Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Psychosis ❯ Chapter 1

 So, this is just something I wrote. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

Translation Guide

Otousan- Dad

Okaasan- Mom

Ototosan- Little brother

Imotosan- Little sister

Musukosan- Son

Also, Matt has been adopted into Tai's family and refers to them as family, just I'd avoid confusion. Disclaimer: Toei and Bandai own Digimon. I just like the character's and wanted to write about them. Enjoy.

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           I woke up screaming, just as I had every other night this week. I looked over at my ototosan as he looked back at me, full of concern.

            ; "Yamato? Are you ok?" he asked, just as he did every time I woke up. He didn't remember the accident, amnesia from the bump on his head. The bruises were fading and his broken arm would heal. The only reason he'd remember the accident would be his otousan, or lack thereof. His life wouldn't change; Hiroaki was barely in his life as it was. I on the other hand would always have that final memory of our otousan seared in brain.

            ; "I'll be ok Takeru, just a bad dream." This was more than a bad dream, this was a memory, a reminder of how quickly things change.

            ; "Do you want me to go get Okaasan?" He wanted to do something, anything to help me. Unfortunately, he couldn't. Natsuko didn't give a damn about me and hadn't since I left with Hiroaki. They told me I had to choose who I went with. At the time it was a simple choice, obvious even. Hiroaki wasn't nearly as strict as Natsuko, so my tiny self went with him. How was I supposed to know that it would ruin the bond I had with my okaasan? And Takeru needed her more anyways. He would have gone with Hiroaki if I hadn't and he was so young. She had still never forgiven me for it. She wanted nothing to do with me and wanted Tk nowhere near me. I withdrew. I figured if I wasn't good enough for my own family, then I sure as hell wouldn't be good enough for people that didn't share the same blood as I. It's difficult for someone to reject you if they have no idea that you exist. Hiroaki made Natsuko have Takeru spend time with me. He used his summer visitation rights to send us to summer camp together. After that summer and our digital adventure she couldn't keep my ototosan away from me. He looked up to me; I became his male role model. Natsuko never remarried and Hiroaki was never around, so I took on that role for him. The two of us spent a lot of time at Taichi and Hikari Yagami's apartment. We snuck them in junk food so they didn't have to eat our Okaasan's health food. Natsuko still hated him spending time with me, but decided it was ok if we were at our best friends house, being supervised by their parents.

            ; "It's ok Takeru, no need to worry her. I'm just going to grab a Sprite, then head back to bed." With that I hopped out of the small bed we were sharing and padded my way into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed a Mountain Dew. I swiftly popped the top and chugged it. I didn't want to sleep; I didn't want to see that horror again.

            ; "Yamato? Was that you or Takeru screaming?" Natsuko had woken up anyways, much to my general displeasure.

            ; "It was me, just a nightmare, no big deal," I replied. Natsuko nodded and turned around to go back to bed. No other words were exchanged, nothing. She just wanted to make sure her other son was ok. I sighed and finished off the rest of my Mountain Dew in one giant gulp.

            ; I glanced over at the table as I set the can down and saw my bag lying there. On a whim I grabbed it and pulled my cell phone out. I hadn't touched it since I had called emergency after the crash. I had turned it off, shoved it in my bag and left it there until now. I powered it on and immediately it was flooded with text messages and voice mail from the other chosen and my band. Most of the messages were from my boyfriend, Taichi, but everyone had left at least one, including Mimi, who was still in America. Everyone wanted to know if I was ok and requested that I send them a text or give them a call as soon as I got their message.

            ; As soon as I finished reading all my new text messages I realized I needed to get out of this tiny apartment. Hiroaki's place was bigger, and for the most part I was the only one who occupied it. I had always hated this place and had no idea how anyone could live here. I dialed Taichi's cell phone number, knowing he'd pick up. When the chosen had an emergency, it was a real emergency. On the fourth ring he answered.

            ; "'Ello?" was the groggy greeting I got.

            ; "Hey Tai, it's Matt. Can you come over to Hiroa- Otousan's place? I can't stand Natsuko's apartment anymore," I whispered. Natsuko probably hadn't fallen back asleep and Takeru hadn't slept right since Devimon deleted Angemon all those years ago.

            ; "Yamato? Of course I can get out. Kari won't tell, with a little bribe. You two ok?" He sounded relieved, but I couldn't blame him. Tk hadn't talked to anyone either with his D3 "broken" and Natsuko not letting him have a phone. He couldn't get a hold of anyone. She had also kept us both out of school, but we'd have to go back Monday, unless she could get a note, much to her dismay.

            ; "Yeah, I'm fine. Takeru has broken arm and can't remember the crash, but otherwise he's fine. I can't really talk right now, but I'll see you in a few." I hung up the phone before Taichi could say anything else. I snuck into Takeru's room and grabbed his non-functional D3 and a screwdriver. I could fix it as soon as I got to the apartment. There was actually nothing wrong with it, I had just conveniently removed a vital piece of it internal structure.  I hobbled back into the kitchen and wrote a note, placing it on the phone. It wouldn't do to have Natsuko call the cops on me.

            ; With that I looked at my leg and sighed. I was going to have to use the damned crutches to get to Hiroaki's place. I had twenty-seven stitches going up and down my left calf. The doctor told me I shouldn't walk on it for two weeks and I should use the crutches as little as possible, but since when had I listened? They gave me some vicodin and I pocketed it after I took an extra one in preparation for my walk. I silently put on my shoes and grabbed my keys and crutches before Takeru or Natsuko could wake up and stop me.

            ; After I got outside and started to shiver. The stitches forced me to wear shorts in the middle of February and although the walk was only two blocks, it would take me twenty minutes with the crutches.

            ; I started walking and twenty-five minutes later was standing in front of my apartment building. It was going to be a long walk up to the apartment and I knew Tai would be waiting for me. I somehow managed to get into inside the building and greeted Riku, the night clerk. He was smart enough not to bring up the accident, but he did ask about my leg and if I wanted any help to my apartment. I simply told him that it was pain, but survivable and that I could make it up to the apartment just fine and thanking him for the offer. I had to start up the stairs; the elevator was undergoing maintenance for the next two weeks.  Halfway up the second flight of stairs Tai saw me and immediately hoisted me onto his back. He got me and my crutches into the apartment without one word.

            ; "You look like hell, love. Are you sure you're alright?" he asked, concern showing all over his face. He looked tired and it wasn't from just missing one night of sleep. He hadn't slept in days.

"I'm not sure. Are you ok? You look like hell too.  You haven't been sleeping either, have you?

            ; "No, how can I? You got into an accident,  'Tousan is dead, you haven't called, I've been ungodly worried." I grabbed my boyfriend and kissed him on the forehead.

            ; "Do you want a beer? Natsuko doesn't drink and hell, she doesn't even know I'm here, let alone Hiroaki kept beer in the house and Hiroaki, well he won't ever know either."

            ; "Uh, sure. You're calling him Hiroaki now? I thought you only called Natsuko by her first name."
          &nbs p; "I only call Natsuko by her first name because she doesn't give a damn about me." Tai gave me a weird look, shook his head and went towards my room. I sighed and headed into the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of Guinness from the fridge, the only beer Hiroaki would buy.

            ; I hobbled down the hall and into my room. Taichi was sitting on my bed in his AC/DC sleep pants, my Teenage Wolves hoodie and on his head his goggles from our days in the Digital World, which Dai gave back to him after he found out his idol was gay. He was playing "Owner of a Lonely Heart" by Yes on my guitar. Taichi must have left in a hurry, he slept shirtless, hence my Teenage Wolves hoodie. He had only grabbed his coat on the way out.

            ; "You're almost as good as me now. Maybe we can get you in the band soon. Haru needs a replacement, he doesn't like the direction the band is going in," I said as soon Taichi was done with the song. He grabbed the beer from me and took a long drink.

            ; "You think so?"

            ; "Yeah, he promised to stay until we got a new guitarist, but we're getting really tired of hearing him bitch.  He doesn't like we're getting a lot harder of a sound."

            ; "Sweet!" he said as he bought his left fist back towards him "So how's Takeru doing?"
          &nb sp; "Ok, like I said, he broke his arm. He has amnesia, he bumped his head, the lucky bastard."

            ; "You think it's permanent?"
           ;  "I sure as hell hope so. He's better off not remembering that night. I have to fix his D3; it "broke during the crash." I did air quotations around broke so Tai knew nothing serious had happened to it.

""Broken"? What do you mean, "broken"?" I reached into my pocket and pulled out a screwdriver, the D3 and a tiny chip with the digiegg and crest of light on it.

            ; "I took this out," I said, looking at it, "Looks like it's preprogrammed with who gets what."

            ; Tai looked at me like I was insane, but watched me intently as I unscrewed the back of the digivice and cracked it open. The only things in the device were a couple of wires and a slot. I carefully placed the chip on the tiny hole then applied a slight pressure. There was a small pop and I could hear the digivice come back to life.

            ; "That's all that's in there? A couple wires and a chip?" Taichi asked, staring.

            ; "Yeah, don't tell Kou. He'll be pissed that there's nothing really to analyze." I replied as I put the D3 back together, "Good as new.

            ; We sat in silence for a minute before Tai decided he wanted to know why I had made him walk here in the middle of the night.

            ; "Matt…"

            ; "You want to know why you're here. You want to know what happened to Tk and me. You want to know why I haven't called you or Sora or anyone else. You just want to know don't you?" I interrupted.

            ; "Uh, yeah," he said, looking at me strangely. He was surprised by how I was acting.

            ; "What version do you want? Do you want the sad, but it happens version or the horrific, makes you question humanity version?" I calmly said. I pulled a pack of blacks out of my desk and offered him one. He took it and we both pulled out of lighters. Two silver Zippo lighters, mine with the blue Crest of Friendship and his with the orange Crest of Courage. They were presents from Hiroaki on our two-year anniversary.

            ; "Um, whichever one is the real one?" he said, puffing on the cigar. I sighed and inhaled deeply on the black, savoring the taste, then exhaled slowly.

            ; "Ok, but I warn you, the truth is not a pretty thing."

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            ; "Yamato, get your ass out of bed, it's eleven thirty and we've got plans!" my otousan, Hiroaki Ishida, yelled down the hall. It was Saturday and I had spent most of the last night out with my boy friend, Taichi Yagami, my best friends, Sora Takenouchi and Koushiro Izumi, and Tai and my younger siblings, Hikari Yagami and Takeru Takaishi. My band, the Teenage Wolves, had a gig and afterwards the six of us went back to my place, had some cold ones and played some video games. At about one Sora and Kou left and Tai and I went back to my room for some "alone time", while I suspect our siblings did the same in the other room. It was about three before Tai and Kari went home and Tk decided to bunk on my floor. I grumbled something back at my otousan, but got up anyways. I was surprised he was home. It had been a while since I had gotten more than a short scribbled note from him saying there was money in the drawer for me to get something to eat with and that he'd see me as soon as he could.

            ; I grabbed a pair of pants and a charcoal grey shirt from my closet and put them on, trying not to step on my half conscious brother as I did so.

            ; I padded down the hall and into the kitchen where Hiroaki was drinking tea and reading the paper.

            ; "Sup Otousan?" I managed to somehow get out of my mouth as I poured me a cup of coffee and threw in a generous amount of gingerbread creamer left over from the holiday.

            ; "Well, the station is sending me to do a story on the Zodiac festival in Chiba. I thought you and I thought you and your brother might like to go, so I asked the cameraman to meet us there. Can you call your okaasan and ask her about your brother for me? I'd do it, but honestly, she likes you better," my otousan replied, laughing slightly at my need for coffee.

            ; "Why don't I do it 'Tousan?" Takeru yawned at Hiroaki. He was finally walking among the land of the living, albeit still looking quite dead with his hair sticking up and marks on his chest, somewhat similar to the ones on my own.

            ; "Looks like at least one of my sons got lucky last night, eh Matt? Either that or he got mugged."

            ; "Hey, I got lucky too, I just know how to put a shirt on." Both of us laughed while Takeru turned bright red as he realized he had scratch and bite marks all over his chest. He turned around and mumbled something about calling Natsuko as he headed back the way he had just come.

I sighed contentedly as I grabbed the box of frosted flakes from the cabinet and Otousan handed me the milk. I quickly combined the two in a bowl and began shoving the mixture down my throat that only a certain brunette boy could match.

"God Matt, slow down, it's not going to go anywhere. It's cereal, it can't walk," Otousan said as he watched me eat with a mixture of fascination and disgust. It had been a while since we had eaten together and I had finally learned how to keep up with Taichi.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly, "I've been eating Taichi style recently." I got a simple nod as 'Tousan went back to reading the paper, just happy I had slowed down.

Moments later Tk showed his face again, his hair brushed and fully clothed, hiding any evidence that last night had occurred.

"She said I could go as long Matt takes me home. Unless it's too late, then she told me to stay the night here and she wants Matt to bring me home by noon. By the way, she wants to talk to you about something, Yamato, she won't tell me what though."

I sighed again, but differently this time. Anything that Natsuko wanted to talk to me about couldn't be good. With any luck she was writing a story she needed some information about.

"Ok, we're going to take off in about twenty minutes if that's ok with everyone," Otousan told us.

"Yeah, that's fine, I should be done making fun of Tk by then."

"Fine, I'll be right back so you can continue making fun of me. I need to find my hat." He again turned and headed back towards my room. Just as he left the phone began to ring and after checking the caller ID I answered.

"Hello Vampiress, how are you doing today? Calling to check in on your fair haired victim?" I greeted, much to the confusion of my imotosan.

"Yamato?" she replied, trying to determine which of the Ishida's it was from their voice. We all sounded nearly alike and it was made even worse over the phone, "What the hell are you talking about?"

            ; "Well, my pretty little sadist, obviously your boyfriend isn't intelligent enough to put on a shirt before walking into the kitchen. I do have to admit, you do a damn good job, almost as good as you're 'niisan."

            ; "Shit! Can we, uh, keep this between us? Please? Taichi will kill him," she pleaded, too worried to be embarrassed.

            ; "Tai already knows, Imotosan. Do you honestly believe we thought you two were going to be good little children while we were in the other room? Hell, I could hear you through the walls, although I don't think you're oniisan did. He was making too many of his own loud noises to be honest."

            ; "Can we still keep this between us?"

            ; "Hey, I like my blood. You might decide you want a new blonde headed, blue eyed victim and I don't want to be it, so my lips are sealed." Takeru returned as I finished out my sentence and started pouring him a bowl of frosted flakes.

            ; "Your girlfriend, you know the one with the oral fixation." He put down the box and glared at me, then grabbed the phone.

            ; "Yeah, she gives damn good head too," he shot back.

            ; "Must be genetic," I laughed as I turned back to my own bowl of frosted flakes.

            ; We left just when 'Tousan said we would and got to Chiba rather quickly. The ride up there was pretty uneventful, we all talked about how life had been treating us, work, school, band, girlfriends, boyfriends, the works. We talked about the festival. It being the year of the dog, everything would be dog themed. Takeru had never been to a Zodiac Festival, but that was because the last time anyone in my family had gone it had been the Year of the Ram, the same year he was born.

            ; "Whoa," he said as he got out of the car. People were everywhere carrying dog masks and pastries. It was always a sight to walk up and down these festivals; it was amazing what they had.

            ; Ok boys, I'm off to find my camera crew. I want you two to stay together. Here's some money, go have the time of your lives. Yamato, keep your ototosan safe, your okaasan will kill us both if you don't."

            ; "Yes sir, I will. Come on Tk, let's go get some masks." With that we took off, tearing through the festival, stuffing ourselves with food, riding all the rides and even getting Hikari a kimono with little dogs on it and Taichi a set of Zodiac figurines. Hiroaki called at midnight, just as the fireworks were ending. We all piled into the car and left, Takeru and I rambling on about how much fun we had, while Hiroaki stayed silent.

            ; "Did you see when that one guy kept trying to win that stuffed dog for his girlfriend? He kept missing the milk bottles by a mile, and then his girlfriend knocked them over in one shot? The look on his face was priceless," Tk told us, trying to make the same face as the man.

            ; "Yeah, it was, but not as priceless as you trying to recreate it," I gasped at him, hardly getting any air we were laughing so hard.

            ; "Yeah, yeah, screw you too," he mock grumbled back at me.

            ; "Hey boys," Hiroaki began, trying to get our attention, "Isn't it a beautiful night out?"

            ; We were both confused, but agreed. It was just the right temperature and there was a slight wind blowing. There was no indication of rain; it was a perfectly cloudless night. The moon was about three quarters full and it was giving off a silver light, one that had made the lake at the festival light up just right.

            ; "It's a beautiful night to die isn't it? A beautiful night to end it all," he murmured softly, just loud enough for us to hear.

            ; "Otousan," Takeru whispered back, barely being able to bring himself to talk, "What's going on?"

            ; "Well musukosan, this is the day we go and meet our maker. I'm saving you two from a lot of pain, you know. The pain of having one of the people you love most in the world leave you, the pain of having the other ripped from your arms when he isn't even old enough to start school. Then there's work, the never-ending cycle. You go to a job you can't stand to be able to afford the rent, which you never remember to pay because you're at work all the time. You're friends just up and leave you, too busy with their own lives to even drop them a line, but how can you blame them, you don't have the time to stay in touch either. I was the most popular kid at my high school. I don't talk to any of those bastards anymore. Not one. Life is pointless. Absolutely no point in it, except getting hurt. Why should we go through this? What kind of father would I be if I made you live it?" Hiroaki kept rambling as Takeru burst into tears. I grabbed him tightly and refused to let the scared boy go. I was afraid of what was happening. Fear, that was an uncommon emotion to me, but scared I was.

            ; I glanced at the speedometer as I held Takeru close to me. 110 mph. And we were in a Mustang; we could only go up from here.

            ; "'Tousan? 'Tousan? What's going on? Why don't you pull over so we can talk about all this? 'Tousan? Otousan?" I yelled his name a few more times before giving up. It was pointless, he couldn't hear me anymore, he was gone.

            ; I glanced back and forth between the speedometer and road until I finally saw it. What Hiroaki was planning on doing. There was a bridge up ahead, a small one just outside Tokyo prefecture. The car was doing 140 now. Takeru was hyperventilating in my arms and although I didn't want to, I let him go and checked his seatbelt. Once I was sure it was secure I unrolled his window and put my backpack on, then strapped myself in, just in time to go over the edge.

            ; The car hit about mid-river, the hood smashing into a small outcropping of rocks before going under. The water rushed in, just as I had wanted it to. I wouldn't have to struggle with the window even if being surrounded by freezing water suddenly had its disadvantages. I unbuckled my seatbelt as fast as I could so I could check Takeru. He was unconscious. I unbuckled him and shoved him out the window roughly; less concerned about hurting him and more concerned with the lack of air his brain was receiving. I followed him out and began swimming upwards. I was struggling with his weight, but luckily the river wasn't deep. I managed to get us over to the bank and checked to see if my brother was breathing. He wasn't. I started doing chest compressions and after a couple of them he spit up some water and began to regain consciousness.

            ; "Yamato?" he asked drowsily.

            ; "Hush, we've been in an accident. I'm going to call 119.Are you hurt?"

            ; "My head hurts pretty bad," he responded and tried to sit up, but cried out in pain and passed out again.

            ; "Shit!" I yelled and looked at his arms. The left one looked bent. It was probably broken. I laid it carefully on his stomach. A minute later he opened his eyes again.

            ; "What…?"

            ; "You have a broken arm. It's your left one. Leave it there. I'm going get help. I'm going to take my phone up to the top of the bridge. I'll be back with paramedics. It'll be ok." Before my brother could argue I headed up the steep hill to the top of the bridge.

            ; When I got to the top I pulled my phone out of my pocket, happy I got GzOne. It was water and shock resistant. Band gigs often got wild.

            ; "119, what's you're emergency?" the operator asked.

            ; "I've been in a wreck. Our car went into the river. My brother has a broken arm and Otousan never made it out. We're somewhere outside Tokyo prefecture in Chiba."

            ; "Hold on just a minute sir, we're sending an ambulance out immediately. Please stay on the phone with me until the emergency crew gets there." I stayed on the phone with her for about fifteen minutes before the ambulance arrived. The men began asking questions as soon as they got out. All I told them was that my ototosan was hurt and lying on the bank and that we had to go get him, then took off down the hill. The paramedics followed me down to Takeru. He was still awake and trying his best to brave. I knew he was confused, but I honestly had no idea what was going on myself. They put him on the stretcher as I headed back up the slope to the ambulance. I didn't want to leave my brother, but he was in good hands. Halfway up the hill I had a sudden sharp pain in leg and collapsed screaming. More paramedics rushed down the hill with a second stretcher. I tried to struggle away from the men, but they forced me onto it and restrained me.

            ; "Kid, you've got a pretty messed up leg. Stay still and let us do our job," one of the men said to me as they wheeled me the rest of the way up the hill. I stopped struggling, knowing they had me.

            ; "I need to call Okaasan. Where are you taking us?"

            ; "Matsuzawa. We'll call her, give us the number." I rattled off Natsuko's number and they loaded my brother and me into the back of the ambulance.

            ; "My otousan, he's still in the car. He's dead."

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            ; "Ok Matt, I'm not going to lie to you, this is going to hurt," Dr. Oshiro told me. He was sewing up my leg. They had done an x-ray of my leg and determined it was just broken. They were putting Takeru through various tests for his head injury. They just had already set his arm and Natsuko had showed up. She was in the waiting room. They were going to keep us both overnight for observation, then send us home in the morning.

            ; "I know, I've gone through this before. I hit my head at a gig a couple years ago." He nodded and began suturing my leg up. I cringed as the needle went in and out of my skin, but sat perfectly still to make it easier on my doctor.

When he was done the nurse took me to my room, where Natsuko was waiting. She got up when she saw me come in and gave me a hug.

"Thank you for saving your brother, Yamato." I went rigid in her arms. I didn't like being touched by anyone, especially her. She ignored this, pretending that it didn't happen, "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. How's Takeru? And what's happening with 'Tousan?"

"He's fine. The left radius and ulna were broken about halfway up his arm. They set them and put a cast on it. He also has a concussion. They're just sending him now," she told me. I sighed and laid down on the bed as Natsuko spoke with the doctor about my treatment. A few minutes later Takeru was wheeled in the room and placed in the bed next to me.

"Hey Tk, how are you feeling?" I asked him as soon as the nurse left.

"I'd say like hell, but I can't feel a damn thing. Vicodin." I smiled and he smiled back.

"Morphine, the leg's all fucked up."

"So, where's 'Tousan?" was the next thing out of his mouth. I cringed. The concussion must have caused some amnesia.

"He uh, he didn't make it Takeru."

"You're lying. Otousan is fine."

"Takeru, what do you remember?"

"Getting in the car and then waking up after arm was set, why?"

"You don't remember anything about the accident?"

"No, why?"

"Because if you remembered anything than you'd know Hiroaki never got out of the damn car. He died in the river. I couldn't save him, only you. We were in the back, I couldn't get to the front." I was half yelling at the blonde. I was lying through my teeth; I never even tried to get to Hiroaki. I had to say I did though. The police hadn't talked to me yet; they were going to wait until the morning. I wasn't going to tell them the truth. Hiroaki had life insurance and he had another son to look after. The life insurance was void if he committed suicide, and Takeru didn't need to know his father was a monster.

"You're lying! OKAASAN! OKAASAN!" Natsuko came running to her younger sons bedside, "Tell Yamato he's lying, Otousan isn't dead, tell him he's lying."

She turned to me, livid, "Matt! Why the hell did you tell him that already? Hasn't he been through enough tonight?"

"He asked me how Hiroaki was, what the hell was I supposed to tell him?" I yelled back at her.

"'Tousan isn't dead!" Takeru screeched at the top of his lungs. Natsuko turned around and began to soothe her youngest son and held him while he cried. While they weren't paying attention I snuck into the bathroom and changed into the shirt I had been wearing. My pants were ripped from the where the jagged piece of the car had sliced me and they had cut it off, but the hospital was nice enough to give us some scrub pants to put under our gowns. The shirt was damp, but I put it on over the gown and tucked the gown into my pants. I fished my old harmonica out of my bag and headed out of the room and up to where I hoped I could find a quiet rooftop to sit.

After fifteen minutes of searching I finally found the stairs to the rooftop. I walked up them carefully, as to not rip out the stitches. Just because I couldn't feel any pain didn't mean it wasn't there. I made it outside to a nice secluded area. There was another person there, an older man smoking a cigarette. I asked if I bum one and he shrugged and passed me one, then handed me a lighter. We smoked in silence until he left. I finished my cigarette soon after and sat down over in the corner and began playing my harmonica. I played the same solemn song I always played as I watched the sun come up for the first time in a world without Hiroaki Ishida.

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            ; "A nurse came looking for me an hour later, Natsuko and Takeru didn't notice I was gone for quite a while. A few hours later the cops came and talked to me. I told them that Hiroaki was going pretty fast because he was driving the Mustang. They told me the cause of death was the steering wheel crushing him when he hit the rocks. I didn't tell them about the psychosis. His tox screen came back negative for anything. They sent us home that afternoon. We were fine. Since then I've just been sitting around Natsuko's place bored out of my mind and barely able to sleep. I wake up screaming every few hours. I always dream about what happened." By this point I was sobbing and Taichi was holding me.

            ; "It's ok, Matt. It's ok. You couldn't have stopped it. You didn't know."

            ; "I know, but what do I do now? I can't stay with Natsuko. She is against me and you, she doesn't know I smoke, she despises the fact I'm in a band… I can't stay in a place like that."

            ; "Why don't you just stay here then? Doesn't Hiroaki pay rent at the beginning of the year through to the end so he doesn't forget? I just turned eighteen, so I can move in. You'll be eighteen here soon. Natsuko shouldn't have too big of a problem with it, especially considering her apartment's too small for you to live in. We'll paint the place and move Hiroaki's stuff out. We can pawn part of it. Give some of it to Takeru and if there's anything you want you can take it. We can get some new furniture too. I have a pretty good job and the band pulls money in so we can afford utilities. Didn't you say that Hiroaki had an insurance policy? Half of it goes to you, half to your brother. We can make this work if want to try."

            ; "Are you sure you want to try this Tai? You have a habit of blindly leaping into things before you really think about them, you know."

            ; "Matt, I've been thinking about this since I found out that Hiroaki died. Weren't we going try and get our own place as soon as we graduated anyways? Why not just push the date forward a little?"

            ; "Ok," I said, "I trust you."

            ; "Good, because I'm always right." He grinned at me, making me feel better. I wiped my eyes on my shirt and smiled back.

            ; "Yeah, yeah, yeah Yagami, always right. And my ass is as broad as a barn," I replied.

            ; "Damn, I didn't know barn were that skinny, or that cute," he retorted. I gave him a playful punch on the arm and checked the time.

            ; "Well Mr. Know it all, we need to get to bed. It's already four in the morning."

He looked up at the clock and nodded. I got up and turned off the light and lay down next to my boyfriend.

            ; "Night, Matt."

            ; "Night Tai, sleep well."

            ; "You too." And for the first time in a week, I did.

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Comments are welcome if you have any. I'm not exactly in love with the title if there are any suggestions. Sorry I posted this in two parts, blame myspace. I hope you enjoyed the trip into the darkness in my brain and I'm sure I'll have something else up (eventually)- Devon