Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Tampons ❯ Tampons ( Chapter 1 )

Author's Notes: This is my attempt at humor…hahaha

 

Synopsis: Takeru suffers from all the stress and anxiety of buying feminine hygiene products.

 

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon or any of the slogans used from television ads for feminine hygiene products, used in this story.

 

Tampons

By: Takerus Lost Angel

 

 

He stared stupidly at the wall in front of him; he fiddled with the collar around his neck just trying to alleviate the pressure that was forming in his throat. He gulped. He just knew he should have read the entire shopping list before sprinting out of house. It was her fault! If she didn't have those violent mood swings, then he would not have insisted in going. Now he was here, right in front of them; having no clues what to buy. No man in their right mind should have to endure such torture, just because they had this `thing' once a month, didn't mean they could take it out on them. You would think after this many years, they would be able to control it? Oh no, all he asked was if she was going to get dressed today and she threw a frying pan at his head. Sheesh. Women were complicated.

 

He heard footsteps coming towards him; no he could not be caught in front of these. Never would he ever be able to live it down if someone he knew saw him. He quickly picked up a magazine trying to look interested in it. Damn. It was one of those volatile beings, the ones with the violent mood swings. He cursed. They knew it was coming every month, why wouldn't they think of purchasing the necessities prior to the arranged date, instead of sending unsuspecting men to do their dirty work. He flipped the pages innocently while waiting for the culprit to leave him and the `stuff' alone.

 

The woman gave the man a skeptical look before leaving the aisle. He released the breath of air he was holding back. Now it was only him and the wall. Not any ordinary wall, but the wall with the stuff on it. Why was this so difficult? They were over a hundred different types. One had wings, one didn't, super absorbent, thins, regulars, extra long, and one was even overnight. This was only the beginning; he didn't even want to talk about the different brands.

 

He picked up a package and turned it over; he scoffed at what he read. `The One. The Only. Tampax.' He rolled his eyes, if it really was the one and only then why were there so many damn brands! He hissed in frustration, as he shoved it back on the shelf.

 

He picked up another package, and read its slogan. `Have A Happy Period. Always.' Whoever came up with that one obviously never had a girlfriend; because anyone who thought a `thing' was a happy occasion, needed to be shot. He shoved the package back on the shelf, while pulling out another brand.

 

`Live Life. Stay Free.' Ha! If he wanted to live life and stay free he wouldn't have ever married. This was going to be the death of him, because if he came home empty handed then he was no far off them being dead, so much for living life.

 

If he didn't come home with anything, he knew for sure Hikari would call Miyako, then Miyako would call Mimi, Mimi would call Sora, Sora would tell Taichi, then Taichi would tell Yamato. If he thought that that would be the end of the calls, oh no he was wrong. Yamato would then call him and torment him for the rest of his life. He sighed. He was in hell, and he was going to continue his vacation there for the remainder of the week.

 

He glanced at his watch; he had been standing rooted in this exact spot for the last hour, making absolutely no progress. Time was ticking, he had to make his decision, and he bit his bottom lip; his hand hovered over the packages. He sighed. He picked up one of the packages and threw it in his basket. Super absorbent, extra long, with wings; that covered all aspects of the `thing' right? He smiled inwardly to himself; he was actually going to go through with this.

 

He was just about to walk out of the aisle when something stopped him. It was like he had walked into a wall, what was he thinking? He could not go up there and pay for them, what would the cashier be thinking? He subconsciously could hear the snicker of the cashier as she scanned the product. What if the product didn't scan? What if she needed a price check? Then the entire store would know what he was buying.

 

Once again he was returning to his defeated state, this was all her fault. He swore again as he wandered around the store, throwing different items into the basket trying not to look too conspicuous. He could hear someone calling his name, damn. This is just what he wanted to do, explain to people why he was buying these `things'.

 

“Hey Takeru!”

 

He whipped around to see none other then Daisuke standing there, with that stupid grin on his face.

 

Takeru cursed. Daisuke was the lucky one he didn't have to buy `stuff' likes this for anyone. He was all on his own. He didn't have a wife or girlfriend to bow down to; no he could live life and stay free.

 

Daisuke looked at the other man for a moment. “Takeru, you look stressed. What's your problem?”

 

Takeru shrugged his shoulders, maybe if he didn't answer Daisuke wouldn't question. Not such a bad theory if he thought so himself.

 

Then again nothing fazes Daisuke. Daisuke looked down at the basket the boy was carrying and chuckled to himself. “She finally broke you, huh?” He nodded with his head towards the contents in the basket.

 

Takeru could only mumble.

 

Daisuke reached in grabbed the `stuff' and threw it on the belt of the cash register. He waited while the cashier scanned and bagged the product. Daisuke waited for Takeru to pay the cashier, before taking the purchase outside.

 

Takeru grumbled, leave it to Daisuke to make his life even more miserable then it already was. It was finally over, after all the continuous years of trying to beat each other at everything; Daisuke finally did. Daisuke was finally able to do something Takeru couldn't. “How the hell did you do that?”

 

Daisuke had to chuckle. “May I remind you, I have a sister and a mother? I've been doing those sorts of trips since forever. It's no big deal really, obviously the cashier knows, it's not for you.”

 

There it was the key to success in buying those sorts of `things', it wasn't for you. Takeru walked home with the biggest grin on his face. “Ha! In your face Hikari, the great Takeru can not be stopped. You may think that because you are a woman you can manipulate me. I don't think so not anymore.”

 

Takeru opened the door to the apartment and placed the contents on the counter and smirked. Hikari eyed her husband before opening the bag. She grinned wickedly at her husband, while he gulped. “Takeru, I wanted tampons. If you had read the list you would have known that, and this time don't take more then an hour.”

 

In less then a minute Takeru's confidence was shattered. He grabbed the bag and somberly walked out of the apartment. This time there was no Daisuke to save him.

 

Author's Notes: Well that is my one shot, now that it is out of my head, maybe I will be able to focus on my other story! Thanks for reading!