Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Numb ❯ Revelations ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

**DISCALIMER** {grumbles at fanfiction for making me put these on every chapter.} I don't own Digimon or it's characters, I just run their lives in this fic. Ok, more likely they've been running mine lately in this fic! This chapter is much longer than I anticipated! *sigh* And it's going off in a whole other twisted direction. But I love 'em. ^_^

A/N: Last chapter was basically the aftermath of most of this chapter. So keep in mind when you read this chapter that this happened before the first one. It's basically Yamato recalling to TK what happened (with more detail and Tai's POV thrown in) along with Tai's reactions back in his bedroom. I'm just not putting everything in past italics. Also, yeah! The song finally comes in to play! Only in the more emotional parts though towards the ending, that's why I called it a "Partial Song fic". So I have it in there to add to the emotions. Enjoy! Key from first chapter still applies. Except that all lyrics will be bold. Too many damn italics! ^_^ and *** instead indicates a scene shift.



Numb
by: Bird of Fire

Chapter Two: Revelations




Yamato was in heaven. His band was taking off, having more hits with the teenage crowd than he could count, his mom and dad were away on some business thing for a few days, he was enrolled in Odaiba's Community College for the coming year, and best of all, he was going to see Taichi.

They had been seeing each other for almost a year now (ok, 7 months to be exact) and, since they were both 18 and going to college, he felt it was time to move away from the parents. He couldn't think of a better person to move in with either, a devilish grin playing on his lips. He already had a few apartments picked out.

Now he just had to ask Taichi.

His heart jumped, he was nervous. Not only because of his proposal, but also remembering Taichi's voice on the phone last night. Tai had said that he needed to tell him something important and asked him to come over today. That only made his heart beat faster in anticipation.

'Jeez! You'd think I was 13 and on my first date the way I'm carrying on!' Yamato scolded himself walking up to Tai's door. He took a breath to compose himself and knocked...



Taichi was nervous. He was sure people would mistake him for a rattle had there been anyone else home. "I have to get a grip! It's time I told Yamato the truth."

'Do you even know the truth? What if he takes it badly? Of course, there's no good way of taking it. What if you loose him? You should wait until you know for sure. What if...?'

"Enough!" Tai cut his thoughts off sharply. This was Yamato! They've been dating close to a year and were in love. He may be shocked, terrified even, but he was sure they'd make it through this. "It's better I tell him soon anyway in case the results are true. He wouldn't let an uncertainty like this come between us just like that!" Taichi was arranging the snacks on the kitchen table for when Yamato arrived when this last thought caught him off guard, 'Would he?' He didn?t have time to answer this thought when he heard a knock on his door...



"Hi Sweetie!" Yamato said, giving Tai a long, lingering kiss as soon as the door opened. Taichi froze, only for a second, then wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck pulling him inside the foyer. Yamato almost laughed at this gesture before Tai pulled him closer in a desperate kiss making Yamato forget everything all at once. 'God I've missed these lips...' It had only been four days since Taichi had some business to do with Jyou, but to Yamato it felt like a century. He rubbed his tongue along Tai's bottom lip encouraging his lips to part. Tai, caught up in the feeling, granted his silent plea and Yamato explored deeper into the mouth he'd come to know so well eliciting a soft moan from the brown-haired boy.

His heart fluttering (I'd swear it has it's own gymnastics team), Yamato eased his hand under Tai's shirt to stroke his back lovingly, pulling Tai closer not wanting to break their contact. Tai obliged and arched his back pressing himself against his golden haired Koi.

After a few more moments they finally broke apart, both realizing they needed to breathe sometime and silently cursing this need. Tai rested his forehead on Yamato's shoulder, panting lightly, and Yamato was content on stroking Tai's unruly locks as he did his best to calm his own breathing.

"Wow...that was some kiss!" Yamato breathed, feeling Taichi smile against his chest.

"I've really missed you Yama..." Yamato was also smiling.

Kissing Tai's head softly he said, "I've missed you too Koi." Then something occurred to him. "Why were you gone so long anyway? What happened over Jyou's?" At this he felt Taichi tense and pull away slightly. He probably would have pulled away completely had it not been for Yamato's arms around him. 'Uh oh, that's not good.' "What's wrong Tai?"

Taichi sighed, tears welling in his eyes making Yamato even more anxious. "Well...I..."

"What? Did something happen between the two of you?" Yamato asked, gentle force behind the words. Tai's head shot up quickly.

"No! Of course not Yama, you know I love you." He said, giving Yamato a tight hug to reinforce the words.

"Then...what is it?" Yamato still felt uneasy. Taichi looked like he was battling himself. One part won over in the end as Taichi sighed, resigning, and pulled Yamato into the kitchen.

"Sit down Yama, it's time I told you what I realized. I know I should have done this earlier and I'm still not sure about it. Jyou has yet to tell me. And I'm so afraid of what your reaction will be. But there's nothing between me and Jyou if that's what you're thinking, he's just helping me with this problem...you don't know how hard it's been to keep in back of my mind. I realize now that I shouldn't have and - "

"Taichi!" Yamato interrupted, "Calm down a little. Stop pacing and come sit down." Tai hadn't even realized he'd been pacing so he did as Yamato suggested, sitting in a chair in front of Yamato. "Ok, now, before you confuse me even more, would it be easier to start at the beginning and tell me what's wrong?" Taichi nodded.

"It's kind of a long story though..." Tai trailed off, tears forming again in his eyes.

Yamato took his hand to comfort him. It must have been a huge secret Tai's had to deal with to effect him this much. Usually Tai was an open book literally pouring out information. "I have all the time in the word Tai, my parents are gone remember? They won?' be expecting me and TK won't be back for another couple of hours. Besides, I already told him I was staying over. Take your time, but please tell me what's wrong."

Tai smiled, faintly, at Yamato's touch. Trying to decide how to start and figuring that it was easier just to start when the problem started. Not looking up, but instead staring at Yamato's hand on his, Taichi took a deep breath and dove in head first (so to speak). "Yamato, do you remember Eric?"

This caught him off guard. "Eric?"

"The guy I was dating a few weeks before we got together?"

"Eric...oh..." Recollection hit. "Yeah, I remember him, what about him? What's he got to do with anything now?"

Taichi shot him an annoyed glance, "If you'd let me tell you you'd know." He sighed, "You already know some of the details of my relationship with him so I'm not going into that. Well, about a month after you and I started dating I got a call from him-"

Yamato felt a pang of jealousy and squeezed Tai's hand a little, "Why?"

"You interrupted me." Tai said, half heartedly, tears started to glaze his eyes. Still not looking up at Yamato, apparently preferring to talk to his hand, he said, "He had some news for me. Turns out he felt guilty about not telling me sooner in our relationship and he was worried about me. He told he was HIV positive..." Tai let that trail out. Silence engulfing them. He didn't dare look at Yamato.

On the other hand, if he had, he wouldn't have seen much of a difference. Yamato was slow at comprehending. "I'm sorry to hear that Tai but, not to sound jealous or heartless, I still don't see why that would be something for you to hide." Then it dawned on him, his hands shaking a little he had to ask. "Taichi, you didn't sleep with him when you were dating...did...you?"

At that Taichi broke down, unshed tears now coming out in full force. Yamato felt his whole body go cold. Not answering his question outright, Taichi rapidly continued, "I felt like a zombie that entire day, from shock more than likely. As soon as I awoke the next morning I called our family doctor who referred me to a clinic that specialized in testing for these kinds of things. I made an appointment as soon as I could and went in. You wouldn't believe how scared I was Yama, it felt like I was in a movie playing someone else's part. I felt alien, like it really wasn't happening to me. Like I wasn't really there. They took some of my blood and, um, other stuff for testing and told me they'd call me with the results in a week. So I went home and pretended I had the flu. I couldn't face you guys when I was wrecked like that. I couldn't stand it, I was afraid of how you'd all see me, especially you..." He squeezed Yamato's hand, reinforcing the thought, then took his own hand back clutching it to his chest. "I went back a little over a week and that's when I got the news. That my results were negative. I couldn't believe how happy I was after. The nurse was telling me some other info but I couldn't hear her, my thoughts ganging up on me at once. I politely excused myself and went straight to you, remember? You had said I was acting funny that day..." Taichi sighed at the thought of that day. His happiness and Yamato's caresses.

Apparently Yamato picked up the same memory, smiling faintly to himself. He hadn't known why Taichi was so happy, only that he was and that Tai didn't even give him the chance to ask, launching on him as soon as the door opened. Yamato was only too happy to oblige and dwell in his happiness. Yes he definitely remembered that day, that was the day they went a little further in their relationship... Realizing Taichi was ready to talk again he snapped out of his reverie to concentrate.

"I hadn't told you then because I didn't think it was really important. Nothing was wrong with me and why should I have worried you over nothing? But the thought was still fresh in my mind. My mind would wander over to the phone call and Eric's revelation. I just kept feeling more and more uneasy as the months went by. I know now why and I regret whole-heartedly not doing anything sooner." Quiet tears trailed down Tai's cheeks as he sat on the chair, hugging his knees to his chest for comfort.

After a few more moments it seemed as if Taichi wasn't going to continue, and a feeling of dread was slowly but surely engulfing Yamato's body. "Tai, what aren't you telling me? How does Jyou enter into this? He's not dating Eric now is he...? No, of course not. Then how does he fit into this story? And what's wrong?" Yamato racked his mind, searching desperately for a connection, trying not to land on the obvious one staring him in the face.

Taichi composed himself and went on. "Remember in Biology class barely 2 weeks ago we were learning about STD's and their complications? Well I didn't know it before but the HIV virus takes anywhere between 3 to 6 months to incubate in a person. It wouldn't even register if you test too early for it. I got to thinking, how many people sleep with HIV positive people and get away clean?" Taichi almost sobbed out this last part, instantly going pale. He heard Yamato gasp but didn't dare look at him. "I wanted to make sure and I couldn't get a hold of the clinic so I asked Jyou to help me do a blood test. He can get his father's ward to do it in secret for me..."

"What-"

"...and I had to tell you today even if I don't have the results yet. I couldn't keep it from you any longer. You have a right to know as much as I do..."

"Taichi, I don't know what-"

"...since you're the one involved with me." Taichi closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing.

Yamato stood up, not able to sit any longer, panic creeping into his face. "No, Taichi, don't even think it. You're not HIV positive. You're fine..." Yamato trailed, trying to assure himself as well as Taichi. Failing miserably. His Taichi. No, it couldn't be true.

Taichi sighed deeply, forcing himself to say this next part, begging the tears not to come. "I'm sorry Yamato. I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I found this out in the first place months ago and I'm sorry I had to tell you now. And I'm even more sorry that it was me that you had to get involved with instead of some other cleaner person."

"Taichi, don't say that. Why wouldn't I have wanted to date you and why would you be ashamed of it now? I-"

Angrily, Taichi interrupted him, it looked as if he was imaging the floor was Yamato instead of looking up at him. "Yamato, I can't help but think that this test will turn positive and I hate myself for getting involved with you when I knew of the chance. I mean, there is a pretty big chance that I gave it to you too, and I can't live with myself for-" Taichi cut off sharply from his rant, not meaning to blurt it out like that. He heard Yamato's panicked gasp and saw him move a few steps backward. Apparently, Yamato hadn't thought of this huge detail. Tears threatening to spill out of his eyes for the umpteenth time that day, Taichi finally, cautiously looked into the eyes of his Koi...



"Oh God, I don't think I have any tears left in me." Taichi said into his pillow. Sitting up, his mind tortured him by replaying the day. His confession, his fear, Yamato's protests, his abandoning... Desperate, Taichi sobbed, walking to his stereo to drown out his thoughts. He grabbed his favourite Linkin Park CD, "Meteora," and turned it on, cranking up the volume on track 13. He felt it was perfect for his mood, dictating what had happened that day.



Taichi's mind wandered, reminded again of Yamato...


// "No." Yamato was pale, hands shaking even more than they were before. But in his eyes...

"Yamato, I-"

"How could you?" ...contempt...

"I didn't mean-"

"You should have told me sooner!" ...anger...

"I'm sor--"

"Why Taichi? How could you have kept this from me? All this time?!" ...hatred...fear.

"Yama, I'm sorry!" Taichi sobbed, "I love-"

"NO!" Yamato cut him off forcefully. Then, as sudden as his outburst, Yamato turned and was gone. \\




"I am numb. Yamato, without you I don't feel right. I can't feel anything but the mind-numbing pain. I can't live with this feeling, knowing I hurt you. That I put your life in danger also." Taichi whispered, then crying softly, "I just want this endless pain to stop. I don't know how to get it to stop." He then saw a glint of light on his side table. He walked over to see what it was, a piece of glass from one of his mother's cups. "Where..." He searched his mind for a reason. 'Oh yeah, I had dropped it and it broke on the kitchen floor. I must have carried this piece back with me...' He picked it up, light reflecting off of it into tiny glints of colour. Suddenly, he felt calm. He had an answer. If he couldn't ease his pain, his guilt, then he just had to get rid of it permanently. He felt so tired of crying, so hurt, so alone...

Taichi sat on his bedroom floor, tossing the glass shard back and forth in his hands. "Yamato..." He whispered, feeling the tears come again. Then the calming numbness took over as the warm shard passed over the vulnerable flesh of his wrists.



"...So I ran. I panicked TK. I didn't know what else to do, he looked so lost and I was so hurt, I ran out on him, I ran out on my best friend and my lover." Yamato finished, looking at his brother, a mixture of pain and fear in his eyes. Fear for what he'd done, fear about his own future, fear for Taichi, and fear of what his brother would think of him.

TK was still. So many thoughts running through his head, he didn't know how to react to all of them. Or how to react to the look in his brother's eyes. "Yamato..." He couldn't finish, he was just so stunned.

The silence was unbearable, Yamato couldn't take it. He got up and walked to the radio, turned it on, and immediately recognized the song. It was one of his favourites to strum out on his guitar when he felt low...



"That's how I felt." Yamato said, sitting next to Takeru. "All these emotions coming at me. I had just heard that he possibly could have aids and then that I might have it, mixed in with his hurt, his shame, his need for me to comfort him, it was just too much for me. I couldn't stay there. I had to go."



"I let him down Takeru. He was in pain, he needed me, and I let him down." Yamato put his face in his hands, feeling miserable.

"You talk like he's gone Yama. He's still here, still in pain, still needing you, probably in his room right now feeling as alone as you are. And you need him too." TK said softly, hugging Yamato to try to comfort him again. "You can get through this together, you need each other. Besides, he's not even sure yet. You said Jyou hadn't called him with the results right? This has to be eating him up with guilt and worry. You have to go back there now."



"But how can I face him again? How can he forgive me? How can I forgive myself?" Yamato looked at TK, a glint of hope in his eyes. For being his younger brother, he had a wise air about him.

"You still love him right? With that anything is forgivable. Do you still love Taichi, Yama?" TK looked straight into his oniichan's eyes. Yamato jumped a little, surprised, then smiled as it dawned on him. He had hope. He had to get to Taichi.



"Then go to him Yamato!" TK pushed Yamato off the couch.

Yamato got up and gave TK a quick hug. "Thank you..." He whispered into his little brother's ear before running out the door as fast as his legs could carry him, not noticing the approving smile appearing on TK's face...




Well? What did you guys think? ^_^ Personally this brought tears to my eyes when I was writing it. The pain, the misery, the hope, TK's love...I can't believe the direction this has taken me to. I originally had something completely different mapped out for it, but Taichi's story changed it. He changed me. I'm no God in this story...

So what do you guys think will happen now? Yamato doesn't know what Taichi has done in his absence, do you think he'll get there in time? I honestly wish I had an answer for you. What about Taichi's revelation? Was it something you were expecting or did it catch you completely off guard? And what of Yamato's reaction? Think it was the right thing to do or does he deserve his pain? ( ^_^ ) I know *I* wasn't expecting any of it.

I know it's pretty absurd of me to say that since I "wrote" the fic, but honestly, try it someday. A lot of writers out there will tell you the same thing: The author doesn't write the fic, the fic writes itself with the author's help. There have been plenty of times where someone has mapped out a plot only to have it change suddenly and be nothing like what they've imagined in the end. Or, even times when a character becomes so real on paper that they change the story at will almost. Like he controls the story, not the author. As I said, I'm no God in this fic anymore. Yamato and Taichi are.

Anyway, thanks for the reviews everyone! I'd still love to hear your reactions to my latest installment. And still, if you want to know what's going on with this fic, please visit my Update Journal HERE

Chapter three, the final (hopefully) chapter soon to come.

Walk with love,
BOF