Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Saved By Love ❯ Ken's Tears ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: leafmon1995

Chapter 2: Ken's Tears

"I don't like surprises. What in the Digiworld are you two and Yamato planning?" Ken was sitting on one of the many building blocks in Primary Village. He was glaring hard at the two digimon. Wormmon and Gabumon shifted uncomfortably under Ken's glare. Wormmon and Gabumon were given specific instruction not to spill the plan to Ken. They were in charge, by Yamato's order, to keep him busy until Yamato arrived.

"I'm sorry Ken-chan." Wormmon's eyes were filled with emotions. "It's just that...you were so broken and fragile ever since your... your..." Wormmon's words trailed off; not sure what to say; not wanting to say them.

"My father... my papa... the man who hurt me." Ken supplied quietly. His eyes soften in love and understand toward the two digimon. The man who beat me and tried to kill me; the man who would not accept me as me, Ken sadly thought.

He remembered that day very well but he would not change his confession that day, even if he could. He loved Yamato back then and he still loves him now. He would not change a thing. Even if it meant being beaten and disowned by the man he called his father.

"Yes, him." Wormmon confirmed. "Ever since that day you became a shell of yourself. You would not talk, eat, or sleep. You were always afraid. I was so scared! I was so scared that I lost you forever Ken-chan! I love you so much! I never want to see you that hurt or sad again." Tears were now falling freely from Wormmon's eyes. "It hurt so much, Ken-chan! I failed to protect you! It's my fault that you were attacked. I should have stopped him! It's my fault that you tried to kill yourself. It's my fault that your whole world fell apart! It's mine fault that you can't be around people without having a full-blown panic attack or flashback. If only I protected you sooner, then none of this would have happened." Wormmon sobbed as he revealed to Ken all the shame, guilt, and blame he has been feeling for months since Ken's attack and everything that happened after that.

Ken felt his heart starting to hurt when Wormmon blurted what was bothering him. Ken knew that Wormmon blamed himself for him becoming the Digimon Kaiser, all those years ago. Ken still felt awful and guilty about what happen, but he no longer beats himself over it. He managed to turn his life around and even forgiven himself for it.

Now, three years later, he's back in that hole. But this time it's not out of guilt from hurting innocent digimon, no this time it's from fear. Fear of the man he called papa; fear of being attacked by him again. This fear was so overwhelming that he couldn't sleep or eat. He even tried to commit suicide, even though he didn't want to; he knew it was wrong. He didn't want to hurt himself; he didn't want to hurt his friends but he couldn't stop himself. It, literally, took the combine efforts of his boyfriend, Yamato, and his best friend, Daisuke, to knock him out of the trance he was in and helped him get to the road of recovery. Ken felt very grateful to have Yamato, Daisuke, and Wormmon in his life. If it wasn't for them coming to his aid he, probably, might not be here today.

It had been a struggle to get his life back together. He was slowly getting there. He was slowly healing from the damage that was caused by his father. Ken was actually very happy now then he was just a few months ago. But this didn't stop his little bug for blaming himself for the events that caused Ken's world to shatter into a million pieces.

Wormmon blamed himself for things that weren't even his fault. Sure, Wormmon was his protector and friend but even he couldn't protect him from papa's unexpected attack. Wormmon was in Ken's room at the time. Ken figured that Wormmon couldn't have gotten to him any sooner than he had since the door was closed; which turned out to be a challenge for his digimon. However, Wormmon did save him in the end.

Ken sighed inwardly knowing that Wormmon still blamed himself for not being able to protect him in time and for his almost successful suicide attempt. Ken told Wormmon a million times that none of this was his fault. That none of them could have prevented the turn of events.

Then why was Wormmon crying his heart right in front him? Why was he blaming himself for Ken's attack and attempted suicide? Truth was he wouldn't know. Ken had been nothing but a shell of himself, who was trapped in a sea of pain, loneliness, and fear. In other words, he was a complete wreck until a couple months ago.

Ken felt his heart hurt more when Wormmon started to cry brokenly. He hated seeing Wormmon this upset. Wormmon was hurting and he hated it. Ken didn't want Wormmon to be in this much pain. Wormmon was always the strong, supportive one during this whole mess. Seeing Wormmon crying hurt Ken so much that he wanted to cry. Ken realized that he didn't want Wormmon to hurt or blame himself anymore. He wanted his silly little bug to be his happy, loving, protective self again.

Ken knew that Wormmon was upset because he wasn't better yet; wasn't whole. Ken knew that was the reason for his pain. Ken got up from the building block that he was sitting on and walks towards his digimon. He knew what he had to do. Ken knew that he was still fragile and weak mentally and physically. He knew that he was not ready but if it would make Wormmon happy he was willing to push himself. He was willing to push himself for Wormmon and only Wormmon.

Ken sat cross-legged in front of his crying digimon. He picked his digimon up and held him close to his heart. Wormmon continued to cry onto Ken's light blue dress shirt; which was now starting to get soaked. Ken hugged his bug tightly, rubbing his back in reassurance. Instead of speaking words of reassurance towards his digimon, Ken decided to do the one thing that would calm both of them down. Ken decided to hum. Ken closed his eyes as the melody of his favorite lullaby that his mother always sang to him when he was little, started to play in his head. Ken hummed the beautiful melody of his childhood, allowing it to take away the pain and loneliness that was in their hearts and soul and only allowing peace.

(Line break)

After several moments Wormmon felt his tears lessen. When his senses came back he realized that he was in Ken's arms. Ken was holding him tightly to his chest and was stroking his back absently. Ken was humming a familiar melody that he recognized as "All the Pretty Little Horses". "All the Pretty Little Horses" was Ken's favorite lullaby as a child and only sings (or in this case hums) this song when he's in pain or upset.

Wormmon lifted his head and looked at his human child. Ken didn't seem to notices that Wormmon shifted himself away from his chest. Wormmon saw that Ken's eyes were still closed as he continued humming his favorite lullaby. Wormmon found the lullaby to be very calming and soothing. Wormmon always found Ken's voice soothing and gentle.

Wormmon snapped out of the trance of Ken's voice when he felt something wet hit his antenna. Ken head was still bowed, so no one but Wormmon could see his face. Ken was still humming and his eyes were still closed. Wormmon felt extreme concern when tears were leaking from Ken's closed eyelids and streaming down his pale cheeks. Wormmon placed his claw on Ken's chest, hoping to get his attention.

"Ken-chan?" Ken stopped humming then and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked his tear filled eyes a couple of times before smiling. Ken's eyes were filled with concern, love, sadness, determination, and regret. Regret? What did Ken-chan have to regret about? Is he hiding something from me? Wormmon thought as he waited for Ken to gather his thoughts.

"Wormmon are you feeling better?" Ken asked softly.

"Yes, Ken-chan, I feel better."

"Good. I thought it might help."

"Ken-chan, what's wrong? Why do you look so sad? Was it something I said? No wait, of course it was something I said. I'm sorry if I upset you. I-" Ken put up a finger; hushing him.

"Wormmon this time you listen to me." He nodded. Ken took a deep breath before beginning what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry Wormmon."

Wormmon's antennas went up in alarm. "Why are you sorry Ken-chan? You didn't do anything wrong?"

"That's where you're wrong Wormmon. The horrible things that happen to me and the things I did as a result wasn't your fault..." Ken hesitated and averted his eyes a bit. Wormmon had a feeling he wasn't' going to like what Ken was going to say next. "...It's not yours... It's mine. I'm the one at fault not you."

"NO KEN-CHAN. YOU'RE WRONG! It is not your fault. You are a victim. It is not your fault." Wormmon protested.

"That's where you're wrong." Ken looked back to Wormmon. "I have known for years that my parents were homophobic; almost everyone in my family is." Ken shook his head sadly. "I know I shouldn't have hoped that they would understand. I was stupid to believe that he wouldn't lose it and abuse me. Truth is my father always been abusive towards me."

"He's done this before?" Wormmon asked failing to leave the anger out of his voice.

Ken nodded. "My father always verbally attacked me. He always made me feel like I was not important, that I was not loved, that I didn't deserve to be happy...or to live." Wormmon felt his heart sank. Why didn't he know about this? "He also beat me too. But not as bad as that day though." Ken pained at the memory.

"Ken-chan? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid. I didn't want to worry you more." He replied. "No, that's just an excuse. I guess it was because I was hurt to realize that they didn't love me." More tears streamed down Ken's cheeks.

"Oh, Ken-chan, please don't say that! I'm sure they loved you. They gave birth to you and raised you." Wormmon tried to comfort the broken boy. "I know it might seem that way but-"

"I should have known." Ken interrupted brokenly. "I should have known they would not understand. I should have known that they would abuse me. I should have been more careful. I thought that if Yama-chan was there then maybe he wouldn't attack." Ken's tears flowed faster now. "How could I been so stupid? How could I been so blinded? They never loved me! I was nothing more than a weak nobody in their eyes! That's why they disowned me! I was a horrible person in their eyes. I was nothing worth loving. I was a nobody that they hated." Ken's body shook as he cried his heart out. "What did I do so wrong, Wormmon? What did I do to be hated, to be unloved, to be disowned?"

Wormmon didn't know what to do. His broken child was in more pain than he imagined. He couldn't come up with any words to comfort Ken. All he could do was hug his child like he always did but it wasn't working this time. Ken was still crying his heart out. Wormmon realized he couldn't do this alone. He needed help. And help he did receive. Wormmon was filled with joy when warm arms wrapped around Ken, pulling them into a comforting hug.

(Line Break)

Yamato wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him and Wormmon into a hug. He rubbed Ken's back as the boy cried into his shoulder. Yamato continued to send waves of comfort towards his lover but he couldn't help but feel angry.

Yamato had always wondered why Ken's recovery was going so slow. Now he knew why. Ken blamed himself for his father's attack. Yamato should have realized that Ken was having trouble coping with this.

Yamato heard the whole conversation. He was furious when he heard that Ken's father was always abusive toward him. He knew the guy was a bastard. He hated him for hurting Ken emotionally and physically. He hated him for beating Ken and for saying that Ken was not loved; that he was a nobody or unimportant. That was not true! Yamato loves Ken with all his heart. Ken was the most important person in his life and he be damned if the bastard got in the way of Ken's happiness. If anything he would personally hunt the guy down and give him a piece of his own medicine (for Ken's sake). Yamato grinned at the thought but now was not the time. Ken needed him. Ken needed comfort.

Yamato, like Ken did with Wormmon, pulled Ken onto his lap, cradling him in his arms. He waited until Ken's crying decrease into sniffles. He smiled when Ken looked at him and blushed. He's adorable when he blushes, Yamato thought before returning to the task at hand.

"Hey no more crying. You're too beautiful to cry." Yamato said gently as he wiped away a few tears.

"Y-Yama you think I'm beautiful?" Yamato smiled at Ken's innocent expression.

"With all my heart my love." That earned him a twinkle in Ken's eyes that showed undeniable love and a small shy smile. God, how he loved that smile. It reminded him just how much he loves Ken.

Yamato snapped out of his thoughts when Ken shed another tear. "Hey what's wrong?"

Ken looked at Wormmon, who he was holding like a teddy bear; then he looked back at Yamato. Yamato wanted Ken to be able to talk to him. He wanted him to be able to tell him his problems so he can take away his pain. Yamato made sure his feeling of concern, love, and understand was expressed in his eyes as he kissed Ken's forehead. Yamato saw confusion and pain in the younger boy's eyes. Yamato waited patiently as he wiped away a tear.

Ken let out a shaky breath before speaking. "It hurts so much! Why does it hurt so much?" He asked. "Why do I feel so empty...so alone? Am I even worth loving? Do I deserve to be happy?" Ken shook his head as a new wave of tears fell. "No don't answer that. I don't deserve that. I'm a monster! I'm weak! He's right the only thing I deserve is pain! I deserve the abuse and torment that comes my way. I deserve it all!"

Yamato felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart. He stared at Wormmon, wondering who put those lies in Ken's head, as Ken cried from his second breakdown. Wormmon looked back at him. Yamato saw sadness and anger expressed in the little green caterpillar's eyes. Yamato had a funny feeling who the person was before Wormmon told him.

"Ken's father appeared at the house yesterday after Ken's therapy session. He said some very awful thing to Ken among other things." He said dryly.

Yamato cursed under his breath. The bastard was going to die. Why couldn't he stay away? Hasn't he done enough damage already?

Yamato shifted his attention to Ken. He knew Ken was heart broken and whatever Ken's father said had hit him hard. Yamato needed to make Ken understand that the things his father said was not true. He was going to show Ken the truth; that he's a wonderful person, who is deeply loved.

Without even thinking, Yamato did the one thing that would fix everything. He bend down and pressed his lip against Ken's slightly parted lips in a passionate kiss. Ken's lips were soft and tasted like salty heaven. He drank Ken's scent as he deepened the kiss. Yamato's tongue brushed Ken's lips briefly before exploring the inside of Ken's mouth. Yamato was searching. Searching for that one spot that would ease Ken's pain. He was triumphant in finding that spot when Ken began to moan softly.

The kiss lasted a few more minutes before Yamato broke the kiss. Both boys were trying to catch their breath. Yamato stared into Ken's amethyst color eyes. Ken's eyes were hazed with desire, love, and a bit of fear. Yamato was happy that the kiss somehow knocked some sense into him and stopped his breakdown. He was happy to see the love and desire in Ken's eyes. He still wanted -no he still loves Yamato. And that's what made Yamato say the words that he's been debating to say or not.

“Ken,” Yamato began, “I love you with all my heart and soul. You are sweet. You are gentle, pure and delicate. You are my everything. No matter what happens. No matter what your family says. I will continue loving you for you are important. You are beautiful. You will never be alone because you have me. I alone will make you happy. I alone will protect you and love you.” Yamato wiped away the rest of Ken's tears. “Besides as your `Knight in Shining Armor' it is my duty to make sure you are loved, protected, and safe; along with these guys.” Yamato said gesturing to the two digimon.

Ken chucked at that. God, how he missed that smile. It's been a long time since Ken smiled. Actually, it's been months since Ken showed happiness and joy or even had fun.

"Thanks Yama. I needed that." Ken said softly. Yamato smiled but saw that Ken still had that look in his eyes. He sighed.

"Ken." His voice was gentle, yet firm. "Believe me when I tell you that you are NOT a monster or weak. You did not ask to be abused and disowned. In, fact, you did not deserve any of that period."

"...But, Mama and Papa..."

"They don't deserve you!" Yamato raised his voice a bit. "If they can't see how wonderful and amazing you are! If they can't get over the fact that you're gay; then they are the ones who lose. They are the ones who forfeited the right to love an amazing, sweet person!" Yamato calmed himself before continuing. "If they can't see past that, then, I'm afraid that they are the ones who never knew the real you in the first place. And they are also the ones who don't deserve to have your love." Yamato smiled and kissed Ken's forehead. "But I'm glad that I'm the one to earn your love and affection..."

Ken smiled. He was glad to have Yamato with him. Yamato always knows how to make him feel better. "Thank you, Yama! Thank you for loving me and for being my knight."

Yamato helped Ken to his feet before pulling him into a hug. He sighed in relief. He was glad Ken was back to normal. He was still furious at the bastard but he wasn't going to let that stop him for making Ken happy. Today was Ken's day after all.

Yamato rested his chin on Ken's head. He saw Gabumon and Wormmon smiling at him. They, too, were happy. He gave a wink, signaling the two digimon to get his stuff that was a few feet away from him. Both digimon nodded and went to get the picnic basket and flowers.

Yamato pulled himself from the hug and smiled. "Now that's out of the way. I think its time to attend to more pressing matters." Ken blinked at him blankly in confusion for a few minutes before groaning in annoyance.

"Do I have to wear blindfolds?" He complained.

"If you saw my surprise then it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" Yamato questioned back. "Now close your eyes so I can put the blindfold on you!"

Ken mumbled something in English before closing his eyes. Yamato took out a long piece of black cloth from his back pocket and placed it over Ken's eyes. Yamato made sure the blindfold was wrapped snuggly around Ken's head as he tied a knot. He moved in front of Ken and waved his hand in front of his face. There was no response from him. Yamato smiled triumphantly.

"Every human and mon ready?" Yamato asked when the Gabumon and Wormmon returned.

"Sure thing Yamato." Gabumon replied.

"Ready. Ken-chan?" Said Wormmon.

"No." Ken answer grimly.

It was obvious to Yamato that the Chosen Child of Kindness (and his boyfriend) was thinking the worse. Yamato chuckled inwardly knowing that Ken's intelligential mind was working over time. Creating thousands of scenarios (mostly bad) of what the surprise was or where Yamato was going to take him.

Yamato look at the two digimon and gave a simple shrug. He entangled his hand into Ken's and gestured to the two digimon to lead the way. Both digimon nodded esthetically and began to walk to their destination with Yamato and Ken following right behind them.

Today was going to be a wonderful day.