Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Secrets ❯ Chapter 11 ( Chapter 11 )

Chapter 11

It was always the same it seemed. But then that wasn't exactly too surprising. He didn't deal to well with change. It never exactly fit with how he viewed himself and the universe. But that was the point of it right? To change your views on things, yet he was extremely adamant in this hatred for change. It probably had to do with the fact that he was scared of it. But he wasn't going to dwell too much on that. It didn't exactly matter anyway. He'd make sure it didn't matter.

And that was why he was here again. Here in some stranger's bed getting fucked silly by some guy that didn't even really care that he wasn't exactly hard or that he really wasn't pay much attention either. But this was normal. This was what he was use to and knew how to deal with-what to expect. This was comfortable in some strange twisted way that only made sense to him.

What's his name was pretty enough, though not exactly into paying attention to things that didn't directly affect him. Like whether Daisuke was climaxing or not. He had met him at a club, dancing in a way that screamed 'look at me' and people were and he was enjoying it. He liked being noticed, one could tell by the way he dressed, moved, spoke-everything was flawless. Everything was practice and immaculately done so that he, whatever his name was, seemed almost untouchable in his perfection.

That was why Daisuke had gone up to him and begun to flirt with talent that only someone as trained as he could have. He sat the correct way at the bar, telling the pretty boy directly with his body what his words sometimes didn't even mention. He was a wonderful tease and a perfect flirt and he was confident enough to know that when he stood up and left the boy would come with him, while all those other faceless strangers would be left watching him with a mixture of desire and jealousy.

Daisuke had seen it all before. It was nothing new. It was comforting. It was what he wanted. And he would probably go and do it again later that night. Just so that he wouldn't have to think, just so things would come back to a semi-normalcy.

Pretty-boy had finally cum and had fallen on top of him, exhausted. Daisuke smiled, saying all the right words and knowing that the other hadn't even noticed that he had not even cum. It never ceased to amuse Daisuke, even as a child, how easily he could lie to the self-absorbed. How by just saying a few things these people would believe that you were the best he'd ever had, even when evidence-if they cared enough to notice-said the contrary.

He let the boy lay on him for a few moments before shifting from under him and getting up. It's not like the other really wanted him to stay and cuddle. That wasn't the point of the meeting, which hadn't really done what he wanted. It was strange to him too; a good mindless fuck with a faceless stranger would always help bring life back to its normalcy.

Normalcy? Normalcy? Why did that word mean so much to him? There was nothing normal about his life or the way he had lived it…the way it had been lived for him. All he really wanted was for everything to go back to the way it was before.

All he really wanted to do was to go home and not remember.

Remember things he didn't even want to name at the moment. But going home meant remembering, because everything there would remind him. So he didn't go home, he would just stay out until he was too tired to think let alone remember what everything wanted to remind him of.

With the quickness of years of practice he put on his clothes and left the small room, back down to where millions of people became one swaying mass controlled by music. He moved through them quickly, seeming almost as if they parted for him, and headed towards the exit where he was confronted by a shadow of the past…no, not a shadow. It was wrong of him to think of her like that. She was one of the only things from that time that he could look back upon with any form of fondness.

"Long-Yin." He wasn't surprised. He had a feeling he'd see her again sometime soon. Wallace had made certain comments that made Daisuke believe he'd be seeing one of them again. It had been a while since he'd seen either of them. Communicating through email and phone calls just to make sure the other was fine, they were, to each other, the only unwanted and wanted links to the past left.

"Shun."

A soft sigh. "You came looking for me I take it?"

She nodded-a graceful movement of her head. She turned and walked out of the night club, knowing that Daisuke would follow, just like he had know that Pretty-boy would follow back then.

"It took me two hours to find you," she commented her voice was somewhat toneless as if she were uninterested in what she was talking about. But this was normal for her; it was part of whom she really was. The side that only he was able to see. The real her. Not the mask of kind, shy, politeness she had learned to show to the world. But even then Long-Yin was complicated, because her real self consisted of two different personas it seemed. These personas, though part of the same whole, appeared depending on whom she's with. When with Wallace, she's usually amused and smiling, when with Daisuke she was calm and her movements were quite mute. When together with them she was both at once.

At the moment her calmness and muteness were intensified. It was to fit the situation better.

"Suma na, it's totally my fault. I should have known you were looking for me." She smirked at his sarcasm. As she always did. She was expecting it the way he had been expecting her toneless words.

There was a long silence between them; both more paying attention to the sound of their footsteps echoing in the lonely darkened streets then each other. It was normal for them.

Ah, again with the 'normal'…Daisuke smirked. One would think he would be use to the idea that his life was not or would never be normal. That he would never be normal.

"I told Ichijouji-san everything." The words were whispered in that same toneless manner that she had used when telling him that she was looking for him. He stopped and looked at her, who had stopped as well and had turned to look back at him. She did not have to tell him what 'everything' was. He knew. There was only one 'everything' that they both shared.

"Why?" It was all he could really say. What was he to say? He wasn't angry, just somewhat shocked and felt somewhat betrayed. He was also scared. Extremely scared.

He knew now. Ken knew his dirty little secret. What would he say? What would he do? How does he feel? Does he even care? Why should he care? He had no reason to. Not after before.

"Wallace told me to," was her reply and he looked at her with an expression that was only annoyance. Why did she always have to do things this way? The difficult way.

"Why did you tell him?" He knew she wouldn't just do it because Wallace said to. She had her reasons and he wanted to know what they were. Even if he already had a good idea why she-they-had done it.

"He needed to know…" Long-Yin paused for a moment before continuing. "He need to know why you hurt him so badly." There was a bitter little smile on her face. "He loves you."

"I know," Daisuke mummered, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. "I know." He sighed though, a long sigh. One that was reserved for when something was finally finished.

"You think he'll give up on you now." He wasn't sure if it was a question or a statement. No matter how long he'd known Long-Yin and no matter how well he could read her monotonous actions, there were times where he still became confused.

Daisuke shrugged as a response and she smiled a bit.

"When I spoke with him he never once looked repulsed," Long-Yin said now relaying the events of that day. "I am not sure if he controlled it as not to offend me or if it was genuine. He was shocked, naturally, and looked very saddened. There were moments when he looked angry, but that expression did not seem his-flashes of someone else. That someone else would stay for a few moments then almost be forced back. He'd look so tired."

At the mention of the Kaiser, Daisuke had to control the urge to run and find Ken. It shocked him how he had brought out that old persona. That Ken had weakened enough to accidentally let him out because of the knowledge of Daisuke's past. It was an unreal and confusing thought with way too many meanings to be considered at the moment.

"I, of course, tired to explain my reasons for telling him," she continued. "I told him I was doing it for your well-being, which is true in a sense. But he thinks I was doing it so that he can find a way to save you." She laughed at that, a bitter yet condescending sort of laugh and Daisuke couldn't help but join you. "He believed me. It's only natural that he would."

"But you don't believe he'll do it?" Daisuke asked and she nodded.

"Neither does Wallace," she explained. "Especially not after the way you hurt him. He will pity you and understand why you two can't be together. Wallace hopes that it will preserve that friendship that you hold so dearly."

"Again you don't believe that will happen?" She shrugged her response; a soft smile curving plum painted lips.

"I cannot even speculate on that. I can only hope that it works out that way. I can understand why you hold him so dear to you."

Daisuke shook his head at her words, resuming their walk. "I don't, if I had I wouldn't have started this to begin with."

Long-Yin turned her head to look at him, her eyes tracing his profile. If she had been anyone else she would have took hold of his hand and given it a reassuring squeeze. But neither of them were much for reassuring touches. Touching to them meant other things, even if they knew the meaning it held for other people. Meanings that didn't follow suit with their beliefs.

"We all make mistakes, Shun," she said. "Especially us whom have such problems with not pleasing." Then she added: "He may forgive you with time."

Daisuke let out a long sigh, this one full of unhappiness. "I had once said I'd do anything to make sure he only knew happiness, but now I realize just how full of it I really was. I couldn't say it back to him."

Long-Yin shook her head, she had heard all about it from Wallace. He had actually read the desperate email Daisuke had sent him on that day. Pleas for advice, for confirmation that he had indeed done the right thing. Daisuke had told them everything from the beginning until the end in one long drawn out email that she later found was also in her inbox. A email she would keep forever archived. It represented an ache she had no name for.

"Feelings such as those could never be feigned." Daisuke nodded at her words. They rang true; he just didn't feel that way for Ken. And he doubted he ever would. He doubted he ever could. No matter how much he cared for Ken, his feelings could never run that deep for anyone.

TBC

I'm happy about the reviews I got for the last chapter. I was a little afraid they'd come out negative. I haven't yet decided whether I'll leave it as a Kensuke or change it to a Taken or even do a Daikenkeru. All the ways I thought up to lead to them seem interesting. I just haven't decided which ones the best-or better said, which one I want I like the best. I wanted this to be a Kensuke, so maybe it'll still come out that way. I don't know, in the end my muses always have their way.