Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Romance of the Two Worlds (Shaker Version) ❯ Prologue

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

ROMANCE OF THE TWO WORLDS GONE HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG

By Michael O'Hare (AKA Che Guevara)

This is a story of love. Love that crosses the borders of countries,
even worlds. Love that will not be denied by anyone and anything. Love
that is borne from conflict, and given life in the light of two
worlds...

... Love that's really, really messed up. I mean it, REALLY messed up!
Seriously! I mean... DAMN!

(SCENE: THE CITY (Where respect is everything). Mimi is with Sora, who
is visiting New York to see her friend, at a dimly lit bar... with
fake ID's, I'll add)

SORA: Too bad about the Soviets buying the Statue of Liberty and
renaming it Boris' Crazy Funhouse Slide. It looked nice enough. Mimi?

MIMI: Sora...

SORA: Mimi? Are you alright? Is there something in your eye?

MIMI: Sora, there's something I have to tell you...

SORA: What?

MIMI: Sora... I've... I've... I've always loved you. I've always loved
you, ever since we first met at camp all those years ago. The second I
looked into those eyes of yours, I knew that our love was meant for
each other!

SORA: Mimi...

MIMI: Sora, all I ask is that you love me, the way I love you. That is
all I desire, that is all I've ever desired...

SORA: Oh, Mimi... You're drunk, aren't you??

MIMI: HAHAHAHAHA!!! Damn straight, Hot Stuff!!!

SORA: Damnit Mimi!

MIMI: What? Why don't you get drunk, too?

SORA: ... Sure, why not?

MIMI: Barkeep! Manhattan, make it two!

LILYMON: (Bartender) Alright, ladies! Watch the bartender do her
magic, and don't forget to tip the piano man!

MUMMYMON: (piano man) Damn straight! Sing us a song, you're the piano
man, sing us a song tonight, well we're all in the mood for a melody,
and you've got us feeling alright!

SORA: Wow, his piano sounds like a carnival.

MIMI: Yeah, but the microphone smells like a beer.

(BIYOMON sits at the bar and puts bread in MUMMYMON'S jar)

BIYOMON: Man, what are you doin' here??

LILYMON: Hey, she's got a point! Didn't you die??

MUMMYMON: ...

MIMI: Yeah, you're dead!

SORA: Cop-out!

MUMMYMON: No, Ma'am, not dead the way you know it...

LILYMON: What?

MUMMYMON: There is no way out of here... It'll be dark soon... There
is no way out of here...

BIYOMON: Hey, look! Mummymon's knees are HUGE!

MUMMYMON: I am Mummymon. I look after the place while the Master is
away...

(At the same time, in Japan, CODY and ARMADILLOMON sit in CODY'S
room...)

CODY: No. I'm not appearing in a yaoi story. No. Go away.

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

ARMADILLOMON: Hey, Cody, I didn't know you had a pet rock! Mood rings,
too...

(Meanwhile, in the DIGITAL WORLD, YOLEI and HAWKMON are sitting on a
grassy hill, admiring the beauty of the DIGITAL WORLD)

YOLEI: You know, Hawkmon, my adventures in the Digi - world have
taught me so much. I think I'm very lucky to have met you.

HAWKMON: Yeah? Well, I think that World War I Pilot outfit you're
wearing would look nicer on the ground!

YOLEI: What? I don't think that's something you should be saying to
me, Hawkmon.

HAWKMON: And I don't think you should be talking, right now! I think
you should be stripping!

YOLEI: Jesus, Hawkmon, what the Hell is wrong with you??

HAWKMON: Less chat, more scat!

AGUMON: Wow! Now we know why they call you the Wings of LUUUUUUUUV...

(Back in our world, DAVIS and KEN are at DAVIS' home, partaking in
forbidden romance, while VEEMON and WORMMON look on)

KEN: Oh, Davis.

DAVIS: Oh, Ken.

KEN: Oh, Davis.

(DAVIS' MOM knocks on the door)

DOOR: Knock - knock

DAVIS: Oh, shit!

DAVIS' MOM: Honey? I'm entering your room for no clearly defined
reason.

DAVIS & KEN: WAIT WAITWAITWAIT!!!

DAVIS' MOM: I'm coming in, now. I sure hope I don't see anything
mentally scarring when I enter. My hand is on the doorknob, now. I've
got a firm grip on the doorknob, and am about to turn it. I certainly
hope that everything in there is perfectly normal, and that you and
Ken aren't doing something shocking. I'm starting to twist my hand, so
as to make the doorknob turn. The doorknob's started moving, now. I've
turned it ten degrees. Now it's at fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. I'm
fully expecting everything to be okay in there, and I most certainly
would go into shock if I saw something not normal. I certainly would.
Eighteen degrees, now...

WORMMON: You know, at this rate, you both could've gotten dressed, by
now.

VEEMON: She didn't take it well last time, you know.

DAVIS: Hey, last time, we had an excuse!

KEN: Yeah!

VEEMON: What, you mean the baptism excuse? I don't think she bought
it.

WORMMON: You mean that WASN'T why they were naked??

DAVIS: Less chat, more scat.

(Meanwhile, at CODY'S home)

CODY: No. Go away.

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

ARMADILLOMON: Hey, Cody, I found your Santanna records.

(Elsewhere in the Digital World, Izzy and Tentomon are milling about
for no good reason, not having enough justification for any sort of
action)

TENTOMON: Izzy, don't you want to do something?

IZZY: Okay, fine. Let's discuss Myotismon.

TENTOMON: Okay. *ahem* Wow, that Myotismon sure was evil.

IZZY: Yeah, but he was hot.

TENTOMON: Indeed, and... Wait, what did you say?

IZZY: Oh, come ON, Tentomon! The guy was a total stud! I had to use
every ounce of my willpower to keep my shorts from bunching up!

TENTOMON: What??

IZZY: I mean, Jesus! The guy had a figure that made me drool! He was
the hottest thing I had ever seen in my entire life! And what a snappy
dresser, too!

TENTOMON: Izzy...

IZZY: Christ, the first time I saw him, I nearly creamed myself!
Everyone else was gaping in horror, and I was asking myself if death
was too high a price for me to just go over there and grab his
humongous package!

TENTOMON: Izzy...

IZZY: Shit, when he turned huge, and that little him popped out of his
groin, I actually DID cream myself just a little!

TENTOMON: IZZY!

IZZY: And, you know, when he was Malomyotismon... Jesus, none of you
noticed, but I was masturbating a little when I saw-

TENTOMON: IZZY!!!

IZZY: Yeah?

TENTOMON: That was more than I needed to know.

IZZY: Oh. Sorry.

TENTOMON: S'alright. Why don't you choose the next topic of
discussion.

IZZY: Okay, then. Let's discuss Piedmon.

TENTOMON: Pillowy ass. The time I spent as a keychain right next to
his genitals was the greatest time of my life. NEXT!

(Back in the human world, T.K. PATAMON, and GATOMON are cavorting in
some nondescript park somewhere in Tokyo)

PATAMON: Cavort, cavort, cavort!

TK: Prance, prance, prance!

GATOMON: Gad about, gad about, gad about!

TK: ...

PATAMON: T.K., are you alright?

TK: Gatomon...

GATOMON: Yeah?

TK: There's something I've always wanted to ask you, Gatomon...

GATOMON: Go on...

TK: Have you ever had that... not so fresh feeling?

GATOMON: T.K., you're a man!

TK: Yeah, I know. I just wanted to know if YOU have ever had that not
so fresh feeling, is all...

GATOMON: That's none of your business.

PATAMON: Can you tell me?

GATOMON: Jesus Christ...

TK: Less chat, more -

GATOMON: GOD, NO!!!

(Meanwhile, CODY has come to an important decision)

CODY: No. Go away.

ARMADILLOMON: Hey, there's a rock tumbler under your bed.

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

(Back in the DIGITAL WORLD, YOLEI is still having problems)

GOMAMON: Oh, My GOD, Debby... I mean, Joe! Look at her butt!

YOLEI: HEY!!!

JOE: Damn, baby! That's twenty pounds of ass in five pound capacity
pants!

YOLEI: Oh, not you, too!

HAWKMON: (now wearing rapper apparel) I LIKE BIG BUTTS, AND I CANNOT
LIE! YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY! THA -

YOLEI: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND EVERYTHING SACRED STOP TALKING ABOUT MY
BUTT!!!

AGUMON: Wow! Now we know why they call him the Wings of LUUUUUUUUV...

GOMAMON: Baby Got Back!

JOE: Want to touch the hiney!

YOLEI: *cries*

GABUMON: This is the only line I've got. I'm so alone...

(Meanwhile, at CODY'S home)

CODY: No. Go away.

ARMADILLOMON: Wow, I didn't know they put White Snake on eight track.

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

(At the same time, DAVIS and KEN are still in trouble)

DAVIS' MOM: Okay, I've finished turning the doorknob all the way...
Twice. I'm going to start pushing the door open, now.

KEN: We're doomed!

WORMMON: Maybe you guys should get dressed, or something.

VEEMON: Yeah, like we recommended an hour ago!

DAVIS: Can't listen, too scared.

VEEMON: Is that why you're hugging like that?

KEN: ... Yeah, sure...

DAVIS' MOM: Okay, I've put my other hand to the door, and I'm going to
start applying pressure to it to make it move. Here I go... It just
moved about a millimeter. Here comes another millimeter. I should
mention that my eyes are going to be completely shut as I open the
door, so as not to look inside until the door is fully open.

DAVIS: Eep.

VEEMON: Oh, come on.

(Back at CODY'S)

CODY: No. Go away.

ARMADILLOMON: Hey, Dye - Gel! You can't get this anymore!

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

(Elsewhere in Japan, Matt and Kari are (s)exploring each other in
Kari's room)

MATT: Oh, baby! I'm going to overheat your Sega Dreamcast, baby! I'm
going to compromise your hull integrity, honey! I'm going to speed up
your internet connection!

KARI: OOOOOOOH!

MATT: I'm going to overthrow your Czarist rule! I'm going to collide
with your spy plane! I'm going to pasteurize your milk!

KARI: AAAAAAAH!

MATT: I'm going to -

KARI: Just start already!

MATT: Fine! Here comes the cockboat!

KARI: Set sail for dick!

(TAI bursts into KARI'S room suddenly for no clearly justifiable
reason)

TAI: Hey!

MATT: AAAH!

KARI: EEEP!

TAI: I'm not knocking before I enter rooms, anymore. I just burst in
and yell hey. Maybe I should've warned you guys, but there was really
no way, with this door in my way.

KARI: ...

TAI: Anyway, I'm in here for no clearly justifiable reason, and OH MY
GOD!!!

MATT: Hi, Tai.

TAI: YOU!!!

KARI: It's not what it looks like.

TAI: Uuuh, what else could it be?

MATT: ... Yoga?

TAI: YOU!!!

KARI: Tai, I love Matt! I've always loved him! And there's NOTHING you
can say or do to keep us apart! Our love is one that will last
forever!!!

TAI: I thought you were in love with T.K.!

MATT: Oh, T.K.'s gay.

TAI: YOU!!!

KARI: He is???

MATT: Well, today he is. I think it's Cody's turn to be gay tomorrow.

TAI: YOU!!!

MATT: Oh, for God's sake, Tai, it's all consentual!

TAI: YOU!!! YOU... YOU'RE PORKING MY SISTER!!!

KARI: No shit, Braniac.

MATT: Hey, we're in love!

TAI: YO - Wait... what's the legal age of consent in Japan?

MATT: Fourteen... OH SHIT!!!

KARI: Uh - oh!

TAI: Ha, ha... OH SHIT!!!

KARI: What? What did you do??

TAI: Less chat, more scat.

(Meanwhile, at CODY'S home)

CODY: No. Go away.

ARMADILLOMON: Wow, look at the all the Mr. T posters on your wall,
Cody...

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

(Back at the bar in New York)

LILYMON: Mummymon! How many times to I have to tell you? NO TORGO
IMMITATIONS!!!

MUMMYMON: Get your hair cut, hippy!

LILYMON: HIPPY??? Well, at least I don't look like an old British man!
Where the Hell do you buy your clothing, at Winston Churchill's garage
sale??

MUMMYMON: HEY! At least my shoes weren't designed by Ira Einhorn, you
tree-hugging bitch!

LILYMON: At least I didn't die while having a hardon for a dead
digimon that never liked me in the first place!!!

MUMMYMON: ... Now you've gone and wounded me...

LILYMON: I'm sorry.

SORA: Maybe it's the alcohol talking, Mimi, but you're HOT!

MIMI: I'm pretty sure that IS the alcohol talking. But, what the Hell?

SORA: First Base, ahoy!

BIYOMON: Great, and I'm left with either Mummymon, or... Lilymon!

LILYMON: Jesus, I thought you'd never ask! LAST CALL... FOR
LUUUUUUUUV...

MUMMYMON: So lonely.

(Back at CODY'S place)

CODY: No. Go away.

ARMADILLOMON: Hey, is this real rhinestone on this jacket?

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

(And, again, at DAVIS' place)

DAVIS: Oh, my God! My Mom's dead from shock! And after the two hours
of warning she gave us, too!

KEN: Wait, she's still breathing!

DAVIS: Uuh, could you not kneel over my mother while you're naked?

KEN: Oops!

WORMMON: I'm naked. Why doesn't anyone ever point this out?

KEN: Gatomon and Gabumon do.

DAVIS: So does Lillymon.

VEEMON: That's because they wear stuff, the elitist snobs...

DAVIS' MOM: *

VEEMON: Hey, I saw her move!

WORMMON: Someone give her mouth to mouth!

KEN: ...

DAVIS: ...

KEN: ...

DAVIS: ... This is so wrong.

VEEMON: Oh, fine! I'll do it!

DAVIS: Thank you.

VEEMON: Besides, I've always wanted to stick my tongue down your mom's
throat! The woman's hot, Davis!

DAVIS: What the???

DAVIS' MOM: *

(Back to CODY)

CODY: No. Go away.

ARMADILLOMON: Hey, Battlestar Galactica action figures. Where'd you
get these, Cody?

FOURTH WALL: KABOOM

(Meanwhile, in the DIGITAL WORLD...)

HAWKMON: I'm sorry, Yolei. I'm sorry I made so many comments about
your butt.

YOLEI: It's okay, Hawkmon. The important thing is that you're sorry.

HAWKMON: I am sorry...

YOLEI: Good.

HAWKMON: ... That I didn't mention those sweet, sweet little budding
breasts of yours! Oh, BABY!

YOLEI: You're dead.

AGUMON: Wow! Now we know why they call you the Wings of LUUUUUUUUV...

JOE: Let me pinch your butt, Yolei. Come on.

GOMAMON: Yeah, me too.

YOLEI: *cries*

(Finally, CODY)

CODY: Okay, fine.

ARMADILLOMON: Actually, we're done.

CODY: Yeah, I know. I was just mocking the concept, is all.

ARMADILLOMON: Why don't you ever hug me, Cody?

THE END (BITCH!)

A QUINN MARTIN PRODUCTION (BITCH!)

DISCLAIMER(S)

Digimon is owned by Fox. This story is owned by its author, Michael
O'Hare. Nobody owns the cows. Meat is murder. So is carrot juice. Eat
dirt. Burn down the barber shop. No more signs. Get your hair cut,
hippies.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

First time I ever wrote script format... Huh... Not to bad,
actually...

Once again, I had two reasons for writing this, one of which was, once
again, because it was specifically for another person.

See, someone I know asked me to write up a script for a comic she
wanted to do, but had no talent in writing. So, I decided "Hey, even
if I don't support or believe in a Capitalist system, I can still
partake in it. It's not like I have a choice, after all..."

I'm not sure when the decision to do this story came up, but, take my
word for it, it did. She asked for a comedy Digimon story, and this
was the only thing that came up. I tried writing a Three Stooges/Marx
Brothers/Krishna/Digimon crossover. It failed. This did not. Maybe I
could've gone another way, but it's too damn late for anyone to
speculate about that!

... I don't think she's going to like it.

The second reason is because I really wanted to, in all honesty, ask
"Jesus Christ, what the Hell???" to Yaoi/Yuri in general. But, you
know, in a polite way. Nothing bitter...

Seriously, Jesus Christ, what the Hell?? Can somebody please tell me
what the Hell is up with all the Digimon Yaoi/Yuri? What??

This might not have been the best story to use as my premier on Media
Miner... Ah.