Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ secret sleep ❯ Chapter 6 ( Chapter 6 )

(Daisuke's POV)

It's been three months.

Friday night was always my favourite. Friday Ken stayed at Yamato's place and Ishida-san went to a karaoke club, got drunk and turned up in the early hours of morning only to fall on his bed and snore.

If I was a good little boy I could sleep over. I brought my favourite chips and Cola, Ken found cool anime, and Yamato cooked for us. Taichi and Hikari were sure to come along and I pretended to chase her. Takeru, Ken, Hikari and me played Playstation while Yamato, Taichi, sometimes Koushirou and Jyou were discussing 'adult' things - usually they were saying dirty things about the teachers. As Hikari was the only girl, she was being serious and authoritative, and we always let her win and didn't let her wash the dishes. Takeru and I always fought to get the first to the sink, and we ended up soaked through with water and washing liquid.

So, Friday night. After the clock struck ten, the Chosen children went home, Yamato went out to buy something, and that left Ken and me to clean up the mess. When Yamato returned, Ken and I were talking in his bedroom, me on my futon on the floor and Ken, half-naked, in Yamato's bed. I needed to see him fuck so much. As we talked - something about the latest soccer game - I imagined him writhing in Yamato's arms, screaming his or somebody's name.

It was Friday, and today was going to be something special, something absolutely mind-blowing. Ken's fantasy could drive me to the cutting edge. But they talked about Takeru's birthday, then Ken curled up in Yamato's arms and they went to sleep. I was disappointed beyond belief, and I didn't even realize that I fell asleep in a while.

I woke up to the familiar sighs and kissing sounds. At once, I turned to watch them. They were, like always, too absorbed in each other to notice that I was awake. And I too, was too absorbed in my little sin to even think. I again became the eyes.

The night was brighter than any nights before. The moon was a mad white eye in the window. Ken was on top of Yamato, kissing him, tongue sunk into his throat, moving just a bit as Yamato's fingers worked him down his belly. He threw his arms around the blonde head and moaned when the musician raised his pelvis and moved into him. Yamato's hands slid down his squirming body and Ken arched forward to allow his lover's cock penetrate deeper. He moaned unconsciously. Urged by Yamato's insistent whispering Ken moved above him, letting himself be fucked.

His eyes were closed, the black veil of his hair scattered across his face. His jaws were set together against the moans. He lowered his head on Yamato's shoulder, and the blonde tortured his ear with his mouth and teeth.

I wanted to taste him too. He is my obsession. My hand crept under my shirt. Strange that whenever I thought about Ken I was aroused, but my satisfaction was only him in bed with the blonde. Damn, it is such a turn on to know that the two boys doing that in front of you are clueless that you're watching them.

Lately, I started to love wallowing in self-pity, since I can't have Ken. Dammit, why can't I tell him that I love him? I should try and win his love. It was the same with Hikari - I kept losing her to Takeru, Yamato's younger brother… I hate blondes.

I really want to improve myself. I want to live up to Ken. If I'm changed, maybe, he'll fall in love with me… who knows? Sometimes friendship is not enough. Didn't I change enough for him? Can he please take me just like he takes Yamato - or to give himself to me? Sweet, it's sweet, that thought. But for now, let them fuck.

I didn't even realize how much I was involved in my own sensations. At times like this nothing else matters. If only I had been more careful…

Ken opened his unfocused eyes. The violet orbs were shadowed with indescribable lust… I was too excited to care that the corner where I lay was lit with moonbeams. And then I saw him staring at me, as I was watching him fuck.

He saw me. He clearly saw me. My opened eyes enraptured by him, the excitement written across my face - he saw everything in an instant. And he understood just what I was doing. I had a shock of my life, right to the point when I was unable to move a limb. You'd think the normal reaction was to roll over to the wall and pretend everything was an accident, a joke. But I was consumed with horror. The realization that he saw me watching him and Yamato fuck left me broken and dirty.

Ken looked at me with clear awareness. I wanted to die.

He didn't stop the motion.

He held my eyes, and I shivered. Then, the violet eyes closed. Ken turned his face to Yamato and met his mouth. He gave a pre-orgasmic cry, opened his eyes to look at me through the disheveled hair of his. Yamato's hand moved habitually to cover his mouth, should anyone hear his cries, and Ken bit it. His eyes were locked with mine. I couldn't look away, he was so beautiful, god, if you only knew how beautiful he was like this… I could not ever put it in words.

In the morning I was sure to be kicked out of the house for being such a miserable little pervert, and don't tell Yamato! You didn't watch us, Daisuke, you brain-drained voyeur, you're not watching us ever again.

I saw him come, I heard him gulp down his screams. He fell down beside Yamato and they were simply lying side by side, content just to be breathing freely. I dreaded that Ken would point an accusing finger at me any moment. But he said nothing to Yamato. He placed his head on his lover's chest and murmured him good night.

"Ken, don't you want anything?" the blonde whispered fondly. Maybe he wanted to kill me..

"No."

"Are you thirsty?" the blonde's voice was full of smiles.

"Go fucking to sleep already, Ishida!"

The blonde lay back and muttered something about fucked up boyfriends before dozing off.

I waited long and in horror. Electronic minutes blinked past on the screen of the alarm-clock on the bedside table. The night was quiet. I was tired of lying stiff and breathless. Carefully, I got up and tip-toed to the bathroom. At the doorway I turned to look at the two lovers. Ken was staring at me from the top of Yamato's chest. I fled.

Morning came, and despite my melancholic despair, it was full of sunshine and the smell of pancakes. I couldn't believe that I had fallen asleep. I felt as if I had been beaten with shinai sword. It was Ken who woke me up in his usual wake-up-sleepy-head-you're-going-to-miss-breakfast way.

There was something in his eyes that had never been there before. I was terrified. An irresistible desire to throw myself at his feet and swear an oath of never ever watching him and Yamato again nearly bent me in double. Please, let's stay friends!

He said not a word. Seeing that I woke up, he rose from my futon and went into the kitchen.

Did he hate me now? Was he going to tell Yamato? Was I ever to see him again?

"Hey, Daisuke!" Yamato walked into the bedroom. I started. "Hungry?"

"I guess.."

He didn't tell Yamato yet. I got up on my feet, and scattered to the bathroom, guilty and miserable, and afraid. I wanted to cry.

***

I had nightmares for the next week.

One was so real that I didn't understand where I was when I woke up, on the verge of screaming.

It was school, Odaiba High and it was sunset. Everything was quiet, no, there was simply no sound, and my feet didn't echo along the empty corridor. I walked. There was a classroom, the door of which stood open. I marched directly towards it, and as it usually is in nightmares, I knew I don't want to go there but my body refused to obey me. It obeyed the nightmare, I was scared.

The classroom was full of hot orange rays and orange mist covered the sky behind the window. Ken and Yamato were talking by one of the desks but I couldn't hear the words. When I was compelled to move closer I saw them kissing. Their kisses were heavy, open-mouthed, leading straight to sex. They seemed to have read my thoughts. Ken drew himself up on the desk in a sitting position and leant back with a gasp. Yamato's hands slipped under his shirt and tugged it up to his armpits. His lips landed on the bare belly of the boy and traced lines of his ribs upwards to his nipples. I was carried to them until I was two steps away. I watched. The thought that Ken could turn his head and notice me weakened my knees, but his attention was concentrated on Yamato alone and on his hands that explored his body, preparing him for sex. Ken sat up, his fingers unclasped Yamato's belt and unzipped his trousers. I felt like screaming for them to stop because it was the damned school - they would get in trouble for that!

I saw Ken turn his back to Yamato and place his knees on the chair while his upper body leant over the desk. Yamato tugged Ken's gray slacks down to his knees and his little butt pressed into Yamato's hand. Ken moaned. I froze in my place bathing in fear and delight. Yamato entered his fingers in him; the indigo-haired boy dropped with a thud on his elbows, moaning. I'd never before seen him so clearly, his features and silhouette sharpened by the orange rays. His back arched helplessly. Why does he enjoy this receptive position while he is so strong? I watched, enchanted, the change in his face, the soft glow of his eyes and the movement of his lips and when he sharply drew up on his hands and closed his eyes, only then I noticed that Yamato was inside of him.

The motion hypnotized me, as usual. I adore seeing Ken breathe in large intakes of air that turn into moans halfway when he exhales. It was the same this time. Orgasm was close. Suddenly he turned to look at me, no longer breathing ecstatically, and smiled. My stomach sloped downhill, my hands went cold. His direct gaze and a delirious smile scared the hell out of me. My name slipped from his lips.

And then I was in Ken's place and he was staring at me from the nearby desk while somebody was working my body. And I was sure that if I turned my head I could see everyone else watching me - the Chosen Children, my parents, Jun, the teachers, my soccermates... Just like the nightmare wanted it to be, my head began to turn. I was going mad. And I woke up fighting for breath.

I lay in my bed sleepless for a long time, recollecting with the shiver the details of my nightmare.

***

I may sound depressed but nothing happened until the middle of April. My eyes were sore from looking at the phone. Ken didn't call me. Serves me right. Then, one night my mom told me there was someone on the line for me.

"Hi, Dai!"

It was Taichi. I answered automatically, "Hi, Tai." There was a giggle. Taichi said warmly into my ear, "I have a favour to ask."

I didn't say anything, rather waited for him to speak.

"You see," he said, "I have a date with one swell girl, and I know for the fact that she's bringing her friend along. So, I think you wouldn't mind going on a double date with me? Yamato couldn't go, he said he's staying with his 'beautiful'," Taichi chuckled and I cringed inwardly. "I wonder who it is."

I said in a hollow voice, "Ken."

There was a shocked pause. Then Taichi's laughter erupted in the speaker.

"Really? I guess, Ken's puppy eyes finally convinced Yama to have a date with him. Did Ken tell you?"

"Yeah," I said feeling that I was betraying my friend.

"Oh this is too cute for words!" our brave leader cried. "Are they seeing each other?"

"Actually, Ken and I slept over at Yamato's," I said. My heart ached at the memory.

"Really," Taichi's voice became darker. He continued with a strain, "I didn't think that Yamato had so many futons."

"Ken sleeps in his bed," I said marveling at my horribly traitorous piece of news.

"Oh..." Taichi took a deep breath, "And where Yamato sleeps then?"

I felt it slipping and I was too apathetic to stop it.

"With Ken."

There was a shocked silence as Taichi thought how to interpret his words. Taichi didn't know about their relationship because nobody had ever told him. Besides, Taichi was straight and gay couples didn't hold any interest to him, and Yamato, perfectly aware of it, kept wisely silent. I myself wouldn't have known anything if not for that night when I saw them at it. Like many of us, I was tricked into believing that Ken had a teenage crush on our rock star and Yamato was just playing along - or that they were good friends. Not lovers. Not sex. Nobody had gay sex as far as I was informed (though probably Takeru did, and Miyako, and Hikari, and so on). For god's sake, most of us were 14 going to 15, and in Japan you don't have anything physical at that age.

Just like I thought, Taichi preferred not to stress on the news I told him. He didn't think they had sex.

"So, how about that date? Or you'd rather prefer to spend the Friday night over with Yamato and Ken?"

"What?"

"I've heard, Ken wanted you to come over Friday," said the brunet carelessly. These words mattered the world to me. I promised him to think about that date and dialed Ichijouji's number. I had no idea what I was going to ask him but he solved my dilemma but telling me everything first.

"Are you joining us on Friday?"

"Well…" Suddenly I was shy and tongue-tied.

"I missed you so much, Dai-chan. Do come over," Ken said. That was the blow directly to my guts, because these were the exact words that I used on him when I wanted to spend night playing voyeur, and Ken was flinging them back to me. "Please? You're not… by any chance… angry with us? I know we can be noisy at night."

What the hell was he talking about?! I broke into sweat.

"It's not that…" my words came weak.

"You know I have insomnia. I promise when I chat with Yamato next time I won't speak so loudly," Ken said. "And I won't wake you up."

"I don't hear anything." What the hell?! And suddenly I understood it: he wanted me to believe that whatever I'd seen that night was just a dream. Our friendship would not suffer. Ignorance is blessing. I agreed heartily.

Deep inside, I knew I would keep on watching them, I was gone beyond hope; it was irresistible and incurable. I'd just have to be extremely careful next time.

"I'll see you then."

"Me too."

This is too good to be real.

tsuzuku..