Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Reboot ❯ Erase ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. Toei Animation does.

 

Erase

 

"How is he?" Matt asks her when the two of them emerge on one of their rare visits outside to meet with him and his brother.

 

"He can hold the chopsticks correctly now and doesn't drop them anymore. He finished off Mom's entire tray of liver-sticks yesterday," Kari says and begins laughing.

 

But is it not an amused laugh at all. It borders on hysterical and bubbles out of her throat in a mixture of hiccups and strangled sobs, and Matt shifts his weight awkwardly unsure of what to say or do to comfort her and is grateful for T.K., who takes her into his arms and lets her cry into his chest.

 

Matt knows why she's upset. A normal Tai would have known how to hold chopsticks and wouldn't have cared how to properly use them and spear his food through one end quite rudely. A normal Tai would never have eaten his mother's strange food inventions, knowing they were hazardous to one's health.

 

But Tai hasn't been his normal self for almost three months now.

 

The day Tai finally wakes up is on the Sunday following the horrible accident and everyone has gone to check up on him on their free day and so they are all there the moment Tai faintly stirs and opens his eyes.

 

"Is he doing alright in his coursework?" Matt presses for a lack of a better topic and he knows he should just let the subject go. He is only making things worse by reminding her and T.K. is glaring at him over the top of her head.

 

But he has to know. He has to know how Tai's doing even if he is different now. He still is alive and for that he is grateful.

 

"He got a B+ on his last Literature essay," Kari says dully and Matt understands the unsaid words.

 

Tai has always been abysmal in Literature. He had claimed he had far better things to do than sit around trying to unravel the many mysteries behind the Shakespearian language. Matt can remember their teacher calling him up earlier that year to please refrain from doodling soccer diagrams all over his homework.

 

Nowadays, Tai doesn't come to school anymore. He stays home and learns the material himself through Independent Study and a private tutor. The school says that would make things easier for him and he could go at his own pace instead of trying to keep up with his classes.

 

Matt knows the minute he catches sight of Tai's vacant, expressionless eyes that something is wrong.

 

"Tai!" Kari exclaims, relief and joy spreading across her face as she bends over him. "You're alright! I'm so sorry, Tai, I didn't mean to slip! It's all my fault!"

 

Tai blinks slowly, his gaze appearing to pass by her as if she were a wholly, uninteresting, inanimate object and casts a long look around the room and his captive audience, then turns to his sister who is waiting expectantly for him to speak, and stares at her as if he had never seen her before in his life… and utters one word.

 

"Who?"

 

The group walks in silence to their destination. They're meeting the rest of the Digidestined at the soccer park and Matt can hear the unspoken question resounding loudly throughout his brother's and Kari's mind the same as his.

 

Will Tai remember when he sees the game being played?

 

Matt pushes the fact that Tai still hasn't regained one single memory before the accident even with his room plastered with pictures of soccer sports stars and his uniform and equipment strewn out in an untidy heap to the back of his head.

 

Familiar things, the doctors had told them. Familiar things and routine would be the best cure for amnesia brought on by the blunt head trauma. They can prescribe medication for the pain; however, recovering lost memories is a totally different matter.

 

Kari stands stock-still in shock as she stares down at her brother, her crimson-brown eyes growing to the size of marbles… then she snaps and loses it completely.

 

"TAI, IT'S ME, KARI! YOUR SISTER, KARI! DON'T YOU REMEMBER ME, TAI?! TAI!!!"

 

She has a hold of his hospital gown and is shaking the front frantically, heaving in giant gulps of air as an odd, whistling sound spills forth from her lungs and Matt realizes with a kind of creeping horror that she is having an asthma attack.

 

Tai is a short distance ahead of him, leaning on Kari for support and Matt notes with a pang of remorse that his gait has a slight limp to it.

 

The rehabilitation has done him some good. His left arm has healed, the bone in his leg has mended well and he no longer needs to use crutches, however the rods and screws within it still have not been removed. The doctors want to leave them in a bit longer to help the leg grow stronger.

 

It is the first time in a while that Tai has ventured outside the world of his apartment, trips to the doctor and rehab sessions. Everyone treads lightly around him as if he were made of fragile glass. He is unnaturally quiet and polite and makes small talk whenever someone clumsily tries to initiate him into a conversation. It is like Datamon had succeeded in making a copy of one of them and deleted the original.

 

Matt wishes Tai would slug him, yell at him, and claim it was his entire fault for shattering his dreams.

 

And yet a small, ashamed part buried deep within him is unabashedly happy that Tai can't remember the reason why he should hate him.

 

Matt visits Tai only once after he is released from the hospital. It is a month since the accident and he hasn't talked to him at all, and his conscience gnaws at him until he finds himself standing on the threshold outside the Kamiya residence pressing the buzzer.

 

The door opens and Tai is there before him, wearing a black, walking cast boot on his leg and his arm in a sling, and staring blankly at him as if he were another door-to-door salesman. Then a tiny spark of recognition lights up in his eyes, but before Matt can get his hopes up too high, Tai says, "My sister isn't here right now."

 

Tai remembers him from the hospital room, of course. And though he no doubt is unable to remember his own family even, living with them for a couple of weeks must have made him more comfortable calling them that.

 

"I… uh, came to see you, actually," Matt says.

 

"Why?" Tai asks and confusion is evident in his voice.

 

"Because… we're… friends," Matt drawls off lamely, feeling like a total lie has sprouted from his lips.

 

"Friends," Tai echoes, rolling the word around on his tongue as if it was foreign, and Matt wonders if he has forgotten what that means also. "I see … we were friends before…"

 

Tai nods more to himself than to Matt as if trying to convince himself this was normal and gestures for him to come inside.

 

Matt takes off his shoes at the entrance and follows Tai down the hallway and watches him seat himself on the living room sofa, his attention now solely focused on the television in front of him, apparently having forgotten about his guest in the space of less than a minute.

 

Matt sits down next to him, idly tapping his thumb against the armrest and struggles to find the right words, but can he say?

 

Tai doesn't remember falling off a cliff wall. Tai doesn't know the person who could have spared him so much pain and suffering is sitting a mere foot away. Tai doesn't remember anything about the Digital World, being a Digidestined, or even his own Digimon. He believes the same story they had told the doctors about being hit by a car and the others had seen no point in revealing the truth. He wouldn't understand anyway.

 

Matt wants to apologize. He wants to get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness for not being able to reach him in time and for being so blind for so long at not being able to see his feelings for…

 

But he says nothing because there's nothing to say and sits in silence alongside this shell of a person who was once his friend and wishes he had never come.

 

They reach the soccer field and see Ken and Davis kicking the ball around, while the rest of the Digidestined watch from the stands. Sora is the first to spot their arrival and races up the concrete stairs.

 

Matt stiffens as she approaches. He's been avoiding her as much as possible these past few months without trying to be too obvious. Sora assumes he is distraught and wisely gives him space. She has no idea he can't bear looking at her without guilt flaying him alive as well as a dash of resentment. He can't help but wonder if she hadn't appeared over his shoulder in concern for him that fateful moment on the cliff, would he have managed to grab Tai's hand? But he already knows the answer to that question.

 

"Hello, Tai," Sora says carefully in the manner that someone coaxes a timid kitten out from under a bush.

 

Tai acknowledges her presence with a slight tilt of the head but that is all. To him she represents just another countless name and face to remember, a leftover from his previous life that lies shrouded in shadow.

 

Matt sees Izzy, Joe and Mimi slowly making their way towards them and pausing a few steps below. Yolei and Cody hover uncertainly behind them, giving the older kids the chance to have their reunion.

 

There are several seconds of uncomfortable silence where no one is quite sure of what to say… then Tai speaks first.

 

"That," he says, his eyes engrossed on the field below as he watches the figures of the two boys run around kicking a white-and-black checkered ball. "That game: it's soccer."

 

"That's right," Kari says softly. "You used to play it."

 

She doesn't ask if he remembers anymore and she highly doubts he does now. He probably recognizes it from the plethora of soccer material enshrined in his room.

 

But her brother's eyes shine with a sharp, attentive glow that she hasn't seen in months a small flicker of hope flares in her chest.

 

"HEADS UP!!!"

 

Everyone's heads shoot up at the warning shout in time to see the soccer ball spiral upwards in a wide, off-target arc then begin its descent to the ground in a speeding hurdle towards them.

 

Matt sees it as if in slow motion: the ball millimeters away from whacking Kari in the head, Tai stepping in front of her, his body tense in preparation, his uninjured leg striking out to impact solidly with it, sending the ball hurtling back down to the soccer field in a magnificent kick.

 

He gapes in wonder at the spectacle, aware of everyone doing the same, and Tai's face has gone ashen as if he could not believe what he has just done.

 

"Taichi-sempai!" Davis calls out as he sprints up the stairs. "That was awesome! At least you haven't forgotten how to play soccer, right?"

 

Something is wrong though. Tai is staring at the soccer ball tucked under the boy's arm with an expression of fear and mingled horror. Violent trembles rack his frame and his breathing becomes fast and uneven as he hyperventilates, a sickly sweat breaking out across his forehead

 

"Tai!" Kari cries, gripping him in alarm. "What is it? What's the matter?"

 

"Maybe he's remembering something!" Davis exclaims excitedly. "Hey, let him kick the ball again!"

 

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!" Kari screams, whirling on him wrathfully, her face an angry red and Davis backs away hastily.

 

"I… I don't…" Tai chokes out, his brown eyes wild and unfocused, his hands clutching at the sides of his head. "I don't… remember… "

 

Maybe it is the reality of three months living with a blank slate and having to start over from scratch finally sinking in all at once. Maybe the fact that his body has moved seemingly of its own accord has forced Tai to realize there was a time when things and the people around him had meaning in his life. Maybe a lost, long-forgotten memory is trying to break to the surface of his mind and he is subconsciously repressing it for some reason. In any case, it looks like Tai is going to collapse any moment under the strain.

 

"Let's go home, Tai," Kari says sounding like she is holding back tears. "You'll feel better soon."

 

They watch them leave without protest. The day having been so bright only minutes before now appears appallingly bleak.

 

She is trying to be brave, Matt comprehends suddenly. She is trying to be brave because Tai can't be right now. It is not that she doesn't care or that she wants him to remain in the state he is in forever, but she's afraid for the moment when he does remember. And he realizes that he is not the only one feeling guilty.

 

"I didn't mean to upset Taichi-sempai," Davis says looking crest-fallen. "I just thought soccer might be good therapy for him. I don't understand. What happened?"

 

"Sometimes the mind may forget, but the body will remember," Joe explains.

 

"And what's with him freaking out about kicking a soccer ball—?"

 

"Davis," Izzy interrupts coolly. "Maybe not all memories of soccer are good ones for him."

 

There is a story behind that statement—Matt can tell, and for one second he is annoyed at Izzy for knowing it and not him, then feels chagrined when he realizes that Izzy would probably never have hurt Tai the way he has.

 

Sora places what should have been a comforting hand on his shoulder, but all it does is remind him of what he has stolen from his friend.

 

And in a way, Matt thinks, it may be a blessing that Tai has lost his memories.

 

To Be Continued…

 

A/N: I hoped this cleared things up a little. This is supposed to be a story about forgiveness and friendship and secrets everyone has sealed away in their hearts. Surprisingly, it's not really about the whole Tai-Sora-Matt triangle—that was only the key that turned the lock and opened the dark room. The catalyst, I think it's called. It's more like having everyone confront their own cowardice and weakness. What I'm trying to portray is how everyone has issues that they need to face and deal with, but no one wants to.

 

So ask yourselves these questions: 1)Do you think Tai truly can't remember or is he forcing himself not to? 2)Do you think Matt doesn't want Tai to remember because of his failure on the cliff or the inevitable confrontation he will have to face? 3)Do you think Kari is afraid of Tai remembering because she thinks he will blame her for always holding him back? 4)How dense is Sora for not realizing she has caused Tai anguish for choosing Matt over him and inadvertently causing him to freeze up that day on the cliff when she was more concerned about Matt than him?

 

See? It's a lot more complicated than it appears. And I have to answer all these in the next chapter, ugh! The final installment may take longer than expected.

 

Alright! Please review and share your thoughts! I'd like to hear what you guys think of this fic even if it's only one line. I'm curious as to what goes across people's minds when they read this. I promise I don't bite!^^