Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ One Step Forward, Two Steps Back ❯ Chapter 6: When Thinking Can Be Toxic ( Chapter 6 )

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Herme: Hey there! Want a disclaimer? Read the Nonsensual Dialogue then, cuz I ain't saying it all again!

Tommy: Evil.

 

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One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Capítulo Seis: When Thinking Can Be Toxic

 

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

—American Proverb

 

“Tch,” Daisuke said, clicking his tongue in annoyance as he read Takeru's return message.

 

—Not coming 2day? Ken not here either. LOL Did u 2 run off 2gthr or smthng? HW p269 1 3 5 9 TK—

 

**So,** Daisuke thought to himself as he closed the text message screen, **Ken ditched, too? Where would he go? The Library? Nah. Now, let's see…if I were Ken where would I be?** Daisuke smirked. **10 to 1, he's playing it sick.**

 

Well…good.

 

Daisuke sighed and looked out across the field from the shed he was hiding out in. As the captain of the soccer team, he was trusted with a key to the supply shed. So of course, the shed became the place he hid in when he played hooky.

 

Sliding back down to sit on the ground, Daisuke pulled his Blackberry from his backpack to check his MySpace (yes, everyone and their mama's got one). He hadn't been by in a while and he was met by a shitload of comments and messages. Most of the comments were from some chicks he'd met on MySpace, but the rest were from guys on the soccer team. More than half of the messages, however, were from Ken.

 

Daisuke paused, his hand over the link titled “Munch.” All of the messages were dated anywhere from two weeks to a week prior. None after last Thursday. Deciding finally, Daisuke clicked on “Munch.”

 

Some of the messages detailed strange things that had happened to Ken that particular day, or they expressed questions. All of these topics they had already talked about, though. Ken had the aggravating habit of writing to Daisuke about something and then calling him up to tell him all about it before Daisuke even got a chance to read the freakin' message. Why in the heck would Ken bother writing in the first place if he was only gonna just tell him himself later?

 

Daisuke stared at the last message entitled “Mentirosa” and his mind began wandering to the time he'd talked about it with Ken.

 

“So then she tells me that I'm way off and the proper conjugation is `vas!'” Ken was saying. “I keep trying to tell her that it's only `vas' if you're talking to someone, not about someone. If it was about someone, it'd be `va.'”

 

“Ken, what're you talking about?” Daisuke finally intervened.

 

“Haven't you been listening?” Ken said, turning over on Daisuke's bed to his stomach in order to stop looking at Daisuke upside down. “I'm talking about Tachibana-sensei and my test today…”

 

But Daisuke was hardly listening anymore. He watched the way their school shirt bundled around Ken's waist. Since school had ended, Ken had taken off the outer jacket and untucked the white button-up shirt. Due to his rolling around Daisuke's bed, the hem of the shirt had risen up revealing bits of his pale stomach.

 

Daisuke paused. Wait, since when was this part of his memory? Why would he remember something like that?

 

Daisuke blinked. Wait…if he was remembering something like this, then wouldn't that mean that he must have noticed it in the first place? Or was he just replacing his old memories with his new memories?

 

Daisuke blushed as many of his newer memories crashed his thoughts. He remembered first how Ken's thighs looked under the hem of the red nightshirt. He remembered the way Ken's hair slid across his skin whenever Ken tilted his head just so to the side. No, that wasn't that night, that was…all the time? Then Daisuke remembered the way Ken's bruised lips parted after their kisses, his moist, hot tongue peeking out to taste Daisuke's skin. He remembered the way Ken smiled, when he hugged him, no, when he was listening to one of Daisuke's jokes, no, when he had kissed him…

 

Now sound was beginning to flood Daisuke's ears. He could remember the raspy breath, somehow also reminding him of Ken's laugh. He could remember the gasps. The way he had said his name. The way he had *moaned* his name.

 

Daisuke blushed anew.

 

**“Ah, ah, ah,”** came the voice in Daisuke's memory. **“Ah, Dai…suke. Ah!”**

 

Trying to forget the sounds, Daisuke stared at the miniature screen and read what Ken had written:

 

—…and then I told Tachibana-sensei that it's only “vas” if you're talking to someone, not about someone. If it was about someone, it'd be “va.” Does she think I'm stupid or something? I mean, I've known Spanish for years now, and I don't care if she DOES have a Ph.D. I know what I'm talking about! I should have told her, “Tu eres la estupida porque no puedes hablar Español tambien como yo, pendeja!” That would've shut her up!—

 

Daisuke mouthed the foreign words to himself. “Tu eres la estupida…”

 

**“Aye, dios mio!”**

 

Daisuke startled as another memory returned to him. More vividly than any of the others before it.

 

He was hovering above Ken this time, his breath ragged. He could feel that his boxers had been pushed down to somewhere on his thighs. Along his sides he felt the soft flesh of Ken's inner thighs. Ken was clawing at his back, Daisuke himself was…grinding…against…

 

Daisuke's eye clouded over, his mouth hung partially open and body turned hot as he squirmed on the ground where he sat.

 

**“Ah, si, papi! Nomas asi!”** Ken had said as he had pressed himself up against Daisuke. **“Mas! Damelo más áspero!”**

 

**What was Ken saying?** Daisuke wondered even as he blushed at the memory. Whatever it was, Daisuke must have felt it internally, because he had increased his efforts, at the same time, increasing Ken's volume.

 

**Oh gods…** Daisuke closed his Blackberry and banged the back of his head against the wall of the shed.

 

This was insane.

 

In one night, he drank himself stupid, groped the best friend he ever had and therefore alienated him, lost the DVD remote, and lost the only pair of pajamas he had.

 

“Okay, wait, wait, wait,” he said aloud to himself, standing up to begin pacing around the small shed.

 

Drinking himself stupid…yeah, that was stupid. While being drunk was an interesting experience (not taking into account the whole make-out session), being hungover wasn't. Groping his best friend and alienating him…well…Ken was upset, of course he was…

 

The DVD remote! Yeah, yeah. Boy, were his parents pissed. Even today, Daisuke still wasn't sure what happened to it. Was it in the pockets of his pajama that Ken took?

 

Daisuke shook his head, as if it would help clear out stupid thoughts like that. Speaking of pajamas, he lost those, too. But those were easily replaceable, the pajamas and the remote…well, at least, he *thought* the remote was replaceable. Shit, what was he gonna do if it wasn't?

 

Daisuke sighed and closed his eyes.

 

Alright…Daisuke admitted it. He conceded defeat. He raised the white flag. He's given in.

 

He was going to do something that no man should ever have to do.

 

He was going to think…

 

…about his feelings.

 

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When Friday morning brought on the hateful sounds of his alarm clock, Ken felt as if he could gladly sling his alarm clock against the wall, and then roll over and go back to sleep without another thought about it. He shouldn't do that, though, because 1) he only had one alarm clock, and 2) he had slept almost the entire day yesterday. First in the nurse's office until his mother had come to pick him up, and then again once he had returned home. He had slept right on through dinner and then all through the night.

 

**This can't be healthy,** he thought. **Gods, how pathetic am I? How has it come to pass that I deal with my problems like this?**

 

But besides this tactic, the only other way was to talk to Daisuke. Ken *really* didn't want to do that. He'd rather listen to Taichi sing for hours on end than try and get Daisuke to talk about something he was obviously trying to forget. That was the last thing Ken wanted to do.

 

Was it too late in the school year to transfer schools?

 

Ken sighed into his pillow. He was well aware of the fact that he was acting like a coward, but to summon up the courage to try and confront Daisuke was really too much to ask. Running & Hiding® (patented by Ken Ichijouji, 2006) was the way Ken handled, well…just about everything. He found that by Running & Hiding® he was able to at least delay his problem, if not eventually solve them, or have them go completely away.

 

But this time, his problem was his best friend. This was Daisuke he was talking about, for goodness' sake! And Ken wasn't at all certain he wanted Daisuke to simply go away. And yet, he wasn't making any attempts to nullify the situation!

 

Ken groaned. **Why am I like this?**

 

“Ken?”

 

Ken opened his eyes and looked up at his mother who was standing above him. All at once, the real world re-surrounded him and Ken realized he wasn't really trapped with his thoughts, but in his very own bed, his mother hovering over him, and his alarm clock still blaring.

 

“Ken?” his mother said again. “Are you still feeling ill? Your alarm's been going off for nearly twenty minutes.”

 

Ken smiled bleakly at his mother. “No, it's fine, mom, I'll get up now.” To prove it, Ken sat up and switched off his alarm clock.

 

“Well, if you're sure,” his mother said before leaving her son to finish getting up.

 

Outside, the clouds overtook the early morning sky, visually mirroring Ken's thoughts. Normally, Ken loved both cloudy days and the rain: he couldn't understand people who thought of them as “gloomy.” It was like that anonymous quote said, “Those who say sunshine brings happiness have never danced in the rain.”

 

However, as of last Friday, rain had come to have a whole new meaning for Ken. As well as mud…

 

Ken stopped his thoughts before they became too carried away with themselves.

 

As Ken went through the motions of undressing, his mind kept up a continuous battle: Thoughts of Nothing constantly being attacked by Thoughts of…The Incident. Eventually, the defense of the Thoughts of Nothing weakened, and Ken began wondering what he was going to do about The Dreaded Fourth Period. He didn't even know if they had homework due, and even so, he didn't want to go inside where Daisuke might—would—might probably be. He figured that he would wait a bit more before talking to Daisuke.

 

Yeah. That's what he'd do. He wasn't going to Run and Hide® anymore! He was going to confront his problem head-on! He was just going to wait a while, until Daisuke was…ready… Ken would just wait `till next week.

 

**And the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that…** the damned Little Voice at the back of his head piped up again.

 

Ken glared at his reflection in the mirror. Looking at himself, however, caused Ken to forget his previous thoughts. Now he gazed at his body. More specifically, his skin. It was as pale as ever, only seeming more so now that it was all one hue. While lacking color, it was also lacking the many red blotches it had carried for days after…

 

“Anyways,” Ken found himself saying aloud as he turned purposefully to turn on the shower.

 

As he waited for the water to warm, Ken hugged himself. No, mass amounts of self-love did not inspire the action, it was just one of those habits that Ken had. He didn't know when or why it had started happening, but it just did. This time, though, Ken shivered when he felt his fingertips touch his ribs. Goosebumps rose on his skin and Ken took in a deep breath.

 

**It's okay, it's nothing, it's okay, it's nothing,** he repeated to himself slowly, staring into the eyes of his flushed reflection. At long last, the water warmed enough that steam began to fill the room, gradually covering up Ken's image in the mirror. Ken continued to stare, however, until the steam had completely covered his face.

 

He wasn't seeing his face, though.

 

That face.

 

That face was…

 

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A/N: “Those who say sunshine brings happiness have never danced in the rain.” : Thanks to Sachiela, simply for having such a lovely quote as her signature.

Tommy: As for the attempts at Spanish…

Me: First off, thanks to my mum and to Gui for helping me translate.  If the grammar's all wrong, then it's my own fault.  Furthermore, another thank you to Hammond, who first gave me the idea of speaking "in tongues" when your drunk.  He's been known to do so, and it was then that I remembered Ken speaks Spanish!  Well, “mentirosa” means “stupid,” as in to call someone stupid. “Tu eres la estupida porque no puedes hablar Espanol tambien como yo, pendeja!” means “you're the stupid one because you can't speak Spanish as well as I, asshole!” “Aye, dios mio!” means “oh my god!” “Ah, si, papi! Nomas asi!” means “Yes, papi, just like that!” *Blush* And “Mas! Damelo más áspero!” means “More! Give it to me harder!” …I hope. *Blushes away*

Tommy: Running and Hiding® was actually was actually patented by the mistress here, around 2005 is when she perfected it. It her usual MO.

Me: *Runs and Hides* I'm sorry!!!!

Tommy: *Watches Mistress fade off into the Sunset* Anyways, see ya next time in Chapter Seven: Do you like pie? …no, seriously, that's what she named it. Do you like pie? Hn. Whatever.

 

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