Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Never Like This ❯ Don't Make Me ( Chapter 4 )

Okay, I meant to have this up two nights ago, but ff.n was down. And then last night I got distracted. So, whoops! The next part should be up tomorrow, though. At least it's out now instead of in a month or two like my Evolution updates are. ^^;

Don't forget to R&R. Standard disclaimer still applies. Um. That's, well, that's about it. Enjoy.

I don't know how I got back to Yamato's apartment, because I sure wasn't paying attention to anything anymore. My brain was dead and I just walked on auto-pilot, I guess. The door was still unlocked when I got there, apparently, because I don't remember knocking. I just walked in and kept walking until I reached the couch. And then I stopped and just stared blankly at the wall.

Yamato was watching television and he looked up expectantly. "Oh, no," he sighed when he saw me.

"He's fucking that Potato guy."

"What? Potato guy?" the blonde blinked.

"No, no, not Potato… Otayo." I sat down on the couch and stared at the television.

Yamato turned it off. "What happened?"

I stood up and started fishing around in my pockets until I found the cigarettes I bought yesterday. Praise be to God that I bought these, even if it did make me broke. "I knocked," I start, lighting up and flopping back down on the couch. "Takeru answered and he was half-naked and his hair was all messed up, and I figured, oh, he must have just woken up. And then he looked at me like he was absolutely terrified that I was back, and he didn't move, and he didn't invite me in… and then that fucking Potato came up and groped him right in front of me. And I said I should go and Potato said maybe you should, so… I left." I took a long drag and turned to Yamato. "He doesn't love me," I exhaled.

"No, Daisuke, he does. I know it. I don't know who the hell is Otayo guy is but believe me, he loves you."

"He loves me, but he's fucking someone else?" I snorted, taking another drag. God, I forgot how good nicotine tasted.

Yamato sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know it doesn't make sense… but Takeru doesn't sleep around like that. That doesn't make any sense by itself."

I snorted again. "Yeah, well, apparently he does now."

"Or maybe you just assume too much."

"Dude, Yamato," I stopped to blow out a lungful of smoke. "The guy wrapped his arms around him and was practically tweaking his nipples - right in front of me."

"It still doesn't mean he was enjoying it or anything. Listen, Daisuke. Every single time I talked to him he'd ask if I heard from you, and then he'd go on and on about how he hoped you were okay. Yeah, he was mad at you a lot of the time and there were a lot of times when he said that when you came back he'd - but really, he was extremely worried about you. I practically had to slap him to get him to shut up sometimes. Why would he do that if he doesn't still love you?"

I turned this over in my mind slowly, before I finally shrugged. "Maybe he was just doing what was expected of him."

He sighed in frustration. "Fine. Then explain why he hasn't told me he's dating somebody else."

Waving my hand in the air, I shook my head. "Too easy. He doesn't want you to give him a lecture about why he shouldn't - because of me. If you weren't my friend, he would have told you. But he probably hasn't told any of the rest of the crew because he's afraid everyone is going to be all 'Oh but what about Daisuke?' and he doesn't want to deal with that," I ground out my cigarette viciously in the ashtray on the table.

Yamato frowned. Apparently he was out of arguments. "So what are you going to do now?"

I stood up and stretched. "I'm going to go out to CD Reshop, tell Jay J I'm home and I want my job back, then come back here and get into bed, cry myself to sleep, and pray to God that when I wake up tomorrow I'll either find everything has been a dream or that I've died in my sleep."

"Don't say that, Dais."

"Well why the fuck not? It's true. I hope I get run over by a goddamn bus parade or something on my way out. What the fuck am I doing? Why the fuck am I here, Yamato? I came back here all this way to be with a boyfriend that I don't even have anymore. I should have fucking died on that street corner." I was shaking. I was shaking and I didn't want to be here anymore. I wasn't even sad. I was just… extremely angry. So fucking pissed off at Takeru, at that Potato asshole, at Yamato for telling me Takeru still loved me - at everybody, but mainly myself. What a fucking idiot I am.

Yamato stood up and fixed me with this extremely calm, dark look. I've only seen him seriously pissed off a few times, and he was really mad now. Whoops. I don't know if he was mad at me or Takeru or if he was just sick of having to deal with me or whatever, but he was really mad. He started talking in this really low, calm voice, even though I could tell he was just overflowing with anger at me. "Don't say that. Don't tell me you want to die. I won't let you. You're here because you came back for friends. And you still have those. You have all of your friends; you have me, you have Taichi, and Hikari, and Ken, and everyone else. Go get on the phone and call them, they aren't fucking that Potato guy. You only lost Takeru. Don't let yourself go just because of him."

"If I don't have Takeru, I have nothing," I shrugged, turning to leave.

"No! Didn't you listen to me?" he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled hard. "Don't walk out on me."

I hissed. "Let go."

"Not until you sit down and listen to me."

"Let go," I tried to wrench my hand free, but unfortunately, Yamato is a lot stronger than me. And now I was screwed, because I couldn't leave. He dragged me over to the couch and shoved me down on it, sitting on the coffee table in front of me.

"Now listen. You're going to go to CD Reshop and get your job back. And then you're going to go out and have dinner with Hikari and Taichi and myself, your friends. And then we're going to a club, and you will have fun. And you will forget that my brother has… been… urgh. You'll forget all about it, just like I'm going to do. Okay?"

Tears of frustration were burning my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Fuck that. I'm not crying anymore. All I did was shake my head, but he grabbed me and forced me to nod. Damn him. Damn everybody. He wiped the tears out of my eyes with his thumb, practically poking me in the eye. It hurt, but it doesn't matter. I don't care if things hurt anymore.

"Fine," I grumble. No point in fighting. I don't want to anymore.

"Good," he smiles. I turn my head away and glare at the floor.

He looks like Takeru.

He's right, though. If I forget about it, I can be happy again. Unfortunately, every time I hit that point of 'I'm happy, I've forgotten all about Takeru and - oh, damn.'

At least Taichi and Hikari didn't yell at me. They both just kind of punched me in the arm. Hurt, too. Ow. Must be a Yagami thing… but that's okay, I didn't mind. They were both glad I was back, anyway.

Takeru wasn't mentioned once in the conversation. Hikari sat next to me at dinner and leaned against me, burying her head into my shoulder while I was trying to smoke another cigarette… so I think she knows. But she didn't mention it, and I'm glad. Very glad, because I just didn't want to talk about it. I couldn't completely remove it from my mind, but I could pretend to everyone else that it didn't bother me.

I can't fool anyone anymore. I used to be able to lock everything away and no one would notice if I was upset. I guess everyone just knows me too well now.

Either way, I was sulking and making love to about seven cigarettes throughout dinner until finally Yamato confiscated them and glared at me. I don't know why, I mean, he was smoking too… I think it's just because I went through so many, but whatever. Anyway, I sulked some more and leaned against Hikari and tried to pretend nothing really mattered. Oh, I also had this awesome noodle dish that was quite yummy.

And then Yamato dragged me into some fucking dance club, and before we went in I swore to have a bad time, but when we stepped through the door and there were lights and music everywhere, suddenly everything melted. I don't know, I can't explain it. It's just that for that moment, I was thrilled with life and everything. The music zoned everything depressing out of my brain and I relaxed.

If there's any mistake I've ever made that tops my running away, I made it that night.

I'm in the middle of a club and my energy is running extremely high again, and I was dancing and all… and I kind of ended up dancing with this guy. He wasn't even all that attractive. I don't know why I did it. And I don't know why my mind didn't scream out 'What about Takeru?' when he leaned over to talk in my ear and asked if he could buy me a drink.

I said yes.

Yamato was already over at the bar (surprise, surprise) with Taichi, and Hikari followed me over, giving me a warning glance. I don't care that she doesn't approve.

I don't know his name. I never asked, he never told me. He handed me a drink and I grinned.

Hikari tapped me hard on the shoulder, and I turned my head away from the guy for a second and growled at her to leave me alone. She glared. I glared back. Finally she stomped off to grumble about it to Taichi or something.

I went back to my drink, and the guy whose name I don't know.

He started getting pretty friendly if you know what I mean… as in he was practically groping me like all get out. I pushed him away the first time, but after that I stopped caring.

Here I was, standing in a crowded club, being groped by some nameless guy while my boyfriend - ex-boyfriend, I guess - is probably being groped by that fucking Potato guy at the same time. And I don't even like clubs. Give me a warehouse rave any day of the week. The music is starting to suck anyway.

I started feeling pretty sick. I'm not sure if it was because the rush I had earlier was practically faded by now or what, but my head was spinning and I felt like I might puke. Staggering over to Yamato and practically collapsing into his arms, I coughed. "I don't feel so good."

He shook me slightly and peered at me through the multi-coloured lights. "You don't look so good either. What's up, you drunk?"

"Nah. I only had one drink. I'm just sick, I think. Something I ate maybe."

"You wanna go?"

I nodded, then shook my head a bit. "You can hang out here some more. I'll go by myself. I think I need… to think." I scratched my head. If I even could still think.

I stepped outside and tried to stop my head from swimming by taking a few deep breaths, but it didn't really help. I staggered forwards a few steps and stopped to lean against the building again. Honestly, I didn't think I would be able to make it home alone. Maybe I should call for a cab or something. No, wait, I'm still broke. (Note to self: Self, get your ass to the bank tomorrow.)

"Hey," I felt a hand on my shoulder and glanced up. Nameless Guy was grinning at me. "You're going?"

"Yeah. I don't feel good."

"Want me to help you home?" he beamed.

I paused. I know what he wanted, but on the other hand I couldn't make it home without him. "Okay."

We only made it a few blocks before he was groping all over me again. I was starting to feel extremely dizzy and weak. Not cool. That drink must have been fuckload strong because it feels like I'm real drunk. Or maybe it's just because I'm really thin now. Or… something…

"Hey, wait a second," he leaned in and purred in my ear. Ugh, not now. He pushed me against a wall and kissed me. I shoved with one hand, but I wasn't strong enough to push him away.

Fuck.

He started kissing lower, and I regret having changed into a button-up shirt because it's coming off now.

Fuck.

I can't fight back. I can't even stand up anymore, and I'm sliding down to the ground. I'm gonna end up fucked and I'll be no better than Takeru.

Even if he isn't my boyfriend anymore.

I blacked out before he unzipped my jeans.

…Hee. I know. I'm mean. ._. Don't forget to review =>