can fly too, but you've got to tell someone. Tell T.K.! Tell your Mom! God, even tell Jun if you have to! But someone needs to know."

"You know," Matt whispered softly, sending his gaze towards Davis

"I... yeah, I do know." Davis took a seat again. "But I don't know how to help you."

"I don't need any help," the blonde snapped. "I didn't ask for that."

"Then why did you come to my door step asking to fly? You want to be happy just like me and T.K. And you can be. Never give up! Don't you remember when we were fighting MaloMyotismon? It was all about going for your dreams. We can all make it through rough times and live our lives."

"Yeah, but aren't you forgetting that at the time I was dating Sora?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with it. I wasn't... I wasn't in love with Tai. I was innocent. Okay, so I'm not as innocent as T.K. and Kari, but I was still what everyone calls 'normal'. And I didn't worry about such trivial things such as my love for Tai, which was only a crush at the time."

"So what? You need to do something. I hate seeing a fellow Digidestined, who's also my boyfriend's brother, looking so down. Come, we're going to see T.K."

A cry of protest escaped Matt's lips. "No, you can't! No, no, no! I can't tell him!"

"Why not?"

"I don't want to lay the burden on him. I came here to tell you this, so that you could maybe reassure everything is okay with me to T.K. If you said that I am fine, he'll listen to you. That's the only reason I'm here, and that is so you can tell him I'm okay."

Davis growled. "But I can't lie to T.K. I love him too much, and if he found out, that could be the end of our relationship. I won't lie."

"Please, Davis? I'm asking you to be a friend, for I know I am not being a good friend anymore, though I am the Keeper of Friendship. You have that gift too. Please?"

A long moment of silence passed where Matt got unhappy glances his way from the brunette who's physical features slightly resembled the object of his affection's.

"Fine, I'll lie to T.K. But you have to do one thing for me."

"What's that?"

"You can't tell anyone what I wrote on T.K.'s boxers."

**~**

Yet another grumble (for that wasn't the first, and won't be the last) came from Davis as he made his way to the love of his life's apartment. In his heart he knew this was wrong; and that if things backfired, he would make his boyfriend upset and it could lead to the point where their relationship could be destroyed.

But he made a promise, and it was that he intended to keep.

He knew T.K.'s mother wouldn't be home tonight, and usually he was more than excited to be able to kiss his boyfriend in privacy. Today was no exception.

The door opened after Davis knocked, revealing his beautiful blonde with a smile that no one else had; with the exception of himself, of course. At least that's what he thought.

Immediately T.K. pulled Davis inside and pounced on him like a wild animal, smothering the brunette in kisses.

Davis decided the best way to say that was fine is if he pretended to be his usual self, which really wasn't that hard... yet. And so, this was what Davis did: make out with his boyfriend like he had originally planned to do before Matt had ever turned up on his door step.

A little more than an hour passed and still, the two thirteen year old boys were making out, but this time were on the sofa.

If anyone saw the pair, they would be surprised for two reasons: one, because nobody knew of their relationship and some might be horrified to learn; and two, the boys were in nothing but their boxers, touching in places that usually older people did to each other.

"Mmm, T.K.?" Davis was now trying to push the blonde off of him, wanting to get the burden off his mind that was torturing him every other second that he didn't think about what T.K. was doing.

"Yeah?" T.K. sat up, beginning to straddle Davis's leg, and he pulled him onto his lap.

"I know you're worried about your brother..."

"Yeah I am. But he doesn't want to speak, so that's his problem. I can't waste my time trying to figure out what the problem is anymore. I know it sounds mean, but I just can't. If he needs me, he'll come. I know it."

I wouldn't be so sure, he thought. "Well T.K., I think Matt's okay. I'm sure he is positively fine."

"You're joking, right?" pointed out T.K, "He's a zombie right now! Whenever I try to talk to him, it's like he's not there. He seems awfully pale, and no matter how many times he smiled the other day, I knew they were all forced."

"Yeah, but he's older, T.K. He can take care of himself. I am just saying that you don't need to worry."

"How can you be so insensitive?" cried out T.K. as he shoved his boyfriend off of him.

Davis pulled T.K. closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. "I'm sorry, but I hate seeing you like this. I love you so much, T.K. Please don't be mad at me. I just don't want you to worry so much."

"I'll try not to," the blonde whispered, relaxing into Davis' arms.

"Besides, you'll get one of those worrying lines above your nose and it'll ruin your perfect face."

T.K. laughed softly, snuggling even closer to his boyfriend. "I love you, Davis. And if you don't want me to worry, I won't."

**~**

It was a few weeks later and Matt was a bit relieved, and yet, was strained.

It was relieving that T.K. listened to Davis, though Davis went quite ballistic in front of Matt for putting him in that situation and even began crying.

That was part of the stress, for the guilt he put on Davis got to him because that was his own brother's boyfriend, and he hurt him by doing that. Then he was also trying to remain hidden as much as possible. He hid in his room, mostly, and snuck out at night to get something to eat. As soon as he came home, he went straight into his room, pretending to do homework. And that's how it went on until one day when he got a phone call.

"Hello?"

"Hi Matt. It's Kari."

An urge to hang up the phone struck Matt, but he didn't really blame Kari for her brother's stupidity. He also didn't know what to say to the girl, for she was only thirteen and might not know about her brother.

"Hi Kari," he managed to say.

"I know what's going on. Don't shut my brother out, please. He's been crying for weeks, hasn't eaten more than a meal a day, and stays in his room twenty four hours a day, well at least when he's not in school."

"Well how would you like it, Kari? You have no idea how much pain it caused me to see that!"

"Huh? See what? What are you talking--"

The young girl was suddenly cut off, a dead silence taking place. He was confused for a moment until he realized someone must have hung up her phone or pulled the cord.

I guess she doesn't know. Tai must have lied... Him and his stupid lies! Matt choked down a sob since he hated to cry, though he was alone in the apartment.

A jaded sigh came from Matt, and he felt like taking a nap, but something made him take a look outside. From the view of the apartment, he could see Davis and T.K. walking; and they weren't just walking, but laughing, entwining their hands together (though they wouldn't stay like that for long, so that no one could figure out they're together), and the occasional sneaked kiss that would happen when nobody was around.

Matt was envious.

Then he could see T.K. wave goodbye to his boyfriend and run towards the Kamiya apartment; and Davis took one last look, making sure that T.K. was inside, before he began heading in his direction.

Matt decided to meet Davis downstairs, so that's exactly what he did. He was almost afraid of the look in the brunette's eyes when they met.

"I hated doing that and if you ever make me lie to T.K. again, I'll... I'll... hrmph. I can't do much to you since T.K. would kill me, anyway."

"Davis I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, but now T.K.'s less worried, right?"

"Does that answer your question?" Davis pointed towards the Kamiya residence. "T.K. is there right now trying to get answers."

"Why didn't you stop him?"

"What? Do you actually think Tai would tell him?"

"Davis, I asked you to keep him relaxed, and not worry about me. What if he finds out about Tai and my dad? What if he finds out they slept together?"

"So what if he does? He's your brother and you should keep him informed. I tried, but I'm no miracle worker. You know your brother and he'll never give up. Hello, isn't that the reason why he got his crest?"

Matt turned away, knowing the young boy was right. His eyes met with another pair of blue ones, lighter than his own.

"So this is what's going on?" the younger blonde asked in a tiny voice. "Dad slept with Tai? You-- you didn't tell me?"

Both males seemed to lose their voice, only staring at the boy whom they both cared for.

"Davis, how could you? You guys planned this out -- not to tell me?"

An anguishing cry came from Davis' lips. "Don't hate me, T.K.! Please! I can't lose you. You're brother asked me out of friendship."

T.K. seemed to be ignoring Davis, staring at own his brother. "You should have told me. I could have helped you--"

"No you couldn't have. I don't need help, okay? There's nothing wrong."

Matt walked away with Davis pleading and T.K. scowling.

**~**

I wonder why he would do it though? Why? What would motivate him to actually sleep with Dad? He couldn't have just said 'I don't like how Matt's acting... let's have sex.' I wonder what he was feeling? I want to understand. I want our friendship back more than anything, but I'm so confused. I feel love for him, but I never actually been loved by someone else. I want to know exactly how Tai feels. It's the only way to get our friendship back.

As Matt pondered while walking home, he felt eyes stare upon him, thus, breaking his chain of thoughts.

Davis was looking furiously at him, his eyes burning with rage and agony. "It's all your fault! He left me!"

That's when the first punch was swung, hitting Matt square in the jaw. He staggered back, falling against a wall.

"He left me and it's all your fault!" Tears were falling down his cheeks as he threw another punch into Matt's stomach.

Gasping for breath, the blonde clutching his stomach fell on his knees.

"Davis, what are you doing?"

Davis ignored the voice that was calling to him, his eyes still burning. "You're stupid lie caused me my relationship with T.K. to fall! I wish you would have never told me about Tai and your dad."

"When did those two get together? But Davis top hurting him! It's my fault, not his!"

Matt looked up to see Tai trying to restrain Davis, who was sobbing hysterically. And all the struggling stopped as the poor thirteen year old began to cry; but this time, it wasn't with fury, but with anguish.

"It's not fair. I love him so much."

Matt found his breath, and even his voice. "Davis , I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Blame me for everything. Blame me. I'm going to talk to my brother."

"Don't bother, I'll talk to him later. I'm sorry," Davis grumbled. But he sounded sincere, so Matt accepted his apology. Davis walked away, crying softly to himself.

Matt had to press his eyes together to keep himself from crying. That and his jaw and stomach hurt more than ever.

"Let's get you home."

Matt could feel Tai's strong arms hold him up as the pair walked upstairs, back into Matt's apartment. When they got inside, Matt immediately sat down while Tai hovered over him.

"Want me to get you something? Maybe I should get you some ice for your jaw."

"It's fine." Matt swallowed. "Please leave."

"Matt, you're my best friend I need you as my friend. Can't we just work something out? We always could when we got into other fights."

"Other fights aren't about your best friend sleeping with your dad. What if I were to do that?"

"You already asked that last time. Besides, you didn't, so there's no point in me dwelling on that."

"This is why it's so difficult." Matt stood up and bushed past Tai, heading towards his room.

"Why? Can't you understand that I just made a mistake?"

Matt stopped when he was inside his bedroom. "Because I don't understand."

"Understand what? Sex?"

Matt scowled.

"Just kidding. Now what don't you understand?"

"Why you did this. What drove you to this. You said that it was because of me, but I didn't force you to sleep with anyone."

"It just felt right at the time."

"Then how did you feel?"

A flush crept along Tai's cheeks. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Then show me." The words popped out faster than he even had time to think, and he couldn't take them back.

"Show you? You mean like we have sex?"

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but wordlessly he nodded.

"I don't know."

"Just do it."

"Well, I was sort of the one who kissed your dad first, and if you want to pretend to be me, then you better kiss me first."

This was it. Matt's first time kissing Tai, and he would never forget the way his lips felt against Tai's, nor would he forget when he parted his lips to let Tai's tongue enter.

Tai broke away and whispered, "And then he kissed my neck like this."

His voice was hot inside Matt's ear, causing him to shiver and lean against Tai for support. Trails of kisses went down his neck, and where the flesh was softer, he could feel small nips and bites.

Matt's hand left his side and was placed just underneath Tai's armpits while the other was brought to his side, pressing them closer.

"And then my shirt was took off... But in your case, we'll just unbutton it."

After both his and Tai's shirt were disregarded, he began unfastening Matt's pants. And soon, both pants were laying on a heap on the floor; boxers coming right after.

"I need you... Please..." Quite a few more mumbled words also came from Matt's lips as Tai's hands roamed his body, touching him in places that he'd only dreamed of.

Matt was pushed back softly onto the bed, passionately kissing the boy he loved so much, yet hurt him so deeply. Tai broke the kiss and reached into his pants pocket on the floor, but managed to be stroking Matt, causing him to moan loudly. He pulled out exactly what he was looking for: a tube of lube.

After stretching his soon-to-be lover, he coated himself and entered, causing a significant pain at first that soon subsidized into a mixture of pleasure and emotion. And when the blonde came, he arched his back and fell back on his back with a soft thud. The brunette collapsed on top, breathing heavily down Matt's neck.

Matt desperately wanted to say something, --say anything-- but he found himself speechless and exhausted, and the only thing he could do was wrap his arms around Tai's waist and bring him closer.

**~**

For at least two hours Matt was sleeping, and still, he slept on. Tai didn't. He didn't move a muscle, only allowed Matt's arms to wrap around him loosely and breathe down his neck.

I shouldn't have slept with him. It was wrong. He's going to regret losing his virginity to me. Ugh, why did I sleep with two Ishidas?

Tai sighed, but then froze when the person next to him stirred. A drip fell on his neck and the first instinct was that it was raining. In the house? Then he felt confused until Matt mumbled a few words.

"I love you so much. How could you hurt me so badly?"

He wasn't sure if he should respond. After all, he was convinced that Matt thought he was asleep, and saying something might make the blonde upset. Soft breathing was soon heard a few minutes later, and Tai hoped Matt was fell back asleep.

This was such a mistake...

**~**

One blue eye popped open, scanning around what was before him, which happened to be an empty bedside. Where's Tai?

He bolted upright, the covers falling to his lap, and glanced around the room. Any clothes that were there the previous night, were gone. Including his own, which were hung over a chair. Matt sulkily got up and began dressing.

Why'd he leave? I shouldn't have opened up to him last night. I shouldn't have slept with him! But I needed to know how he felt, I needed to feel everything to understand. And I do now. I wish I could tell him how much I love him.

A knock was heard at the door and Matt didn't know whether to answer it or keep whoever at the door at bay. Finally, the door opened anyway.

"Hey," said Tai.

"Hey. Where did you go?"

"I just got up and went to use the bathroom."

Matt laughed bitterly. "Probably not. You've had sex with two Ishidas, why not try to have sex again within twenty four hours?"

"Don't. You know it's over between us."

Another bitter laugh. "Who's 'us'? Me or my dad?"

"Your dad and me, okay? We aren't anymore! And I want you to stop telling people because it is none of your damn business."

Matt looked away. "I haven't told many people, anyway. Just Davis and then T.K. found out. But I won't tell anymore. I'll put that away into this tiny box forever and ever and then I'll be this fucked up person because of it! What do you think, Tai? That it isn't traumatizing to see your dad and best friend fucking each other? Well it was, and it was only so long before I would crack!"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--"

"Save it. It doesn't matter anyway. I know how you felt now, and I understand perfectly. You only came seeking a good fuck, didn't you?"

"That isn't it at all. Well... maybe, but no! No!"

"That's why you slept with me too. I"m only a good fuck."

"Don't say that, Matt. I slept with you because you were curious, and I wanted to show you."

Wrong thing to say. Matt had to bite his lip hard to stop himself from crying. That was the only reason Tai had slept with him. The only reason. Nothing more than that. Not because he loved him, not because he wanted to be his lover from now on, not because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Only because he was supposedly filling some need, the need to know how it felt. Sure that's how it began for Matt, but it turned into much more. He loved Tai more than anything, and Tai had sex with him. But did Tai love Matt?

No.

"Go home now. Kari must be worried sick."

"Matt, we haven't resolved anything--"

"Just go."

"Just because I don't return your feelings, doesn't mean we should stop being friends."

"What?"

"I heard you last night, Matt. You said you love me. So it's true, you do love me."

"I do not! I don't know what you are talking about."

Tai took a few steps closer so that he was placing a hand on Matt's chest. "But I know what I heard."

Matt leaned down and softly bushed his lips against Tai's. Then regretfully he pulled away.

Tai suddenly pushed away. "Why are you doing this? You don't love me!"

"I do too! I always have, Tai. That's why I began drifting away; I couldn't bare being near you anymore."

"I don't believe you."

"You know it's true."

"Well I don't love you," Tai snapped. He fled the room with a slam of the door.

Matt just stared after him, wishing that he could take back every single word.

**~**

T.K. glanced at Davis, who was dead silent staring back, tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. Please, your brother put me up to him. I thought you might appreciate if I helped him..."

T.K. wasn't really that mad anymore. Before he had been furious at his brother and Davis, but now it was more sympathy to both. Matt caught their own father in bed with Tai, and that was just enough to make T.K. sympathize. He could tell his brother was in love with Tai, he just knew it. In fact, that's why he thought Matt was so upset that night, that he had a fight with both their dad and Tai.

Boy, was he ever wrong.

"T.K., don't give me the silent treatment. I said I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."

T.K. leaned forward and softly brushed his lips across Davis'. Wrapping his arms around the shorter boy, one hand made its way up his shirt, tickling the skin beneath it.

A heavy bang at the door broke the pair apart, and T.K. went to answer it. He opened the door to see his brother standing there, looking miserable. He had unfallen tears in his eyes that had to be blinked away every few seconds and it looked as if he had been laying all day in those clothes.

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think?" snapped Matt. He sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking this out on you."

"Matt, I'm sorry. I know that you love Tai, and I know that I should be putting your hopes at best, but... maybe you should move on. Maybe just let go of him. Tai's not together these days."

"Well I'm not either."

"I know, but at least you didn't lose your virginity at fifteen to an older man, who happens to be our dad." T.K. gulped, feeling more than uncomfortable thinking about his father's sex life.

"I'm just as bad. I slept with Tai," said Matt softly.

"But why?"

"I... I don't want to talk about it. T.K., now do you believe me when I say I'm never gonna be like you? I'm never going to be happy or be with someone who cares about me--"

"Yes, yes you will! What about Tai?"

"He hates me. I told him how I felt and he simply walked away, out of my life for good." Matt took a deep breath and turned away. "But why am I even here? I screwed up your relationship with Davis, and now I'm intruding. No, this is just stupid. I have to go."

"Matt, wait! Everything is fine between me and Davis. I want you to stay. Come back."

"No T.K. I have to go do something."

T.K. shut the door and leaned against it, blinking away tears. Why did Tai have to do this to my brother? He doesn't deserve any of it!

**~**

Everywhere Matt went, he noticed young lovers in each other's arms. He despise it and wondered why they couldn't just go away. But then again, it was night time. And besides, he would probably be doing the same thing if it was with Tai...

This wasn't fair. It just wasn't. And no matter how many times he tried to listen to T.K., to block Tai out of his head and move on, he couldn't. He believed sex wasn't just some toy to use while bored. Okay, so maybe he wasn't experienced enough to say that, but still, he loved Tai so much and it hurt for him to be treated like this. It wasn't fair!

When he heard his name called, he looked up, meeting with Tai's brown eyes.

"Hey," he whispered, taking a step closer.

Matt wanted to run, wanted to stay. He wanted everything at one, and yet, also wanted nothing at all.

"Matt? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have slept with you. I'm sorry. I'm not gay."

"That's why you've slept with both my me and my dad?"

"No. It just... it just was so confusing, I guess. I don't have those feelings for you."

"Okay. So go. Bye."

"I want us to be friends. You said that if you understood, we would be friends again. That's why I slept with you. You said we could be friends again if you understood, and this morning you said you understand, so I'm holding you up on that. Come on, Matt. What about the good old times before all of this crazy stuff happened? We can't just destroy our friendship because of a simple problem."

"Friendship is about trust. I don't trust you."

"But there are other aspects of friendship. Such as being there for one another. I've been there for you! That's what started all of this! You being all distant on me, and I was trying to be a good friend."

"By sleeping with my dad?"

"Ugh, you're so stubborn! Listen to me, I love you so much. You're my best friend! I regret everything. Everything. I would take it all back if I could and just have it the good old times where we used to snuggle up on the couch together and watch a movie, though sometimes they were chick flicks. And remember how we would get so tangled up with each other that your dad had to come help us one time when he found us on the couch stuck?"

Matt couldn't help but smile at the memory.

"And what about the times when we gossiped about girls? Are you going to throw away our time for ranting on the girls? Matt, this is silly. I can handle it if you are in love with me, but don't throw away our friendship because of it."

"But maybe I can't handle seeing you all of the time. I don't think I can."

**~**

It was such a depressing evening. Nobody home (though in a way that was good), nothing on TV, unless you counted the sappy love romance where they guy ends up getting the girl by the end, and now Matt was certain it was a mistake to tell Tai to throw away their friendship.

Sighing, the blonde stood up and began making his way to his bedroom. His father was due home any minute and Matt didn't feel like facing him. Especially since he might lose his temper, and might walk out of the house again. He didn't have another home, so he would have to make do with this one.

Just as Matt left the room, a loud knock startled him. He put a hand to his chest and breathed deeply. Why the hell doesn't he just unlock the friggen door? Must I do everything?

At first, he considered ignoring the door. That would teach him! But then he thought maybe his dad forgot his key, though then again, he wouldn't have been able to get to work anyway, not when all of this keys are attached on one key chain.

Grumpily, Matt went and opened the door, surprised to see who it was. With tears half rolling down his cheeks, Tai wearily stood, clutching the door frame.

"Are you drunk?"

Tai shook his head, clutching it with one hand while the other helped him stand up.

Matt sighed. He remembered when him and Davis and been fighting and Tai took him home, so he decided to repay the favor. He pulled Tai inside and shut the door.

"Then what's wrong?"

"Everything! Matt, I miss you so badly. I can't take it anymore. Please, just be my friend again." Tai sank to his knees, sobbing uncontrollably while clutching onto Matt's leg.

Matt almost went into shock seeing Tai like this. And then it occurred to him. Everyone thought Matt was the one with problems, but it really was Tai. Matt bent down, wrapping his arms around the brunette and pulling him closer.

"Friends forever."

**~**

Two pairs of eyes stared silently at the television, though it wasn't even turned on. The silence began to get to Tai, causing him to clear his throat. Matt glanced over, staring deeply at Tai's features.

"I'm sorry we had to go through all of this. I just wish that you hadn't... you know, slept with my dad."

"I'm sorry too. This is all my fault. Everything is. I'm surprised you actually want to be my friend again."

"But I sort of understand how you felt. Why you went back for more..."

"Yeah."

Silence fell again, crashing down with as much strength as a waterfall. Neither of them could take it: the atmosphere, mood, anything. Tai scooted over.

"It's easy to want more."

"Yeah." Matt gulped, feeling Tai's arm wrap around his shoulder, bringing him closer, and he felt his other hand snake into his own pants, touching and caressing...

"Tai, stop!" Matt leapt to his feet, shooing Tai's hand from his crotch. He sighed, covering his face with one hand. "You don't get it, do you?"

Tai stood up so that he was facing Matt. "Get what?"

"I'm not just going to sleep with you if you don't love me. You just want to have sex. This is what started it, Tai! Your stupid hormones!"

Tai groaned and sat back down. "You're right. It's true."

"If you want us to be friends, you've got to get your feelings straight. I love you, and you know that. But what do you feel for me?"

Tai bit his lip. "I'm not gay."

Right, that's why you've been screwing Dad. Why should I even bother? He's never going to love me. I might as well deal with it and try to work out a friendship.

"What if I kissed you? You know, to see how it felt. Then maybe I could decide."

Oh yeah, let's decide if anyone wants to love me. I feel like a trophy. This isn't right, he's just going to hurt me...

"Don't bother. You don't love me."

"But how--"

Matt covered Tai's mouth. "You just don't. I can tell. You just kiss me because of hormones." Matt forced a laugh. "After all, you're only fifteen. I don't expect anything else, especially out of you."

Tai laughed. "I want us to be friends."

"Like I said before, friends forever."

**~**

A few weeks went by with Matt and Tai fixing their friendship. They began hanging out again, and Tai finally regained a bit of trust out of Matt. Maybe that was good, or maybe that was bad.

It was Saturday night, and for the first time, Matt gained the courage to phone Tai for a sleep over. In less than ten minutes, Tai showed up with an over night bag and a few movies, hentai movies preferably to him.

Matt rolled his eyes and put in the movie anyway, and took a seat on the couch next to Tai. He resisted the temptation to lean over and kiss Tai, and every time he had that urge, he squeezed the arm of the couch and bit his lip in frustration. The movie wasn't helping any.

Matt stole a quick glance at Tai, who was staring intently back at him. Matt swallowed. "Why are you staring at me like that."

"No reason. Just the guy in the movie has features like you."

Matt laughed, rolling his eyes. "Whatever."

"He does, and I think he's cute."

"Oh." That's all Matt could say. Anything else and he thought he might pounce on Tai right then and there, and take him.

A few minutes of silence passed by where neither youth watched the movie. Matt silently watched from the corner of his eye as Tai scooted closer, and even though he was watching, let out a gasp when Tai leaned on his shoulder, snuggling comfortable.

"I know you won't mind if I do this," he murmured, his gaze on the TV.

"Um, no. I don't mind."

Matt wasn't sure why he felt so tired, but maybe it was because of the movie. It was boring to watch two people have sex, especially since one was a girl. He yawned and rested his chin on Tai's head, closing his eyes.

After a few minutes, Tai began shifting underneath him. He would move to his left, than his right, and back to his left, finally stopping for all but a few seconds. Suddenly, he leapt up, shaking violently.

"This has to stop!"

"Huh?"

Tai shook his head. "I just don't know anymore!"

"Know what? What's your problem?" Matt asked, standing up.

"You-- you... I just don't know! You get mad at me, then you forgive me, and I just feel so confused."

"You wanted me to forgive you! You're the one who slept with my dad!"

"I know, but then I find out that you love me and I just don't know... Only weeks ago I was here sobbing on your doorstep, and before that you said we might never be friends, and yet you forgave me so easily. Is it because you really want our friendship back, or is it because you're in love with me?"

"What does it matter? Either way..." Matt paused looking away. "Both, I guess."

"I just don't know," the brunette whispered, shaking his head.

"Know what?"

"What I feel for you. Sometimes all I want to do is kiss you and hold you, but then other times I just want to hang out and rant about girls. I just don't know anymore! And it is so confusing that I feel like my head's going to explode or something."

They were both silent for a moment, each trying to think of something to say. Matt broke it.

"So what does this all mean?"

"I can't be here. I just can't. Seeing you, and then if I saw your dad... I just... It's just too hard." Tai quickly picked up his bag, barely able to hold on to it.

"This isn't fair, you know. You said you wanted my friendship, and now you don't want it?"

"No! I do, it's just I don't know if I love you, I mean in more of a friendship way."

"Tai, we slept together, and I confessed that I've loved you for the longest time, but don't you consider what I want? Maybe I don't ever want to be with you because of what you did. Maybe I don't love you anymore."

Tai just stared, his eyes boring into the blonde's. Finally, he spoke. "But I--"

"But you slept with lots of people and it hasn't meant a lot of things."

"That isn't true! I slept with only you and your dad. Besides, I thought you said sex was supposed to mean something."

"I did, but not so much anymore. After seeing you and my... I just don't care anymore. And then we slept together, and everything's been so confusing." The lie came out so quickly, so fast that Matt couldn't take it back. He didn't believe anything that came out of his mouth. All he wanted was for Tai to hold him, tell him everything's okay, and then take off his clothes...

"Then it would be okay if I did this." Tai pushed Matt back, covering his mouth with his own.

Matt couldn't help but melt into the kiss. He didn't understand if Tai was doing this because he was in love wit him, or just because he was horny. It didn't make sense. Nevertheless, the adrenaline must have took over, causing Matt to kiss back, his lips pressed firmly against Tai's.

Tai's lips parted, allowing Matt's tongue to access his hot mouth. A hand reached beneath Tai's shirt, stroking gently. That piece of clothing came off, soon followed by his pants. Then Matt began to take off his own clothes, the fabric annoying him so very much, and relief took over when he got them off. But not enough relief...

Everything got ruined by a simple clearing of the throat at the door, breaking the two boys up.

One look at Matt's father and Tai was getting dressed and soon was out of the door. He didn't say anything before he left, and he definitely didn't look at Mr. Ishida.

After a few minutes of silence, Matt spoke. "You ruin everything, you know that?"

"I didn't expect you and Tai to be..."

"Together? We are far from it thanks to you. I hate you."

He simply walked out of the room, leaving his father to think, though all he could do himself was think. Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn't he just make up his mind, never mind Tai making up his mind. He needed to too.

After all, one moment he hated Tai, the next he wanted him so badly that his skin itched for his.

**~**

It's cold. It's wet. It's raining, and the result is being soaked. Did Matt notice any of this? No.

He knew it, it was all planned out. He would go to Tai's apartment and settle this once and for all. He knew his parents would be out, knew that Kari was being distracted by Davis and T.K., though she would probably spend the entire time flirting with both boys since she didn't know about their relationsip.

As he made his way, all that cluttered his mind was what he would say when he got there. Something needed to be settled. And that's why he was going.

Though he never got there.

Instead, Tai met up with him, the two confused teens just stared at each other.

"I wanted to know," Matt found himself saying. "So I slept with you. I needed to know for us to have a friendship, and so that's what we did: sleep together. Things have been shitty lately, I've been confused, depressed, and just about anything possible. You've become a person I hate, blame everything upon, and then other times, I want to hold you and claim you as mine. But will that ever happen?"

"I don't know," said the brunette, wiping a few rain drops off his forehead.

"I can't make that decision for you."

"I know. Maybe the rain can..."

Matt raised an eyebrow. He couldn't talk anymore, he just couldn't. Talking never came easy, and the speech he just made took a lot out of him.

"The rain can decide lots of things... Okay, so it mainly decides to water since that's all it can do: provide water, but for the sake of everything that's happening, let's say the rain can do much more."

"Like what?"

"It can cause me to go blind and do this."

Matt found himself pulled into a kiss, a firm kiss that yet again he melted into. His arms found their way around Tai's neck, pulling him closer. They broke apart, their noses still touching.

"I can't give you an answer, Matt. Not the one you need."

"Will you ever have the answer?"

"Yeah. I didn't think I was gay, but I was thinking yesterday. If I wasn't gay, than why would I be so confused about loving you? Or why would I sleep with your... Anyway, the point of all of this is... I don't know. I can't say, right now, is that I love you and want to be with you forever, but I think I will be able to one day, especially when we kiss like that."

Matt smiled, wiping a rain drop that was below Tai's eye. He wasn't sure if it was a tear, but he didn't care. All he cared about was the person in front of him.

"I want things to be okay with us. Come on, let's get out of here. I need you -- in private."

"I wanted to know, and then I knew what you felt. And you know what? I want to know again."

~*~End~*~

Author's Notes: Finally, this is finished!! It is finally complete, you all get what's happening, happy ending!! ^_^ Anyway, please review because this fic cost me sooo much grief and agony - it really did!! You know how frustrating it was to write this?! It was very frustrating!!!!! I wrote it for all of you people who reviewed the first fic!

Anyway, until next time... though lately, I have a million Daikeru ideas. Oh well, I'll try to think of a Taito!

Please review? It would really inspire me to write another fic...