Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Old Scars ❯ Old Scars ( One-Shot )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

-
Teena: ...I can't believe I wrote this. Ken, you are SO in for it.

Ken: ...I didn't mean to.

Teena: I NEVER write angst! Yeesh... Well, for all you people who wonder
WHY Tai always has that black thing on his arm... Here's ONE explanation.


Old Scars


Tai slipped through the woods, leaving the other children sleeping by
the fire. They would be safe. He'd left Agumon there to watch over them.
After a few minutes, he reached the clearing he'd found when he'd checked
out the area earlier. Slumping to the ground, he leaned back against a
tree and pulled off the black brace that covered his left arm from wrist
to elbow.

He told everyone it was to support his wrist. He claimed it was an old
soccer injury. Only his family knew the truth, and they wouldn't tell
anyone. Kari cared about him too much to do anything that might hurt him,
and his parents were horrified at the thought of anyone knowing that their
son was so unbalanced.

Putting the black brace down on the ground, he traced a finger along the
old scar trailing from his wrist almost to his elbow. He only had to cover
the left arm, because Kari had walked in on him before he could do the
same to the right. He could still remember the look on her face as she
took in the sight of her brother, arm sliced open, blood pooling on the
floor around him. He could still hear her scream ringing in his ears.

No matter what he did, he hurt someone. He had been an accident. His
parents hadn't been ready for a child. They didn't know what to do with
him. So they fed him and clothed him, and paid his doctor bills, but not
much else. By the time Kari had come along, they had adjusted to it. With
Kari, they were loving and caring, always keeping an eye out for her. She
was their darling baby. Their sweet little girl. Tai was basically a live-
in babysitter they didn't have to pay.

Tai didn't resent Kari for it. He couldn't. It was impossible not to love
Kari. It wasn't her fault. There must have been something he could have
done that would have let his parents accept him and love him. Something
he could have said. He had just messed up. Like always.

Tai's fingers ran along the ridges of other old scars, each one standing
for a time he'd made a particularly horrible mistake. They stopped at the
worst scar, the one representing the time he'd let Kari get so sick. He
still felt the guilt of that one screw-up. He'd been selfish, and he'd
hurt Kari.

Reaching into his pocket, Tai pulled out a small penknife and flipped
it open. He'd screwed up again today. He'd made the wrong decision and
he'd nearly gotten them all killed. If Matt hadn't showed up and taken
out Puppetmon, they would have been.

Matt.

Something else to feel guilty about. The boy who always contradicted
him. The boy who always fought with him. The boy who made his life heaven
and hell all at once. The boy he loved.

The boy who had left them.

Tai hadn't been paying enough attention. He'd gotten too distracted by
T.K. Matt had just faded into the forest, and Tai hadn't even noticed.
He hadn't realized Matt was gone until T.K. asked where his brother was.
He hadn't been able to find Matt until he'd come back on his own, to
fight Tai. He had felt so betrayed... But he had no right. It had to be
his own fault. There must have been something he could have done.

Using the tip of the knife, Tai scraped away the scab over a healing
cut, then sliced down into it, reopening it. He hissed with pain, but
didn't hesitate as the wound began bleeding freely. Tai looked down at
the bleeding cut with sad eyes.

"Matt... I failed you. I'm sorry," he whispered.

Trailing the knife over his arm, Tai found a clear space, and bore
down, cutting into the smooth skin. Involuntary tears of pain ran down
his face, but he ignored them. He welcomed the pain, he reveled in it.
It was what he deserved.

"Everyone... I failed you. I almost got you KILLED. I'm sorry."

After a short while, Tai stood up. He had just about enough time to
clean up and get back before his watch ended. Tai quickly made his way
to a small stream nearby and dipped his arm into the water, watching
as it washed away the blood. The blood, but not the mistakes.

"Tai?"

That voice... It couldn't be. Was he hallucinating? Tai spun around,
eyes wide. He hadn't been hearing things. There, right in front of
him, stood Matt. Terrified amber met shocked cerulean.

"Matt..."

Tai quickly got ahold of himself, and swung his left arm up behind
his head to hide it, his face assuming it's usual cheerful mask.

"Hey, what're you doing here, man? I thought you had to, y'know, find
yourself or something."

"I did. Looks like I found you instead," Matt replied, head tilting
to one side. His sky-blue eyes narrowed as they took in the red drops
on the ground, and the fact that Tai's arm was still up behind his
head. "Where are the others?"

"Oh, they're all back at camp. I just dropped by here to clean up,
Agumon was complaining about the smell. He's keeping an eye out for
me."

Matt's face showed disbelief as he stepped closer to Tai. "You're
lying to me."

Tai blinked at him innocently. "Huh? Agumon is back with the others,
honest."

"That's not what I mean, Tai, and you know it!" Matt snapped, stalking
up to the other boy. Tai twitched slightly and tried to move back, but
Matt was too fast, and the blond boy grabbed Tai's arm and pulled it
out into the open. Cerulean blue eyes widened in shock and horror.

"Tai... what have you been doing to yourself?"

"What, this?" Tai stammered, mind racing, trying to think of a way out.
"I had an argument with some bushes and lost, that's all. You know what
a klutz I am."

"Tai, what kind of an idiot do you take me for? These are way too deep
to be from bushes, and you've got a bunch of scars. Now tell me the truth!"
Matt demanded angrily. Tai spat angrily, trying to twist away from Matt,
but the other boy held firm.

"What the hell do you care?! You fought me, tried to kill me, and then
you just LEFT! No explanation, no nothing! You just ran off! I never got
a chance to try to fix things, to make it right! I didn't even know what
I did wrong!"

Matt stared at him, confused. "What you did wrong? It wasn't anything
you did, I just needed some time alone to straighten myself out. Why do
you think it was something you did?"

"Something I did, something I didn't do, it's still my fault. It's always
my fault," Tai replied, his knees folding under him as he collapsed to the
ground, his wrist still in Matt's grasp. Matt kneeled down beside him, a
shocked expression on his face.

"Tai, what are you talking about? Listen to me, it WASN'T your fault! It
wasn't anybody's fault, I just needed some time."

"It WAS!" Tai insisted, curling into a ball and rocking back and forth.
"My fault, always my fault, I messed up again, there must have been SOME
thing I could've done, something I did wrong..."

Tai's voice trailed off into a low murmur that Matt couldn't make out,
his amber eyes glazed and distant. Matt took him by the shoulders and shook
him roughly, trying to snap him out of it. Tai just continued rocking back
and forth, mumbling to himself, no longer seeming to register the other
boy's presence.

"Tai! Look at me! Tai! Taichi!"

Tai whimpered faintly and drew back, looking frightened. Matt cursed
under his breath.

"Real bright, Matt. Yell at him and use his full name. JUST the way to
make him feel better," Matt muttered to himself. Taking a deep breath,
Matt forced himself to calm down. Loosening his grip on Tai's shoulders,
Matt wrapped his arms around the other boy, cradling him gently.

"Tai? Come on, Tai, come back to me. I know you're in there. Onegai, snap
out of it, Tai."

A shudder ran through Tai's body and he relaxed all at once, collapsing
into Matt's arms. Matt hugged him, then tilted Tai's head up.

"Tai? Are you alright? Talk to me."

"I... Matt? I...think I'm okay now."

Matt sighed with relief, hugging Tai fiercely. "You scared me half to
death! Why didn't you TELL anyone about this!?"

Tai flinched. "I'm sorry, Matt, I didn't mean to scare you! And I didn't
want anyone to worry. Besides, my parents don't want anyone to know. I'm
sorry, I really am, Matt, I should've-"

Matt gave Tai a light shake to halt the flood of self-recrimination. "Tai,
it's okay. I'm just worried about you. You're hurting, and I want to help."

"You, you want to help... me?" Tai asked wonderingly. "But, but I'm
responsible, I'm the leader, I have to-"

"You have to heal yourself," Matt interrupted. "Otherwise you'll snap,
and where will we be? Minus a leader and a friend."

"Why do you care?" Tai asked, confused. "You left. I'm not your leader
or your friend."

"Tai, just because I left, it doesn't mean I don't care. It doesn't mean
you guys aren't my friends anymore. I just had to get my head on straight.
Tai, you're still the best friend I've ever had, and I still care about
you," Matt told him firmly. Tai started shaking his head frantically,
upset.

"No, you left us, you left me. I should know by now, Kari's-"

Tai cut off as his sister's voice floated through the trees.

"Tai? Tai, where are you? I know you're nearby, please come out!"

"Kari!" Tai gasped, scrambling for the black brace. "She can't see this,
she'd get so upset!"

"Tai, stop. She has to know. They all have to know," Matt said, grabbing
Tai's unhurt arm. "We're your friends, Tai, we're here for you, but we
can't help if you keep hiding. I know the others would say the same thing
if they were here."

"NO!" Tai cried frantically. "Don't you understand, Kari found me once,
she got so upset, she was so scared... I can't do that to her again!"

"I think you're underestimating her," Matt stated. "I made the same
mistake with T.K., remember? She stood up to Myotismon, Tai, she's strong.
You know she is."

"Damn you, Matt, you don't know what you're talking about! I have to look
after her, Mom and Dad said so! Kari's the only one I'm allowed to love,
I can't hurt her like this!"

"So you hurt yourself instead?" Matt demanded angrily, his voice rising.
"Does that really make sense to you, Tai?! By hurting yourself, you ARE
hurting her, even if neither of you knows it!"

"Oh, no..." Kari's voice came quietly, and both boys jerked around to see
her standing among the trees, staring at Tai's arm with tears running down
her face. "Tai, please, no..."

"Kari..." Tai gasped, horror shadowing his eyes. "You weren't supposed to
see..."

"I wasn't supposed to SEE?!" Kari screamed, clenching her fists. "You
weren't supposed to DO! You promised, Tai, you told me you'd stopped! You
said you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore! You promised..."

Kari fell to her knees on the ground, sobbing like her heart was breaking.
Tai's face twisted into an expression of agony as he fought free of Matt's
grip and ran over to his sister, dropping down to wrap his arms around her.
Matt watched sadly, his blue eyes somber.

"Kari... Oh, god, Kari, I'm so sorry... I couldn't help it, Kari, I've
messed up so much since coming here, I couldn't handle it... It's just...
Kari, I just couldn't take it... I'm so sorry... Please, forgive me..."

"It's not Kari that needs to forgive you, Tai. YOU need to forgive you,"
Matt cut in quietly, walking over to them. "You need to let go of all
this guilt you carry around with you. Tai, you have to learn from your
mistakes, then let them go. Holding onto them like this isn't healthy."

"I... I don't know if I can," Tai replied, lifting his now tear-stained
face to look at Matt. Kari clung to her brother as her sobs died down,
then looked up at him.

"You have to, Tai! I can't ever lose you, 'niichan, I love you!"

"I know, Kari," Tai replied brokenly. "You're the only one... I've always
known that."

Something clicked into place inside Matt, something Tai had said, and
Matt hadn't noticed until now. He dropped to his knees next to the two
siblings, and looked into Tai's eyes, willing the truth out of him.

"Tai... You said earlier that Kari's the only one you're allowed to love.
What did you mean?"

Tai stared into Matt's eyes, transfixed by the concern that showed in
the blue depths. Concern he'd never expected from Matt. He bit his lip,
but answered slowly.

"Kari... She's the only one that loves me. No one else that I love has
ever loved me back. And I have to protect her. It's always been this way.
I can't fail her. Everyone loves Kari, they'd be hurt if anything happens
to her. It's better if it happens to me. Kari's the only one that loves
me, the only one that would hurt if I was gone."

Matt stared at him in shock, but Kari just closed her eyes with a small
sigh of resignation. She knew her brother's worldview, and she had tried
to convince him it wasn't true, but she hadn't been able to.

"Tai!" Matt burst out angrily. "How can you believe that?! All of us, all
the Digidestined, we care about you! We fell apart when you disappeared
after the fight with Etemon, remember? We need you, we would hurt if you
were gone!"

"We're falling apart NOW, with me here! You left, then Mimi and Joe! I
couldn't stop it! We can't win with just five of us, I should know that!
It was refusing to believe that that nearly got us killed by Puppetmon!
That was MY idea, I talked the others into it. If I hadn't been here,
it wouldn't have happened, they wouldn't have hurt!"

"Puppetmon would have come after them! And you wouldn't have been there
to help! I wouldn't have been there to help! They would've been killed!"

"You left because of me! You didn't think I could be the leader, and
you were right! You would've still been with the group without me!"

"No, I wouldn't have," Matt replied softly, dropping his gaze to the
ground. "I didn't want to admit it then, but I need you, too, Tai. If
anything had happened to you, if you hadn't been there, I would have
fallen apart."

Tai stared at Matt, suddenly speechless. Kari looked at Matt with
hopeful eyes as she loosened her grip on her brother. Matt took a deep
breath and looked back up at Tai, defiance showing on his face.

"I love you, Tai, and I would hurt if you were gone."

Tai and Kari gasped in unison. Kari's face lit up with pure joy. Tai
stared at Matt in disbelief, but a spark of hope showed in his eyes.

"You... You love me? But... No one I love has EVER loved me back but
Kari..."

Matt's defiant look faded into a beautiful smile, and his blue eyes
warmed and softened as he realized what Tai was saying. "I love you
back, Tai. I will always love you back."

Kari squealed happily, jumping at Matt to hug him tightly before she
whirled to face her brother. "I told you! I told you you were wrong,
Tai! Didn't I tell you?"

Tai smiled at his sister faintly, the hope growing in his eyes. "Yeah,
Kari. You told me."

"You should listen to your sister more. She's got more sense than you,"
Matt said with a chuckle before he leaned forward to capture Tai's lips
with his own. Tai melted into the kiss, relaxing, for the first time in
his life forgetting his guilt and his pain. For the first time letting
the love he had buried deep inside fill his heart and warm his soul.

As the two boys pulled apart, Tai looked deep into Matt's eyes. "For
you and Kari, Matt... I think I can let go."


~owari~


Teena: *stubbornly* Happy ending. If Tai had killed himself or something,
I would've had to jump off a bridge in remorse.

Taichi: *shivers in Yamato's arms* Teena, that was scary... I can NOT
believe you wrote something this blasted depressing.

Teena: *defensively* It had a happy ending! You and Matt got together
and are madly in love, you're going to work on your problems, and things
are going to be all better!

Yamato: That fic was still depressing. My poor Tai-chan...

Teena: Anyway, it's Ken's fault. Oh, and thank you to the person who
reviewed and suggested I keep it Matt and Tai, but bring Kari into it.
The idea sparked inspiration in me.

Ken: ...Am I going to have to hide from Taichi and Yamato for awhile?

Teena: Probably... Anyway, now that it's done, let me know what you
think!